One-Thousand Horror Movies and Counting.

A nifty package arrived in the mail this week. A little stack of blu-rays that finally pushed my horror movie collection into the quadruple digits. Due to being a bit picky I always sort of doubted I'd hit this number but the more likely truth is I would have reached one thousand a long time ago if not for all my other hobbies. Still; it feels good to have hit this milestone.

What’s all the more odd to me is that I still cannot pinpoint the moment when I decided to collect these things, it just sort of happened over time. If we were to trace it to an exact moment then I’d say it was my first ever DVD purchase way back in the late nineties when I picked up Blade from the local Wal-Mart. This is back when the electronics section was a little isolated square in the center of the store. It was somewhere in the early 2000s that I actually made a habit of picking up titles semi-reguarly. Best information I have date wise is that I have been collecting proper since at least 2006. I can signal out that years thanks to a memory of buying House of Wax and a Final Destination two-pack with a promotion for the third. In case this story isn't dated enough, I was shopping at Circuit City and hadn't even been in college for two years.

So what film took the honor of my one-thousandth piece? It’s a little iffy to say since several discs arrived at once. If we were to narrow it down, I'd say the honor goes to Hell Night, a really excellent slasher flick staring Linda Blair.

If you'll indulge me, I'd like to take a bit and look over the towering monolith of terror (actually an IKEA Billy Bookcase) that I've pieced together over these long years. Obviously we can't talk about everything but let's hit on a few key categories.

The Monstervision club:

I’ve written previously about how much TNT’s Monstervision with Joe Bob Brings influenced my love for this genre, so as you’d assume I have a good stash of flicks from those old shows. Some are absolute classics like The Exorcist and Alien. Others are pure oddball stuff like The Wraith or The Monster Club. In some cases these were films I did not enjoy back then but developed a nostalgia for in the following years. Think of something like Saturn 3. I've always known it's crap but turning it on is a surefire way to feel like a kid again. Now if I could only find a mid-nineties Pepsi folding beach chair and a tube TV the experience would be complete.

Milti-feature row:

One puzzling thing I've encountered over the years are collectors opposed to multi-feature releases. Alright, so I sort of understand the urge to have one dedicated slot for each film (it definitely makes organization an easier task) but the sheer value and space-saving of these sets can't be overstated.

More than anything, these sets can bring some real surprises into your life. Way back when I picked up a volume for Motel Hell, yet another Monstervision classic, I was still enough of a horror newbie to have no clue what the accompanying film Deranged was all about. Flipping the disc over provided quite the surprise as the film became the real favorite thanks to it's grim narrative and an outstanding performance by Roberts Blossom. You all might know him better as the creepy old shovel guy from Home Alone.

Of course they can't all be golden. Consider the Mutant Monsters collection that offers up two so bad they're good flicks with The Being and The Dark alongside what may be the worst movie ever, Creatures from the Abyss. Even with those imbalances in quality there's still so much good to be found in these items that at least one will usually find itself among the weekly stack of selections.

Scream factory:

If there's any one company working towards a monopoly for my collecting dollar, it's Scream Factory. If anything they actually release too much stuff, causing budget-minded folks like yours truly to occasionally miss out. That's an easy cross to bear when dealing with a company that has given us kick-ass deluxe editions of Lifeforce, and the Halloween series, right down to unappreciated fare like The Ambulance and Blacula. There are so many outstanding titles from this one company that I could, and very well might, create a countdown of their best. Hearing new announcements is always thrilling as you never know what bit of genre history they'll unearth. They're the first line of great horror and the ones I call on for bringing back lost classics. Speaking of which, can you guys please release Full Circle AKA The Haunting of Julia? It's so damn good. While you're at it I'd also like The Wraith, Split-Second, and.. I'd better stop myself.

Vincent Price:

Even with such a grand appreciation for all the classic horror stars from Karloff to Cushing, none have ever toppled my early love for Vincent Price. Maybe it was the voice, the subtle humor, or just all that class. Whatever the cause, Price captured my imagination early on with films like The Great Mouse Detective, Edward Scissorhands, and of course House on Haunted Hill.

As you can imagine, there is a massive and still growing selection of Price films throughout the collection. Some of em are single releases, others a trapped on those 50-movie public domain sets, and then there are those beautiful Scream Factory box sets. When times are tough, a good Price flick is just what the doctor ordered.

Rarities:

There are always a few items that you cherish not so much due to their quality or nostalgia, but for the opportunity to show off. Of course being a lower-income fan keeps me from getting those extra nifty editions that come with toys, statues, or jumbo boxes. What I can get however are those low-print oddities and old out-of-print goodies. Consider a release like Time Walker, a tremendously goofy alien mummy affair with a print run of just a thousand copies. Remember my piece about The Entity from a few months back? What was once a $12 purchase now ranges from the mid twenties to fifties. You guys should really pick it up before it goes any higher. Ya see those Vincent Price collections? Volume one goes for hundreds now. Now that I think of it, should probably put bars on the windows.

Unknown greatness:

Possibly my favorite element of any collection are those titles that aren't universally beloved, but are little hidden gems you hold close to your heart. Round here there are movies like the hillbillies abduct an alien thriller, Altered. Kevin Costner deals with a kid going through the worst kind of Puberty in The New Daughter. From Blue Sunshine to Deadly Blessing, and often forgotten thrillers like The Return. Every collection thrives on these kinds of hidden gems mainly because they provide a unique way of bonding with people. It's one thing to show someone your movie selection and discuss titles that are pretty much universally adored. It's a whole different thing to share something they might have overlooked. That's why I'm always more eager to talk about something like Sonny Boy than say Dawn of the Dead. There's a thrill to finding and sharing under appreciated films, especially one when someone shares one in return.

Thanks for indulging my trip down consumerist memory lane. It's rare for me to have someone new to the house that I can showcase this monument too. It may be an unpopular stance but I actually take great pleasure in what I own. Not just for my sake but the ability to share those experiences with others. Looking over this treasure trove of cinema never fails to make me feel good. Knowing that it's reached quadruple digits and only continues to grow makes it feel like an achievement.

What about your collections? Any of you have a massive stash of records? Maybe one of you keeps like 800 video games in their closet. I always love to see a good collection, even if it's something I don't care about. So long as you love it and share that enthusiasm with others. Gotta take some photos for this post now and work on some other posts. We've got a lot of stuff coming over the next few weeks from a new subscription box, Sentai recaps, and Star Wars novels. Plus I just remembered it's nearly the site's birthday again. Any suggestions for ways to celebrate?

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon Review

Growing up I largely sucked at video games. In all fairness this wasn't an uncommon phenomenon among kids. Old-School games used difficulty as a means of creating length, turning something forty minutes long into a project that could take a gamer weeks, months, or even years to complete. Even with such insurmountable odds there were some titles you could excel at, had me some wicked Mario 3 skills, and others you could never master, lord how I stink at Mega Man.

One series that often made this gamer sad was Castlevania. I mean the core concept was pure joy, giving us a chance to essentially play through a classic Universal Monster movie. Problem was I could never beat one to save my life. Even as my gaming skills improved, I still wasn't all that great at the series. Sure I could handle Symphony of the Night, a blessing seeing as it's an incredible game, but give me Circle of the Moon and things won't go so well. Still the dream was always there that I could try another and another until I found one I wasn't so terrible at. Until Konami tossed the franchise aside.

A few years back, former Konami employees including the main producer of the Castlevania games launched a Kickstarter for Bloodstained; Ritual of the Night. While that title has yet to be released, it's Kickstarter included one very important detail many people forgot about, a side project of an 8-bit entry in this new franchise. That little aside became reality just a couple weeks ago in the form of Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon. I gotta tell you guys, this is just a fantastic little gem of a game.

A key factor in making this game so playable are the difficulty options. Not only can you unlock more challenging modes with each completion of the game, but you can always choose between veteran and casual styles. Veteran sticks you with limited lives and the handicap of being knocked back by every hit. Casual give you infinite lives and allows the characters to take a hit like a man. Personally I would have preferred a mixed option with the challenge of limited lives while maintaining the ability to stand my ground. Even so, I love having the choice.

Beyond those settings are multiple ways to play through the adventure which can make it more or less challening. You begin as Zengetsu, a stoic samurai on a mission to slay demons. At the end of each of the first three levels he can recruit additional characters and switch between them on the fly to access their innate abilities. Miriam plays a bit more like a traditional Castlevania hero with added attack range from her whip and a slide that lets her gets under obstacles. Alfred the wizard has a pathetic amount of health and terrible attack but his secondary weapons are crazy useful spells, the best of which is a protective barrier. Lastly is Gebel the vampire. His attack is terrible for low-ground enemies and he lacks secondary items but he's gifted with decent strength and the ability to change into bat form and fly over pesky platforming sections.

Let's say building a motley crew of adventurers isn't you bag. If that's the case you can kill these characters in order to grant Zangetsu new abilities like a double-jump, and airborne slash in order to play more like Ninja Gaiden. Perhaps you want to play the really hardcore way, well just bypass each character rather than killing them and continue on as the basic, wimpy version of Zangetsu. Or maybe just find your own mix.

As you can see the variety offered by the different difficulties, damage modes, and character options allows a player to shape the game to their skill level. If you recruit every character on casual mode, you're almost guaranteed to make it through with a little patience. Sticking with Zangetsu and veteran mode offers that old-school trial by fire. This opens up the game for anyone.

The levels hit a good amount of classic tropes such as a train, stormy ghost ship, and you'd better believe there's a castle. Each one has a little something that makes it stand out, be it the forceful winds of the ship, or the shifting stacks of books in the library. Nice and spooky as these areas are I was a little disappointed in some of the enemies contained therein. Some of them are classic horror fodder like rats and bats, while others like smiley-face squid men are a bit too esoteric for my liking. There's something to be said for the simplicity of werewolves and skeletons.

On the flip-side the bosses are awesome all the way through. Each functions via classic pattern attacks but in a manner that allows for multiple strategies, more so when factoring in secondary weapons. For instance a boss that may normally require lots of jump attacks becomes far less of a problem if you bring in the chain or Miriam's daggers. Projectile attacks getting you down? No problem if you've got Alfred's barrier. The only boss who's pattern is perhaps a bit too unpredictable is the last one, and I mean the real final boss, not the one you face the first time through.

There are a couple of issues with these battles however. One is that the difficulty curve is not balanced at all. The boss for stage five is significantly nastier than the two that follow. In fact, stage seven's boss has one of the easiest to remember patterns I've ever encountered. Each of these villains also has a last ditch attack to try and take out the player with them. Some are perfectly balanced giving the player just enough opportunity to obverse and react. Some of these attacks however are more challenging mostly due to vague design. There's one in particular that I have made multiple attempts at dodging and still haven't found the proper method.

Even with those slight blemishes, Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon is a special sort of surprise that is far too rare these days. A complete, thoughtful, and totally sincere production. There's no bloat or corporate nonsense. Everything a player needs to have a great monster slaying adventure is right here for only ten bucks. It's an even better experience for those of us who miss those old NES games but enjoy some modern convenience in our gaming. If you feel the need for a solid quick adventure to spice up your Summer nights, absolutely give this a try.

Lupinranger vs Patranger Episodes 13-17

Welcome back Super Sentai fans! As you might have noticed the recaps are a little late in coming. In my defense, reviewing the adventures of colorful superheroes isn't as much of a priority as keeping a cats bladder from exploding or trying to restart my college education. Thankfully the cat is doing aces. Meanwhile I'm only partially sure that I've registered for a Summer class, this shit is so vague. Anyway there's finally time to catch up with Lupinranger vs Patranger and man do we ever have a lot to talk about. Today's crop of stories makes some big strides in bringing more conflict and depth to the Patranger side of things while still giving the thieves time to shine. Let's get cracking.

Episode thirteen is part of a proud tradition of heroine-centric adventures though this one has the distinction of each girl belonging to a different team. Both Tsukasa and Umika have the day off and plan to spend it at an amusement park in order to obtain some special stuffed animals. For the lovely cop this is all to feed her weird obsession for plush beasts while Umika is going as more of tribute to her lost friend, Shiho.

Since the park runs out of single tickets the two girls go in as a pair and work their way through the rides before ending up in the haunted house which is not something Tsukasa enjoys. Turns out she's easily scared by this stuff which Umika takes in stride. Back when she used to come to this park with her friend she would shield her from all the scary stuff.

Of course this wouldn't be a proper adventure without a Gangler showing up to complicate matters. This one makes a dome around the park, sealing in all the guests. After separating, Umika fashions a disguise to protect her identity. This comes in handy when the baddie chains the girls together by the wrist. It takes a little work but they are able to overcome their differences and work together, though Tsukasa takes the bigger beating of the two. Umika is nice enough to get their stuffed animals afterward only to find that her new friend wasn't interested in the bear but the weird pig.

The best part of this episode is how well it showcases the inverse nature of each girl. While Tsukasa is very firm and stoic on the outside, she's much more of the traditional girly type. Umika on the other hand may seem like an adorable little ball of energy but she carries around a lot of emotional maturity and some good manipulation skills. This pairing has already proved to be so popular that they're getting another outing in a video special later this year.

Fourteen and fifteen mark a two-parter that brings the Patranger crew deeper into conflict with the Ganglers when a pair of villains seeks to kill a cop in order to rise through the ranks. A fun detail about one of them is that his brother was previously killed by Patranger during a giant-robot battle. He wasn't a combatant is the fight, just squashed underfoot.

The evil plan is a bit of a long-con. An elementary school may have to cancel their field-trip due to Gangler activity and some mysterious underground rumblings. Keiichiro being the all-around good guy that he is won't allow these kids to miss out on their trip and promises to fix the situation. We actually get some backstory on his childhood when he attempted to protect a playground from some creeper before a local cop convinced him of a policeman's duty to protect everyone.

Gonna try and make a long story short but the villains purposefully leave their treasure behind, which is another vehicle that will allow the cops to dig underground and check out the seismic activity. Little do they know the machine is booby-trapped with poison spikes. He finds another treasure to be the source of the rumblings and defeats one of the villains only to be left on deaths door with poison corsing through his veins. His teammates likewise are savagely beaten by the Don himself who shows up to watch some death only to be disappointed by further failures from his thugs.

The continuation works towards bringing the gap between both teams when both Kairi and Umika go to the hospital to keep tabs on the competition. Each of them earns greater respect for the other half as Kairi learns just how dedicated Keiichiro is to his duty and sees a hint of caring, perhaps love, from Tsukasa for her partner. Meanwhile Umika learns that Sakuya is actually a fairly decent guy and not just some daffy womanizer. With renewed respect they set out to defeat the remaining Gangler before the Patranger get themselves in further trouble. Of course that's not how things work out as the cops finish off their opponent with just a little help from the yellow thief.

For episode sixteen we shift focus back to Lupinranger with another tale of Touma. I mentioned before that he may be one of those characters cursed with lousy focus episodes and this one doesn't buck the trend. Thankfully it's just as much of a Kairi adventure which helps to balance things out. The short of it is that a Gangler swaps bodies with our blue friend. The main conflict revolves around whether they can swap him back into his original body, and if not, does Kairi have the will to kill his friend?

As stories go it's not exactly bad, even has a few good moments, just not up to the level it should be. Writing about it makes it seem as if this should have been a richly dramatic story yet I can recall very little of what happened. The only part that should matter in the long run is the discovery that Gangler's safes are a biological component of their bodies, acting as something of a core or heart. It's currently unclear if this detail will play into a later plot-twist or perhaps serve as a metaphor but I can't imagine the writers introducing it for no reason.

At least we come to the moment I've been waiting for, an episode that focuses on series MVPs, Keiichiro and Umika. It's nearly as good as I'd hoped for too. Turns out our red policeman has a lady admirer named Mana. They met at the bistro and share an interest in classical music which leads to light gift exchanges as he lends her records and she brings him flowers from her garden that she claims are just leftovers from work.

Umika takes an interest in the budding romance and pushes to see these two get together. Problem is Mana will soon be going out of country for school which leaves just a couple of days to get keiichiro to profess his feelings. And you know some monster is going to get in the way of young love. This one has the ability to lock people into a blissful dream-dimension while it's treasure allows it to fight be stretching parts of its body. It takes adventage of those skills to trap all three Patranger along with Lupin Yellow in the dreamworld.

While lost in la la land, Umika searches for Keiichiro in the hopes of waking him so he can get to Mana before she flies off to Europe. Initially he's too lost in a blisfull daze, unaware that some monster is draining the life-force from his body. It's then that Umika remembers a song the two potential lovebirds shared an interest in and begins to hum it. This leads to a semi-musical moment that comes across as more odd than it should have. Still; her plan works and everyone's awake and fighting again.

Even with the world saved yet again, Keiichiro neglects to see Mana off at the airport. She doesn't hold this against him. In fact she seems to understand why he didn't show and wishes him luck in his fight against the Ganglers. Umika is far less forgiving when she confronts him that night. When she asks why he didn't go to the airport, he responds that he can't pursue two things at once as he's too awkward. She storms off while he begins to reconsider her and her friends as suspects. She was in the dreamworld after Lupin Yellow had been knocked out after all.

Unfortunately there is a something missing from this episode. When Umika wakes up in dreamland she finds everyone hypnotized by the things they love most yet she remains unaffected. Are we simply supposed to accept that she was so driven to get two people together that nothing would stand in her way? If so then there's some real missed potential as she could have reunited with a fake of her friend, Shiho. Maybe this incident will be brought up again later on but for now it seems odd that the monsters powers didn't affect her.

Looking ahead it seems like the main plot is about to undergo a few big events. The villains are making more back-alley deals, something seems to be going on with Goody-Striker, and it's about time for the new ranger to make himself known.

The show continues to provide excellent entertainment week after week. More than that it has smoothed out nearly every issues that has popped up. Currently the biggest issues are that some of the dangling plot-threads should probably start getting picked up, and Touma needs to bond more with other characters. As it stands, the Patrangers enjoy the company of the bistro workers and occasionally have civil interactions with their thief counterparts, Kairi has a decent level of respect for the cops, and Umika could almost be considered a member of both teams by this point. Touma is still very separate from everyone, and while that fits his personality, it could quickly become a detriment to the character if he can only develop through interactions with kairi.

Phew! (wipes brow) Was that ever one hell of a big recap. Now that everything is starting to settle down I hope to get back to normal length recaps. If you don't mind, I have to figure out whether or not I'm actually enrolled in college again.

Journey to Wisconsin, ACD Games Day, and a Trip to the Emergency Room.

Dear readership, have I ever the story to tell you. You may recall me finishing the previous post with news of how I was going on a trip for a few days. Such an outing would usually be enough to excuse some inactivity on the blogging front, only it was far from the only thing keeping me from this keyboard. If you've a mind for tales of travel, trade shows, and emergency vet visits then boy do I ever have some stories for you.

It all began with an invitation to attend the ACD Games Day trade show in Madison, Wisconsin. ACD is a board game distribution company and this is their yearly convention for stores to attend seminars and presentations along with nabbing goodies at the warehouse. What’s that you ask? Do I own or even work at game store? Nope, I help one occasionally but you shouldn’t sweat such petty details. Fact was I haven’t been out of the state in almost two-years and have never stepped foot in Wisconsin, so for whatever reason I opted to go along with the store owner and another lad.

The opening leg of any trip is always the worst part. Not only is there the knowledge that you have to go all the way there and back, but with each second you get further away from home, unable to go-back on your decision. Add to this a concern for my cat with pisser problems and the initial drive was rather unnerving. Even so, I’d decided to take on this bizarre journey and there was an entire household of adults back home to care for the kitty.

Indiana was the same as always, nothing all that special. Even in parts of that state I find fascinating like Kokomo, it always seems like something is missing. Still I hold no grudge towards the place. Illinois on the other hand I believe should be surgically removed from the map. Traveling through there is already torture and in this case we had to go through Chicago. I haven’t been within the city proper for close to twenty years and it’s even more of a hole than I remember. I’m sure there must be some decent people within the metro but by god what a hideous facade of dirt, utmost cruelty towards the homeless, plenty of rust, and a surprising amount of barbed wire. It’s as if a war-zone were dropped on top of the Midwest.

Finally finding myself in Wisconsin I couldn’t help but note it’s not all that terribly different from Michigan save for a few odd tidbits. For instance what is with all the traffic roundabouts as highway on/off ramps? Perhaps that was just a string of lousy luck on our part. Getting into Madison it seemed like a very nice city though I'd have to wait til the following day to explore. For now it was all convention antics.

I've never been to this sort of trade show format before and the thing I found most unique is how spending multiple days in close proximity to the same people creates a tiny community. Before you know it, folks you'd never have met under normal circumstances are your breakfast group. The first two people I saw were the pair of Frenchmen from Blue Orange Games who would later demo some decent games to me and the one would make the mistake of patting me on my sweaty back, sorry dude! A little people watching and you can learn who likes who, who's new to this, it's good sociological study that thankfully keeps you from feeling too alone away from home.

Another big part of a gathering like this is company seminars. These ran the gamut from horrifically dull, sloppy yet interesting, or in a few cases actually worth attending. Of the showcases I hit up Calliope Games won hands down. What put them over the top? Easy, beer and free games. The least interesting award goes to CMON who actually put people to sleep with their self-aggrandizing corporate jargon.

Meals were provided throughout the event with items varying from decent to downright bizarre. Consider how the first meal paired roasted asparagus dip, Swedish meatballs, and some brie cranberry bake with all he consistency and flavor of sugary snot. Oddball menus were simply a fact life throughout the trip such as Thursday nights, 2 salad, two potato, rare roast beef, champagne capital, and a freezer full of chaco tacos. It was possible to wash these down with some proper hooch though the bar was cash only for some god-forsaken reason. Mercifully each I.D. pouch came with 2 freebies at least so I was able to put down the saltiest gin martini in history.

On Thursday afternoon there was an exhibition hall where each company displayed their current hot titles and networking became a major point of conversation. Even brought home a few business cards myself from folks who I discussed game design with. While I certainly enjoyed learing over new games as company reps attempted to impress me into stocking their goods I was haunted by one question; “what's with the green dot?” Turns out being the one guy at a convention with a hazelnut allergy makes you the one asshole out of hundreds with a green sticker attached to your I.D.

At a few points on Thursday I was allowed some time to explore Madison which very much lives up to its reputation as one of the most pedestrian friendly cities in the U.S. Overall I’d say it is a pretty damn nice town though not without its issues including one that as a resident of Michigan I never though I could levy against another place. What is with all the white people? I mean the place is just a bit lacking for social diversity to the extant that it made a cracker like me self-aware. I even checked the census numbers and now understand the the percentages that take a place from regular to scary white. Furthermore the ease of access for walkers and bikers allows so many people the opportunity to constantly work-out in some form plus the lakes provide for water sports. So you have a lot of physically active people but ya know what else Madison is known for? It’s often listed among the top ten drinking cities in the country. Add it all up and you get my big issue, You are surrounded, by fit, drunk, white boys all the time. That may be just fine for some people, not quite my style though. Still it is a nice place and I wouldn't dissuade anyone from vising.

During my adventures around town I sought out a few Frank Lloyd-Wright locations as my sister is a big fan. The convention center itself is one of his designs, boasting a rooftop garden featuring a memorial plaque for Otis Redding who died in a plane crash in Lake Monona. The most troublesome part of sightseeing came from the Rob Lamp house which eluded me until I realized it was dead center in a city block surrounded by other houses, an apartment complex, and even a damn hotel. Never before in my life have I wanted to shout to the heavens “the fuck are you, house?”

I returned to the convention center in time for game demos. The whole exhibition area had been stripped down and reformatted to accommodate a massive amount of game tables. During my time there I tried out a couple of excellent titles like Cursed Court which is a great betting and bluffing game that I'm very enamored with. An upcoming title called Blue Lagoon also tickled me by providing a nice mix of area control and resource collecting. Of course there was some rubbish in the mix as well but I'm not here to tear down a bunch of games I got to try for free. And while it can be disheartening to see some lousy stuff hit the market, it provides some hope that there's a spot for one of my own designs someday.

While demoing I witnessed a line forming for a display at the far end of the hall. Seems this particular show has a system where you gather tickets from demoing games only to turn them in for raffles or free games randomly put out on a table or behind doors. My first go through nabbed me some fairly uninteresting items but I was hooked and went out to get another full stash of six tickets. Unfortunately while waiting in line the prizes ran out and I was forced to enter the raffles which as you can assume I didn't win. On the upside I got to trade my items with fellow travelers and took home some stuff I actually wanted. I mean sure role-playing books are cool but if you never play em it's a bit of a crap shoot. Still, this portion of the show solidified a few feelings I've been having on the topic of tabletop games. That's a topic for another day when we cover what I brought back from the show.

After Breakfast and more presentations Friday afternoon marked the time to clear out of the hotel and head to the ACD distribution warehouse for some shopping. Taken on its own, the experience of combing through a warehouse full of board games and toys is the stuff of dreams. It'd be easy for an impulsive buyer to loose their shirt when surrounded by so many goodies. Unfortunately the warehouse itself lacked for climate control as it was filled to capacity on a sunny 80-odd degree day. I've seen sauna with less sweat than this place. Everyone was cooking in their own juices. Suffice to say it wasn't a pretty sight.

The trip home went off without much issue save for more classic Chicago traffic. We even had a chance to stop for some donuts. Once I got home however, things got more complicated. Turns out the cat situation had only worsened in my absence. What followed was a period of extreme stress as I did my best to care for the critter before we finally made a family agreement to take him to the expensive, and well worth it, emergency vet. A massive weight was lifted from my shoulders thanks to caregivers who actually seemed to know what they were talking about. Within mere house we knew more about what was going on with him than we had for months. He's been there for a few nights and should be home later today.

With both the adventure to Wisconsin and the cat problem dealt with I've finally been able to get working on writing, school crap, and getting out to see Solo. All in all it has been one of the nuttiest, most draining weeks I can remember. Sure most of these experiences were good for me. I got out of my comfort zone, met new people, saw another bit of the globe. That being said I am looking forward to staying home with my animals for a real long time.

Top 100 Horror Movies: The Beast Within (1982)

We've all heard the classic cliché that spring is the time when a young mans fancy turns to love. Frankly I never understood that saying. When I was a young man my fancy was focused on matters of romantic conquest year-round. The same could still be said now that I'm a grown-ass-man. And what of young women? Does their fancy turn to love come autumn? Could this explain all the strife between the genders? Let's say you're fine with the old saying however and live life with the notion that blooming flowers equates to horny teenagers. Well what do you do when that young man isn't quite normal? That's the question posed by the next entry in our top 100 horror movie series, The Beast Within.

The film is loosely based on a novel by Edward Levy which was supposedly being worked on at the same time as the script with each having a different focus. What serves as the bits of back-story in the film make up a good portion of the novel. Main character, Michael isn't even born until about the halfway point of the book. These are details I've gathered through some light browsing as I've yet to actually read it. There's an odd disconnect however with fans of the novel often bashing the film and vice versa. Personally, I'm willing to consider them as complementary works.

Behind the scenes the film was directed Philippe Mora. While his name may not pop out for most readers he is an absolute nut of a filmmaker having gifted the world with the delightfully stupid Holwing II, and the bonkers Christopher Walken alien abduction epic, Communion. Mora plays things much more straight with this story, probably due to the script by Tom Holland who worked on such classics as Fright Night, Child's Play, and Psycho 2.

The film begins in the 1960s with a honeymooning couple traveling down the road only to encounter car trouble (this is a horror film after all). While the man goes off in search of aid the woman is stalked and sexually assaulted by some sort of creature. For any normal narrative this situation alone could provide plenty of material but this ain't no normal movie.

Years later the couple are troubled as their son, Michael suffers mysterious health issues. Yes indeed, the woman was impregnated during her ordeal but the couple decided to raise the baby as their own. With nowhere else to look, they return to the scene of the crime in search of answers about the boys heritage. Imagine their surprise when Michael follows them to this small town, setting off a chain of revelations and gruesome murders.

It's probably a good idea to declare up-front that I've got a bit of nostalgia for this trashy little fright-flick. Turning it on takes me back to being 11 years old, camped out in the living room in a Pepsi fold-out beach chair, demolishing a bag of Doritos while watching Monstervision. Yes this is yet another of those special films ushered into my twisted little heart by king of late night movie hosts, Joe Bob Briggs. Admittedly it is a much stronger offering than other nostalgia-inducing trash like Night of the Lepus or The Monster Club. Just be aware that I bring a certain amount of comfy memories into every viewing. With that warning out of the way let's talk about what makes this one such a treat.

A big part of why I enjoy The Beast Within so much is that it scratches a lot of different itches in a very short amount of time. After the opening assault the plot becomes a mystery, then something of a possession/serial-killer affair, then we move on to body-horror, and finally we arrive at creature-feature. If you've ever experienced one of those nights where you crave a horror film yet can't decide on what kind, this thing has got you covered. Couple that with the small-town setting and a cast of characters that varies tremendously in both age and moral backbone and your bases are covered.

Naturally a few elements haven't held-up to the changing times. First off, it's not a culturally diverse film with only one non-white character being the deputy. On that front you will be surprised to hear the black guy actually survives! That's an honor usually reserved for Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J. And you'd better believe some of the special-effects come across as a little cheap, though they are appropriately slimy and gross.

While it's flaws certainly mark it as a product of its time, the movie came out at the best possible point for this sort of story. If it had been made a few years earlier, the whole thing would have leaned too far towards campy, years later and it would be too self-aware. That's largely the reason why 1980's horror flicks resonate with so many viewers. It was a time when you could make a movie where a teenage boy is possessed by his father and turns into a cicada monster yet the movie is done with a straight-face.

There's one more thing that helps to make this one special, but it's something of a geographic bonus saved only for certain viewers. For those of us who live in places like Michigan this movie feels just like the early days of spring. Everything's still wet and cold but it's all far enough removed from the frozen wasteland of winter that it all feels fresh and new. The bugs are chirping, and the need to be outside doing anything is felt by all. I've seen only a few films that come close to replicating that feeling which is why this movie always comes back into rotation somewhere between March and May.

The Beast Within may not be offer deep psychological elements like The Entity, or be a tropical bloodbath like Zombi 2. It's something more like a classic campfire tale complete with a sympathetic monster and warnings about sex. It could also be used as a pro-choice argument since we should really stop these cicada babies at the source. If you're in the mood for some good, straightforward horror this weekend, give this one a shot.

On the website front, I will be heading to Wisconsin this week to attend a trade-show/convention thing. Not sure how I get myself wrapped up in these situations but look forward to a recap of the experience. Sentai coverage will most likely be put off until early next week to accommodate this little adventure. Wish me luck out on the road, and I'll be back with something fun for you guys this weekend.

Star Wars Book Club: Cobalt Squadron Review

You ever seen one of those movies where an alien pretends to be human only to fail at everything from communication to basic manners? Or have you met someone in real-life who acts very much the same? Maybe they have a strange way of showing affection or like to remind you how we're all human as if anyone would forget such a thing. After reading yet another Stars Wars novel I'm almost convinced that author Elizabeth Wein is in fact some kind of reptilian from beyond the moon who only learned about human interaction via reruns of 7^th Heaven.

Before I get into a full conspiracy theory about how the Star Wars story group has been infiltrated by visitors with boundary issues, I should probably tell you about today's book. Cobalt Squadron is a lead-in to The Last Jedi focused on the Tico sisters Rose and Paige on a mission to help a small band of resistance fighters.

Right out the gate story-progression is this books biggest strength. Unlike many of the other new cannon novels there are no weird side-trips, time jumps, or anything that takes away from the main plot at hand. That being said, this is hardly a complex or unpredictable story. Everything sort of happens as expected right down to when hardship strikes and is overcome. It begins with the girls on a recon mission investigating twin-planets that may be secretly under oppression from the First Order. During this mission a pair of refugees crash onto their ship seeking aid. Not only is the order taking advantage of these planets, they're basically carrying out genocide by blocking one worlds access to clean water. Both Cobalt and Crimson bomber squadrons find themselves tasked with making supply drops to the local resistance while gathering proof of First Order activities for Leia to present to the New Republic. Usually I try to avoid spoilers, but that's pretty much the whole book right there.

Seeing as the story isn't all that special, maybe the book can make up for it by developing the Tico sisters beyond what we've seen on film. Given Paige's very short amount of screen time there should be plenty for us to learn... right? Sadly there's nothing much gained from reading about this pair as the writing really lets them down. In large part it's because the interactions are so weird. Their dialogue exchanges seem more appropriate for co-workers who barely know each-other. Let's just grab something random from the first chapter.

“You're breathing hard” Paige said

“That's because I've been getting some exercise,” Rose said breezily. “That long climb past the bomb racks is as good as a workout.”

First off, who just announces that you're breathing hard? Wouldn't it be more natural to show some kind of concern by simply asking if they're ok and maybe explain the question in further detail if required? For the other person to then explain the physical labor of climbing the ladders within their ship when the other person does exactly that dozens of times everyday is all the stranger. This is supposed to be a cover for Rose's fear yet within the same conversation she gives us even more of this oddly specific dialogue. At one point Paige sympathetically talks about how creepy it can be to climb past the bombs, Rose's response? “Definitely creepy. Even when they're not full of bombs.” Why would it be creepy when it's not bombs? Wouldn't Paige already know the current payload isn't explosive? If Rose was exclaiming this as a sign of how childish her fears were that might be something but it's just flat, monotone speech that provides us with information already available through the narration. It's a constant stream of bad screenplay dialogue.

To make things even more creepy, the girls frequently have these robotic conversations while cuddling or spooning. They're constantly holding hands, sitting on the others lap, and locking eyes yet they speak as if they're strangers. It is so goddamn weird! They're not the only victims of this problem. Take for example this delightfully stunted bit of writing.

“I am surprised,” Fossil commented. “You are usually one who obeys commands, yet now, when called upon for support, you criticize another's skill. You have trained the other flight engineers. You can train your bombardier. You know this. What is your real objection?”

That is an actual paragraph from the book right down to the punctuation. And while you might think it's origin in official meeting from an alien commander has some influence over the robotic tone, I assure you that everyone in the book talks like this, only with varying amounts of emotion. It's like watching a computer struggle to learn human speech-patterns only to then lean in for a kiss.

But do we actually learn anything about these girls? Paige is really into animals, especially those big dogs from Canto Bight. As for Rose... let's put it this way, if you didn't like her in the movie, this will only further cement your opinion. It's a shame since the ending of this book could have had some real emotional weight if only anything up to that point had been decently written.

Heading over to the rankings I'm a little unsure of what position this book deserves. Absolutely it's one of the worst books we've covered in this feature, but it's hard to pinpoint exactly how it ranks among the other low-hanging fruit. Given how well the story flows and that it has a decent ending, I'll spare it from being at the very bottom.

1. Lost Stars by Claudia Gray

2. New Dawn by John Jackson Miller

3. Bloodline by Claudia Gray

4. Guardians of the Whills by Greg Rucka

5. Ashoka by E.K. Johnston

6. Tarkin by James Luceno

7. Thrawn by Timothy Zahn

8. Battlefont Twilight Company by Alexander Freed

9. Moving Target by Cecil Castelluci and Jason Fry

10. Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka

11. The Legends of Luke Skywalker by Ken Liu

12. Catalyst by James Luceno

13. Aftermath: Life Debt by Chuck Wendig

14. Smuggler's Run by Greg Rucka

15. Heir to the Jedi by Kevin Hearne

16. Lords of the Sith by Paul S. Kemp

17. Cobalt Squadron by Elizabeth Wein

18. Aftermath by Chuck Wendig

19. The Weapon of a Jedi by Jason Fry

Lupinranger vs Patranger Episodes 10-12

Coming back to Lupinranger vs Patranger we find the show moving away from the opening blitz of introductions and onto smaller fun adventures. The value of such stand-alone stories can vary depending on the series but given how good this show has held up so far, it's easy to imagine a few favorites are in the pipeline.

More importantly we'd best enjoy our time with this more straightforward portion of the series as photos have already begin to surface of the new guy who will be joining both teams. Yes, you read that right, we've got a two-for-one kind of deal. When working with Patranger he will be gold, and on the Lupin side he'll be silver. The real challenge for the character lies in finding the balance between the sillier cop stories and the more serious thief stuff. If the usual protocol holds true, he'll most likely turn up somewhere in the late-teens to early-twenties episode wise. Fingers-crossed he'll be a good addition. Now let's talk about what's been happening.

Episode 10 picks right up after the outstanding cliffhanger from the previous week with a piece of the collection seemingly destroyed and the Lupinrangers losing all hope of seeing their loved-ones again. The opening is really solid with Kairi livid at his team for screwing up only to storm out of the cafe. While still fuming on a bridge he encountesr Keichiro who realizes something is wrong and offers whatever he can to cheer up his associate. Though kairi wants to throttle the cop for ruining his one chance at seeing his brother again his mood changes when a strange man who eats ice is mentioned.

Realizing this oddball with an ice fetish is the one who killed their friends, Kairi sets off to take on this villain in the hopes of restoring his brother and others. This leads to a proper introduction for Zamigo who proves to be a true threat in the ensuing fight. His main trick are constantly spawning ice guns from his hips that can take someone out in just one shot. The only thing that keeps Lupinred alive are the blade and scissors weapons he received during the previous installment.

While red is off waging war, Umika and Touma investigate the events that led to them loosing the collection piece only to discover the Gangler has the ability to create decoys of himself. This means the item is still out there which puts them in conflict with the police yet again.

When all is said and done, the piece is recovered, Zamigo gets away, and team Lupinranger decides to keep the idea of taking on the ice man a secret from Kogure since he's clearly hiding something. While I'm disappointed to see that killer plot-twist from part nine reversed so quickly the show still managed to find a way for it to affect the chemistry between both teams. There's something of a casual respect now that paves the way for their inevitable team-up.

Episode 11 officially breaks away from the onslaught of main-plot developments by giving us a wacky comedy. Patranger are filming a PR film to get ahead of the thieves in the public eye. Little do they know that a crewmember is a Gangler with the ability to change peoples genders. It's not long before the whole team has totally different anatomy which makes their movie experience all the worse.

If you're going to put together a comedy based on such childish ideas the key to holding it all together is fun. Thankfully this one stays lite and silly enough to keep it entertaining. More than that I was surprised how far they went with the gender-swap jokes as characters explored themselves to find what had been removed/added. MVP goes to the suit-actress for pink who attempts to scrape her hand off on the pavement after discovering her underpants sausage.

Furthermore I have to give the show some points for making the effort to alter the costumes. Both read and green are treated to fake boobs and the traditional Sentai skirt whole pink is given a male costume. Also since it seems like the suit-actors stayed the same I can only assume they taped down her boobs as well. It's a surprising amount of dedication for a sight-gag.

It's not all dick jokes however as there is some effort at adding some emotional depth to Sakuya. In short we get some back-story on on how his teammates inspired him to keep pushing forward and do his best, all that jazz. Could his goal of finishing their crappy movie be so pure as protecting the police force he loves so much? Actually it's more about finding new ways to impress girls. Sakuya may not be the most interesting character, but he certainly is the most realistic.

There's a history of Sentai characters who for whatever reason are doomed to have lackluster focus episodes. In our previous experience with the franchise Ninninger's Yakumo serves as a fine example of this. A competently acted and fun character, he was routinely saddled with lousy plots. Episode 12 makes it seem like Touma may be the next victim of this curse.

It's a really thin story about a young boy who ends up with a collection piece that allows the user to run at crazy speeds. He wants to use it in order to inspire a girl not to give up on her dream of becoming an idol, despite her inability to walk. Touma is torn between protecting the kid, getting the item back, and helping the kid win a race. His motivation is memories of the cheesy fairy tales his fiance used to fancy.

Nothing much happens and the kid overcomes adversity thanks entirely to the placebo effect since Touma leaves him with a fake collection piece. Honestly if this episode had been part of a lesser series like Ohranger it wouldn't seem so lacking. Still; this is some grade-A Sentai. Stories like this are too weak to eat up are precious time with these teams. Not unlike Touma's last time at bat back in episode three, this one rests near the bottom of the barrel.

Overall we had one excellent plot-heavy installment, a fun comedic adventure, and one anemic kiddy show. Next week is bringing us a tale of girl-power when Tsukasa and Umika spend the day at an amusement park where a monster chains them together. I'm very eager to see this one as this has been the best duo of girls the franchise has featured in years. Giving them a little time away from all the macho stuff should be fun enough. Opening up the series to stories where these groups have to work together is also an important step towards having a Umika/Keichiro team-up. Or maybe I'm just trying to cover up how much I want to see attractive woman fight monsters at theme parks. I'll never tell.