September Spree 2021:

 

    If you’ve spent any amount of time around this blog you’ll no doubt have noticed a trend towards traditions. Be it the usage of Helloween to usher in October or the Thanksgiving cinematic turkey, I simply can’t help myself from adopting different annual practices. One of the oddest ones to worm its way into my life in recent years is the September spree, an annual outing of extreme commercial avarice. The general rule has been that there is no set date for this practice. I just get up one day in September, decide to go shopping, and bring back a larger than average amount of stuff. Only this year I actually had to set a date and naturally worried if planning for the spree would upset the balance of nature. Turns out those fears were unfounded Despite a few hurdles, or possibly because of them, the deeper meaning of this odd tradition made itself known.

    Starting off the adventure we headed to Home Depot which had reportedly gone all-out on some kickass decorations this year though the one I visited apparently didn’t get the memo. It seemed like this wasn’t just them selling out as they obviously hadn’t cleared out much space for anything and were carrying a pittance of what the company had on offer. First stop ended up as a total bust but not enough to discourage the spirit of materialism.

    Thankfully this same plaza was home to Ollie’s Bargain Outlet. If you’ve never made a visit to any of their stores just combine a bit of hazy childhood memories with nightmares, sadness, and a nifty element of surprise. Like the stores are sorta beat down and depressing but you can find such awesome shit at dirt cheap prices it feels like going to a weirdo toy store. I walked outta there with multiple board games and a marvel omnibus for just over 40 bucks.

    Next up was Target where things were messy to say the least. On the one hand it was easy to find nice little items like candy and coffee but the Halloween section was something of a desert. Found a couple of goodies like this years craft pumpkin, yet another tradition, and a nicely made groundbreaking skeleton, but a lot of heavy hitters and essentials were absolutely awol. This is something of a theme this season thanks to a two-pronged event. On one end there’s a whole lotta people who want to get back into Halloween big time after trimming back in 2020 and are buying up everything in sight. At the same time some of these stores, like my local dollar tree, based their orders off of last years sales which is an astoundingly bad way to do business. Combine trimmed orders with increased demand and the result are barren aisles.

    The nearest Spirit store had some alright stuff just not the one thing I would buy without any concern for price. Menards basically hadn’t added anything new since August, Lowe’s was down to broken display models for some of their items, though there were some nice battery op torices. Michael's appeared to have been besieged by the tazmanian devil though they at least promised to be restocked down the line. Yet even with these lackluster showings I still managed to find a decent selection of items

    Ending our journey were two grocery stops where a plethora of seasonal items were nabbed up. While the primary reason for visiting Kroger was the new Thrashed Apple Mtn Dew it oddly served as the location for buying new string lights. Local hotspot, Horrocks served as the spot to stock up on pumpkin ale along with Halloween Gummi Worms and Pumpkin Spice Malt Balls. On the ale front Sam Adams Jack-O is probably the front-runner so far this year. That could easily change once if Southern Tier finally shows up.

    As you can tell we managed to bring home a lot of goodies, even if they weren’t the ones I planed on getting, and in the process spent far less than I imagined. That’s where the beauty of this event started to shine through. We often get so bogged down and complacent by having shopping constantly at our fingertips that we forget the real hunt of just going hog-wiled. The point of the spree isn’t to spend a ton, though that is a possibility. The point is to get out there and shop like it’s the 20^th century. Hit up so many stores your feet ache. Search high and low to see what’s out there. Give those items you’ve often passed over a shot at the limelight. The September spree isn’t so much about buying a shitload so much as acting like you’re going too, and rewarding the stores that make living large an actual possibility.

    Obviously your mileage for something like the September spree could be far less than mine. No doubt many of you did such crazy things as having kids or getting married which ties up some funds. Do yourself a favor though and take some of your fun cash and just go on a big ole shopping tour with it. You’ll likely still have some at the end of the day along with something you never expected. That’s the sort of surprise that makes life a bit more fun.

    For those interested I’ll try to recreate the full list of goodies: Deadpool Minibus 2, Campaign Manager 2008, Keyforge Age of Acension Starter, teal craft pumpkin, groundbreaking skeleton, pumpkin love coffee, candies, cloth folding coffin, more candy, beetle decoration, Pumpkin Spice Maltballs, upwards of 16 bottles of pumpkin ale, gorgonzola cheese, string lights, pumpkin torches, Mtn Dew, Cookies, Dove chocolate, and a reminder to pace myself on all that sugar. Consider this along with past September posts as an example f what can happen when you just let yourself shop freely.

    That’s enough commercialism for tonight. Next time I’ll bring you guys something a bit more wholesome and down to Earth. Right now I’m stuck indoors with the pounding of rain as a constant companion. Guess it’s time to dig out more decorations and start planning this years mood fixture. Gonna leave tables behind this year so keep an eye out for that. Hope you’re all adventuring and finding new ways to inspire that spooky spirit.

Snack Report August 2021

 

    Life of late still feels very rushed. In the weeks since our last post I’ve put together more furniture, completed more home improvements, seen a dog join and then leave the household, oh and I’m an assistant manager now. One could say I’m in need of a vacation though lord knows I hate those so fingers crossed things start to settle down around here. Still; change seems to be in the air damn near everywhere, including the snack aisle where summer fare is giving way to fall flavors and new discoveries. I actually came across new Halloween candy at the tail end of July. Before I’m overloaded with pumpkin spice and maple it’s probably best we do a new snack report.

    Seeing as this post is woefully behind schedule and I’ve been overloaded with new snacks, a lot of these reviews are going to be rapid fire affairs. I’m talking stream of consciousness stuff here just to see if it’s possible to cover everything. The addition of several fall and spooky items means this also counts as our first step into the most sacred season of the whole year. Without further pomp let’s get this mother rolling.

Cheez-It Snap’d BBQ, Parmesan Ranch, Smoked Bacon Cheddar

    The Snap’d line from Cheez-It was already a big winner with just their basic flavors but never one to rest the company decided to pump out some new goods, presumably for a limited time. The Parmesan Ranch variety was alright, decent enough as a limited item but not totally deserving of a permanent spot in the line. Bacon Cheddar was a step up by offering the flavoring of TGI Fridays Potato Skins without the mouth-shredding texture. Without a doubt the big winner was BBQ with just the right balance of smoke, sweet, and crunchy. I’d advise picking up all three if possible but if you’re bound by a tight wallet at least nab some BBQ.

Hostess Sundae Cupcakes

    For some odd reason the new batches of Hostess goodies are getting harder to find in this area. At the very least I was able to find these Sundae Cupcakes once, just once mind you. Overall they’re not all that different from traditional cupcakes with that fatty/chemical Hostess allure. Still decent enough for a lunch item.

Little Debbie Jelly Creme Pies

    Out of freaking nowhere I came across a Little Debbie variety I’d never seen nor heard of. The concept involves a sort of cross-breading of the companies cherry cordials, crème pies, and a spot of strawberry jelly. The result is so damn tasty. Like this is easily one of Debbie’s finest accomplishments in recent years and yet it’s completely under the radar. So far I’ve only seen these at Wal-Mart so you may have to venture there to find em. Of course if you’re anything like me a regular wally-world snack trip is penciled in somewhere on the calendar.

Shrieker Skittles

    Expanding on the concept leftover from zombie skittles these new shriekers have random sour candies riddled throughout each bag. What makes this sort of fun is how the sour level somewhat depends on whatever the original flavor was meant to be. In my personal experience the sour green apple pieces seem to take the title for top pucker power.

    These are a major improvement over zombie skittles in nearly every way. The package design is clean yet festive, sour candy is a much easier sell than rotten corpse flavor, and the base flavors are good to boot. My personal level of repeat purchases is gonna come down to how crazy this season gets but so far these make for a damn fine start to spooky shenanigans. About the only issue is that the random sour spikes can give you a craving for consistently sour candy. I’d say at least a four out of five.

Cookies & Scream M&M’s

    On the more comforting end of Halloween candy are cookies and scream. Gotta give some props to the design team on this packaging. It manages to walk the line between clean modern aesthetic and classic Halloween with good use of colors. The taste isn’t all that nutty or unique but the execution is solid and satisfying. It’s actually pretty easy to curb your sweet-tooth with a quick handful. Another excellent early entry in this years Halloween offerings. Four outta five, easy.

Turkey Hill BBQ Cracklin Strips

    Alright so these aren’t new items per-say but they’re new to me and my continuing quest to find the best cracklin. The bbq flavor adds a fun twist to the base cracklin but in this case it’s a little too sweet and falls short of being quality pork snacks.

Bavarian Meats

    Another odd surprise these bavarian meats may be the best mass market meat sticks I’ve ever come across. Salty, meaty, and earthy in just the right mix with an excellent texture that begins with a crisp snap of the casing. Problem is I haven’t found them anywhere closer than a gas station 30 miles away. Still; if any of you jerky lovers see em in the wild there’s a great treat.

Bombay Sapphire Raspberry Blackberry Gin

    Recently I’ve started to scour the novelties of the booze aisle like peanut butter whiskey (stay away from it) and this new offshoot of Bombay Sapphire. They’ve taken the classic gin and infused it with berries. Sound’s like a guaranteed winner o what’s the final result? Well it’s sorta like good robitussim. Not really bad per-say, just not living up to its potential. The real trick is having the right drink to mix it with as it pairs especially well with tea. Very much a novelty item though that will only please a handful of people.

Little Debbie Unicorn Cakes

    Lord knows what dark ritual initiated the incessant wave of unicorn and mermaid themed items that have clogged up shelves over the past few years but the fact remains that I can’t resist a shiny new snack cake. Sadly the actual item is fairly generic overall with little outside of their presentation to separate them from other snack cakes. They taste good enough but you’re not missing anything by giving em a pass.

Japanese Kit-Kats: Orange and Crushed Almond & Cranberry

    When it comes to Kit-Kats and Doritos nobody outdoes Japan. The land of Kaiju never ceases to come up with new varieties of these American snack staples while the parent companies leave us in the dust. The occasional trip to an Asian grocer or world market can help close the gap however which is how I got my mitts on two different Kit-Kats from afar.

    Orange Kit-Kat reminds me of what those Terry’s Chocolate Oranges might be like if they didn’t suck. Not only is the flavor balanced much better but the additional element of crunchy wafer helps it all go down smooth. The big find however is the Crushed Almond & Cranberry Kit-Kat which manage to prove that candy can in fact taste classy. It’s not too fruity, or nutty, or chocolaty, just this glorious blend of sweet and comforting.

Puchao Gummy Candy.

    I’ve crossed paths with Puchao countless times yet always managed to skip over them thanks to timing, budget, what have you. Not making that mistake any longer. Not only is are the fruity flavors quite satisfying but the texture, that’s what sells it for a fan of chewy stuff. They work so well thanks to the two separate candy elements, one being the outer gummy with spongy beads inside. They’re a lot of fun and their individually wrapped presentation makes em perfect for work.

Pocky Tasty

    Tasty isn’t exactly the most detailed flavor description so you’re likely wondering the same thing as me, what are these? Basically think of em as deluxe pocky. They use ingredients like charred milk and fermented butter to offer a richer version of traditional pocky. The biscuit stick is a little thicker as well. These touches may not sound like anything all that special but it adds up to a very different experience than traditional Pocky. Problem is these don’t quite scratch that casual snack itch the same way regular Pocky does. In a way it’s almost too refined for it’s own good.

Zapps Evil Eye Potato Chips

    Been a big fan of Zapp’s chips for a few years now, still hold the opinion that Gator Tators are the ultimate sandwich topping. These Evil Eye chips came out quite some time ago with it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally found some. They whole idea is that they’re a hot, spicy, Cajun treat but the proved to be a bit divisive in the family. I personally found em underwhelming, couldn’t even describe much of the taste to you. My nephew on the other hand openly declares these as his favorite potato chip. So these are either totally forgettable or a mana straight from heaven.

Bakerly French Pancakes

    Here’s an odd one. Bags of pre-made, room temp, pancakes you can bust out whenever you want. No special flavors, fairly simple ingredients list. It’s on tap pancake and that’s just fucking tits. Sure I’ve had better overall pancakes, and bigger ones no doubt, but the sheer convenience if this item is unrivaled. You don’t even need to microwave em if you’d feel like it. Just grab one outta the bag.

Fruity Cereal Kit-Kat

    Not to be completely outdone by Japan, the U.S. branch of Kit-Kat unleashes their third or fourth flavor of the year with the new fruity cereal variety. Honestly these are pretty solid, though I’m not sure if they’re as good as the Key Lime ones that are still readilly available. Gotta call them out on a big booboo though. The package shows a ring shaped cereal like Fruit Loops but these are way more Fruity Pebbles with that pronounced coriander flavor. If you’re a pebbles fiend definitely give these a go.

Lays Cheetos and Funyuns Potato Chips

    Lays went deep into corporate synergy territory this Summer with a trio of chips flavored like other snacks. The Cool Ranch Doritos variety continues to elude me which is a shame as one of these is absolutely phenomenal. Let’s start with the less successful version then, Funyuns.

    Full disclosure; I hate funyuons, always have. Dusting a chip with that flavor was always gonna be an uphill battle. By themselves these are pretty much pointless as they don’t do enough of any one thing to stand out nor do they manage to really work as a regular chip with that sweet and pissy onion taste. However they’re fairly decent on a sandwich and thus not entirely without merit. That being said my usual ratings would leave this somewhere around a two out of five.

    Cheetos Potato Chips on the other hand, oh my god these chips. Lays had somewhere taken the experience of licking the Cheetos power off ones fingers and translated that perfectly onto a chip. It’s lunacy, possibly outright sorcery, but goddamn is it ever tasty. That’s a five outta five for those bad boys.

Dolce De Louche Toast Crunch

    Nearly forgot about this one but don’t take that as a comment on its quality. The troubled history of caramel and dolce cereals is well documented with most efforts missing the mark. This one though is some good shit. There’s enough of the original toast crunch taste to even out the dolce elements in order to make a tasty and satisfying cereal. I’d actually like to see these stick around as they’re one of the better toast crunch spin-offs.

Salted Caramel Brownie Oreo

    Talk about one that nearly got away. I passed these up the first time I saw em because I was already buried in sugary treats only to see them vanish from shelves. Weeks later one of the local stores had the good sense to restock at least a little. The wait was absolutely worth it too as, much like the Dolce De Louche Toast Crunch, show a marked improvement in how companies are handling caramel items. I know there’s a big group of salted caramel haters out there but the wizards at Oreo found a way to make everyone happy by mixing in brownies. The end result is something with that salty, burnt sugar taste but with an excess of chocolate to keep everything in line. The only weird part is that dipping the cookies in anything activates the salt even more but they’re still damn good.

Apple Cider Donut Oreo

    Here’s one of two items I picked mere hours ago. We’re talking first impressions territory here. The new fall Oreo is too big a topic to sit on though and it looks like they’ve got a real winner this year. Only had one cookie so far sans milk or coffee and the experience was rather surprising. Instead of tasting like a cider flavored donut the whole thing come across more like what happens when you dipp a donut into a proper class of cider. There’s even more of a refreshing moisture component at work here. Can’t wait to see how they fair with liquids but so far so good.

MTN Dew Spark

    Spark actually came out summer of 2020, a lousy time for any product launch, as a Speedway exclusive. Somebody was smart enough to give it a second round for those of us who stayed away from people last year. The whole idea is raspberry lemonade dew which sorta comes across as ruby red squirt mixed with dew. Only had about a third of a bottle so far but as now it stands as a mid-tier Dew.

    At last I think I’m caught up on snacks. You may have noticed a few items in the pictures I didn’t even talk about since there hasn’t been time to try everything just yet. It’s time to start making… time I guess. Updates have been sporadic to say the least but we’re right on the cusp of spooky season and now way am I letting that slip by. Most likely I’m gonna have to switch to smaller but more frequent posts to pull that off though I don want to talk about another Ultra series before we officially bring out the pumpkins and bats, says the guy whose already been buying decorations for a month and a half. Gotta get back to work on other thing but you guys sound off. Lemme know what’s you’re looking forward to in the next few months and any topics you’d like me to touch on.

October Snack Report and Halloween Book Sale

 

For a born and breed night owl there are few things more repulsive than waking up at any hour with AM attached to it. One of the daffy aspects of current life however dictates that I must be up bright and early on the first Saturday of each month for one of my classes. Not sure if anyone on the zoom meeting realizes they’re speaking with half a pot of coffee more than there are with me but this past weekend the ordeal of dragging my corpse outta bed offered a nifty extra. For years the local library book sale has been a fixture of my Halloween celebration, one that didn’t seem likely this year. Outside of a small booth at the weekly farmers market there seemed to be no way of recreating that event. That is until the library decided to throw together a one day outdoor version marking a big change from the classic 3 day affair. I know from past experience these are incredibly unpopular posts so that’s why I’ve mixed in a snack report to keep you buggers here.

Now let’s talk books. There wasn’t much in the way of solid horror paperbacks this year, hardly any in fact. I did managed to come across multiple novels involving ghostly or magical cats which almost seems insulting given recent events though I did bring home one called Shadow by Joyce Sweeney that looks decent enough. I was very pleased to come across one of Clive Barker’s anthologies, The Inhuman Condition. Barker is far from my favorite but short stories are a godsend during busy periods like October so I’ll chalk it up to a victory all the same.

Next we enter the world of supposed non-fiction with Hanz Holzer’s Haunted America. If the name seems familiar that because Holzer is one of many authors who wrote about Amityville, namely Murder in Amityville which was the basis for the best film in the series (the second for those of you not paying attention to my Amitville articles). Haunted America is a guide to various famous haunting across the U.S. if nothing else it might serve as a fun travel guide should the world ever straighten itself out.

Finally we have the biggie from Time Life’s Enchanted Realm series. These hardcovers were guidebooks to all manner of magical topics from giants and Camelot, to ghosts and ghouls. This particular volume titled Night Creatures was the one I most often borrowed from the library to thrill at descriptions and paintings of child-eating hags and the like. If ever a series of books embodied a lazy afternoon camped out with a blanket over the furnace vent then these are it.

For whatever reason the media area was crazy well-stocked this year, to the point I actually left some items behind. Someoe either had a Dickensian burst of generosity, or merely lost their marbles, and donated the likes of Midnite Movie double-features, Tartan Asia Extreme Releases, and even a Scream Factory title. While initially excited by the prospect of an area stocked with Vincent Price multi-features I was quickly brought back down by the knowledge I already owned most of these save for Scream and Scream Again. Admittedly far from the man’s best work, and it was paired with The Oblong Box which I already own but that only makes the dollar asking price all the more sweet. Then there’s a Dark Sky Films double with some weirdo sci-fi flick called Creation of the Humanoids and the reason I got it, War Between the Planets which is part of the endearingly silly Gamma 4 series. I believe it’s often cited as the third installment of the franchise but that depends on who you ask, it’s a complicated topic. My final movie pick-up and one I’m most excited for is Doppleganger directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. This is the second time in a month that I’ve been able to nab one of us movies for a buck which either means society is starting to mature or we’re officially past the point of no return. At least when the idiocracy fully cements I’ll have a full stash of quality J-horror to sustain me.

Definitely not the biggest or most comprehensive book sale experience yet it helped things to feel both more normal and a little unique. Not only could I carry on a tradition but I got to do it in a new setting, chilling my feet on a wet lawn. But enough about moldy old books, some of you are just here for the fresh, chemical-filled treats.

Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda

Sometimes you come across a new item in the store that must assuredly be some kind of holiday-linked stunt food only to discover zero trace of spider-webs, Christmas tress, or fireworks on the packaging. Such is the case with new Sour Patch Kids Berry Crush, a product that must be a Halloween inspired bit of indulgence yet suffers from bland presentation. If you were to stroll past the soda aisle and fail to notice this, it’d be a completely forgivable oversight since there’s little more than than the obnoxious blue color and image of a candy person to set this apart from anything else.

Regardless of the Crush group’s inability to latch on to the obvious link between candy and Halloween the thing that really matters is flavor, so how is this Windex looking concoction? Honestly… it’s pretty wild. There’s not much in the way of berry taste and the sour aspect, while there, is slightly watered-down. All that being said there’s still the sugary burst one expects from a soda like this only now it comes with an extra pop which leaves your mouth and tongue feeling a little fuzzy like you just ate a few Sour Patch Kids. It’s not a perfect translation of the candy into a soda instead feeling more like one was infused with the other. On a personal note the stuff blends pretty nicely with gin so… consider that a bonus for any booze hounds out there. I’m gonna he nice and give this a 3 out of 5, a rating that would be higher if they’d had the foresight to put something spooky on the damn bottle!

St. Julian Head Games Wine

While nowhere near as prominent as the west coast of the country, Michigan has a fairly notable selection of wineries to choose from. This time of year it’s common to see plentiful displays of Leelanau’s Witch’s Brew crowding the shelves but this year I took a different route. Seeing as I don’t pay anywhere near enough attention to the wine market I’ve no clue how recent a development St Julian’s Head Games is. Then again who am I to turn down a bottle of spiced red wine with a sparkly skull on the front?

As far as presentation I give major props for the label. It’s tacky enough to be fun without going overboard into ugly territory. Unfortunately this is a screw-top bottle so there’s none of the alluring sensation of popping out a cork. Still; the colors and shelf presence are to be commended.

Taking the first sniff is quite frankly sweet for any wine, let alone a spiced red. I hadn’t paid attention to the back of the bottle which features a handy-dandy dry to sweet scale. Guess where this thing ranks? Naturally I was in no way prepared for the liquid-candy shock headed my way. I mean this shit is like diabetic blood which makes it easy to keep in moderation. It doesn’t earn my highest recommendation but for anyone looking for something different than pumpkin ale this is a nifty treat. Let’s give it around 3.5 outta 5.

Vampire Kisses

When it comes to new Halloween editions of established candy it’s natural to expect one of the three key flavors, pumpkin spice, caramel apple, or the more divisive candy corn. Some ballsy folks at Hershey decided to forgo the standard tastes and incorporate Strawberry into their seasonal offering with Vampire Kisses. I’m gonna come right out and declare these an absolute win by the way.

The packaging itself is a total win. Not only is there a fine three-way combo of blood-red, dark chocolate brown, and a bit of purple but it only gets better once you dig into the bag. The traditional Kisses wrapping is now purple with bats. That’s the sort of attention to detail we love.

The taste is smooth and balanced with the strawberry element toned down enough to work with the chocolate without being overpowered. The fruit goo itself is thankfully smooth, not chalky or lumpy. It’s a satisfying treat that you can just pop a couple and be good with. You should get these… like go put on your mask and go get get some this instant. As for a rating I’ll put it at 4.5 to account for personal tastes.

That’s all for tonight folks. I appreciate the patience with my spotty update schedule. It’s part of the problem with balancing volunteering, regular school, life and this place. For the sake of entertainment I’m gonna try to fit in more small updates to spice up the season a little more. As for you all out there please share in any surprise events or snacks that are helping to keep this Halloween up to snuff for you.

Snack Report: July 2020

Each and every summer I make an attempt at doing something productive with the stretch of long, hot days. Often I simply give up and vedge out in the air-conditioning but this year I've actually been something of a busy bee. Outside of the ever-present college workload there have been multiple family developments and now I'm in the midst of reorganizing my bedroom as I make the switch to a big ole desktop. In just a few short weeks things should be mighty different around the cosmicsparky bunker. All that activity requires fuel though and lady luck has blessed me with just enough special finds for a new snack report. Compared to the sort of bounty I'd bring home during pre-pandemic days this batch is downright tiny plus it is far more reliant on adult beverages than usual. Such simple pleasures are a rare joy in the phenomenally goofy times however so let's savor these newest treasures.

Kellogg's Tiger Paws

While navigating the new maze of one-directional aisles at my local store I came across a big display of new cereal themed snacks. There were three varieties in all, Corn Pops, Fruit Loops, and what seemed like the safest bet to me, Frosted Flakes Tiger Paws. I opted for only one box as each contained 12 smaller packets for about five bucks which landed Tony the Tiger's newest experiment in my pantry.

From a presentational perspective Tiger Paws are something of a mess. The outer packaging is typically bland modern design. The snacks themselves on the other hand are these white claws almost befitting of a Halloween snack. Nothing really gels together but at least you can pretend to be eating some sort of monster themed snack.

Upon initial smell these have more in common with Rice Krispy Treats than regular Frosted Flakes. The same is true of the flavor as these have more of a marshmallow tinge which I can honestly say I enjoy. Not so enjoyable however is the texture which is dry and a bit spongy feeling. It's yet another entry in the long history of insulation textured treats making it hard to fully endorse. Upon a second bag I am starting to like them a little more but for the average person these are likely middle-of-the-road fare so let's give it a rating of 2.5.

Leinenkugels Spritzen variety pack

Up to this point in time I have totally avoided the strange rise of alcoholic seltzer water. Frankly the whole concept sounded disgusting. As a born and bread northern lad it's impossible to resist the allure of new Leinenkugels products so their attempt at seltzer drinks was my breaking point. What they've done here is combine the popularity of boozy seltzer with their line of shandies. Current availability is in a three-flavor variety pack consisting or raspberry-lemon, strawberry-pinapple, and grapefruit.

Looking at the box and cans provides the usual Leinie's feeling. There's a glossy portrait of woods and lakes, a sort of ideal drinking environment. Points to the deceptive nature of these tall and skinny cans as they trick you into thinking there's far less to drink than their actually is.

Thanks to the seltzer each flavor is very muted with pineapple being the strongest. Definitely not a drink for when you're craving big flavors but Christ almighty are these ever refreshing! Even a half-frozen sports drink can barely match the unbridled refreshment from a single can of this stuff. The alcohol content is just low enough to ensure a smooth and mellow mood with minimal bloat making these a solid choice for summertime porch drinking. Just pretend you're Fred Gwynne from Pet Semetery only with less adherence to traditional masculinity. Gotta give these a 4 out of 5.

Hostess Unicorn Cupcakes

Some family members bought these for me as I was apparently in a foul mood and they understood the influence snack cakes have over my ability to feel joy. Admittedly I have zero understanding of the influx of unicorn and mermaid themed items that have seeped into the food aisles over the past few years. If we're just doing silly things the internet finds nifty then why not Corgi cakes? It'd make sense with being small and full of fat but I digress.

Presentation wise these are loud to say the least, both the box and the cupcakes themselves. Everything's bright and chipper, downright comical. Can't see anyone taking issue with something this inherently over-the-top.

The flavor and scent are pure fatty chemical bliss. Nothing about these seems natural and I'd swear there's a larger amount of cream filling than in the average cupcake. At the same time there's nothing special in regards to flavoring or ingredients so this isn't all that special save for the sheer indulgence factor and accompanying sprinkles. I'll give em a 3 outta 5.

Lucky Charms Honey Clovers

Lucky Charms is one of those rare brands that I immediately take note of whenever they announce a new product. This comes down to the quality of execution more than anything as recent expansions like the wintry Vanilla Cinnamon or Fruity Lucky Charms have been downright glorious. Likely due to current events this newest incarnation took a small eternity to appear on local shelves. Question is whether it was worth the wait.

Let's Start with the packaging... is fuck ugly too cruel of an appraisal? This brand isn't known for awe-inspiring artwork but they usually get by thanks to solid color choices for the boxes. This diabetic piss color is just unappetizing though, I must admit, it does stand our on the shelf.

Given the title I assumed these were an attempt to blend Charms with something closer to Honey Nut Cheerios which didn't sound all that great honestly. The small didn't help as it just came across as generic breakfast fare. Strangely the results are more like Kix with marshmallows, only not as good. It's tough to explain but in essence these new cereal bits are too sweet to maintain the delicate balance of traditional Charms yet they lack the overpowering sugary goodness of their Fruity cousin. Their texture is just a bit too dry and insulation-esque. Everything about the cereal works against itself and yet it's not all terrible, just sorta pointless.

Golden Clovers seem destined to be an odd footnote in Lucky Charms history. I wouldn't actively discourage anyone from trying them yet I can't imagine someone being all that impressed by the experience. Let's put it this way, my brother forgot he'd tried them within less than 24 hours. Points wise I'd say it's a 2 outta 5.

Roku Gin

For the past few years I've been enamored with the outstanding quality of Japanese Whiskey. Such a statement might sound sacrilegious to hipster devotees of the drink but the country really has a grasp on how to make excellently balanced booze. Life had not been so kind as to offer the chance of experiencing Japan's take on any of the other classic alcohols until a nearby store got in something special, Roku Gin.

If you're a fan of presentation for your booze then Roku easily earns a few points from their lovely bottle and label. The various sides of the battle actually have raised outlines of the different ingredients used to spice up this particular variety of gin. My sister mentioned the idea of painting these segments, which could make for a nifty display piece.

Popping the top unleashes a gin scent that is both familiar but with an air of freshness. Rather than import traditional gin spices this stuff is flavored with items more common to Japan such as sakura flowers, yuzu, and sansho pepper. The taste is likewise bright and poppy. It's got so many of the best elements of gin while maintaining a unique flavor of its own. It's a lovely liquid and fairly priced around the thirty dollar mark and goes down smooth all by itself. Can't imagine how tasty it could be with a bit of limeade or used in an aviation cocktail. For those of age with the means I'd give this a perfect 5 star rating.

Trader Joe's Neapolitan Joe Joe's

Despite my reputation as a chubby lover of all junk food I must admit my experience with Trader Joes is limited. The nearest location is quite far and not in a commonly visited city for that matter so I generally shrug off any news of new products from the brand. Little did I expect that my diabetic sister would attempt to live vicariously through others by bringing home a platter of various Joe treats. Most fit fairly generic snack types with varying degrees of quality. The chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels were quite nice, the lobster gummies suffered from horrible texture but there was one item unique enough to blog about. Joe Joe's are that stores take on the Oreo/Hydrox domain which is nothing new but Neapolitan flavor, now that's interesting.

The unicorn cakes seem downright restrained in the packaging choices compared to these. It's like one of those hippy freakout nightmare paintings one usually associates with the Beatles. There's just so many questions like what are the benefits of a cookie monocle?

The smell contains elements of all three flavors with strawberry being the most notable. Fitting as this carries over to the flavor. The vanilla and chocolate cookies play their part but there's so much strawberry crème that it pretty much takes over. Honestly I don't mind seeing as the flavor is very bright and satisfying. To top it all off the whole thing is quite moist, to the point that dipping in milk or coffee is pretty much pointless. The downside to this moisture if how these went stall a good deal quicker than Oreo ever would. Even so these are a worthwhile pick-up for those of you near a Trader Joes, though not something worthy of a road trip. Let's give em 3.5 in total.

So there we have it, another batch of tasty snacks to help us cope with this otherwise wretched year. I must beg your leave now as there's plenty of room cleaning to do and Return of Ultraman to watch. Currently aiming for two posts in the coming week, another on Amityville feature and maybe a new ongoing, just depends. There's roughly one month left of this pathetic summer and then we reach the four best months of the year so just stick with me and I'll try to give you guys the goods.

Halloween Season 2019: Snacks and Decorating Tips

We're currently in the home stretch of Halloween with less than two weeks before the big day. This is often the time when many folks begin to either panic that there isn't enough time left to enjoy, or those sad few who decide not to even bother. Things can begin to feel a bit off with stores already shoving pumpkins and black cats off the shelves to make way for trees and reindeer yet this is usually when the most outright Halloweeny antics occur. These are the days when you visit haunted houses, throw together a costume, and bust out the extra spiffy decorations that couldn't be left out the whole month long. It also means I've still got a stash of topics to cover in short-order. Which means it's time for a sampler of candy and snack reviews along with some goings-on and decorating tips from the CosmicSparky household.

One of my big to-dos this year was to build and improve on some of my decorations, a major one being the pvc mannequins I made years ago. The two of them have seen spotty usage at best due to the difficulty of keeping them upright in a windy neighborhood. rebar was too weak while some of my largest ground stakes require surveys to properly place. So this year I finally pieced together some stands so these monsters can be upwardly mobile and spend time hanging out on the front porch.

For anyone who's never attempted to make one of these mannequins the basics aren't too difficult. Don't expect detailed instructions as there are better sources for such things and I'm one shady handyman. You need some PVC pipes (2/3 sized in this case) with enough joints and bends to create a human shape. This is where a lot of customization can come into play with some folks sticking to straightforward design while others use articulated joints which essentially makes a giant action figure. The level of detail depends on what you want to do and how much additional support you may need for factors like wind. In the future I plan on including stronger pelvises to reduce tipping. For a base you'll need a nice flat board, say a 2x10 along with floor flanges and at least six inch nipples to slide into the PVC legs. Craftsmanship sure is pervy ain't it? Girth can be added to the mannequins via chicken wire, old newspaper, or taping a bunch of plastic bags around core areas. Then you dress the beasts using items like packaging tape and clothing pins to keep their paints up and supply a head roped with a mask. Some use actual foam heads whereas my broke ass uses milk jugs.

Since I'd be leaving them out longer than normal I wasn't so keen on using my own cloths. Luckily I came across some cheap prom tuxes at a thrift store which means my ghouls are positively styling as they guard the front porch. So far the results have been stellar with a couple people being spooked by them and my cat having a spasm while running to meet me as he found himself suddenly next to a Frankenstein monster.

Let's move over to candy for a spell. Zombie Skittles are one of the easier snacks to find this year which resulted in them sitting in my candy stash for over a month before digging in. The other reason for the delay was getting the right group setting going cause, let's face it, the candy version of Russian Roulette is meant to be shared. At least a dangerous game of chance is how these are advertised given the existence of random rotten zombie flavored Skittles. In truth the zombie ones failed to live up to their threat level to the point that I was unsure if mine was zombiefied or not. Much as I was expecting these to be a full-on stunt like what Jones Soda used to do for Thanksgiving they turned out to be fairly tasty candy that occasionally dips into being kinda gross. If you've been holding off for fear of zombie flavor I assure you the other flavors are good enough to be worth your time. One factor I do take issue with is the packaging. Out of all the spooky designs and colors to choose from, boring silver doesn't scream fun spooky candy.

Despite my earlier warning not always follow my handyman instructions I'd like to share two of my best tips from years of going overboard. First is zip ties. Whether you're hanging, framing, or reinforcing these babies provide strength and leave room for adjustments. Better yet is the added security that comes with a good zip tie. Few folks walk around with the proper tools to undue them nor do they want to stand in the open or potentially break their ill-gotten prize. Second are pegboard hooks. Each of these is worth several of the weakling stakes that regularly accompany decorations. There are a number of items in the yard that lean or tip when left to standard stakes but pegboards have enough weight and bend to keep them dug in deep. If you're the kind who finds themselves customizing or reinforcing gravestones and fences you can save so much maintenance with just a handful of these lovelies.

Returning to food we must talk about Ultimate Cheddar Doritos. Upon first inspection there is absolutely nothing to suggest these chips have anything to do with Halloween. Let's be real though, these may be the perfect holiday snack. Think about it, everybody loves a good chip during a celebration, overbearing cheese flavor is one of the greatest sensations known to mankind, and orange is the official color of the season, and I assure you few things are as orange as this bag and its contents. Blessed with an extra thick coating of cheese powder these exist as the meeting point between Doritos and a more potent cheese cracker. The result is so rich it's almost criminal. My Doritos adoring nephew actually thought these were a little gross but there's no hesitation on my part. Should I be so lucky as to find another bag before Halloween, very hard to find so far, I will save it for the 31^st.

While adulthood brings a fair share of awful with it there are still some perks like spooky beer that almost worth the frustration. Thus far I've seen little in the way of new pumpkin ales though the constant onslaught of craft beer has lead to a few drinks that match the season despite being regular offerings. Southern Tier's Cold Press Coffee Pumpking is a returning flavor that kicks like a mule. Traditional Pumpking is essentially pumpkin pie in a bottle but the addition of coffee makes for one dank drink that practically stripes your mouth. Not a fan of the overwhelming selection of IPA's out there but Batsquach from Rogue brewing company managed to win me over by using fruit juice to offset the usual IPA doldrums. Really tasty stuff on its own which only gets better with can art good enough to be a decoration. Finally there's Violin Monster from Arbor Brewing Company. I believe this is named in respect of a Ann Arbor resident who plays the instrument while wearing a werewolf costume. If so the lad should feel honored with this incredibly dark and strong concoction. This stuff is nine-and-a-half percent alcohol and is so dark it nearly swallows all ambient light. Highly recommend just so long as you're careful with it.

Last year I missed out on the fireworks following the last home game of the season. Granted that was due to me helping a local game store and nabbing some nice store-credit in the process but the ability to hang out in my own backyard for a free fireworks show was all the sweater this year. One couldn't have asked for a better night with temps in the fifties along with minimal clouds and only a weak breeze. So much about holidays can change based on where you live. I may not have the advantage of nearby parades or parties, haven't even been to a Spirit store, but there's some real comfort in being able to stand in the backyard wearing an old-man robe and knocking back scotch on a late October night while fireworks are reflected in the quarry pond. For as much as our holidays consist of shared experiences it's always good to savor those bits that are just for us.

Guess that's enough aimless affirmations for one post. In case you couldn't guess, I've been a bit scatterbrained fitting in as much as possible before the season is out. As always I want to remind you all out there that it's impossible to fit in everything but it's important to just do what you can. Maybe you only have enough time for a walk through the park and carving a single pumpkin. That's aces and you shouldn't feel sorry for it. The point of a holiday is to break out of our normal cycle even if just for a couple hours. If need be then live vicariously through others. I plan to help you do just that with a few more posts to come before the month is out.

CosmicSparky Bar Tips. Start-up and Bauchant Review

Here's a little history lesson about yours truly. One day when I was say four or five years old, my father was tasked with watching us kids. Upon my asking for something to drink he gave me some “juice” and oh what “juice” it was. As the night wore on I asked for further refiles of the divine liquid which filled me with an energy I'd never known before sending me into a sleep fit for a grizzly bear. Upon further investigation, dad realized he'd been supplying me with wine coolers all night. Whoops.

From those humble beginnings as a tot I steadily grew my love for booze. Early on it was samples of my brothers wine or Guinness (a beer I loved then yet can't abide now), later it was whatever I could get my mitts on. Upon reaching legal drinking age I blossomed into a full scale beer connoisseur, taking in everything in sight be it import, craft, or Milwaukee swill. There was always a dream to one day have my own stocked bar at home, fit with all the fine liquor a man could ever need. I achieved that dream over a year ago and now I think it's time to start sharing some tips and reviews with you fine people in a new feature for the site.

My first tip about having your own bar is don't freak out about the equipment. Much as drink snobs will demand you only serve certain drinks in an exact glass type, or only shake instead of stir, let's be real. Even if you have the right glass type, it may be dirty, same for your shaker. Not to mention that a glass can't save bad booze, or ruin the good stuff. I advise you just acquire your drinkware slowly. More than anything I recommend buying gift sets when possible. Not only do they cost the same as the booze would anyway, but before you know it you'll be swimming in glasses. I also advise investing in a jigger as shot glasses don't have consistent sizes outside of certain geographical areas.

Secondly the two anchors of your stash should be a good vodka and some decent gin. Both are incredibly versatile, functioning in anything from simple mixed drinks to more complex cocktails which means there's always a use for them. More importantly, you don't necessarily have to break the bank to get a decent bottle. Granted there's tons of them out there but since we're not reviewing them today let's just throw out some quick tips for shopping. If you're looking for vodka and have no clue what you want, try to aim for something Polish, preferably distilled from potatoes. Overall these are smooth, and easy to blend with whatever drink you have in mind and can be gotten fairly cheap. With gin it's best to go English, as a nice London Dry can work wonders even within the twenty to thirty dollar range.

One of the most oddly difficult challenges you'll face when stocking the bar is Rum. By and large, rum drinks are way too complicated, which is made worse by the existence of multiple styles such as white, dark, spiced, and even flavored brands like Malibu. If you feel like you must have one to start with, I'd suggest a white as they usually have more versatility than their darker counterparts. Of course if you simply want to pound it down with Coke, then by all means get something spiced.

My last tip for today which will lead into our review is about the difference between Triple Sec and Curacao.. I won't give you a full lowdown on the difference between the drinks, there are far more knowledgeable folk out there to keep that straight. Most bartending guides will rightly tell you to have some form of orange liqueur on hand as the sheer amount of drinks utilizing them is staggering. Problem is the vast array of brands with significant differences in quality means you can easily lose your mind and overstock the bar with variations of these staples. Often folks will make opt to just get one of the more pricey varieties with either Grand Mariner, or Cointreau, but I'm here to tell you there's a better, less costly option out there. Let me tell you about Bauchant.

Bauchant Orange Liqueur is an orange and honey cognac form France. It's 80 proof (that's 40% alcohol), and unlike it's more popular brethren can be purchased in the twenty to thirty dollar range. Most importantly, it is an outstandingly smooth drink that can blend with nearly everything, helping to remove the need for multiple orange fluids.

I'd never seen the stuff until it recently began to creep into nearby stores and the owner of one such establishment who comes across as some kind of rat pack reject recommended it. His guidance doesn't always lead somewhere good but in this case he was on the ball.

The smell, flavor, and even the color of Bauchant is properly balanced to function in drinks that demand Curacao or Triple Sec. It's also great to play around with recipes in the winter as the honey and cognac give it a slight warming effect.

Honestly I can't praise Bauchant enough. There's a chance of better orange liquors existing on the market, lord knows I wouldn't mind getting the similarly priced Pierre Ferrand Dry Curacao. That being said, There's such a fine balancing act of flavor, quality, and budget at play here that I can't imagine a proper bar without it.