Journey to Wisconsin, ACD Games Day, and a Trip to the Emergency Room.

Dear readership, have I ever the story to tell you. You may recall me finishing the previous post with news of how I was going on a trip for a few days. Such an outing would usually be enough to excuse some inactivity on the blogging front, only it was far from the only thing keeping me from this keyboard. If you've a mind for tales of travel, trade shows, and emergency vet visits then boy do I ever have some stories for you.

It all began with an invitation to attend the ACD Games Day trade show in Madison, Wisconsin. ACD is a board game distribution company and this is their yearly convention for stores to attend seminars and presentations along with nabbing goodies at the warehouse. What’s that you ask? Do I own or even work at game store? Nope, I help one occasionally but you shouldn’t sweat such petty details. Fact was I haven’t been out of the state in almost two-years and have never stepped foot in Wisconsin, so for whatever reason I opted to go along with the store owner and another lad.

The opening leg of any trip is always the worst part. Not only is there the knowledge that you have to go all the way there and back, but with each second you get further away from home, unable to go-back on your decision. Add to this a concern for my cat with pisser problems and the initial drive was rather unnerving. Even so, I’d decided to take on this bizarre journey and there was an entire household of adults back home to care for the kitty.

Indiana was the same as always, nothing all that special. Even in parts of that state I find fascinating like Kokomo, it always seems like something is missing. Still I hold no grudge towards the place. Illinois on the other hand I believe should be surgically removed from the map. Traveling through there is already torture and in this case we had to go through Chicago. I haven’t been within the city proper for close to twenty years and it’s even more of a hole than I remember. I’m sure there must be some decent people within the metro but by god what a hideous facade of dirt, utmost cruelty towards the homeless, plenty of rust, and a surprising amount of barbed wire. It’s as if a war-zone were dropped on top of the Midwest.

Finally finding myself in Wisconsin I couldn’t help but note it’s not all that terribly different from Michigan save for a few odd tidbits. For instance what is with all the traffic roundabouts as highway on/off ramps? Perhaps that was just a string of lousy luck on our part. Getting into Madison it seemed like a very nice city though I'd have to wait til the following day to explore. For now it was all convention antics.

I've never been to this sort of trade show format before and the thing I found most unique is how spending multiple days in close proximity to the same people creates a tiny community. Before you know it, folks you'd never have met under normal circumstances are your breakfast group. The first two people I saw were the pair of Frenchmen from Blue Orange Games who would later demo some decent games to me and the one would make the mistake of patting me on my sweaty back, sorry dude! A little people watching and you can learn who likes who, who's new to this, it's good sociological study that thankfully keeps you from feeling too alone away from home.

Another big part of a gathering like this is company seminars. These ran the gamut from horrifically dull, sloppy yet interesting, or in a few cases actually worth attending. Of the showcases I hit up Calliope Games won hands down. What put them over the top? Easy, beer and free games. The least interesting award goes to CMON who actually put people to sleep with their self-aggrandizing corporate jargon.

Meals were provided throughout the event with items varying from decent to downright bizarre. Consider how the first meal paired roasted asparagus dip, Swedish meatballs, and some brie cranberry bake with all he consistency and flavor of sugary snot. Oddball menus were simply a fact life throughout the trip such as Thursday nights, 2 salad, two potato, rare roast beef, champagne capital, and a freezer full of chaco tacos. It was possible to wash these down with some proper hooch though the bar was cash only for some god-forsaken reason. Mercifully each I.D. pouch came with 2 freebies at least so I was able to put down the saltiest gin martini in history.

On Thursday afternoon there was an exhibition hall where each company displayed their current hot titles and networking became a major point of conversation. Even brought home a few business cards myself from folks who I discussed game design with. While I certainly enjoyed learing over new games as company reps attempted to impress me into stocking their goods I was haunted by one question; “what's with the green dot?” Turns out being the one guy at a convention with a hazelnut allergy makes you the one asshole out of hundreds with a green sticker attached to your I.D.

At a few points on Thursday I was allowed some time to explore Madison which very much lives up to its reputation as one of the most pedestrian friendly cities in the U.S. Overall I’d say it is a pretty damn nice town though not without its issues including one that as a resident of Michigan I never though I could levy against another place. What is with all the white people? I mean the place is just a bit lacking for social diversity to the extant that it made a cracker like me self-aware. I even checked the census numbers and now understand the the percentages that take a place from regular to scary white. Furthermore the ease of access for walkers and bikers allows so many people the opportunity to constantly work-out in some form plus the lakes provide for water sports. So you have a lot of physically active people but ya know what else Madison is known for? It’s often listed among the top ten drinking cities in the country. Add it all up and you get my big issue, You are surrounded, by fit, drunk, white boys all the time. That may be just fine for some people, not quite my style though. Still it is a nice place and I wouldn't dissuade anyone from vising.

During my adventures around town I sought out a few Frank Lloyd-Wright locations as my sister is a big fan. The convention center itself is one of his designs, boasting a rooftop garden featuring a memorial plaque for Otis Redding who died in a plane crash in Lake Monona. The most troublesome part of sightseeing came from the Rob Lamp house which eluded me until I realized it was dead center in a city block surrounded by other houses, an apartment complex, and even a damn hotel. Never before in my life have I wanted to shout to the heavens “the fuck are you, house?”

I returned to the convention center in time for game demos. The whole exhibition area had been stripped down and reformatted to accommodate a massive amount of game tables. During my time there I tried out a couple of excellent titles like Cursed Court which is a great betting and bluffing game that I'm very enamored with. An upcoming title called Blue Lagoon also tickled me by providing a nice mix of area control and resource collecting. Of course there was some rubbish in the mix as well but I'm not here to tear down a bunch of games I got to try for free. And while it can be disheartening to see some lousy stuff hit the market, it provides some hope that there's a spot for one of my own designs someday.

While demoing I witnessed a line forming for a display at the far end of the hall. Seems this particular show has a system where you gather tickets from demoing games only to turn them in for raffles or free games randomly put out on a table or behind doors. My first go through nabbed me some fairly uninteresting items but I was hooked and went out to get another full stash of six tickets. Unfortunately while waiting in line the prizes ran out and I was forced to enter the raffles which as you can assume I didn't win. On the upside I got to trade my items with fellow travelers and took home some stuff I actually wanted. I mean sure role-playing books are cool but if you never play em it's a bit of a crap shoot. Still, this portion of the show solidified a few feelings I've been having on the topic of tabletop games. That's a topic for another day when we cover what I brought back from the show.

After Breakfast and more presentations Friday afternoon marked the time to clear out of the hotel and head to the ACD distribution warehouse for some shopping. Taken on its own, the experience of combing through a warehouse full of board games and toys is the stuff of dreams. It'd be easy for an impulsive buyer to loose their shirt when surrounded by so many goodies. Unfortunately the warehouse itself lacked for climate control as it was filled to capacity on a sunny 80-odd degree day. I've seen sauna with less sweat than this place. Everyone was cooking in their own juices. Suffice to say it wasn't a pretty sight.

The trip home went off without much issue save for more classic Chicago traffic. We even had a chance to stop for some donuts. Once I got home however, things got more complicated. Turns out the cat situation had only worsened in my absence. What followed was a period of extreme stress as I did my best to care for the critter before we finally made a family agreement to take him to the expensive, and well worth it, emergency vet. A massive weight was lifted from my shoulders thanks to caregivers who actually seemed to know what they were talking about. Within mere house we knew more about what was going on with him than we had for months. He's been there for a few nights and should be home later today.

With both the adventure to Wisconsin and the cat problem dealt with I've finally been able to get working on writing, school crap, and getting out to see Solo. All in all it has been one of the nuttiest, most draining weeks I can remember. Sure most of these experiences were good for me. I got out of my comfort zone, met new people, saw another bit of the globe. That being said I am looking forward to staying home with my animals for a real long time.

Top 100 Horror Movies: The Beast Within (1982)

We've all heard the classic cliché that spring is the time when a young mans fancy turns to love. Frankly I never understood that saying. When I was a young man my fancy was focused on matters of romantic conquest year-round. The same could still be said now that I'm a grown-ass-man. And what of young women? Does their fancy turn to love come autumn? Could this explain all the strife between the genders? Let's say you're fine with the old saying however and live life with the notion that blooming flowers equates to horny teenagers. Well what do you do when that young man isn't quite normal? That's the question posed by the next entry in our top 100 horror movie series, The Beast Within.

The film is loosely based on a novel by Edward Levy which was supposedly being worked on at the same time as the script with each having a different focus. What serves as the bits of back-story in the film make up a good portion of the novel. Main character, Michael isn't even born until about the halfway point of the book. These are details I've gathered through some light browsing as I've yet to actually read it. There's an odd disconnect however with fans of the novel often bashing the film and vice versa. Personally, I'm willing to consider them as complementary works.

Behind the scenes the film was directed Philippe Mora. While his name may not pop out for most readers he is an absolute nut of a filmmaker having gifted the world with the delightfully stupid Holwing II, and the bonkers Christopher Walken alien abduction epic, Communion. Mora plays things much more straight with this story, probably due to the script by Tom Holland who worked on such classics as Fright Night, Child's Play, and Psycho 2.

The film begins in the 1960s with a honeymooning couple traveling down the road only to encounter car trouble (this is a horror film after all). While the man goes off in search of aid the woman is stalked and sexually assaulted by some sort of creature. For any normal narrative this situation alone could provide plenty of material but this ain't no normal movie.

Years later the couple are troubled as their son, Michael suffers mysterious health issues. Yes indeed, the woman was impregnated during her ordeal but the couple decided to raise the baby as their own. With nowhere else to look, they return to the scene of the crime in search of answers about the boys heritage. Imagine their surprise when Michael follows them to this small town, setting off a chain of revelations and gruesome murders.

It's probably a good idea to declare up-front that I've got a bit of nostalgia for this trashy little fright-flick. Turning it on takes me back to being 11 years old, camped out in the living room in a Pepsi fold-out beach chair, demolishing a bag of Doritos while watching Monstervision. Yes this is yet another of those special films ushered into my twisted little heart by king of late night movie hosts, Joe Bob Briggs. Admittedly it is a much stronger offering than other nostalgia-inducing trash like Night of the Lepus or The Monster Club. Just be aware that I bring a certain amount of comfy memories into every viewing. With that warning out of the way let's talk about what makes this one such a treat.

A big part of why I enjoy The Beast Within so much is that it scratches a lot of different itches in a very short amount of time. After the opening assault the plot becomes a mystery, then something of a possession/serial-killer affair, then we move on to body-horror, and finally we arrive at creature-feature. If you've ever experienced one of those nights where you crave a horror film yet can't decide on what kind, this thing has got you covered. Couple that with the small-town setting and a cast of characters that varies tremendously in both age and moral backbone and your bases are covered.

Naturally a few elements haven't held-up to the changing times. First off, it's not a culturally diverse film with only one non-white character being the deputy. On that front you will be surprised to hear the black guy actually survives! That's an honor usually reserved for Busta Rhymes and LL Cool J. And you'd better believe some of the special-effects come across as a little cheap, though they are appropriately slimy and gross.

While it's flaws certainly mark it as a product of its time, the movie came out at the best possible point for this sort of story. If it had been made a few years earlier, the whole thing would have leaned too far towards campy, years later and it would be too self-aware. That's largely the reason why 1980's horror flicks resonate with so many viewers. It was a time when you could make a movie where a teenage boy is possessed by his father and turns into a cicada monster yet the movie is done with a straight-face.

There's one more thing that helps to make this one special, but it's something of a geographic bonus saved only for certain viewers. For those of us who live in places like Michigan this movie feels just like the early days of spring. Everything's still wet and cold but it's all far enough removed from the frozen wasteland of winter that it all feels fresh and new. The bugs are chirping, and the need to be outside doing anything is felt by all. I've seen only a few films that come close to replicating that feeling which is why this movie always comes back into rotation somewhere between March and May.

The Beast Within may not be offer deep psychological elements like The Entity, or be a tropical bloodbath like Zombi 2. It's something more like a classic campfire tale complete with a sympathetic monster and warnings about sex. It could also be used as a pro-choice argument since we should really stop these cicada babies at the source. If you're in the mood for some good, straightforward horror this weekend, give this one a shot.

On the website front, I will be heading to Wisconsin this week to attend a trade-show/convention thing. Not sure how I get myself wrapped up in these situations but look forward to a recap of the experience. Sentai coverage will most likely be put off until early next week to accommodate this little adventure. Wish me luck out on the road, and I'll be back with something fun for you guys this weekend.

Star Wars Book Club: Cobalt Squadron Review

You ever seen one of those movies where an alien pretends to be human only to fail at everything from communication to basic manners? Or have you met someone in real-life who acts very much the same? Maybe they have a strange way of showing affection or like to remind you how we're all human as if anyone would forget such a thing. After reading yet another Stars Wars novel I'm almost convinced that author Elizabeth Wein is in fact some kind of reptilian from beyond the moon who only learned about human interaction via reruns of 7^th Heaven.

Before I get into a full conspiracy theory about how the Star Wars story group has been infiltrated by visitors with boundary issues, I should probably tell you about today's book. Cobalt Squadron is a lead-in to The Last Jedi focused on the Tico sisters Rose and Paige on a mission to help a small band of resistance fighters.

Right out the gate story-progression is this books biggest strength. Unlike many of the other new cannon novels there are no weird side-trips, time jumps, or anything that takes away from the main plot at hand. That being said, this is hardly a complex or unpredictable story. Everything sort of happens as expected right down to when hardship strikes and is overcome. It begins with the girls on a recon mission investigating twin-planets that may be secretly under oppression from the First Order. During this mission a pair of refugees crash onto their ship seeking aid. Not only is the order taking advantage of these planets, they're basically carrying out genocide by blocking one worlds access to clean water. Both Cobalt and Crimson bomber squadrons find themselves tasked with making supply drops to the local resistance while gathering proof of First Order activities for Leia to present to the New Republic. Usually I try to avoid spoilers, but that's pretty much the whole book right there.

Seeing as the story isn't all that special, maybe the book can make up for it by developing the Tico sisters beyond what we've seen on film. Given Paige's very short amount of screen time there should be plenty for us to learn... right? Sadly there's nothing much gained from reading about this pair as the writing really lets them down. In large part it's because the interactions are so weird. Their dialogue exchanges seem more appropriate for co-workers who barely know each-other. Let's just grab something random from the first chapter.

“You're breathing hard” Paige said

“That's because I've been getting some exercise,” Rose said breezily. “That long climb past the bomb racks is as good as a workout.”

First off, who just announces that you're breathing hard? Wouldn't it be more natural to show some kind of concern by simply asking if they're ok and maybe explain the question in further detail if required? For the other person to then explain the physical labor of climbing the ladders within their ship when the other person does exactly that dozens of times everyday is all the stranger. This is supposed to be a cover for Rose's fear yet within the same conversation she gives us even more of this oddly specific dialogue. At one point Paige sympathetically talks about how creepy it can be to climb past the bombs, Rose's response? “Definitely creepy. Even when they're not full of bombs.” Why would it be creepy when it's not bombs? Wouldn't Paige already know the current payload isn't explosive? If Rose was exclaiming this as a sign of how childish her fears were that might be something but it's just flat, monotone speech that provides us with information already available through the narration. It's a constant stream of bad screenplay dialogue.

To make things even more creepy, the girls frequently have these robotic conversations while cuddling or spooning. They're constantly holding hands, sitting on the others lap, and locking eyes yet they speak as if they're strangers. It is so goddamn weird! They're not the only victims of this problem. Take for example this delightfully stunted bit of writing.

“I am surprised,” Fossil commented. “You are usually one who obeys commands, yet now, when called upon for support, you criticize another's skill. You have trained the other flight engineers. You can train your bombardier. You know this. What is your real objection?”

That is an actual paragraph from the book right down to the punctuation. And while you might think it's origin in official meeting from an alien commander has some influence over the robotic tone, I assure you that everyone in the book talks like this, only with varying amounts of emotion. It's like watching a computer struggle to learn human speech-patterns only to then lean in for a kiss.

But do we actually learn anything about these girls? Paige is really into animals, especially those big dogs from Canto Bight. As for Rose... let's put it this way, if you didn't like her in the movie, this will only further cement your opinion. It's a shame since the ending of this book could have had some real emotional weight if only anything up to that point had been decently written.

Heading over to the rankings I'm a little unsure of what position this book deserves. Absolutely it's one of the worst books we've covered in this feature, but it's hard to pinpoint exactly how it ranks among the other low-hanging fruit. Given how well the story flows and that it has a decent ending, I'll spare it from being at the very bottom.

1. Lost Stars by Claudia Gray

2. New Dawn by John Jackson Miller

3. Bloodline by Claudia Gray

4. Guardians of the Whills by Greg Rucka

5. Ashoka by E.K. Johnston

6. Tarkin by James Luceno

7. Thrawn by Timothy Zahn

8. Battlefont Twilight Company by Alexander Freed

9. Moving Target by Cecil Castelluci and Jason Fry

10. Before the Awakening by Greg Rucka

11. The Legends of Luke Skywalker by Ken Liu

12. Catalyst by James Luceno

13. Aftermath: Life Debt by Chuck Wendig

14. Smuggler's Run by Greg Rucka

15. Heir to the Jedi by Kevin Hearne

16. Lords of the Sith by Paul S. Kemp

17. Cobalt Squadron by Elizabeth Wein

18. Aftermath by Chuck Wendig

19. The Weapon of a Jedi by Jason Fry

Lupinranger vs Patranger Episodes 10-12

Coming back to Lupinranger vs Patranger we find the show moving away from the opening blitz of introductions and onto smaller fun adventures. The value of such stand-alone stories can vary depending on the series but given how good this show has held up so far, it's easy to imagine a few favorites are in the pipeline.

More importantly we'd best enjoy our time with this more straightforward portion of the series as photos have already begin to surface of the new guy who will be joining both teams. Yes, you read that right, we've got a two-for-one kind of deal. When working with Patranger he will be gold, and on the Lupin side he'll be silver. The real challenge for the character lies in finding the balance between the sillier cop stories and the more serious thief stuff. If the usual protocol holds true, he'll most likely turn up somewhere in the late-teens to early-twenties episode wise. Fingers-crossed he'll be a good addition. Now let's talk about what's been happening.

Episode 10 picks right up after the outstanding cliffhanger from the previous week with a piece of the collection seemingly destroyed and the Lupinrangers losing all hope of seeing their loved-ones again. The opening is really solid with Kairi livid at his team for screwing up only to storm out of the cafe. While still fuming on a bridge he encountesr Keichiro who realizes something is wrong and offers whatever he can to cheer up his associate. Though kairi wants to throttle the cop for ruining his one chance at seeing his brother again his mood changes when a strange man who eats ice is mentioned.

Realizing this oddball with an ice fetish is the one who killed their friends, Kairi sets off to take on this villain in the hopes of restoring his brother and others. This leads to a proper introduction for Zamigo who proves to be a true threat in the ensuing fight. His main trick are constantly spawning ice guns from his hips that can take someone out in just one shot. The only thing that keeps Lupinred alive are the blade and scissors weapons he received during the previous installment.

While red is off waging war, Umika and Touma investigate the events that led to them loosing the collection piece only to discover the Gangler has the ability to create decoys of himself. This means the item is still out there which puts them in conflict with the police yet again.

When all is said and done, the piece is recovered, Zamigo gets away, and team Lupinranger decides to keep the idea of taking on the ice man a secret from Kogure since he's clearly hiding something. While I'm disappointed to see that killer plot-twist from part nine reversed so quickly the show still managed to find a way for it to affect the chemistry between both teams. There's something of a casual respect now that paves the way for their inevitable team-up.

Episode 11 officially breaks away from the onslaught of main-plot developments by giving us a wacky comedy. Patranger are filming a PR film to get ahead of the thieves in the public eye. Little do they know that a crewmember is a Gangler with the ability to change peoples genders. It's not long before the whole team has totally different anatomy which makes their movie experience all the worse.

If you're going to put together a comedy based on such childish ideas the key to holding it all together is fun. Thankfully this one stays lite and silly enough to keep it entertaining. More than that I was surprised how far they went with the gender-swap jokes as characters explored themselves to find what had been removed/added. MVP goes to the suit-actress for pink who attempts to scrape her hand off on the pavement after discovering her underpants sausage.

Furthermore I have to give the show some points for making the effort to alter the costumes. Both read and green are treated to fake boobs and the traditional Sentai skirt whole pink is given a male costume. Also since it seems like the suit-actors stayed the same I can only assume they taped down her boobs as well. It's a surprising amount of dedication for a sight-gag.

It's not all dick jokes however as there is some effort at adding some emotional depth to Sakuya. In short we get some back-story on on how his teammates inspired him to keep pushing forward and do his best, all that jazz. Could his goal of finishing their crappy movie be so pure as protecting the police force he loves so much? Actually it's more about finding new ways to impress girls. Sakuya may not be the most interesting character, but he certainly is the most realistic.

There's a history of Sentai characters who for whatever reason are doomed to have lackluster focus episodes. In our previous experience with the franchise Ninninger's Yakumo serves as a fine example of this. A competently acted and fun character, he was routinely saddled with lousy plots. Episode 12 makes it seem like Touma may be the next victim of this curse.

It's a really thin story about a young boy who ends up with a collection piece that allows the user to run at crazy speeds. He wants to use it in order to inspire a girl not to give up on her dream of becoming an idol, despite her inability to walk. Touma is torn between protecting the kid, getting the item back, and helping the kid win a race. His motivation is memories of the cheesy fairy tales his fiance used to fancy.

Nothing much happens and the kid overcomes adversity thanks entirely to the placebo effect since Touma leaves him with a fake collection piece. Honestly if this episode had been part of a lesser series like Ohranger it wouldn't seem so lacking. Still; this is some grade-A Sentai. Stories like this are too weak to eat up are precious time with these teams. Not unlike Touma's last time at bat back in episode three, this one rests near the bottom of the barrel.

Overall we had one excellent plot-heavy installment, a fun comedic adventure, and one anemic kiddy show. Next week is bringing us a tale of girl-power when Tsukasa and Umika spend the day at an amusement park where a monster chains them together. I'm very eager to see this one as this has been the best duo of girls the franchise has featured in years. Giving them a little time away from all the macho stuff should be fun enough. Opening up the series to stories where these groups have to work together is also an important step towards having a Umika/Keichiro team-up. Or maybe I'm just trying to cover up how much I want to see attractive woman fight monsters at theme parks. I'll never tell.