Kingdom Hearts Marathon Part 2

 

    You ever write a whole blog post only to discover it doesn’t have an intro? That’s what I just did. Well guess what? I’ve spent the last hour and a half writing about Disney role-playing games so I deserves a little slack just this one. Enjoy my further adventures in the depths of Kingdom Hearts.

Dream Drop Distance

    Originally created for the 3DS the aptly named Dream Drop Distance has the thankless job of tying all the events of past titles, particularly Birth by Sleep, and Recoaded together while setting up the big finish on the horizon. At the same time it introduces brand new staples to the series and a weirdo Pokemon style monster element. Perhaps due to it’s handheld nature, 3D is much more fast paced and manic than many of its predecessors as the 3DS and later PS3/PS4 ports allowed the game to run much more quickly than KH fans were accustomed too. That same processing power allows for a grander scope as worlds feel huge this time around.

    The idea for this one is that both Sora and Riku are taking on the mark of mastery exam to become keyblade masters and learn the power of waking. To do this they must journey to sleeping worlds and fight against and alongside critters called Dream Eaters. Along the way they must contend with yet another form of Xehanort who has some plans for Sora.

    It’s commonplace for folks to joke about the story of Kingdom Hearts being nonsensical yet by and large I’ve never really had trouble following it. Sure I’ve had some questions and would definitely like some further details on a few aspects but I generally get what their aiming for. That’s not always the case with 3D as several important aspects of the plot are hardly explained, or if they are it’s out of order and purposely vague. The time travel stuff and rules for sleeping worlds are strangely the worst of it since they are explained over and over just never in a way that really makes sense.. Other bits like the true purpose of Organization XIII or the recreated people are easy enough to suss out so there’s a weird balance of good and bonkers. I suppose the story falls pray to the same thing as game-play in that the handheld approach made for a story that was meant to be taken in with smaller chunks. Heck, some of the story sequences are skipable. Personally I’m of two minds on this ones plot as I found Sora’s end to be a bit aimless. Riku on the other hand gets a chance to shine which makes his side of things much more interesting as we watch him become a true hero in his own way.

    There’s a lot of new game-play twists this time around, some awesome while others are a tad wonky. Take Reality shifts for example. Each world has a special battle command that alters combat in some way. I enjoyed a few like the three musketeer comics and hacking in Tron but the initial power of launching objects or Notre Dame’s faith-lines are sorta nonsensical. Another big edition is flow-motion which adds an element of jet set radio style navigation to the game as the boys can now boost off walls, grind rails/pipes, and whip around polls and large enemies. Several attacks are made available through these moves, the most useful being a downward slam that damages all nearby enemies. Can’t forget that every new world begins with a dive which plays out like a skydiving battle. I get the impression these scenes likely worked better with the added depth of the 3DS screen. On a television they can get cluttered and distracting and some of the dive bosses are just lame.

    The biggest shift in game-play comes in the form of spirits. Since the boys aren’t traveling with trusty companions like Donald and Goofy they instead rely on pokemon/digimon/any sort of mon beasties to fill the party slots. Don’t just think of these guys as party members though since they are also the closest thing to equipment and are the primary source for commands and abilities. It becomes a weird juggling act between keeping your upgraded partners equipped for the stat boost or working one someone new for possibly greater bonuses.

    3D is a very odd entry in the franchise. It stands apart from a lot of what came before yet doesn’t really set the tone for what’s to come either. The story is vital but not the most emotionally gripping. Battles are fun though the spirits aren’t as memorable sidekicks as proper Disney characters. All that said I still very much enjoyed the adventure and found the difficulty/fun balance to be much better with less random bullshit, save for Chernabog. I can appreciate all the unique ideas when taken right in the center of this marathon. It’s on the lower end of the series for me but still a far cry from the weakest entry.

0.2 A Fragmentery Passage

    Released as part of the 2.8 package that brought 3D to traditional consoles, Fragmentary Passage builds on the concept for Birth by Sleep’s secret episode. That means you’re back in control of Aqua immediately after her previous adventure though with some twists. What makes this one so unique is that it’s the shortest title in the franchise, roughly three hours, meant as a proper set-up for part III. I can’t really say much about the story since it’s all a spolery bridge between Sleep and KH III though I will note it marks the introduction of elements from the mobile phone game into proper series lore.

    As this was meant to offer a tease of what was to come with number 3 we see a shit back towards original KH combat. Some later additions like Lockshots and Flow-motion are here but each has been refined and altered. Yet another new game-play component arrives in the form of grand magic. Essentially this is a bonus for spamming magic attacks by granting the free usage of an upgraded spell. Throw a bunch of firaga at the enemies? Here’s a freebie firaja to finish them off. There’s also a reworked version of the form changes from Sleep, allowing Aqua to mix things up after building enough momentum.

    As I always like to discuss the wishy washy difficulty of this series I feel it best to point out that I think this is the first entry I never saw a game over screen during. With the others it could come down to factors like trying out a secret boss or getting caught unprepared for a big battle but I soared through this one and got that lovely undefeated trophy. That’s not to say it’s too easy however since some of the bosses, mainly the last one have got a couple shitty moves up their sleeves.

    For better or worse, Passage is a specialty title. Something to play for a night or two in order to wet appetites for the big kaboom to come. It’s done well-enough with plenty of tweaks and enhancements to make for a solid little adventure, even Willa Holland’s performance has improved. Plus it did the job of getting my hyped for KH III.

X Back Cover

    Also released as part of the 2.8 package is this CG movie that details some of the events of mobile phone game that I never played. The whole thing is the ultimate prequel of KH lore set long before anything else we’ve seen. The universe is young and a wise man in a black coat assigns roles to different guardians who lead their own guilds in what will eventually become the keyblade war.

    As with most Square CG stuff the craftsmanship can’t be denied. Locations and characters are beautiful to behold. Animation is top notch. And unlike the previous movies this one is just around an hour making for some easy viewing. Obviously if you’ve never played the mobile game then some of this is gonna feel over your head but the film gives just enough so anyone can have some understanding of this wing of the franchise.

    While it is certainly neat to get a glimpse this far back into the KH world the ending of this video leaves one wondering what, if anything, from it matters. There’s just so much tossed at the viewer with damn near zero answers. Who’s the master? (Sho-nuff)? Who’s the traitor? And as Brad Pitt once so eloquently put it, what the fuck is in the fuckin’ box? At least that was how I felt after watching it but what was more important is that it was finally time for the big goal.

Kingdom Hearts III

    For as much as this series play-through was to get back in touch with a beloved franchise and experience titles I’d missed the real end-goal was finally taking a shot at KH III. Not only was my curiosity peaked to see how all the elements of the series introduced after part II would be foalded into a numbered entry but there was also the matter of how all these plot threads could be wrapped up. Then there was one bit of extra curiosity to contend with, all the whining since it’s release. To a certain extent I had to avoid some of those complaints to dodge spoilers but I’d heard plenty that barely made sense, that the game was somehow “rough” and “too easy.” Complaining that a game with multiple difficulties is “too easy” ranks among some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard so my brow was naturally raised in suspicion for most of that discussion. I’ll come back to that later. Now that I’ve had the opportunity to play the game in full, what’s the response? Man this thing is goddamn outstanding.

    Recovering from the events of Dream Drop Distance we find our heroes facing down a sort of Search for Spock scenario. The big endgame against Xehanort is coming and many of the lost or fallen cast-members must somehow be recovered in order to put up a proper defense. Beyond that Sora still hasn’t master the power of waking and must seek out that ability while dodging multiple returned villains and visiting new Disney lands for clues.

    One of the big concerns for me with this one was the selection worlds to visit. Several of them are based on properties I can’t stand like Monsters Inc and Frozen. Most of them still work out quite well with the aforementioned two being among the weak links. I was amazed at how enjoyable Toy Story turned out to be, the associated keyblade is one of the best in the game. Frozen oddly provides one of the best guest characters in the form of Elsa’s hulking snow monster. And while I’ve not seen the film itself the Tangled section made it seem like that might be an alright flick.

    As for game-play additional features from the handheld titles seep their way in with the return of shotlocks, flowmotion, and grand magic. Combine those with new abilities team-up attacks, link attacks (basically summons), form changes for each keyblade (sometimes two), the ability to freely swap between 3 keyblades, and utilize Disney theme park rides and there’s never a lack of options for taking out enemies. Oh and did I mention there are a total of three quick command windows available for customization? Even better you never need to swap out characters as Donald and Goofy can stay in combat along with any number of guests. The flow is much closer to earlier games but but all the possible techniques make battles a joy.

    Outside of combat there are a variety of other pursuits like cooking mini-games, sailing a pirate ship, or the return of the gummi ship that plays out like its own space-exploration title. You can hunt down lucky Mickey symbols, play over three Tiger handheld style games on your phone. Search out constellations to photograph. It took me close to thirty-four hours to finish the story and there’s still plenty leftover to complete should I feel the need.

    So how does this rank as a conclusion for this ark of the franchise? Well the presentation is some of the best you’ll find on the PS4. Damn thing’s gorgeous and generally runs at a silky smooth 60 FPS. Music is outstanding (except for Let It Go, ugh). Plus there is a ton of story to witness. Much like the first game you often play through a Disney world and then get some development of the main plot. That’s the case here but some of these story sections are over twenty-minutes long. The final hours provide so many moments for this massive case with some touching bits and a weirdly tender look at who Xehanort really is. Some plot threads are left open for the next era but this core clump is successfully put to bed with heart and class.

    So what about that supposed “too easy” difficulty? This is much easier than its predecessors but it is not too easy. I actually read one review, written by possibly the worst game reviewer I’ve ever seen, where he claims that seeing his first game-over screen at the ten-hour mark was proof of the adventure lacking challenge. If you saw a game-over screen then there’s clearly some challenge. And what sort of ninny falls that early in the game? This altered difficulty helps the game a ton quite frankly as there are still some small moments of bullshit but players are given enough wiggle room to power through should they suck at whatever novelty has been thrown their way. Honestly the final three bossess are pretty mean too.

    I’ve spent some time looking into the negative response from some gamers and yea… they’re full of shit. There’s accusations of it not having enough content which clearly isn’t real. There’s the aforementioned difficulty debate which is BS. Then there’s the weird conspiracy theorist types who seem offended by Disney stuff which begs the question of why the fuck they’re playing these games to begin with. Without a doubt this is one of the best experiences on the recent generation of consoles and if you try and tell me it’s bad I can only assume you’re a liar, spoiled child, moron or a little of each.

    KH III was more than worth the wait. I watched the final credits, after scenes, and secret ending with a full sense of accomplishment and emotional trauma. I can’t wait to see where the series goes from here which means I’m in luck since I still have to play through Melody of Memory. I’ll report back on that one and some other thoughts on the franchise in a later post. As for tonight I need a walk and some Ultraman Taro. Have a wonderful weekend everyone.

The ABCs of Horror: The Letter A.

 

Anytime you end up with a massive collection of something there’s a weird challenge in figuring out how to talk about it. Consider my horror movie collection, over 1200 titles as of this writing, and that’s to say nothing of the ones I still hope to own and the infinite sea of flicks I’ve just watched. Outside of very specific events like holidays or recent pleasant surprises it can be tough to narrow down a single topic. While sitting in the office, aka the bathroom, a totally arbitrary yet nifty concept floated into my head, let’s just talk about the collection one letter at a time. This opens the door for sharing favorite and shameful pieces of the collection along with some personal anecdotes and hidden gems. Let’s get started the letter A which denotes everything from haunted dolls to space bugs. It’s kinda odd that this letter is actually a fairly small chunk of the collection with B being roughly twice the size, and that being dwarfed by the likes of N or S. On the plus side that means there isn’t as much god-awful junk filling up the shelves and cubbies under this heading.

Best

I suppose it only makes sense to kick off with one of the most likely series to come to mind, Aliens. That’s no surprise really since the franchise is such a crucial part of horror fandom, film culture, just basic nerdom really. Everybody likes at least a couple of entries regardless of the rougher later installments like Prometheus. For my sake I believe my introduction to the series came from Fox 17 outta Grand Rapids. Back in the day that channel had some of the best programming directors in the business which makes their current line-up all the more depressing. Who the fuck needs 5 hours of morning news? Awesome movies airing at like two in the morning on a weeknight wasn’t unheard of and, along with weekend afternoon flicks, helped to build my early film loving brain. Since I’m getting way off track the point is I loved and still do love Aliens. I bought the toys, played video games, and honestly think the third entry is my personal favorite of the bunch.

So great was m fandom during the 1990s that it even became part of our holidays celebrations. Thanksgiving 1997 was an odd one to say the least. I was 12 at the time and went with my parents to visit my brother at his army post in upstate New York. It was the sort of turkey day with a buffet served by a hotel and mountainous quantities of snow. Being a holiday weekend there were some big new movies out there like cough, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Or if you’re like my brood you sat down to digest pounds of gravy to the brown slimy antics of Alien Resurrection. In fact that may be the only movie I’ve ever watched outside of my home state. And yeah, I don’t care what you say, the movies a blast and I adore the newborn.

I’ve mentioned Amityville 2 more than a few times on this site as the meanest, scariest entry in the series. Really there’s not much to say about it except I realize I’ve yet to complete the Amityville retrospective. There’s like half an article just sitting somewhere on this PC. Consider this a reminder for me to finish and you to watch this second movie.

Arachnophobia was, for a time at least, one of my absolute favorite films of all time. Of course I was like 8 at the time and a lifetime of movie viewing has set it back quite a few spaces. Even so this killer spider flick probably held more sway over my developing brain than it should have. I already feared spiders so this just cemented that instinct even further. Likewise I took inspiration from the characters and that epic basement battle scene and turned my distaste for creepy crawlies into an all-out campaign against any arachnid foolish enough to set foot on our property.

Altered States is one of those movies where just the VHS case alone used to make me uneasy. Don’t think I even had a clue what it was about back then but I new it was supposed to be gross and it had that freaky cover. Once I finally sat down as an adult to brave the thing boy did I ever fall in love. Equal parts creepy and deep with an almost Lovecraftian outlook on the uncaring nature of existence. There’s just so much to like about it that I never want to spoil for you all. Seriously go track ti down.

Can’t forget a little international fare so let’s talk about Audition. I can never recall the name of this one movie review website in the early 2000s that did so much to bring a lot of awesome movies into my life with their recommendations. This place had me giddy for stuff like Donnie Darko and Lost Skeleton of Cadavra long before other folks even knew what they were. Audition was among those titles and just like them didn’t fail to live up to the hype. What made it better was the surprise of getting so much more than just a hyper violent thriller as this is also a great drama. It marked my first Miike movie and is one I really don’t revisit often enough.

There’s a few essential horror tales that aren’t necessarily that well known. Altered is an outstanding flip on alien abductions by having hicks abduct a spaceman, a very angry one at that. It’s been left to languagish on out-of-print DVD but I think it can still be gotten fairly cheap so go buy a copy. Alice Sweet Alice is one of those step up titles, not known to the average Sick and Jane but automatically a must watch for declared horror fans. Really excellent proto-slasher with plenty of criticism for religious dogma. Audrey Rose is just something I hold in high regard. Part of the wave of 1970s reincarnation stories that originated as a novel by Frank De Felitta before Richard Donner trimmed to work as a two-hour film. There’s some definite rough patches like repetitive dialogue and a child actor who isn’t quite up to the challenge of this role but the unique storytelling and performance from Anthony Hopkins make it all worthwhile. Oh god, how could I forget Alligator, one of the most well-written giant animal movies and one that’s criminally difficult to get these days. And even though it’s plenty well known I’d be remiss to cover the letter A and leave out Army of Darkness.

Worst

Of the bead flicks I’ve got in this section many are innocuous, easily forgettable tripe. Most of the “bad” stuff hails from ole black and white public domain fair that maintains at least a slim level of entertainment value like Attack of the Giant Leaches or The Ape. Probably the only one that really busts my balls is An American Werewolf in Paris. While not a massive fan of the original London outing I couldn’t resist the urge to buy this used Blockbuster copy of the sequel to have the full story. Nothing could have prepared me for this obnoxious half-baked rom-com sequel that’s so bad it’s hard to believe it’s actually real. Even the timeline of the film is off with the girl being way too old for when she was born.

Ya know how I mentioned the Aliens series had a few rough patches well we might as well talk about Aliens vs Predator: Requiem. While the first AVP gets a lot of flack it at least manages to be entertaining by condensing so much of the two franchises into one quick dose, almost like one of those pill meals we’re meant to have in some distant future. This second match-up is closer to a Critters sequel only not good. From lousy characters to abysmal lighting and an almost carbon copy ending of the second Resident Evil movie, weird considering Paul W. S. Anderson made the previous AVP. This thing is straight trash that somehow makes an alien/predator hybrid comes across as lame.

Wild.

If you’re somehow not tired of seeing the word alien in this artivle , guess what, I’ve got another in the form of the clumsily titled Alien Predators. Actually it’s got like half-a-dozen other titles but that’s the one you’ll find on the blu-ray. I first saw AP on THIS, a broadcast movie network that has sadly dissipated from my area. By all metrics of film production this is bad stuff but it’s the fun kind of bad stuff with weird dialogue and gross-out effects. The whole thing involves a trio of horny teenagers on an RV trip through Spain that come across village overrun with parasitic space monsters. Not only does that keep the budget trim but it lends a sort of zombie vibe to everything.

The Abominable Dr. Phibes is the first of two colorful and wild Vincent Price outings from American International Pictures. Each of them are a bit weird to get into with most of price’s dialogue being piped-in monologues along with robot band musical accompaniments though once you submit to the sarcastic cartoon aesthetic it’s quite a lot of fun. Thankfully both movies perfectly walk the line of being over-the-top while still being well-done and yet silly enough to still poke fun at.

The Alien Factor (thought I was done with aliens did ya?) marked my first ever exposure to the works of Don Dohler and man was I ever hooked. None of his films can ever be accused of being quality work thanks to all the hallmarks of piss-poor film-making. Lousy acting, tacky effects, bare-bones plots, slapdash editing, everything’s accounted for. Yet there’s this energy and sincerity that permeates Dohler’s work much like some kids backyard super 8 movie. Guy wasn’t out to change the world or spread a message. He just wanted to make some monster movies.

There are a few more oddballs floating around this section like American Gothic which was one of those videos you remember seeing at the store and wanted to see simply because of the cover. Then you grow up to find a funny thriller with some wild death scenes and all is right with the world. The Ambulance is a highlight of the back end of Larry Cohen’s career with a comic book writer played by Eric Roberts trying to reclaim his dreamgirl from an old ambulance that is snatching people off the street. Very dated with an exaggerated early-nineties style and some neat glimpses at Marvel Comics during the era with Stan Lee appearing as himself.

Alright, so there was a tour of the Letter A sans a few items. Admittedly I’m stretched for ideas at the moment with starting the new job and someone having the boneheaded idea to add another pet to the house (cause who doesn’t love more chores?). Oh and did I forget to mention I rescued my cat from the roof last night? Indulging in this trip down memory lane does have some piratical value in reminding me where everything is and why I collect all these things. Hopefully you enjoyed it and we can make latter letter recaps even better. Right now I either need a nap, some caffeine, or both. 

Ultraman Ace Series Review

 

    Out of all the major tokusatsu hero franchises I’d say my best overall experience has been with the Ultra shows. Of course there have been some wretched episodes along with some questionable plotlines but the shows always managed to provide enough fun, depth, and outright weirdness to make it all worthwhile. Still; every series has to trip up every once s often and that’s where Ultraman Ace comes in. Here we have a show that starts off trying to differentiate itself from what came before only to stumble, puss out, and finally put up it’s hands and declare ‘that’s all I’ve got.” As with previous shows I’ve spent the past few months making my way through this one and am ready to share the highs and lows with all of you.

    On the surface, Ultraman Ace has largely the same set-up as any other Ultra show. Giant monsters are a frequent problem. During a monster attack someone proves themselves to be heroic at cost to their own health and is subsequently resurrected by an Ultra brother who then helps protect planet Earth. There are a few added wrinkles this time around such as a recurring villain and two hosts for this ultra dude. In case you’re scared of change there’s still a generic monster fighting task force and plenty of weekly standalone mysteries to offer comfort.

    As mentioned there’s a new twist to the franchise with a duo of hosts for Ace. Indeed it takes both a man and woman coming together for Ace to enter battle. Some folks say there are hints of this duel nature in the character design but other than the red bra across the chest I’m stomped. Supposedly this concept didn’t fly all that well with some of the viewing audience and in practice it adds a few unneeded complications as the pair always need to be in contact to summon their Ultra counterpart. Furthering the weirdness are hints of a possible romantic connection between the two. There isn’t much to either of them really. Hokuto is a pretty standard Ultra guy with the only discernible difference being that he’s a bit more upbeat than heroes like Dan and Go. For her part Minami is a very underdeveloped character, she’s a female hero and that’s about it. For better or worse the pairing doesn’t last with Minami leaving the show a little past the halfway point in a manner that could easily be compared to Poochey.

    As for the rest of this years mystery squad, TAC (Terrible-Monster Attack Crew) there’s the usual mix of personalities and gender percentages. The most notable support character is Commander Ryu. He’s that classic mix of hard-ass and father-figure though I’d say he feels more traditional than past leaders. Second up is Yamanaka as the groups heavy. He’s an expert marksman with a tough attitude who’s always ready to call out his co-workers for getting slack or going soft. Konno is the sorta comic-relief chubby guy strongman. Mikawa is the other girl of the team who’s more outright feminine and gets a bit more time in the spotlight once Minami takes off. Yoshimura is the young guy… that’s basically all there is to him. On occasion the writers try to make him more scientifically minded but it’s so inconsistent that it doesn’t stick. Speaking of science, the team has an R&D member named Kaji who just up and vanishes somewhere around episode thirty.

    One factor that really starts to irritate as the series stretches on is how skeptical the whole TAC team is about everything. Week after week people report monsters and teammates offer theories only to be shot down with accusations like drinking, hallucinations, or simply being horny. A whole village might report a monster attack and be accused of being bumpkins for their trouble. This happens in other Ultra shows yet it’s ampped up so much in this one that it makes our supposed heroes come across as lazy assholes. I noticed a change in this during the later episodes as if some of the writers realized how much they’d been using this as a crutch for cheap writing.

    For the first time within the franchise there is a main villain in the form of interdimensional invaders called Yapool. They come up lacking in the motivation department with the straightforward intent of conquering other dimensions just for the sake of evil. What they lack in personality is offset by how a continued threat plays off of the usual case of the week structure. It works out best when TAC is dealing with an unrelated issues like aliens only to have Yapool throw themselves into the mix.

    After the Yapool conflict is wrapped up and Minami leaves the show restructures into something closer to the back end of Return of Ultraman. We see more of Hokuto’s home life as he befriends a neighboring brother sister pair the latter of which, Dan, becomes way too big of a character for his own good. This franchise has already had plenty of loud, ugly kids and it wasn’t in need of another. I guess someone in charge must’ve felt the same way since these siblings go M.I.A. during the final stretch. That doesn’t stop us from a long string of adventures where Hokuto bonds with various children however. One very odd aspect of this shift in focus is the continued naming convention of Terrible-Monsters. Early on it is established that there are varying threats out there be it aliens, regular old monsters, or giant critters augmented by Yapool called Terrible-Monsters. Once Yapool is mostly defeated it would stand to reason that the majority of foes would then fall in the first two camps but the show just keeps calling em Terrible-Monsters. It’s the damnedest thing.

    It strikes me that I totally forget to address another feature of this show, a larger interest in cameos and interactions with past heroes. Doubling-down on the connective tissue introduced during Return of Ultraman, Ace frequently gets his butt bailed out by the likes of Zoffy, Seven, or the newly introduced Father or Ultra. If you’re really into that aspect of the franchise then I suppose this is a cool treat. The flip-side is how it makes Ace look like a total wuss who needs his family to fight battles for him.

    I’ve been impressed across the ultra franchise with how each series tends to find a good stride and unique personality along the way. Q had the whole Outer Limits vibe, Ultraman was fun sci-fi, Ultraseven took a more serious approach, and Return upped the threat level and action. Ace never manages to pull that off though and it’s too cowardly to stick to the unique concepts it started with. The result is something generic that is a step-down from its predecessors. The characters aren’t as rich, the writing not as fluid, the fights not as thrilling, etc. Maybe it was that the crew was starting to get worn out or that some of the trump-card writers and directors like Jissoji and Toji were busy elsewhere, but there aren’t as many highlights to be found making this show more fit for the hardcore fans. It’s just not a great show which is only further compounded as it losses steam and reaches a lousy ending.

    Even with all its problems, Ace still has a few genuinely good episodes worthy of viewing. There aren’t as many to chose from as there was with previous shows and even the best of these come up short of the best from other series. Each makes for some fun Friday night entertainment though. I did want to make a special mention of episode 35 which I’ve seen other reviewers bash for being terrible but man did it ever earn some good giggles from this guy. In short it’s about bed-wetting. I watched the same night as Zack Synder’s Justice League and is was so refreshingly bonkers and unpretentious that it totally made up for the previous four hours of nonsense.

That lovely mural is nearing completion.

Episode 34: a terrible-monster dances on a rainbow over the sea

    One of the better, if not the best, examples from the Hokuto befriends kids section of the series manages to throw some decent drama into the mix. To be honest I barely remember the monster portion of this one but the human element concerns a kid who obsessively collects special sea-shells. His dad did out at sea but the kids older sister didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Instead she gave him so BS about how dad will come home once he collects so many rare shells. Hokuto makes it his duty to get this kid living and socializing again. It’s melodramatic for sure but good fun all the same.

Episode 7: monster vs terrible-monster vs alien

    Early on the tone of Ace is a bit more adult than what it becomes after a few revisions and nowhere is that more evident than this Yamanaka focuses tale. As the title suggest there are multiple problems for TAC to deal with, one of the neat advantages of recurring villains, and Yamanka’s lady gets caught in the crossfire. Not an amazing outing but a solid example of what the show could have done had it stuck to its original structure.

Episode 38: Resurrection! Father of Ultra!

    Seeing as the Ultra franchise is a Japanese thing it’s understandable that episodes dedicated to holidays we westerners love are somewhat rare. Occasionally these toku franchises will dive into a Halloween or Christmas outing but it’s not quite the same and doesn’t always scratch that seasonal itch. This Christmas episode however is one of the nuttiest damn holidays specials I’ve seen in quite some time and I own Christmas specials featuring ass massage techniques.

    Hokuto accompanies his neighbors to visit an orphanage run by their dear friend. The plan is to give the wee kids a great time with gifts, a play, fake snowmen, you name it. Suddenly a bizarre winter storm breaks out with lightning that causes blindness and bleeding from the eyes. Some weirdo has summoned an evil spirit to punish people for celebrating this devilish western holiday, oh and Santa shows up too. To say things get out of hand is an understatement. And while the kids can get downright annoying this is a major treat for anyone who craves giant monster fights and ocular trauma as part of their yule tide celebrations.

Episode 23: Zoffy Appears, Game Changer

    Despite what the title says this one has very little to do with Zoffy as it basically marks the end of the Yapool plotline. Granted they carry on a little further and make some occasional appearances but this is roughly the cut-off point. Our baddies sure know who to make an exit though with a great big scheme and a freaky psychedelic fight against Ace.

    The story begins with some odd priest who travels Japan as something of a pied piper. He encourages kids to dance and sing some crazy shit only to whisk them away from our reality. Yapool has figured out that there’s no need to conquer humanity if they simply make sure there’s no future generations to deal with. By snatching all the kids they hope to ensure a slow extinction for the human race. Naturally Ace has to brave a trip to alternate dimensions in order to safeguard the future of Earth.

    Ace is often at its best when it goes outright nuts and there’s enough crazy to make this one sing along with some more dramatic moments for added depth. Everything about it from cinematography to editing is just a bit more refined making for an excellent episode.

Episode 17: Summer Horror Story: The Demon Woman of Hotarugawara

    I neglected to point out during past reviews the commencement of seasonal horror story sections which, I believe, started with Return of Ultraman. The basic idea is that come summer, winter, or both there will be a three or four week sequence of spooky tales. That is in theory however as two of Ace’s summer scares simply have a larger amount of supernatural tomfoolery about them than the average adventure. That meekness goes out the door with this one which is pure old-fashioned Japanese horror.

    The episode kicks off in attention-grabbing fashion by having people seemingly devoured by fireflies right down to the bone. One nighttime car crash after another with the skeletal aftermath looking something like that old don’t drink and drive PSA. This particular stretch of road is important to TAC as they plan on having a nifty new weapon transported through there. It’s up to the whole team to figure out what’s up and who the spooky lady in the mask is.

    A very rare Minami focused story sees her befriending a wheelchair-bound girl who may be the only potential witness to these strange events. This gives us a great insight into her personality, her methods, plus it feels so classic to have a horror tale from a female point of view. Offering great atmosphere, some much needed attention for Minami, and a unique monster this one is just a damn good time.

    Clearly Ace doesn’t inspire the same level of admiration as its brethren but it made for decent enough viewing to ease through these previous months of continuing semi-lockdown. And it hasn’t lessened the hold this franchise has over the household since I’ll be kicking of Ultraman Taro come this Friday. Expect a write-up on that one in the summertime. In the meantime I’ve got another work week ahead of me so I’d best enjoy what free time there is and see you all back here this weekend or so.

Snack Report: April 2021

 

    Hippity Hoppity, Easter came and went. Honestly the holiday barely registered this year with the past week having far more notable developments that have led to half-a-dozen rewrites of this intro. We put down a very old and sickly dog, no need for condolences as it was more than time to send him on. Plus on my personal front I managed to get my first Maderna shot and start a new job in, looks at watch, like sixteen hours. Even so any man with a love for ridiculous food appreciates the wave ff candy and promise of pig portions that pervade early Spring. And since food is such a part of this supposedly holy time why not dive into a brand new snack report? Full disclosure; there’s very little in the way of actual holiday stuff so much as it’s new Spring crap along with a few stragglers.

Dunkin Donut Mocha Latte Cereal

    The line-up of Dunkin Donuts cereals came out many months ago and I’ve had ample opportunity to bring them all home. Timing was always an issue however as it’s tough to rationalize buying these when my cart already 2 or 3 other limited cereals. At last the star aligned and I finally brought some home resulting in the discovery of one of the most pleasant surprises in the cereal aisle. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves though.

    I often complain about the tendency for ceral packaging to be clean, blind, and pretty much lifeless. Whoever designed the packaging for these Dunkin cereals found a way to turn that clean ultra-modern aesthetic into a plus. Not only do the fronts look somewhat like a coffee bag but these might have the best side-art I’ve ever seen an a breakfast item.

    Cracking it open unleashes a very strong scent, you can smell a bowl from across a room. It’s very mocha-ish with a hint of chocolate and by god is that ever a great set-up for the flavor. So many companies have failed at coffee themed cereals but this has enough sweetness and chocolaty undertones with a great texture that it feels like an improvement on Cocoa-Puffs. It looks good, smells strong, and tastes great. Awesome cereal worthy of at least a 4.5 out of 5.

Dunkin Donuts Caramel Machiatto Ceral

    It’s a sad truth for us some of us to deal with but, to my knowledge at least, there has never been a truly awesome caramel cereal. This other Dunkin cereal is indeed fighting that uphill battle yet fails to accomplish as much as its sibling. I’m gonna cut to the chase and say it’s not a horrible cereal just a very troubled one.

    On the plus side this shares many of the same qualities as the Mocha version from good packaging to decent texture. The problem is solely in the flavor department where by taking the machiato approach everything from scent to taste all has this weird burnt tinge to it. It’s like someone overcooked your cereal which is such a weird thing to experience. I’ve still been able to take on a few bowls thanks to the general quality of this brand but I won’t be returning to this one again as it just isn’t good enough. Maybe a 2.5 outta 5.

Krave Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Cereal

    Holy shit this stuff is awesome. Oh wait, spoiler alert! Holy Shit this stuff is awesome. Let’s be honest here. Krave is probably the best product line to hit the breakfast aisle in the last decade, stuff’s pretty much bachelor chow made real. This newest limited edition flavor is modeled on chocolate chip cookie dough and man does it ever fill a hole.

    Us oldies routinely whine about the days when Cookie Crisp was actually good. It’s tough to pinpoint whether that was ever really the case or if everyone of a certain age simply has some massive nostalgia goggles going on. For me though this version of Krave reminds me of what I thought Cookie Crisp was like and for that it earns a perfect 5 out of 5.

Pillsbury Peaches and Cream Cinnamon Rolls

    A returning item from last spring, where it was lost in the haze of early pandemic shopping, is here to try and gain an audience. Can’t tell ya how stoked I was for these things. Peaches and Blueberries are my absolute downfall when it comes to fruit flavors so combining just one of them with sweat baked goods was bound to get me revved up.

    First off the presentation is pretty solid. The package is undeniably springy though I wish the peach flavored cream was just a bit more obnoxiously colored. Taste wise these are just ok. There’s an underlining peach element, no doubt about it, but there’s just not enough to truly make it pop. This is only further compounded when you consider that Pilsbury is often just across the store from far better cinnamon rolls. Not bad but a little disappointing. Let’s say a 3 out of 5 for effort.

Peeps Cereal

    While nowhere near a new item Peeps cereal has managed to elude me for the past couple years. In 2019 it vanished from local shelves in like a day while early 2020 provided little chance for proper snack hunting. After all this time there was nothing even close to expectations since I was just relieved to finally plop a box into my cart.

    I’m aware there’s a large contingent of folks who hate Peeps marshmallows. I call these people sad lonely husks and maybe you’re one of them. The good news for you is that this cereal is hardly an accurate translation of the candy you hate so much. You might think that would piss me off but for what it lacks in proper Peep flavor it makes up for by tasting like a very good vanilla cake. There’s just something about whatever grain mixture they use that when combined with marshmallow flavor that adds up to cake. The only thing close to normal Peeps is the aftertaste though even that isn’t all that powerful. It may be mismarketed but it’s a decent cereal. Gonna be a bit generous and say 3 ¼ outta 5.

Rise Strawberry Melon Energy

    For well over a decade Mtn Dew has had, let’s not say a problem, but at least an obsession with the energy drink market. At the same time so few of their attempts make much of an impression on me since it’s almost an inevitability that Monster or Rockstar will have something better on hand. You gotta admire their persistence though cause Dew is back at it with their new line of Rise energy drinks. There’s currently five or six flavors out there but I opted to start with Strawberry Melon as melons are a sadly overlooked flavor in American sodas.

    Gotta give Dew some points for the packaging. Dunno what the fruity colored Lion King emblem is all about but it’s noticeable from afar and the colors are eye-catching. Both the smell and taste seemed remarkably lite. That’s because I didn’t know they were aiming for the low-sugar energy market with a whole can containing just 4 grams of sugar. This exact flavor however comes up middle of the road since there’s not enough of any one thing to really make it unique. It’s clean enough, doesn’t cause a sugar crash, just doesn’t have enough flavor or refreshing quality to stay with you. I’m giving this one a 2.5 out of 5 with a note that other flavors could obviously fare better.

Moa Burger Pringles

    If there’s one thing I’ve actually loved about the past year it’s the awkwardness of poorly timed tie-in products. Remember way back in May when Wonder Woman was all-over bags of Dorittos? This newest wrinkle in time was meant to launch with the newest Halo game only it, like so many Xbox games, only exists in theory. OK I’m being cute but still it’s weird to see Halo chips when there hasn’t been a new game in how long? Plus the Moa Burger is a deep-enough cut that I’d completely lapsed on it. Even with such temporal tomfoolery the most interesting thing about this is the convoluted concept of taking a fictional burger and translating it into a real chip.

    Before we talk about the flavor I’ve gotta get after the Pringles packaging department for just a moment. While they did include the Halo logo and pictures of the Emu-like Moa the packaging is nowhere near sci-fi enough. The result is far too many people thinking this is a legitimate food item and asking what the fuck a Moa burger is, prompting me to explain a pop-cultural reference I barely understand to begin with.

    So how do they taste though? Peppery, very peppery. Sorta makes me think of what would happen if you topped an ostrich burger with spicy guacamole. I think Pringles made a mistake by making these ruffled however since they’re a bit too dry. Their regular approach would leave some more grease that would probably give this a nice summertime grill flavor. Not sure wat to give em as they’re somewhere between 2.5 and 3 out of five depending on your personal love for pepper heavy chips.

Kool-aid Topical Punch Cotton Candy

    No idea how long Kool-aid has had their own cotton candy but I found this bag among an assortment of dollar store Easter goodies and man what a pick up. Think of the best cotton candy you’ve had, roll it around in Kool-aid powder, and ta-da! Instant magic. As a lifelong cotton candy maniac the only thing that bothers me about this stuff is that there’s apparently only this tropical punch flavor. Just imagine how well this could work combined with the likes of Sharkleberry Fin!

    Already over the moon for this fluffy cloud of diabetes I found another reason to marvel when returning days later for another handful. Unlike most cotton candy this had neither shrunk down nor crystallized. It was just as fresh as was upon first opening the bag. Continuing to scarf down the sugary fluff I wonder who could possibly be responsible for such a majestic creation. While the item is credited to Hilco and Candyriffic, the same groups responsible for Kool-aid popping candy but the real thing to note is this is made in Mexico. Dunno what you guys are doing south of the boarder but keep it up. 4.5 out of 5.

Reese’s Marshmallow Top Peanut Butter Cups

    Always reliable for something festive, Reese’s decided to launch a whole new variety this Easter that brought the wonders of marshmallows to the mix. Seeing as this is normal a great combo what could possibly go wrong? Well the problem is the “marshmallow top” tastes more like white fudge or the stuff used on yogurt pretzels more than it does Marshmallows. That total disconnect between concept and execution leads to a candy that’s ok-ish but pales in comparison to even it’s basic brethren. Reese’s failed us this time guy but it’s still alright tasting so it at least deserves a 2.5 out of 5.

    Oh my god I finally finished this post. This has been one of the most notable and strange weeks in recent memory and now I’m looking at the prospect of actual work again. Granted it’s very much part time so I should be able to stay true to my goals for the blog this year. If you’ll allow me to forgo a spiffy outro then I’d much prefer to get this edited, posted, all to make room for what comes next.