Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Cold as Ice

Quite a few things have happened folks. I originally intended to have something up over the weekend, but a combination of crazy weather and over 30 hours without power put that on hold. Believe it or not, the whole endeavor has left me with vast amounts of Christmas spirit! Let's note that I'm starting this on Monday Night but as the internet is M.I.A. At the moment so who knows when this will actually get posted.
First let's touch on Friday Shall we? I started the day with a slight wrap up of seasonal work-to be renewed in early January-where I delivered my first gifts of the season. It was rainy out; the snow melting to provide thick puddles along the roads. The day would have gone down as fairly uneventful if not for the first of many quests. That night I went out on a four mile walk to return/rent movies, wrap up some banking, things of that nature. It was a thoroughly invigorating-if a bit soggy-affair that jacked my holiday spirit up to full. The only downside of the trek was on my return home I hit a soiled spot of ice that left me with the choice of of potentially falling on my back or diving sideways into a large pile of quickly freezing snow. I chose the snow, causing the entire left leg of my pants to be soaked. Still; a solid adventure all around.
Saturday stepped things up a bit more with an ice storm to coat every tree branch and power line in a thick crust of frozen horror. This made for a great excuse to stay in and watch things like “Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2” and fellow Christmas fright flicks. One can stay glued to the teli for only so long however, so my brother-in-law & I ventured out into the icy town at 3 AM. The neighborhoods were a strange patchwork of bits that had power and those that lacked. Most of the houses were fine, but a great deal of the street lights had gone dark. The best part was the occasional multicolored flash from various transistors or power lines that where blowing out. In a strange piece of serendipity the last song on the radio before reaching home was “Cold as Ice” by foreigner. We kept our power that night, which allowed us to revel in more horror movies and gingerbread M&M's.

I wasn't awake long on Sunday before the aftereffects of the ice storm took out our power. This made for one boring ass day until I decided to venture out to deliver presents to some friends. This truly ranked as one of my all-time greatest walks. There wasn't a light to be seen though the snow provided a blue glow which allowed me see as far as the eye would allow. The few people I encountered along the way were all extra friendly and the sights will remain in my mind for some time to come. The camera on my phone wouldn't pick up much, though it was able to take shots downtown where one side of the street still had some power.

After visiting with friends and doing the Santa bit I ended up back home to whittle away some hours with an extended game of Lords of Waterdeep. Board games really do come in in handy during a blackout, though I must say it adds an extra layer of difficulty when trying to see what's going on when all you have are candles and flashlights to work with.
I slept for an extended period of time on Monday morning. Waking only so a few of us could venture into Lansing for the promise of some electricity and warm food. The main strip of West Lansing was only partially operational. The mall was open, but many of the lights were turned off and very few stores even tried to play music. I found it rather pathetic that stores with practical entertainment like books and tabletop games weren't making a major push to get people to buy.
Eventually hunger took hold as the driving force of our trip. We decided to see if the nearest Denny's had power. Indeed it was a veritable temple of light. As we walked up the the entryway we were greeted by multiple signs claiming they were closed due to having no power. We walked inside-yes, the doors were unlocked-to surround ourselves with the glow of electricity. We could hear someone working in the kitchen and even asked for them, receiving only silence in response. We abandoned that sad scene in favor of the nearby Steak 'n Shake. You might not think much of the place but after spending over a day living off of the remaining snacks in the cupboard........let's just say the meal was almost a religious experience.

Power returned late Monday night which allowed us to spend our Tuesday cleaning the house up and stocking up for a well deserved holiday feast. Christmas day is here at last and boy do I ever appreciate it this year. After facing the threat of a holiday without light or heat I can't wait to make my eggnog, tear open some presents and lay back to watch the Santa's Slay and the Alastair Sim Christmas Carol.
I must be going now folks. I wish you all the merriest Christmas there is, along with all the other celebrations. Have a great time. That's an order.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Oh Shrimpy Tree.

Today I had a thought that if I had repeated interactions with a female fox I would name her Vivica. That way I could point and tell people “that's Vivica. a fox.” This is how my brain functions before coffee. Now that you're trying to shake off that pun, let's talk about my Christmas tree.
It's not the worst tree around but it's one of those trees with just the right measurements to insure that two strands of anything will not cover the whole thing but three will go way too far. The whole thing would take almost zero effort to put up if I didn't have to spend a good 20 minutes pulling lights tighter to make them reach the nearest plug or zig-zaging pearls back and fourth through the whole display like some demented patchwork. Still; it does the job of filling the livingchen area with an aura of holiday cheer. More so it leaves a surprisingly large space for presents. 

Must admit to never meeting anyone as bad at wrapping gifts as I am. So far I'm the only one in the house to place anything beneath the tree. This means there are somewhat passable looking presents with about half a roll of scotch tape stuck to them standing next to mounds of colorful paper folds barely identifiable as anything close to a gift. As proof, lock at that monstrosity on the far right. My sister has the honor of tangling with that beast.

We have more than enough ornaments to switch in and out each year but I prefer to work with a limited batch of personal favorites, mainly consisting of the kiddy car Hallmark series. These where my first introduction to the kiddy car as a child and I immediately stopped being jealous of those with power wheels as I knew those where for babies, but kiddy cars are for men. As they were a yearly childhood fling, the only ones we have are those we were lucky enough to find on clearance. This means that one day I must search through page after page of ebay to hunt down the many leftovers that escaped my grasp years ago.
That festive mutated starfish is actually our tree topper. When this particular tree was bought a few years ago we encountered a problem. One of our toppers is a lighted star that blinds anyone within spitting distance. On a taller tree it's not so bad, but on this tiny thing it renders the living room uninhabitable. Our other topper is some creepy ass animatronic angel that exists only to spread nightmares, Bless Cthulhu this tree isn't strong enough to support the angel's weight, keeping it in a long deserved retirement.

On Friday I got to rummage through Wally World for holiday treats, Now my cupboard smells like artificial sugar cookies. Yes folks, Sugar Cookie Jet Puffed Marshmallows exist, and lordy do they stink! Frankly they don't taste much better. There's a split second where you can taste something that might be good. However; that bit of happiness is wedged between layers ranging from dull to downright vile. Completely worth the two bucks to buy them just so you can trick others into eating em. That is of course, if you consider torturing people with candy to be a worthwhile endeavor...and you should.
I'm gonna go looking for Vivica.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Back to Work!

Hello all. Been a while hasn't it? Now that the blink and you'll miss it antics of November are over, making way for the bright lights and good times of Xmas, it's time to start treating this site right. This month is hopefully going to mark a big turning point in this little blog's life, so I would be honored if you'll come along for the ride. Still, ya gotta start small so here's a grab bag of stuff.

First order of business is the big project I've mumbled about in past posts. It got delayed a little. The plan is to get it up and running around Friday the 13th or so. As the Japanese would say “please look forward to it.” What's that? You say you won't look forward to it? Well horse pucky I say! Trust me to know what's good for you and get excited!

As you can tell by the photo up top, I've begun the Christmas decorating. I'd been hoping to show up my neighbors this year with a grand display but lo unto me, my whole area's caught quite the festive bug which has lead to a hefty dose of lights. Subsequently I've been using the LED lights that project little boobs everywhere to make a bigger impression. Sadly, my supply has quickly dwindled down to almost nothing. Simply put, I need to up my game in a big way. Anyone out there have some suggestions for something more unique than simply wrapping trees and porch railings? Lemme know.

Some super quick movie reviews:
Man of Steel: Boring, shiny, downright pointless. Watch the old Richard Donner/Christopher Reeve flick and have a much better time.
The World's End: Awesome good time. Didn't like it as much as Hot Fuzz, would rank it higher than Shaun of the Dead. Go out and get it!!
Cellar Dweller: Think of a lackluster Tales from the Darkside episode stretched out to 76 minutes. Don't Bother.
Birdemic 2: The Resurrection: Haven't laughed this hard in ages. Fantastically stupid & cheap. Any lover of garbage cinema needs to get on this thing ASAP.

Did anyone else notice that Black Friday/Cyber Monday was kind lame this year? I almost walked away from the entire sale weekend empty handed if not for my local Meijer having leftovers from the bluray sale. For starters, I nabbed Licence to Kill for all of four bucks. Believe it or not I'd never seen this particular Bond entry in full which has bugged me for a while as The Living Daylights is my favorite Bond Movie. I didn't say the best one mind you, just my personal fave. Licence doesn't quite match up to the standards of its predecessor but I'm more than happy to finally happy to own the complete Dalton era. The More impressive deal however was finding a bluray of Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder for $1.88. it has officially overtaken Megashark vs. Giant Octopus as my cheapest blu.

Alright. It's time to get back to working on my books. I'll aim to be back soon to start Christmas coverage before moving on to the big project. Peace out!

Monday, November 18, 2013

Oh Joy! New Goodies!

Sooner than expected, the great house retooling of 2013 has ended. At last I can place tea light turkeys wherever I please without fear of reprisal. This week also marked the first notable snowfall of the season, which not only melted but was replaced by one hell of a wind storm. Those events would mark this week as notable no matter what else occurred yet I was still lucky enough to get in some new foodstuffs.


White Chocolate Pringles
This little freak show evaded me last year. It's luck ran out tonight though as it sat in a wally world aisle next to the cinnamon sugar variety (not bad) and the pecan pie kind (oh god no! Kill it with fire!). I figured these would be horrible and as fate would have it, I was proven both right and wrong. When you first pop one of these in your mouth it is disgusting, but then it mellows out a little, then it gets kinda tasty. Plus; the more of them you eat, the more that effect increases. I have no idea how to rate/rank something like this so I asked around, and on a scale of one to ten my sister rated them as banana.

Monster Ultra Red Energy Drink
I'm an open lover of energy drinks. I will (and frequently do) try as many varieties as I can lay my mangy paws on, with the exception of any hazelnut coffee entries('s a long story). The low cal/carb versions don't tend to fare very well but I give em a chance at least. This one did not live up to that it's potential quite frankly. Honestly the regular monster ultra is halfway decent. Ultra Red however, is another story. There's nothing altogether too rotten about it, so much as it's just horribly lame. Ya know how stuff from taco bell tastes like beige and brown in a good way? Well this just tastes like low cal red coloring. If that sounds like something you'd be interested in then go right ahead, but those who like some flavor with their gank sauce are best off avoiding this one.

Candy Cane Milano Cookies
For as confusing as the Pringles might be, this was just pure joy. I love mint chocolate anyway and these are just so clean and fresh tasting. They go great with coffee as well which is always a major bonus for me. If you get the chance, you'd do well to pick up a package.

Sweet Lemonade Peeps
My mother found these at a Shell station and knowing what a massive peeps lover I am, picked up a package for me. Oddly enough you only get two peeps for more than it usually costs to get a full pack of the regular ones. The whole thing is a tie-in for some childhood cancer foundation that I'd never heard of before which means that proceeds from these things at least go towards a good cause. Sadly, the peeps people failed to bring their A-game to the table as these are kinda gross. As I pointed out before, I fucking love Peeps but these smell like chemical cleaner and taste a little bit like what I imagine cat piss tastes like. With some retooling they might work, but as they stand now I'd only recommend them to my fellow peep freaks.

I should be back with something else later in the week, and I'm hoping to bring in something major around Thanksgiving so keep an eye out folks.

Monday, November 11, 2013

Where Have I Been?

Really, the photo says it all. Since a few days before Halloween I have existed in a haze of constant projects. Of course I had the days leading up to my most favoritest holiday which where filled with pumpkin carving, animatronic set-ups, etc. Then came the Halloween itself which was lovely even though it rained for almost the whole day. Scared some kids, had some laughs. All that was good.
After that I had to pack up all 7 plus totes of Decorations in record time to make room for home cleaning and painting....the latter of which is still going on. So for any readers I may have, I should be back to rambling about games, movies, and snack food before the week is over. Hopefully I can also launch the main big push of this site before the month finishes out as well. If nothing else; I'm looking forward to it.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Different Flicks for Halloween Night

Well Folks, the Halloween season has just a week left as of starting this article. I gotta say I'm pretty satisfied with how it's turned out so far. I've accomplished just about everything I wanted to do and I still have one more week to pack in more fun. Let's face the facts though. For all the various activities available, most people will end up settling in with a few scary movies to wrap up their celebrations. With that in mind I've decided to offer up a few suggestions that are a bit different from the usual recommendations. They're not really in any order, but each one fills a different style.

The Kitchen Sink party flick: Waxwork.
There are very few horror flicks that go for a kitchen sink approach yet each one that does usually becomes a classic like “The Monster Squad” or “Cabin in the Woods.” Waxwork has a lot in common with that idea of let's just throw in as many different scary things as we can and see what sticks. You've got werewolves, Vampires, Mummies, Mutants, Zombies. Even the Marquis de Sade pops in to whip some bitches. The whole affair moves along quickly and doesn't require too much attention so you and your friends can talk during it making for a nice party flick. Bloody fun the whole way through.

The Newer Hidden-gem: Altered (so hidden, I forgot to put it in the picture)
Oh my god yes. This has got to be one of the best Alien movies around. It's a lean and mean flick that begs the question What if people abducted an alien? The answer is some wild shit happens. It's dark, dramatic, and unforgettable with some surprisingly good performances and some of the nastiest lil bastard E.T.s you'll ever see.

Something Classy: The Sentinel
A supernatural thriller from the 70's. This one takes a little while to get to the goods but it wraps up with a sweet climax. The best part has to be the cast. There's Chris Sarandon, Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Burgess Meredith, Jerry Orbach, John Caradine, and so many more. You even get to see Beverly D'Angelo play with herself! I guarantee that will change the way you look at Christmas Vacation.

I did not see that coming. Deadly Blessing
A lesser known Wes craven flick with plenty of atmosphere to spare. It resolves around murders near a crazy Amish community (actually, the movie claims they're Hittites). The big reasons to indulge in this one are Ernest Borgnine's bonkers performance and the last twenty minutes that bring in some crazy shit you couldn't have imagined when the flick began. The ending will either have you applauding or threatening to huck the movie out the nearest window.

How did I never hear about this?: The New Daughter.
Kevin Costner plays a single father who moves his kids out to the countryside. The results are not what he envisioned as his daughter turns into a cold-hearted little bitch. Believe it or not this is actually a pretty nice creature flick with fairly strong dramatic elements. It reminds me of something M. Night Shyamalan might make. That should be enough to let you know if you'll be interested in it or not.

The Big One you Never Noticed:Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Despite being part of one of the most well known horror series around it seems like a lot of people haven't seen Season of the Witch. It's a shame since few films embody the spirit of Halloween so well. While all the Michael Myers installments happen to take place on Halloween, this one is fully wrapped in the holiday itself. Plus it stars Tom Atkins! He's the manliest man who ever manned!

Nutty and dramatic: Night of Dark Shadows
The Second movie based on the classic soap opera, ditches the usual vampire nonsense for a mind screw story involving witches and reincarnation. This one is just right for those of you who like a movie to leave them feeling puzzled.

Holy shit is this for real?: God Told me To
If you're looking for a movie to shock you with ideas more than gore, than this is the one for you. There's a rash of violent crimes happening across New York, and the perpetrators claim that god told them to do it. I'd love to tell you everything that makes this movie awesome but it just needs to be experienced without prior knowledge of the twists. It's crazy! But a good kind of crazy.

Something for the whole family: Something Wicked This Way Comes
Not sure how well known this one is but it came from a time when Disney wasn't afraid to try new things. Based on the novel by Ray Bradberry, it concerns two boys dealing with the threat an evil carnival poses to their town. Watching this is a yearly tradition for my family as we used to rent it every Halloween (usually paired with Watcher in the Woods). If you've never seen it, do so this year. It'll make ya feel great.

Hopefully a few of these will help to brighten your celebrations. In case I don't post again before the 31st. Have a Happy Halloween everybody!

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Halloween Quest!

I'm not the type who usually has adventurous weekends. More often than not they boil down to some nachos and a three movie mini-marathon. Luckily the best quests are frequently the ones you didn't plan on.
I'd already felt decent enough about a Friday on which I'd crafted up some crosses for the front yard, saw a local band downtown, did some proper socializing, and bungled through my lil groups first game of Elder Sign (good game btw). Honestly that was all enough to keep the weekend from feeling like a waste but come Saturday, everyone still seemed to have some extra energy to throw around.
In truth, our adventure didn't start out with any grand design. We were simply bored, which lead to us visiting a cemetery just outside of town that we'd never gone to before. Now, Ususally a smaller graveyard has a pervading theme. Some I've been to are filled with longest passed folks you can think of, while others are still prepping rows for newcomers. This one here was an odd streatch from the 19th century to people who aren't even dead yet. I wouldn't be that surprised by the spread but this was a fairly small spot so it's wide array of dead folk was at least unique. Still; this wasn't a big enough outing to satisfy our little group so we continued on.
It's generally a golden rule that you can follow an old country road and eventually a cemetery will pop up. Now it did take a while, but we found the smallest damn graveyard I've ever seen. A tiny hill, parked next to a corn field with just two markers to list the bakers dozen or so folks who where laid there. I must admit, they had a good view at least.

Continuing down the road, our needs still unmet, we realized that we weren't far from a haunted trail that we'd visited some years back. I imagine that veering in that direction had been an unspoken goal of the driver since the moment we had first hopped in the car. We got turned around on the back roads and stumbled upon a bar in the abso-fucking-lute middle of nowhere. The joint went by the name of Kaptains, and while we only stopped in the parking lot to check our maps, I will not feel fully satisfied until we make a return trip to eat there. It just seemed like the sort of place you have to visit.
Finally, we neared our destination. All the better that there was a dive (and god do I mean dive!) general store on our way. Now I totally adore shitty hole in the wall party stores and this bitch ranks amongst some of the skaniest I've ever been in. Every rack smelled of desperation and a complete and utter lack of anything resembling effort. Best of all; the windows had the veneer of grease generally reserved for Chinese buffets. Just look at it!

This must be Heaven!
This really marked a high point on our journey as we grabbed some drinks. The main girl working the joint had the line held up until she was done making a pizza, that as far as I can tell was mostly for here co-workers. After getting out with our junk, a couple of us dared to return for a trip to the pisser. My friend got in first while I was waiting in line behind two teenaged girls. Unfortunately I can't remember a pittance of the conversations the employees where carrying on, I just know that they where a gold mine of inbred lunacy. After my friend got out of the bathroom, he kept me company in line as the first girl went in. Her friend decided to use this time to, and I am not exaggerating this, take at least three selfies a second for over a minute and a half as she moved her phone closer and father from her face.. Luckily her friend returned before she got bored (slaps face). At last it was my tame to drain the snake. Upon entering the unisex bathroom, I notice that the spot for the employees to hang their coats is directly over the bathroom trash. Also; there was a sign over the toilet asking me to return the handle to it's upright position after flushing. I did them one better and simply didn't flush. Of course there was no hand dryer in the joint. Only a ragged metal beam that was presumably meant to support paper towels. Suffice to say, that bar is failing miserably in its career pursuits. Shaking my wet hands off in all directions as I exited the store, I beheld the final glorious sight. All three girls who worked the place where eating breadsticks....after they squirted enormous amount of hidden valley ranch on them. As a ranch man myself I would normally support their cause. Sadly I heard the large one remark disgustedly about their small size with the phrase, “Fuckin five-inch bullshit.” Magical.

At last we arrived at our destination. Sadly, I was unable to get any good photos of the Duck Lake haunted trail to share with yall but I feel secure in telling you that if you're around Duck Lake MI over the next few weekends, pop on by the place. It's not a large professional haunt, but they give you more than enough value for your five dollar entry fee. I will note that this years layout was not quite as good as the 2009 variant. Still; any place where a guy can jump out at ya with a chainsaw for five bucks is all good in my book.

That thing in the glass is what happens when you add coke. Beware.
Our Journey complete. We returned home, though not without grabbing pumpkin pie cream liqueur and chipotle pumpkin salsa. Both are quality finds for any pumpkin fans out there though I would prefer that less of the recommended mix drinks for the liqueur involved Kahlua as it is not a friend to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to spend this weekend trying to hear more crazy shit from fat girls...or maybe just watch The Monster Club...haven't decided. Ta!

Friday, October 11, 2013

Halloween Book Sale!

For the past few years my local library has held its annual book sale right in the midst of October. I have of course capitalized on this as my own tradition to go blindly searching for some obscure horror novels to keep me entertained for the rest of the month. Usually I walk away with just two or three books but this year I did same pretty major damage. No joke; I actually had to leave a few things behind, including the novelization of Robocop 2 which I might have to go back for. Let's get on to my treasures shall we?

My first acquisition of the evening where these two beauties. Honestly I should have know I was in for a good sale as soon as they popped up. Confession time. I am a big Jaws fan. I don't just mean the first one either. I adore the entire man vs shark saga that spawned form such humble beginnings. I've never really owned any collectibles relating to the franchise so these just fill that little hole in my heart. Of the two, I'm most excited about reading the Jaws Log. Mostly because of the nice collection of photos, but also because the title makes me think of a turd with teeth.

This is what I aim for every year. Simple, often forgotten horror novels. The Brownstone was the last thing I spotted before editing down my pile and boy does it look like a hoot. The description on the back is a pretty standard people need a place and they find a great one but maybe the rent is so cheap for a reason blah blah blah. However; for as generic as it all sounds I can't help but think that it's just going to be a goldmine of spooky fun. Just something I've got a feeling about. And I've learned to trust my feelings from previous book sales.
Watchers on the other hand is something I would otherwise avoid. Simply put, I'm not a Dean Koontz fan, but I couldn't resist this one thanks to the movie series it inspired. I've you've never encountered it, here's what you need to know. Cory Haim finds a dog, names it Fur Face for some reason, finds out that the dog is super smart and mentally linked to a monster, both boy and dog must than escape from aforementioned monster as well as Michael Ironside. It's absolute crap, and I can't wait to see how it works in its original form.

Yet another gap in my life is that I have yet to read any Clive Barker. Obviously that will now be remedied. I wish I knew more about this particular book though. If anyone can give me a heads up I'd love to know whether I'm going into some top form Barker, or just standard issue stuff.

The Michael Crichton three novel collection demanded to be snatched up for one reason. Eaters of the Dead served as the bases for possibly my favorite Crichton flick (The 13th Warrior). I'm not planing on reading this until November in the hopes that that it has the proper mixture of horror and adventure to help lift my spirits from post holiday depression. Nothing wrong with thinking ahead sometimes.

Meg by Steve Alton is one I've actually read before, yet I wanted to have it so I can force others around me to read it. This is honest to god, one of the doofiest fucking books I've ever read. It's like a syfy channel original movie without the limitations of budget and censorship. I've you have any interest in shark attack stuff, dig up a copy of this hot mess of a book.

Finally we have my pride and joy item. Some time back, I decided that it would be cool to own some of my favorite spook flicks on a multitude of different formats. Until today, I'd only ever gotten The Beast Within on CED. Now that lonely antique has a friend in the form of a Halloween II VHS. The sale also had copies of the first and 4th movies and a different edition of this with the actors floating around the pumpkin while it shot green lasers out of its eyes, but I could not be swayed from picking this one above all others. I've always loved the skull pumpkin art in that it says everything and nothing about the movie at the same time. Fact is, most of the books I bought will be sold/loaned/donated after I'm finished with them, but not this. This is gonna stay with me as a proud addition to my mountain of horror movies.

Now just think, I got all of the above for a mere $5.25. If you're looking for something to do this weekend, I suggest you go find a used book store and just browse the aisles until you find some old dusty tome of a scary story to take home and savor. You wont regret it.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Ghosts! The board game

October is finally here my friends! We're now into that glorious month where the leaves crackle under your feet, shadows grow larger, cool winds chill our bones, and we all fear the ghouls & goblins of the past coming out to snatch us away into the night. Honestly I shouldn't be this dramatic seeing as this is just an intro for my experiences with a Milton Bradley board game but it's the season of Halloween and we're all allowed a little embellishment.
Ghosts! Is a nifty little item I stumbled upon just a few months back. It's a simple little two player chess/checkers game with a lot of bluffing. The first version was apparently published in Europe in 1980 with Milton Bradley stepping up to bring it stateside in the year of my birth (1985 woot! Woot!) The game was designed by a guy named Alex Randolph who seems to be a little legend in the tabletop game world. After a little study, I can see why. Plenty of his games look very fun. I'm especially interested in one he created called Casablanca. Of course if you're still reading this I assume you want to wrap up the history lesson and move on to the important stuff. Then let's move on shall we?

Look at that beauty. Possibly the biggest thing that lured me to this game was how it just screams Halloween. The theme, cover art, board art, etc is all soaking in the things we love about this season. You might not be able to make them out but there's snakes and bats moving about the castle just for additional flair. Oh Christ, I was hoping to have explained the gameplay by now but who can really blame me for getting lost in something this cool looking.
Ok so gameplay is quite simple. Each player set up their 8 ghosts (you can choose your own starting layout) on their side of the board with the little colored marks facing them. You see the blue ghosts are good spirits while the orange ones are pure evil. Each turn, you move one ghost a total of one space up, down, left, or right (no diagonal shenanigans here.) Naturally you can knock off your opponents ghosts which finally allows you to see whether you took out a good natured spook or a demon from the depths of hell. This is important for how you win the game. You see one way to win is to get one of your good ghosts to one of your opponents corners so that little guy can escape the castle. The other way to win the game is to capture all of the opposing good ghosts. However; if you capture all of the opposing evil spirits you lose it all. Thous bluffing becomes a major element of the game as you taunt your enemy by sending a ghost into danger while they decide wether to take the risk of capturing it. It's a brilliant little system that provides for a lot of different strategies.
So far I've only had the chance to play this three times. First I won by sneaking a good guy out. Second I lost by not noticing a good one slip past my defense until it was too late. Third I lost by getting greedy and slaughtering all my foes evil spirits. Each playthrough has been quick fun. I know I'm going to pull this out more than a few times before the month is over. In fact I'm thinking of keeping it nearby on Halloween night to fill those gaps between large groups of trick-or-treaters.
If you're at all interested in getting a copy for yourself it shouldn't be too hard to get your paws on it as several version have been produced over the years. Apparently there was even a Jekyll and Hyde variant at some point. The current version is called Phantoms vs Phantoms but I can't say as I like the looks of it very much as it doesn't have the great packaging or board that my old MB copy does. Of Course you could always just get some dollar store ghosts and lay out a 6X6 grid of Halloween napkins as well.
Well I'm gonna get back to work. I've been decorating for the past two days and I haven't even started working on the outside. So far the holiday season is off to a good start folks. Get out there and enjoy those dead leaves.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Halloween Goodie Binge!

This past weekend I was forced to partake in an obscene ritual called moving. I wasn't moving myself. That might have been fun. No, I had to move my brother and sister-in-law for the second time in less than 3 months! I hate moving people, yet it has been a long standing tradition for me to get roped into every damn move that comes along. There was an advantage this time though. Ya see the place they were moving out of was all of five minutes from a Target store. Thous I seized the opportunity to embark on a majestic junk food spree! So join me as I ride out my sugar rush by the light of my jelly doughnut scented candle.
First up is the double whammy of Frute Brute and Yummy cereals. I've loved the three main monster cereals for as long as I can remember, yet I always had the misfortune of knowing that frute brute disappeared before I was even born and I was too young to fully remember the existence of yummy mummy. The first time I ever read about them, I marked as total bucket list items but doubted that I'd ever get the chance to try them. Lo and behold this revival of these fine items has brought such a smile to my face. I must say they live up to my lofty expectations. I'm not sure as I'd rank either of them higher than the count or booberry, but they both beat frankenberry hands down. Sorry franky, I still love you. Note that combining them leads to kind of a trix flavor. If you see these when you're out shopping, you owe it to yourself to take them home.
Next on the agenda is Candy Corn Oreos. I know these were out last year but for whatever reason I was never able to get my paws on them until now. Talk about worth the wait. I'm not big on candy corn. I appreciate it as a symbol of the season and occasionally grab some for old times sake, but I don't tend to actively seek it out. These cookies however are so smooth and sweet, with just enough flavor to satisfy without becoming overbearing. Also; they remind me of another cookie whose name continues to elude me. It's really starting to drive me batty! I feel it is my public duty to demand that you all find a package of this particular Oreo and buy it! And don't forget to dip it in your coffee
Also on the candy corn front is new starburst candy corn. The texture is kinda gross even for a candy of its type, yet the flavors are crazy strong! This is the kind of taste you get when you shove a whole batch of regular starbursts into your mouth at once. A decent candy to goof around with but I'd suggest you have some other people around to try it with you in case you end up hating it. Pro tip: unlike normal starburst, the pink ones in this bag aren't very special but the yellow ones are superb.
Pumpkin spice kisses: Barely visible in the picture, these are another holdover from last year and I believe I'd tried them but completely forgot about them. Not sure how since they are nasty. I love just about anything even vaguely pumpkiny but these taste like a cheap ass scented candle (which is to say cheap ass in cost, not an ass scented candle). Just save yourself the torment and avoid them.
Thankfully Pumpkin Spice M & M's saved the day for pumpkin flavored treats. They taste a bit off at first, but as you eat more of them the flavor starts to mellow out. This all leads to a sort of Doritos effect where the more you consume, the tastier they get. Yummy but dangerous.
Caramel apple milky way. Another holdover that fully deserved to come back. Awesome tasty.
The weekend before my Great target binge I grabbed a few goodies at world market. Fright bite chips, cheerwine Jones blood orange soda, chocoshroom. Now all of those were delicious but they lack the significance of a wonderful creation known as pumpkin spice tonic! Oh this, this, everything this! Someone has found a way to make a drink more suited to fall than pumpkin beer. It's got the right notes of spices, the proper level of pumpkin, with a fine layer of sugar to keep it smooth. Whether you're into the fall season, soda, or even Harry Potter. This drink is just what you need. So far it's easily my favorite surprise of the season. I highly recommend you get some of this but it might be a trip. The bottle says it's from Orca Beverage but I couldn't find a listing for it on their site, nor did I come across it in amazons grocery section. I'll keep an ryr ouy for more but at least I know it's at World Market so if you've got one of those nearby, go nab it. Right now.....this instant!

Friday, September 13, 2013

Making a case for Friday the 13th (2009)

Oh yeah. I'm ready to party.
It's a magical day everyone! That supposedly unlucky day when some look over their shoulder a bit more frequently in fear that something as innocuous as a cat or ladder may spell certain doom. For others however; this is a day of joy where we sit back and revel in the exploits of a deformed man in sportswear. That large hockey loving freak named Jason who discards the lives of young coeds in a manner befitting tissue paper. Each and every Friday the 13th I try to relive one or two of the Voorhees adventures. I know there are others out there who do the same, but I've noticed some have an unhealthy habit of cock-blocking themselves from enjoying the more recent ones. Now I'm not gonna get into a discussion of folks who refuse to watch Freddy Vs Jason, case their just plain old crazy paints. No; I speak of people who deny the 2009 kinda remake, AKA Part XII: Jason Grows Pot. Admittedly, this is nowhere near the finer entries in the franchise but it is not the bottom of the barrel either. So why would any fan of the big guy refuse to indulge in what is at least a passable adventure? Well folks, I say it's time to stop the segregation. It's time for everyone to finally accept this flick into their tiny black hearts. Let the healing begin.
First off, let's get the negative aspects out of the way. I know everybody hates the captive sister storyline. I never minded what the writers were going for with this idea as there is a history of Jason acting a tad off when something reminds him of mommy or his childhood. The real problem is that there's never a true goal or endgame to his plan. He takes the girl cause she reminds him of momma......but then what? Is he gonna dress her up? Ask her to read him a story? Or get all creepy and hands on with her? Without a point to her captivity a whole chunk of the story just comes across as pointless. There where other issues like ho-hum music, and some weaker than average kills. I still think a few bits of violence where nicely done but then you get something like the antlers which was done better in Silent Night Bloody Night. Worse still is that nobody gets fully fed into that wood-chipper. They showed the damn thing over and over, just shove em in dammit! Still: even with the noted issues, I still enjoy a lot about this one. Let's move on to those good points shall we?

Reason #1: Jason: Perhaps this doesn't sound like the biggest reason to fall in like with this movie but this may be the finest version of our beloved villain ever to grace the screen. There have been several great Jasons through the years (Richard Brooker, Ted White, and C.J. Graham, are all faves) yet Derek Mears provides a mean streak with just enough intelligence to make for a compelling maniac. He's like a mash-up of part 3's speed, part 6's cruelty, with the swift brute force of the Kane Hodder version. Whether or not this flick is continued or ignored in following entries this cat needs to play Jason again and again.

Reason #2: Trent: In all my years of horror viewing I have loved many a douchebag, yet I can think of none I love as much as Trent. This dude is an absolute cartoon in the best way possible. Despite being over the top as he is I swear I've met folks just like him. You simply can't hate a guy who says things like“You're tits are stupendous.” or “Where the fuck are you, gun?” Sweet Jesus; even the actors name is fantastic! Travis Van Winkle, you're my hero.

Reason #3: Two for the Price of One: It's rather sad how long we have to wait between new installments of our big horror icons these days. Oh how I long for the days of a new entry every year or so as opposed to this once or twice a decade nonsense. I can't help but feel that the long gap in question contributed to this ones gimmick of a whole twenty three minute slasher flick before the title screen even appears. Frankly I thought the whole idea quite nice. Why make the audience wait around for exactly what they know is coming when you can have some naked idiots being slaughtered up front? The whole endeavor makes for some interesting pacing since the typically slower 2nd act now serves as an introduction to a whole new set of budding victims.

Reason #4: It Doesn't Insult Us: I'll admit I had some worries back when this came out. It's only naturally to fear the Holloywood remake machine. What left a good impression after my first viewing was that this wasn't necessarily a remake or even a reboot. Sure there's some familiar sights but nothing is ever said or done that cancels out the previous history of the franchise. Granted; nothing is built upon either but this thing can just as well serve as part XII. You may bulk at this statement with questions about why Jason is wearing his burlap sack again or things of that nature but let's face facts. The whole series isn't rather sloppy when it comes to continuing the story. Plus this one is closer to proper continuity than something like Jason Goes to Hell will ever be.

I'd go on to further arguments but I need to enjoy my 13th in full. The facts are simply that this is an ok entry in the series. I'd say it's around spot 8 or 9 in power rankings (and don't even try to demean that ranking cause we all know Goes to Hell is shit, Jason X in lame, and I've seen how you all treat Takes Manhattan.) I may never fully change the minds of other Jason fans but I hope this blog has at least convinced you to give this movie another shot. Lord knows that if you relax and just take it in stride, you might actually enjoy it a little. Happy Friday the 13th to all!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Dark Angel (AKA I Come In Piece) Blu-Ray Review with some monstervision memories.

As a man with over five hundred fifty horror movies nesting not 6 feet from my bed, it takes a certain special flick to really get me excited about buying it. It helps if the movie in question has never truly had a good release or if it belongs to a certain special subset of old Monstervision flicks. This lil bad boy nests in both those camps.
For those who are either not old enough, didn't have cable in the mid to late nineties or simply missed out on watching it, Monstervision was TNT's Saturday night horror/cult movie show hosted by the great Joe Bob Briggs. Say what you will about Elvira or Svenghoolie, but Joe Bob never needed a rubber chicken or a skimpy dress (that was the mail girls thing) to keep things interesting. Simply put; no other horror host had the same appeal or verbal skill. The guy was a top-notch host who'd toss just enough info and comedy into perfect lil bite sized bits for your enjoyment. He's not as prominent these days and apparently had some trouble with a few less than choice gay jokes, but back in the day this cat was the centerpiece of my weekend. It's rare to be able to point to one person who helped build a love for something but I can think of no one else who had a greater influence on my viewing habits.Over the years he aired plenty of different flicks but there was a group of them that stuck with me. Titles like The Wraith, Halloween 3, The Beast Within, From Beyond, all took up residence in my young mind while I lounged in my Pepsi beach chair. I feel a slight twinge of pride that I have just about everything except for Saturn 3 (which comes out soon), People Under the Stairs (no idea why I don't have that), and until last week, I Come in Piece.
The premise of our flick is one of simple elegance. Dolph Lundgren is a hard ass cop who has to deal with a drug-dealer from outer space. You could turn Shakespeare into a vampire, chain him to a typewriter for a thousand years and he still wouldn't have come up with a story this beautiful. Admittedly the whole plot is riddled with cliches like the by the book partner and the old fashioned one on one fistfight to end the whole ordeal but complex writing is not what's important here. What is important is the feeling the movie conveys, that of pure rainy day cinema. Truly the sights, sounds, and dialogue are of the kind that belong solely to those special films reserved for those days when your barbecue gets rained out.
There's also a nice variety of little touches added in, like Dolph's character being a wine and art connoisseur who goes to titty bars to think. And I'd be remiss not to mention the gun the aliens carry which is essentially an Uzi that fires explosion (eat it Michael Bey!). The cherry on top is that this a Christmas movie as well, which would make for a great alternative x-mas double feature if paired with Cobra.
The whole affair isn't life changing, or even a good movie per say, but those of the right mindset will get that warm old blanket feeling from a simple action flick from the days when such movies weren't up their own asses with self-importance and geeky wink wink moments. If you love action, aliens, or just basic fun cinema at least give this thing a viewing.
As far as the blu-ray itself; the picture quality is surprisingly good. There are a few parts that feature a little too much grain or image stutter but all in all it's quite purdy. I've seen some cats who like to think themselves as AV nuts criticize the transfer on some very shaky grounds but most just seem to be looking desperately for attention. I frankly don't get the complains cause it's pretty damn nice looking. Audio on the other hand is a little muffled. It's nothing serious and probably has more to do with the movie itself than the disc. There's some OK separation for those with multi-speaker setups, just don't expect anything too impressive. Thankfully Jan Hammer's score come across quite well. All in all, It's not bad audio...just kinda weak.
There's not many special features but I don't mind since we get a good half-hour of interviews with Lundgren, Director Craig Baxley, and Brian Benben who seems to be an odd little man. Other than that you get a standard definition trailer. I've never minded a lean offering of features since I don't usually have the time to watch that many and these were good enough to satisfy me. Plus they explained why the alien ran so damn strangely.
Since I'm still lost in a haze of Monstervision memories I leave you with this advice: go out and get this disc. Also; check out the Monstervision song. Ta!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Web of Spider-Man Annual #9 Part 2

Picking up where we left off. Terry Kavanagh spent three sections of this annual attempting to jump start his own semi-demonic threesome of heroes. I'm guessing most people have never heard of the cadre so let's call that a fail on his part. Instead of using the remaining pages of this issue to add more depth to his story or ya know, provide an actual Spider-Man tale in a spidey comic. He gives us two more stories that are completely separate from the rest of the book as well as each other.

First up is a short tale of Cloak and Dagger. If you're unfamiliar with the twosome, don't feel ashamed. Marvel has done their damnedest to keep these two at somewhere around 3 appearances a year for the past decade or so. In short; Cloak is a like an 8 foot tale black guy with demons in his underpants (sorta) and Dagger is some fine ass white girl who shoots out light daggers, I guess. Ok, so there powers aren't the best but they're still notable for being one of the few bi-racial comics couples out there and for having a disenfranchised street youth backstory. Truthfully, I've only read 5 or so issues where they appear so I'm not exactly the best salesman for them and neither is this story.
In this particular installment C&D show up to fight some chick named Mayhem who is basically She-Hulk with some corrosive powers thrown in for fun. That's it. No big twist or message. Just some cheap fight with some incredibly lame dialogue like the following.

Why does Dagger speak in the third person? And why does she feel the need to state that she questions the villains methods vehemently? Doesn't that go without saying? I mean you're a superheroine. Isn't it a given that you disagree with the villain?
As you can see from the above scans, the quality of the book just keeps diving, with my favorite bit of this story being the part where Mayhem recaps her entire origin story to our heroes even though they already know it! This is a prime example of how sometimes a comic just plain needs the old narrator boxes.


On a side note; check out this ad for baseball cards.

I can't remember an ad for anything with this many details. Even the small print of a car ad doesn't pack this much info. This isn't the only one in the comic either. There's another two pager for basketball cards that rave on about how gold trim makes that years crop of cards unlike anything that came before. I guess there's only so many ways to innovate with trading cards. At least Fleer knew enough to use that awesome porn stache in their ad.

Back to the comic. The final tale is belongs to what I believe is another Terry Kavanagh original by the name of NightWatch. Basically he's got a super suit that looks like the horrid offspring of Batman and Spawn. The trick is that at some point in the future he gets this suit, travels into the past to save himself from (I kid you not) invisible assassins, dies, leaves the suit to his younger self who then tries to save his girlfriends airplane from being taken over by baddies, fails, then sends himself into decades of seclusion in the jungle cause he couldn't save his lady. Then some other ass hair show up and takes a piece of his costume, which leads to him finally returning to civilization, fighting another invisible assassin, and finding out his girlfriend has actually been alive this whole time. Probably something he should have checked up on before hiding in the jungle for two or three decades.

I am justice! I am the night! I am a failed attempt at being edgy!
So yeah, my first ever comic book was sort of a stinker. I can't stay mad at it though, because it'll always be special for me. Plus I like the way Spider-Man looks for the like 12 pages he's actually in his own book. Plus I get to share this neat tidbit. Appariently Terry kavanagh doesn't write comics anymore. About five years ago he started a comic the sends you coupons through your cellphone. How's that for a career shift?
One final note. Every time I look through this thing I get to remember Brach's Rocks. As a kid I only had them a handfull of times yet I remember them being pretty good. Is this memory true or am I where they gross and I'm just sugar coating my childhood? Somebody help me out with that one. Also pay attention to to the kid in the lower left panel as he exclaims that “they don't taste like rocks... they're great!” of course they don't taste like rocks you fucking twat!

Wow! this candy tastes like candy!

Monday, August 26, 2013

Web of Spider-Man Annual #9 part 1.

It's a very rare thing in life to be able to point out your very first of anything. Think of it; you're first toy, movie, game, tv show. Many of these things pass by before you've developed the memory for such things. Even more rare is when you can not only name your first of something, but actually bring it out to show others. I actually have the majority of my old comic book collection but most important of all (at least for this article's sake) is my absolute first, which is Web of Spider-man Annual #9 written entirely by Terry Kavanagh with illustrations by multiple artists.
Adding somewhat to the nostalgia is that despite living in a small town the store I bought this from is still open to this day. Granted the owners changed buildings and have long since switched to more of a used book store, but they still carry all of our favorite spandexed heroes.
If I was asked what particular thought process made me pick this up in place of anything else on those shelves I honestly couldn't tell ya. I can't recall whether I'd seen the old 70's Spider-man show before or after this, nor if I'd witnessed a cartoon or video game that piked my interest in the character. I guess I just just understood that Spider-man was a awesome. Good knowledge to have at such a young age but unfortunately I wasn't bright enough to realize I was getting hosed in the actual spider action department. See this was of of those instances where the writer used his foothold in a popular title to try and launch his own thing. Which in this case means Mr. Kavanagh was introducing us to these chumps.
Ah yes, the cadre. Triplets who are the spawn of the “hellbent.” I.E. semi-demon folk, which seems to be another of Kavanagh's storylines which he apparently carried to further chapters during his run on Moon Knight. Demonic superheros where a cliched tidal wave during the nineties and these three have nothing to set them apart from the pack except their names. Vor, Ard, and their sister Tia where named by the monks who raised them in short hand for their respective powers (slowly shakes head back and forth.) Ya see Vor has vortex powers, Tia causes dementia, and Ard shoots shards out of his body......yeah he's probably not much of a hugger.
So the first story (of five) in the annual is these twerps being dropped off as babies, being raised by monks, then discovering their powers, and sneaking out conveniently on the same night their home is attacked by other hellbents lead by Lord Seth, which is just an outstandingly weak name for a villain. Imagine a line up featuring Dr. Doom, Galactus: Devourer of Worlds, Ronan the Accuser, and then Lord Seth. If nothing else the we get this panel for our troubles. Note: Tia isn't surprised, she always looks like that.

Story number two finally brings in Peter Parker whose out for a night on the town with MJ (Pre magical demon divorce). This served as my young minds introduction to this couple and while Kavanagh doesn't do so poorly with Peter, his version of MJ is a flat out stank bitch.
Thankfully I would later come in contact with issues from writers who actually understood how to write this marriage in a respectable fashion (see Matt Fractions Sensational Spider-man Annual #1 for evidence). This, sadly, existed in the dark days of let's get the wife out of the way so Peter can go punch things. And he goes out to do just that! However; the main conflict in this story is that Tia's powers are going wonko and causing the local populace to go crazy.
Gotta love the rude barbarian.
Praise Odin we have Chris Marrinan on hand to provide the art for this segment. I got this before I had fully mastered the art of reading so looking over Chris' illustrations provided me with my favorite bits of the whole comic. He really draws a good Spidey, and has enough flair to make even the lackluster characters stand out.

Spidey prefers his dementia less intense.
All that is except for Lt. Stone's Code Blue. I have never seen another comic with these guys in it but fuck they look stupid. This was another 90's cliche where cops, firefighters, etc had to be superheroes too, so the kids would want to grow up and take civil service jobs. Even the daffiest of kids knew better than to fall for that con.
Getting back on track. Spidey fights the kids a little, then some sexy knights templar ninja chick show up to take them away for the 3rd story where they mope around her apartment and set up plot threads ranging from finding their birth-mother to getting revenge for the slain monks back at the monastery. Nothing is resolved and from what I can tell these kids only appear in like 4 or 5 more not what one would call a rousing success.
Of course We've still got 2 more stories to go but I'll be saving them for later this week. In the meantime check out this bit from a shock-tarts ad that's had me transfixed for most of the week. Has anyone in life ever actually said “dealer types”?

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Book Review: Fantastic Four to free Atlantis by Nancy A. Collins

If you read my last entry you might recall me ending with the promise of frozen ducks and a Bob Newhart bowl. Well, that's not what you're getting. I highly suggest you go back and read that with some appropriately dramatic music to make it feel more like a true cliffhanger. Will you ever learn the reason for the frozen duckies? Eh, probably. But first, allow me to indulge in some low grade licensed superhero literature from the mid-nineties.

I nabbed this off ebay earlier this year for a project that may or may not ever happen. Still; I ain't one to let things go to waste so I barreled through it. At the very least I could mark it as my first ever licensed superhero novel. Frankly I'm surprised I never tried one earlier as I remember a good six-month period when I was a kid where I'd stare down this paperback copy of “The Venom Factor” (a spider-man novel) that sat in the magazine section of a now defunct grocery store. If I'd taken more time, I probably would've hunted that down in place of this but it was January and we all know how cabin fever makes you do strange things.
So how is it really? Honestly? Not bad, really. I mean it's nothing that's likely to stick with me but I've read significantly worse in my life. The main problem is that the story isn't anything different then what you could get in a small story arc from the actual comics. In short; Namor is poisoned, loses his kingdom, the Fantastic four (who oddly enough don't appear until like page 60) find, cure him, and go with him to reclaim Atlantis and stop Dr. Doom from destroying the world (natch). If you were the kind of person who knew nothing about the FF than I suppose this could make an ok introduction but even with some fluffy side plots involving The United Nations and The Human Torch having a crap time during a fashion shoot (really) there's just not a whole lot here.
Thankfully the author, a woman whom I'd never heard of before picking this up, is decent enough to keep things moving at a fast clip with some generally good descriptions. I say generally because she will sometimes lapse into some very strange stuff, like the following bit comparing Sue Storm to a Manatee. Not making that up, just look!
You can also tell from that page that the book can get just a tad melodramatic. If you need any further proof just look at this part with Dr. Doom.
It's a crime that Doom isn't in this very much as all his bits are downright adorable. The guy is in full-on Saturday morning cartoon mood every time he pops up. Even better is how he thinks! Check it out.
From now on I'm going to make a point of attaching negative adjectives to everyone around me. Oh it's that insufferable mailman again. These over the top thought patterns are made all the more off-putting by the big reveal that this is actually a doombot and not the real deal. So are we getting Dooms' actual thoughts channeled through the bot or do all of his robots think and act like they just graduated from evil doctor community college?
I suppose the publisher didn't feel it would be appropriate to release a marvel paperback without an illustration or two so we get these at the start of every chapter. They're not bad, but they don't really add anything to the experience. For any marvel nuts getting excited about the above image, just calm down. Fin-Fang Foom does not make a cameo. That is just a cheap lookalike. Actually it's some kind of dragon that could destroy the world, though I don't believe that since it can't even take down the thing, Namor and the aforementioned doombot. What's odd is that the FF leave control of that beast in Namor's hands even though he lost control of his entire kingdom just a few weeks earlier! I'd be asking permission to chuck the keys to that cell into the negative zone ASAP.
Overall I'd say this was a fun item but it's only real worth these days would be to complete some FF fans collection. Maybe now I can get back to those ducks.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Cheesy, Fudgey, Bowls.

So I've been trying to put together one of those big entries that makes it look like I'm actually attempting to make a legitimate blog. This is not that entry, This is about novelty dinners and cookies.

Kraft Garlic and Herb Alfredo mac and cheese plus Buffalo Cheddar mac and cheese:
In my day to day life, I consume ungodly quantities of mac & cheese. Sure it's bad for me, and lacks any semblance of class, but it's always cheap and available. Still; a man needs variety, and the new Kraft flavors at least mark an occasion for experimentation.
The Garlic and Herb version is nothing earth shattering (though I suppose it's a tad foolish to place cheesy pasta in the cataclysm category) yet it is surprisingly more robust than some legit alfredo I've tried. Definitely worth picking up a couple boxes for one of those nights when you feel the need for something starchy but still want to pretend that you're too mature for spongebob fun shapes.
The Buffalo Cheddar version isn't something I hold in high regard. Going in, I was positive that it would taste atrocious. Actually I was surprised when it turned out to be edible, just not exactly what I'd call inspiring. It starts with a mellow cheese flavor that slowly turns into a generic spicy after-burn. I know I'm leaving you high and dry on the details but there's not much more to say about this stuff than you might want to try it just so you can say you did.

Raspberry Oreo Fudge Cremes: Ever since I first heard of them, I have been dreaming of getting my meaty paws on a package of watermelon Oreo s. Very much like my bucket list of women to sleep with, this remains an incomplete goal. Thankfully the Nabisco cookie gods saw fit to bestow a slim amount of mercy onto their humble servant in the form of raspberry cream. These have been something of an educational item for me as I now know that several members of my family hate raspberries. That may not seem strange to anyone else but I always assumed that raspberries existed in the same category as cheese, bacon, tacos, and ice cream. Simply put I thought everyone liked em. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised since these are the same relations that claim to hate maple syrup.......filthy savages.
Getting back on point, these are some decent cookies. The cream has a very strong flavor that doesn't skimp on the berry. I wish they were presented in the traditional Oreo form however, as the fudge versions don't pair up with my coffee as nicely as the regular cookie. I'd say pick up a package unless you're one of those weird people I learned about that don't like raspberries. Honestly; what's up with that?

The Dunwich Horror: Stupid, simple, but not without merit. Dean Stockwell's porn stache is pretty sweet.

Poltergeist III: Showed this to my nephew so he'd understand why his mother and me hate mirrors. Failed to traumatize him.

Rubber: Crap. Complete and utter crap. A movie about a killer tire has no right to be this douchy.

Tune in next time for a Bob Newhart bowl and rubber duckies on ice. See ya!

Friday, July 12, 2013

My Slightly Eventful Absence.

Ohhh lordy I've been gone for a bit. Helping people move, summer cleaning, birthday barbecues, and late night quests in the woods behind major department stores. These are just a few of the things that have been occupying my time of late. Thankfully most of those distractions are on break so I can get to work on making this blog into something.... I'm not sure what, but something. Oh, and let's not forgot Ayman, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
So the aforementioned move was a two day effort to get my brother and sister-in-law a good 40 miles from the boonies and into proper civilization. Looking back, I find it hard to describe the difficulty of the whole process as the whole thing exists as some sort of dusty fragmented mess. I do however recall a good 15 minute section where I was left in the u-haul all by myself which resulted in a few items simply being tossed out while I hummed a nonstop rendition of puttin on the ritz for some unknowable reason, while my jeans repeatedly tore to the point of nearly revealing my man-bits to the neighborhood.
During the move, we came across my sis-in-laws cassette of Ayman, which was listed on the back flap as the greatest easy-listening, adult contemporary, classical, mellow mood, and about half a dozen other sub-genres. Honestly, this stuff makes Kenny G seem tough. I wanted to torment you with a sample but it refuses to work for whatever reason so here's a picture of bottles.

The following days were a combination of physical recovery and house cleaning to prep for our 4th of july cookout/birthday party. That's Right! I'm now a full 28 years old. God, what a terrifying prospect. I suppose it's a good omen that most older folk I know told me that 28 was a good year, the only hold out being my mother who listed pregnancy during a hot summer as a point of contempt. Somehow, I don't think I'll have to deal with that.
My birthday haul mostly consisted of cash and gift cards but a friend of mine gave me a bottle of maple syrup wine that I paln to consume this weekend while I watch my other gifts.

My brother got these for me, and I had to endure the wait until Wednesday to get em. I couldn't resist the urge to grab a copy of “The Howling” off amazon to make this a fully maple flavored scream factory weekend.
Speaking of which; I've been thinking of covering my Saturday night horror binges as a feature but seeing as we're so close to another one I'll give yall a quickie recap of last weeks viewing.
“The Car”: (1977) Staring: James Brolin and Ronny Cox. Directed by Eliot Silverstein.
In short: if you have a love for giant killer animal flicks like Jaws or Grizzly but secretly wished the monster had been a demonic sedan, you're in luck! Honestly this was a surprisingly well made flick with decent acting and direction, and plenty of craziness to keep you hooked. The part where the car actually flies through a house is almost fattening it's so wonderful.
“The Haunting of Julia” (Full Circle): (1977) Staring: Mia Farrow. Directed by Richard Loncraine.
Nice little classy ghost flick. It's apparently not available on dvd but you can check it out on netflix if you're so inclined. It's a little slow going, but the scares are decent. I had a major freak out when I checked on the actor who plays Mia's husband (a bloke by the name of Keir Dulela) and realized that he was not only the crazy boyfriend in Black Christmas, but mother fucking Dave in 2001! Somehow through almost a decade of watching Black Christmas every year, I never pieced that together!
“Moon of the Wolf”: (1972) Staring David Janssen (and a shomehow still hot in her forties) Barbara Rush. Directed by Daniel Petrie.
A serviceable TV werewolf movie that will now serve as my definition of forgettable. I forgot what the third movie I watched 4 or 5 times while working on this article, and I actually enjoyed it!
I have no idea what to leave you with sooooo here ya go.