December 2021 Snack Report and the Value of Cheap Movies

 

During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season it’s not uncommon to let a thing or two slip by, perhaps leave a chore lagging behind, or maybe as an example totally neglect your blog for close to a month. Yeah, I’ll own up to it, what began as a selfish mission to recharge post Halloween led to a number of crazy weeks. Within the past week alone I’ve worked black friday retail, gotten two vaccines, seen plenty of snow, and had to endure a doggy house guest.. So yes I’ve been properly busy but with the holiday feeling growing like some sort of festive fungus I’d say it’s time to get back on the horse.

    November in itself was something of a prolonged blur if we’re being at all honest. What few distinct moments I can recall seem incredibly far off despite being just weeks ago. Among those snippets of consciousness are mostly shopping outings, meaning you’ll have to forgive this turning mostly into another snack report. It’s just that when days start to run together, the weekend where you find Christmas cereal has the best chance of sticking out. It’s not all sugary treats though so stick around even if you aren’t obsessed with novelty ice cream.

Little Debbie Christmas Tree Cake Ice Cream

    Speaking of novelty ice cream let’s talk about one of the absolute highlights of the season so far. This Wal-Mart exclusive was set to come out in November though yours truly found some before Halloween and while it’s initial announcement was exciting there was a bit of trepidation as the first news posts didn’t mention which company was behind this magical slurry. Once word broke that this was the work of Hudsonville, a prime Michgian ice cream brand, all worry washed away.

    If you’re on the hunt please remember that this is only available in pints, a marketing choice that’s probably for your own safety. The packaging is unmissable though with a bright red tacky holiday look calling back to a time when people were less obsessed with calorie counting or modern aesthetics.

    Digging into the goo reveals something that totally lives up to the name. This is a debbie Christmas tree cake turned into ice cream. Everything from the sprinkles, cream, cake, and that waxy stuff all blended with ice cream to create something astoundingly decadent. It’s pretty much flawless in every regard. If you see some, get it, horde it if you must. Build a temple in worship of it. Shit’s that good.

Elf on the Shelf Hot Cocoa Cereal

    For those who found the original elf on the shelf cereal to be a bit underwhelming, which… yeah it had problems, Kellog’s is looking to rope you in this year with a new secondary offering based on that most beloved of drinks, hot cocoa. The packaging still isn’t the best but I found the cocoa coloring is an improvement overall which translates to the cereal.

    Let’s be honest; as far as chocolate cereals go there are better options out there. That being said this is a fine translation of mass market hot cocoa to cereal form right down to the tiny, super dry, marshmallows. The texture, flavor, and effects on milk are generally pleasing. It’s been good enough to warrant eating the whole box. Nothing amazing, just solid festive fare.

Apple Pie Toast Crunch

    If approximating hot drinks isn’t your thing how about desert? The toast crunch line has broadened this year with Apple Pie and oh Christ is this somehow competes with little debbie ice cream for title of reason for the season.

    The presentation is alright at best with a solid green and Santa caps on all the lil toast crunch guya. Once you’re inside however the world changes. The smell is only a bit off from regulr toast crunch with a solid hint of fruit. The flavor is just amazing though. Somehow the texture even helps to maintain that concept of refreshing and sweet apple goodness. It’s good enough to be deserving of a year round position or at the very least returning every Christmas for all time. Absolutely outstanding.

Mtn Dew Gingerbread Spiced

    Not content to spend all their creativity on Halloween those folks over at Dew have brought us yet another new flavor for the yuletide. Rather than stick to something safe like a holiday punch they went straight to the baked goods section for a gingerbread soda. Don’t let the idea freak you out cause this is basically the closet dew has ever come to ginger ale and the results are pretty tasty.

    Gotta admit the packaging on this one is a little off due to the sorta pissy yellow tint on everything. Plus angry gingerbread men don’t scream refreshment quite like rocking apples or mysterious phantoms. Flavor wise we’ve got something worthwhile here. There’s a definite ginger tinge with a bit more citrus back-up than usual ginger ales.

    Upon first drink the thought occurred that this would make for an awesome float though that experiment didn’t totally pan out. In a float the flavor is greatly diminished making for something very smooth and sorta bland almost like a snow float which, while seasonally appropriate, isn’t the most satisfying. It did inspire me to make a float with the Kroger exclusive apple flavor which was quite nice.

Gingerbread Kit Kat

    Anytime Kit Kat unleashes a new flavor my brow instinctively flexes with suspicion. More than most brands Kit Kat can waver wildly between fantastic and downright gross. I’m happy to report these fall towards the upper end of alright. Initially there’s a waxy sorta candle-like flavor going on that doesn’t work. After you bite into it though and all the flavors start to properly blend these end up as a pretty decent treat. Not up to the level of Key Lime or Cinamon Kit Kats but a worthy improvement over past mistakes like pumpkin spice.

M&M’s Snowballs

    As someone who holds pretzel M&M’s in the highest regard this winter variety seemed like a good chance for the oft forgotten M&M to get some time in the spotlight. Unfortunately The white chocolate this brand uses doesn’t blend well enough with the pretzel resulting in a candy that shifts between being too salty or too sweet depending on the overall composition. They’re still edible but pretty lame and a major letdown.

    When not occupied with work, video games, board games, pets, chores, you get the idea, I like to work through a big pile of unviwed dvds & blu-rays. Sometimes that pile undergoes a growth spurt thanks in no small part to the dollar tree. During the pandemic I discovered a bounty of dirt cheap entertainment I’d sadly neglected for far too long. The excuse back in the day was just how many of those movies are crap, and indeed many of them are. Even so there’s plenty of good, great, or at least outright bizarre flicks to be found for less than the cost of a rental.

    This most recent haul lacks for much in the way of horror, maybe 3 titles in total, but the remainder is made up of some real special treats. Can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to see Kid Galahad, a movie that manages to house both Elvis and Bronson. There’s an early 2000’s western called The Claim with an absolutely bonkers cast of folks like Wes bentley and Milla Jovovich. Best of all is a classic of lazy Saturday afternoons, Men at Work. I know this movie is hated by many but I couldn’t tell you how often I sat through this one as a kid just enjoying the antics of Charlie and Emilio. We might have to talk about that one in detail somewhere down the road. First I gotta make the perfect setting for it, early Sat/Sun afternoon preferably with a nice selection cheese snacks and a small reason to feel smug. Could make for a fine piece of holiday therapy. You keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine. Suppose this should mark a warning that if I’m your secret Santa there’s gonna be some dollar store flicks in your stocking.

    Well this wasn’t amazing, moreso since images won't work for some reason, but I’m back, that’s the important thing. It’s bee harder and harder to find writing time in recent months but I’d like to keep this place in fighting shape again. Plus I might find the lil spark that’s currently missing from my holiday mood. Heck, maybe’s it’s finally time to write about the night court episode with Santa and michael j fox. You’ve all been warned.

Happy Halloween Soda Party

 

    Time and tine again it amazes me how much each season can have it’s own mood and tone separate from those of the past. This can radically differ from what we expect as well. Marching into the Halloween season this year I thought it was going to be a massive return to form after the more muted 2020 model. Instead it’s been a mixed bag of developments on that direction alongside lingering difficulties like piss poor supply chains at stores. Admittedly it took me longer than usual to find the best way to take in this Halloween, which is as something of a zen observer. This wasn’t a season to be sucked into or even forced but to be gently prodded and then viewed in comfort.

    Little known tidbit about yours truly but during my media-obsessed youth I took more than few life lessons and viewpoints from favorite flicks like the dirty slacker work-ethic of Tremors. One of my biggest inspirations for how to view life was Ricky from The Burbs, not Corey Feldman himself mind you cause that guy… yeeesh. I always loved the sight of a character who reveled in his simple surroundings, taking entertainment from his immediate surroundings. Rickey is essentially the spirit animal of this season as best illustrated tonight when one of my favorite moments was just sitting in the garage alongside my cat, sipping pumpkin ale, and watching rainfall on my decorations. As an activity it could technically be done any night of the year but when else would the beer be brewed with pumpkins and the yard be filled with giant spiders and gravestones?

    In the spirit of just enjoying the simple things, one of most recent little adventures was a small soda tasting event. The Hitcher was on tv, I turned on some of the wall lanterns and busted out a line-up of various limited flavors for all to try. Like a wine-tasting only somehow less damaging on teeth.

    The first flavor on tap isn’t actually Halloween inspired but it’s new and required assigning a mission to a relative on a road trip. Mtn Dew recently brought out a Food Lion exclusive called Uproar. Being from Michigan I’m not sure I’ve ever even seen a Food Lion so when my sister announced her plans to head to the Carolina's to drop off Ikea furniture I swooped in and bade her bring back as much as possible. Is Uproar worth owing someone thirty bucks? Almost.

    Let’s be fair; Dew is putting out so many flavors in recent years that some of them are actually beginning to blend together in my mind. Scent wise this is one of the all-time best with the Kiwi berry combo smelling just plain awesome. Taste is good but a little hard to pin down as I swear there’s bits of past Dews floating around in there. Neither flavor truly takes over leaving the distinction of simply being really good candy water. But I do mean really good candy water definitely deserving of hoarding for those with access.

    Outside of the stash of Uproar and another 12-pack of Voodew 3 my sister also brought back a bottle of Sheets Pumpkin Pie Soda. Don’t let first impressions matter too much cause this stuff smells like total ass but the flavor ain’t half bad. Think of the crossroads between cream soda and ginger ale and you’ll have a decent idea of what’s going on. It’s both smooth and bitey, just a shame it’s scented like corpse.

    Next up were two bottles I’d picked up nearly a month ago starting with Hanks Caramel Apple Cream Soda. Oh yeah, this was some good shit right here. The scent almost perfectly captures every aspect with proper waves of apple and candy. Taste is mostly on point as well though I wish there was just a little more of that apple pucker to it. If I’d thought of it adding some Dew Thrashed Apple woulda been a fine idea.

    Last up was Hanks Pumpkin Spice Cream soda which I’d feared had the potential to be the worst of the bunch. Turns out it was, just not for the reasons I expected. I’d imagined something with a nasty candle taste but the actual product just tastes like… soda. No particular soda either. Almost like a jumble of leftover flavors from a pop machine. Sheets did a much better job tackling this concept but at least Hanks has that lovely caramel apple.

    Another of those odd moments that only seem to happen this time of year was last week , maybe a Wednesday at 2 AM. I decided it was time to make a pumpkin totem. No doubt you’ve seen a few in your own towns. Somebody takes the classic plastic pumpkin pail, drills a hole in the bottom, and stacks em around a pole wrapped in lights. It’s a pretty low-budget decoration with a decent impact on whatever your display happens to be. It was the feeling of welding power tools to augment candy buckets in the wee hours that really made this special.

    It might seem like I’m a bit melancholy and indeed I am shocked that the big night’s almost here. As with so many seasons there were great surprises and a few missed opportunities. Wasn’t able to keep the blog posted anywhere near as much as I’d planed but I wanted to get at least one more out there for all you fellow Halloweeny folks. Our time is here, to truly revel in a holiday dressed in whimsically grim attire. Go out and enjoy the simple pleasures of this time while you can. Listen to the Maniac Cop rap while heading to micky D’s for a pumpkin cream pie. Take one more after dark stroll through the park. Don’t force it, just nudge it and enjoy the results of this most wonderful time. Thanks to anybody who includes this small space as part of their year and may you all have the happiest of Halloweens.

CosmicSparky Returns to Adventuring

 

After a seeming eternity of safety-measures and putting off outings for later the cementing of vaccines has finally allowed for a return to small adventures. Yes, yes, yous truly is able to venture forth and seek out the weird wonders of mid-Michigan and thanks to the new job I actually have the cash to back it up. From the earliest days of the pandemic my first goal was to return to my beloved thrift and antique holes where shopping is unpredictable and often a bit smelly. Technically I made my triumphant return last weekend via some local joints and managed to bring little home besides a few odd card games. It managed to feel like a step in the right direction yet wasn’t quite enough to rejuvenate the spirit of the hunt. After another week it was time to set out to a neighboring town to revisit some antique stores we’d hit back in the summer of 2019 which, by my calculations, was about about eight years ago. While it wasn’t everything envisioned during those homebound days it still managed to be a worthy outing for a weekend afternoon.

So the plan to kickoff returning to old junk stores was a visit to Nashville, the Michigan version, a sleepy lil burg with two decent antique markets. The main reason I’d wanted to return here was that 66 Unique Antiques had an upstairs corner filled to the brim with old records and comics where I discovered the wonders of Japanese metal band, Loudness. Suffice to say I marched upstairs and straight to that corner upon entering the building only to find bupkis… a new booth under construction with nary a sign of record or comic to be found. Using breathing techniques to steady myself I though perhaps the vendor simply changed booths, downsized, or something to that effect and commenced a total search of the store.

Eventually I learned that the legendary corner was actually stock the building owners had purchased from closed stores and the two main chunks had been bought out last fall. Ordinarily this would have cast a major cloud over the day had I not found a few lovely picks during the search. With a half-hour to spare before both places closed up I headed across the street to boardroom antiques where I nabbed one more goody and asked about a major piece of memorabilia. This old KB Toys sign was there the last time I’d visited and boy does it ever bring back some good vibes. I’ve always had lousy teeth which back when I was kid meant at least a few times a year I’d have to get some fillings. Afterward I was almost assured a visit to the Lansing Mall for Sabarro pizza and some KB shopping. Just looking at this formed plastic brings back sensations of a sore mouth, pepperoni pizza, and the sights of various mechanical toys bumping around on a walled display table. I had to ask what the asking price could be. The quote was around $250, a bit to high for me currently though I’m considering a return somewhere down the road. Of course if any of you would like to get there first and save me from myself that’s fine.

What about the days haul then? One of the first areas of note had a bevy of late-80s/early-90s comics on hand. You’ll note I picked up a few from Marvel’s failed New Universe line. These titles were long gone before my initial experience with comics and had a small failed reboot a little after I returned to the medium in the mid-aughts. The idea was a comic world that veered closer to reality with regular people suddenly being changed by something called the “white event” which granted more scientifically plausible abilities than traditional comics were known for. In recent years I’ve really wanted to dig into these obscure characters and there was a decent offering on hand at this booth. Sadly some of the others where a good deal more expensive or in the middle of their respective series but I was more than happy to march off with the first issue of Kickers Inc. John Byrne’s run on Namor is a title whose Omnibus has been tempting for a while so this issues offers a chance to get a sneak peak at whether the big tome is worth it. Punisher: The Prize just looked like a good read and Hawkworld was a pretty major overhaul for Hawkman that, like many classics DC titles, has a spotty record for collected editions.

On the record front I managed to find a vendor who tried to offer a balance of good condition items at sensible pricing. On hand was a copy of More Chad & Jeremy, a duo firmly set within the framework of Beatles and Monkees era tunes, and music from Miami Vice which offers a nice combo of material made for and licensed by the series. Over at Boardroom I got the best of Hank Williams marking I believe only my second country album in the collection. Admittedly I dispose modern upbeat country only opening my saloon doors for this classic sad-sack stuff. Among the highlights are “Why Don’t You Love Me” and one I’d never heard called “Kaw-liga” about a wooden cigar store Indian who can’t express his feelings. It’s a bit odd and more than a little culturally insensitive.

Bringing home some tunes and reading material was totally expected, what wasn’t was a glass case display of old NES titles near the check-out. While fairly small the selection of titles had plenty to offer be it action, puzzle, etc. Some like Ninja Gaiden II were just simply cost more than I was willing to give into while many of the others didn’t have much in the way of personal meaning, until I found a big one. Dragon Warrior, a game that stood alongside Final Fantasy in our cartridge collection as something my young, illiterate mind couldn't play. I certainly gave the old college try but it would be years before I finally dove headfirst into the world of JRPGs. There’s a lot of memories tied up with this cart be it watching my brothers tackle the game for real, my own meager attempts at battling slimes, or simply admiring the boss ass artwork. Once I clean this copy up it’ll serve as a reminder of how those early days resulted in modern traditions like tackling a Final Fantasy, Tales of, and Ys every year.

There was an unexpected addition to the trip in that we wove our way back through the dirt back-roads of, I believe, Mennonite country, emerging just in time to visit a place called Sunset Acres Bakery which has been around for a few years but is just outside of our usual travel routes. These ladies were stocked up on some crazy treats like sugar cookies that seem closer to personal pan sized cakes or giant rice crispy treat rolls with chocolate swirls. It feels odd to purchase something this indulgent from a bunch of repressive religious zealots but maybe this is how they vent sinful urges. Overall I enjoyed most of this stuff with their peanut butter cookies being the real winners.

So that was a tiny adventure that may just result in some extra post material down the line. It felt so good to finally get out there and feel secure enough to linger and shop properly. Now it’s time to prepare for a few more days trips like finally seeing my college. Seriously… I graduated from a school I’ve never seen. For tonight however I am content to relax and unwind before another work week unfolds. Feel free to share any thoughts on the haul or tips for nice weird stores to visit.

Neo Ultra Q Series Review and a Happy New Year

 

    After hibernating for a good share of the post holiday season I found myself struggling to pinpoint just the right topic to usher in 2021. It doesn’t help that my theory of time states that the vibe of a year doesn’t usually take hold until somewhere around March, and recent events have shown 2020 to still be alive and well. I’ve already spent some time working on a general change of year wrap up but, quite frankly, it stinks. Then I remembered the great thing about January, total freedom. I can post whatever I want without feeling like I’m wasting those precious Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas spots. In the spirit of doing whatever we want I’ll tell you a wee bit about recent weeks and then move on to a good old Ultra series review. Sound good? Well too bad, this is my page.

    Christmas was about as good as one could hope for given the state of things. Whether it was a celebration of my wrapping up college or just an urge to send out the year in style I ended up with a solid offering of gifts comprising of nearly all my hobbies. If I wanna listen to records, color, watch horror flicks or Ultraman, or just waste time with online shopping I’m covered. Plus between gifts and a crafty order of used items I have enough video games to likely last till late summer.

    One odd challenge for the season was the apparent visitation of an electrical gremlin. From the first unpacking of totes to the current takedown roughly 8 or 9 strands of lights have gone belly up. And that’s saying nothing of the death of the inflatable Thanksgiving turkey or those plastic shaped light displays for windows. I dunno if it’s Mitch Pileggi, Jeff Fahey, or the evil electricity from that damn Joey Lawrance movie but something is out to fry our decorations. The lackluster condition of nearby stores only provided the opportunity to replace these loses with a strand of bubble lights, which I quickly made a stand for using wrapping paper tubes and cardboard. It’s just what ya do for the enjoyment of Christmas chemistry. For the first time ever in this household there’s a list of supplies for next holiday season and the likelihood of a change jar to make it all happen. Consider that the yearly festive mystery, which is as good a segway as any to move onto another Ultra series.

    By and large my experience with the Ultra franchise lies with the early series from the 60s-70s. Until recently the only bit of Ultra entertainment created this century that I’d seen were a few scant episodes of Ultraseven X. While looking for a shorter show that could be finished by years end attention turned to Neo Ultra Q, a fairly recent series and start-point for the current era of the franchise. Much like the original Q this one is more Twilight Zone than Godzilla only the weirdness factor has been cranked up even further. How does it fare against other pieces of the franchise? Now that’s a tricky one to answer.

    While not exactly a sequel to the original series, Neo Ultra Q is slavishly devoted to it. From musical cues and an almost black & white filming style right down to the general makeup of core threesome of characters this show really tried to live up to the name. It’s even based in a world where aliens, ogres, robots, and cruel scientific experiments are all common occurrences. Unfortunately this setting comes with a price as it can be difficult to gauge how this world views some of these events. One experiment for example would be completely illegal in our world but seems to run smoothly within the shows framework. That sort of thing makes morality tales a little challenging.

    Let’s talk about the primary characters, a threesome of two men and one woman like the original. They’re actually different characters yet they still serve the same general role. Emiko for example, played by the lovely Rin Takanashi of Samurai Sentai Shinkenger, is a spunky reporter. Instead of pairing up with two pilots her friends are a counselor and philosophical type named Jin and a young bartender named Shohei. Sometimes they are the main focus of the storytelling as they attempt to live and work in a very strange world while on other occasions they merely cameo in an otherwise standalone tale. Naturally this isn’t the most thoroughly developed cast of characters, a fact that is further compounded by the series only being twelve episodes long. That being the case all three are still likable and relatable enough to help keep viewers engaged.

    When it comes to the story things get a bit muddled. First off there’s hardly anything to keep these twelve episodes strong together as anything cohesive. Themes and tone are all over the place and most installments end on an ambiguous note. In classic J-horror fashion it can actually be pretty tough to pinpoint the exact goal of each story. Overall themes are obvious but many of them take far left turns only to end abruptly. For anyone who digs esoteric cinema consider this a major plus. For those who pick up Ultra shows for wacky monster fights this is a far cry from what you’re looking for.

    On one end I’d like to wholeheartedly endorse Neo Ultra Q as it is such a boldly odd and sometimes cynical piece of television. At the same time I know a good deal of people aren’t in the market for head-scratchingly vague mystery tales. It’s a bit of an enigma since many of its strengths and weaknesses come from being so unlike the rest of the franchise around it. Consider this something of a buyer-beware scenario. Seeing as this is such a small show let’s only highlight three episodes of note.

EP 4: Pandora’s Cave

    Possibly the most outright horror-driven installment of the series focuses on a man who falls into a hole and is confronted by an evil being who wishes to be unleashed upon the world. It feels a bit like a stage show with just two characters debating morality and the nature of evil. It still throws a lot at the viewer and doesn’t make it’s point totally clear but I found it really engaging and grim.

EP 9: The Tokyo Protocol

    If there’s any one story I’ve seen from the Ultra franchise that feels like 2020 it’s this one. The idea is that an anti-pollution protocol has been put in place that shuts down the power grid every time a certain amount of emissions is reached. This effects business and personal lives across the board. Then some weird alien balls show up and start devouring pollutants which allows for an economic boom that makes the 1980s seem reserved. The issue that permeates the episode is that no one cares what the creatures want so long as everyone can live as loudly as they please.

EP 2: Laundry Day

    Probably the most well-known installment of the show concerns a monster who runs an outstanding laundry service. Actually his foamy vomit can clean anything. His life and relationships to others is played out as a sort of slice-of-life dramedy with one hell of a punchline for the ending.

    With that a new year is officially launched here at CosmicSparky. Since I’m finally getting adjusted to being free from school and have a load of backlogged topics (I never finished the damn Amityville series, did I?) the goal is to get back to the good old pace of at least four posts a month. Got some ideas for new features and outings once I’m in line for the vaccine. For now let’s have as much fun as we can riding out the last lingering threads of the terrible preceding year and maybe we’ll be able to make something worthwhile outta the new one.

Halloween Wall Decor.

 

For a year that’s felt like an eternity it’s tough to believe Halloween is merely days away. It’s also hard to deny how strange a season this has been. No doubt it has required a bit more patience and cunning than usual. With that comes opportunities to create new traditions and discover different ways of setting our seasonal spaces. That’s the theme for today at least as we spend a great deal of time crafting and staring at the walls. It’s more fun that it sounds… I swear.

Let’s kick things off with a total surprise arrival. Last year Trick or Treat Studios started a line of classic die-cut style decorations based on movie properties like Child’s Play and They Live. Among them were multiple sets based on different Halloween entries. Finances sadly didn’t allow for them at the time but during the summer I used some stimulus fun bucks to order from a trusted store. Then the package got lost in Memphis. I was refunded for them way back in September and forgotten about the whole thing until a strange, thin package showed up this afternoon.

I got the set based on the original Halloween which comes with six die-cuts. The five primary decorations are awesome. The designs are outstanding, colors are bold, printing stock is solid, zero complaints on that front. However; the possible Michael has some notable quality control issues. First off he was packed in with his leg bent. Second his head is too small. Third some of his joints are too large to easily fold back up for storage. So the big one is a bit of a mess but given the overall quality of the other five I’d call these a win. Just don’t expect almost a quarter year of shipping with a full refund, think you have to win a really lame lottery for that sort of treatment.

Ghoulsville is something I’ve wanted to write about for months since getting them way back in early July. As you all know there’s been a number of distractions between then and now but it’s time to correct that little wrong. These and their accompanying smaller brothers called Mini Monsters come from a store called Retro-a-go-go with a mercifully well-made website. The pitch is simple, create large plastic replicas of vintage masks to hang on the wall. The proper Ghoulsville models are two-feet long from top to bottom whereas the mini ones are something like six inches with prices ranging across the lines from twenty to thirty-five bucks. The store does sell some at discount that are slightly defective or missing their boxes which is how I picked up my witch.

Without a doubt I adore this big old witch. It bugs nearly everyone else in the house but I think it’s just perfect. The only issue I could point out about it is the brown cardboard backing visible through the eyes, which could be a defect but it blends perfectly with our brown accent wall. The mini monster I’m not as thrilled with. No doubt it’s nice and has proper black eyes, plus the small size is a great option for those with limited space. Mini’s also come with die-cut figures that help to make up the difference. For me the whole point is having big statement pieces. You may not be infected with such monster truck thinking but that’s my recommendation all the same.

I’d read that shipping for these is a problem though both the cost and time, all of one day, were remarkable. Then I realized the store’s only fifty minutes away. Yet another reason to be a proud and drunk Michigan dweller. If you live in somewhat more civilized states maybe expect to pay a little more.

Some of you may recall from my September shopping spree that I picked up a white craft-pumpkin with the plan to create some wall-lanterns. I sat on the project for quite a while, unsure of the right time to dive in. Spending nearly every afternoon chronicling the buzzwords from educational webinars made it so my brain finally screamed out for a project. And so I offer you some tips and tricks for your own potential craft night.

First one has to talk about tools. Those with more money and skill suggest the likes of a heated craft knife or an exacto knife. Lacking the former and a fear of losing my fingertips keeping me from the later I had only one option left. Years back Pumpkin Masters made faux pumpkin books with proper tools for the project. These obviously lack the clean cutting speed of the other tools but make up for it somewhat with safety. And yeah before you ask these are the ashland pumpkins found at Michaels. Funkins are apparently the gold standard though that’s sadly reflected in the price. For the needs of any budget minded haunter these will work just fine. Oh and lay out some towels for this since the powered innards of these things will embed themselves into every available space and orifice.

This whole process amounts to three projects, the first and most arduous of which is chopping the damn thing in twain. As mentioned in that September article, Ashland used to make per-halfed craft pumpkins for just such projects. Or maybe they still do and I’m simply unlucky enough never to find them. That version trimmed off a lot of time as the other option is spending about fifty minutes slowly sawing around the obvious fuse line of the pumpkin. I suggest comfortable viewing material for this bit of the operation. Old game shows, maybe Murder She Wrote. I started at the bottom and just worked bit by bit. Don’t rush it since you can loose your line and end up with uneven halves.

After giving my hand at least one full night to recover I moved to picking out some patterns. Whether you’re using something premaid or designing your own the key thing to remember is that without the extra smooth cutting tools you don’t want to get too outlandish. Craft pumpkins simply don’t have the same kind of texture and flow as the real deal and it can take some real work to knock out some fairly basic designs. Plus there’s much to be said for the structural integrity provided by simple faces. This year I decided to split the difference with two pumpkin masters patterns, one spooky, the other goofy. As with a real pumpkin the different shaping of individual sides makes for a unique canvas. For the silly one I used the more rounded half while the scary one took a slightly off-center look. For patterns you can use wipe-off markers, maybe the water and sandwich-wrap thing so many companies suggest. For me I took the arduous path of the old pattern poker. The advantage with this approach is having little holes gives your knife a spot to bite in.

If you’ve got the tools and the time my biggest advice is to be patient and cut slowly. Mad sawing action is only gonna ruin the investment. Once you’re done simply pick a nail or put up a command hook and plop these onto the wall with a led candle inside. Bam! Instant mood booster.

This was the sort of activity I needed and might become a tradition for the next few years so I can amass a collection to cover every room and then some. Plus each year can be a different color. I went with white this time to counter the orange and black from past projects but there’s weird ones like Turquoise or Pink every so often, plus you could always do your own paint job, maybe throw in some glitter or glow-in-the-dark stuff if you wanna get fruity.

And there’s a run-down of all sorts of odd shit you can stick to your walls. There’s so much else to tell you guys about like new pets, finally finding some Mtn. Dew Frost Bite, maybe I’ll be able to bring you all a little more before Saturday. If not then maybe go track down a craft pumpkin or watch The Fog. Just do something fun and enjoy the season as much as you can. Freaky nighttime walks in the park count all the more if you’re chased by unidentified forest creatures, just sayin.

October Snack Report and Halloween Book Sale

 

For a born and breed night owl there are few things more repulsive than waking up at any hour with AM attached to it. One of the daffy aspects of current life however dictates that I must be up bright and early on the first Saturday of each month for one of my classes. Not sure if anyone on the zoom meeting realizes they’re speaking with half a pot of coffee more than there are with me but this past weekend the ordeal of dragging my corpse outta bed offered a nifty extra. For years the local library book sale has been a fixture of my Halloween celebration, one that didn’t seem likely this year. Outside of a small booth at the weekly farmers market there seemed to be no way of recreating that event. That is until the library decided to throw together a one day outdoor version marking a big change from the classic 3 day affair. I know from past experience these are incredibly unpopular posts so that’s why I’ve mixed in a snack report to keep you buggers here.

Now let’s talk books. There wasn’t much in the way of solid horror paperbacks this year, hardly any in fact. I did managed to come across multiple novels involving ghostly or magical cats which almost seems insulting given recent events though I did bring home one called Shadow by Joyce Sweeney that looks decent enough. I was very pleased to come across one of Clive Barker’s anthologies, The Inhuman Condition. Barker is far from my favorite but short stories are a godsend during busy periods like October so I’ll chalk it up to a victory all the same.

Next we enter the world of supposed non-fiction with Hanz Holzer’s Haunted America. If the name seems familiar that because Holzer is one of many authors who wrote about Amityville, namely Murder in Amityville which was the basis for the best film in the series (the second for those of you not paying attention to my Amitville articles). Haunted America is a guide to various famous haunting across the U.S. if nothing else it might serve as a fun travel guide should the world ever straighten itself out.

Finally we have the biggie from Time Life’s Enchanted Realm series. These hardcovers were guidebooks to all manner of magical topics from giants and Camelot, to ghosts and ghouls. This particular volume titled Night Creatures was the one I most often borrowed from the library to thrill at descriptions and paintings of child-eating hags and the like. If ever a series of books embodied a lazy afternoon camped out with a blanket over the furnace vent then these are it.

For whatever reason the media area was crazy well-stocked this year, to the point I actually left some items behind. Someoe either had a Dickensian burst of generosity, or merely lost their marbles, and donated the likes of Midnite Movie double-features, Tartan Asia Extreme Releases, and even a Scream Factory title. While initially excited by the prospect of an area stocked with Vincent Price multi-features I was quickly brought back down by the knowledge I already owned most of these save for Scream and Scream Again. Admittedly far from the man’s best work, and it was paired with The Oblong Box which I already own but that only makes the dollar asking price all the more sweet. Then there’s a Dark Sky Films double with some weirdo sci-fi flick called Creation of the Humanoids and the reason I got it, War Between the Planets which is part of the endearingly silly Gamma 4 series. I believe it’s often cited as the third installment of the franchise but that depends on who you ask, it’s a complicated topic. My final movie pick-up and one I’m most excited for is Doppleganger directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. This is the second time in a month that I’ve been able to nab one of us movies for a buck which either means society is starting to mature or we’re officially past the point of no return. At least when the idiocracy fully cements I’ll have a full stash of quality J-horror to sustain me.

Definitely not the biggest or most comprehensive book sale experience yet it helped things to feel both more normal and a little unique. Not only could I carry on a tradition but I got to do it in a new setting, chilling my feet on a wet lawn. But enough about moldy old books, some of you are just here for the fresh, chemical-filled treats.

Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda

Sometimes you come across a new item in the store that must assuredly be some kind of holiday-linked stunt food only to discover zero trace of spider-webs, Christmas tress, or fireworks on the packaging. Such is the case with new Sour Patch Kids Berry Crush, a product that must be a Halloween inspired bit of indulgence yet suffers from bland presentation. If you were to stroll past the soda aisle and fail to notice this, it’d be a completely forgivable oversight since there’s little more than than the obnoxious blue color and image of a candy person to set this apart from anything else.

Regardless of the Crush group’s inability to latch on to the obvious link between candy and Halloween the thing that really matters is flavor, so how is this Windex looking concoction? Honestly… it’s pretty wild. There’s not much in the way of berry taste and the sour aspect, while there, is slightly watered-down. All that being said there’s still the sugary burst one expects from a soda like this only now it comes with an extra pop which leaves your mouth and tongue feeling a little fuzzy like you just ate a few Sour Patch Kids. It’s not a perfect translation of the candy into a soda instead feeling more like one was infused with the other. On a personal note the stuff blends pretty nicely with gin so… consider that a bonus for any booze hounds out there. I’m gonna he nice and give this a 3 out of 5, a rating that would be higher if they’d had the foresight to put something spooky on the damn bottle!

St. Julian Head Games Wine

While nowhere near as prominent as the west coast of the country, Michigan has a fairly notable selection of wineries to choose from. This time of year it’s common to see plentiful displays of Leelanau’s Witch’s Brew crowding the shelves but this year I took a different route. Seeing as I don’t pay anywhere near enough attention to the wine market I’ve no clue how recent a development St Julian’s Head Games is. Then again who am I to turn down a bottle of spiced red wine with a sparkly skull on the front?

As far as presentation I give major props for the label. It’s tacky enough to be fun without going overboard into ugly territory. Unfortunately this is a screw-top bottle so there’s none of the alluring sensation of popping out a cork. Still; the colors and shelf presence are to be commended.

Taking the first sniff is quite frankly sweet for any wine, let alone a spiced red. I hadn’t paid attention to the back of the bottle which features a handy-dandy dry to sweet scale. Guess where this thing ranks? Naturally I was in no way prepared for the liquid-candy shock headed my way. I mean this shit is like diabetic blood which makes it easy to keep in moderation. It doesn’t earn my highest recommendation but for anyone looking for something different than pumpkin ale this is a nifty treat. Let’s give it around 3.5 outta 5.

Vampire Kisses

When it comes to new Halloween editions of established candy it’s natural to expect one of the three key flavors, pumpkin spice, caramel apple, or the more divisive candy corn. Some ballsy folks at Hershey decided to forgo the standard tastes and incorporate Strawberry into their seasonal offering with Vampire Kisses. I’m gonna come right out and declare these an absolute win by the way.

The packaging itself is a total win. Not only is there a fine three-way combo of blood-red, dark chocolate brown, and a bit of purple but it only gets better once you dig into the bag. The traditional Kisses wrapping is now purple with bats. That’s the sort of attention to detail we love.

The taste is smooth and balanced with the strawberry element toned down enough to work with the chocolate without being overpowered. The fruit goo itself is thankfully smooth, not chalky or lumpy. It’s a satisfying treat that you can just pop a couple and be good with. You should get these… like go put on your mask and go get get some this instant. As for a rating I’ll put it at 4.5 to account for personal tastes.

That’s all for tonight folks. I appreciate the patience with my spotty update schedule. It’s part of the problem with balancing volunteering, regular school, life and this place. For the sake of entertainment I’m gonna try to fit in more small updates to spice up the season a little more. As for you all out there please share in any surprise events or snacks that are helping to keep this Halloween up to snuff for you.

Adventures in the Longbox August 2020: Ultraverse

 

    As part of my continuing efforts to make the most of this ridiculous year there has been a massive restructuring of the cosmicsparky boudoir. Old furniture has been cast off in favor of more functional new additions, old items are being dug out of ancient corners, long overdue handyman projects are nearing completion. Honestly it’s all a bit of a mess but the upside for you fine folks is all that potentially post-worthy items that have been rediscovered during this ill-conceived attempt at home-improvement. Case in point being the contents of this old longbox that for the past few years has served as the base of a poverty-stricken laptop desk. We’ve ventured into the contents of this box a couple times in the past to talk about items like my very first comic but today I thought it’d be nice to start venturing further into obscurity, beginning with the Ultraverse.

A Note Before Moving Forward:

    In all fairness I should note before going too far that I’d hoped to make this post larger until life tossed out one of those oh so fun curveballs. On Saturday night, as I was wrapping up the final exams of my summer courses and looked forward to a full week of relaxation my cat decided to go and have a leg issues. Turns out the lil guy might have hip dysplasia, at least according to the vet we were able to take him too. Tomorrow his main vet is gonna go over the files and figure out if this really is the case and what treatments we might try. Still gonna try to get the Halloween season stuff started on time for you all while I babysit my less mobile furry friend. If you all could send Mr. Forrest some positive vibe it’d be appreciated.

Back to the Article Proper:

    It should be noted that this longbox is actually the remnants of several comic collections, resulting in all manner of twisted relics. There’s no better example than the assortment of Ultraverse comics my brother left behind once he left for the army. You’re forgiven for scratching your head in wonderment as to what the hell Ultraverse even is. It was an attempt by Malibu comics to launch their own edgy superhero collective. There was an equivalent character for each main type. Prime was a disgusting body-horror take on Superman, Prototype was a lame ass riff on Iron Man. In place of Wonder Woman there was Mantra, a single mother with the reincarnated soul of a wizard… yowza. Instead of Man-Thing or Swamp Thing they had Sludge. There was even a Deathstorke/Deadpool sort of gun-toting anti-hero in the form of Solitare. Possibly the best known of the batch was Nightman, a Batman type notable for his atrocious late-90s television series.

    As noted before, each of the characters had to be more edgy and violent than the competition because it was the 90s and good taste had long since gone out of fashion. The characters of the Ultraverse might have made a name for themselves without gimmicks thanks to some of the creative talent behind the scenes. Malibu brought writers like Steve Gerber, Mike W. Barr, and Chris Claramont. Bing names for sure though none of them seemed to be bringing their best to the field. Perhaps that had something to do with the sheer focus on marketing and cross-promotion witch the characters wasting no time in visiting other books. The line even had its own major cross-over event within the very first year.

    The story of Ultraverse has one more weird turn. After the line found some amount of success Marvel comics bought up the characters and launched an event called Black September to start having them interact with the current roster of Marvel heroes. Thus we saw the likes of Prime and Juggernaut serving on the same team, or Rune facing off against Venom. The popularity of these new heroes quickly dwindled. After all; the big appeal of reading the Ultraverse was being there for the beginning of something new. Once it was all integrated and reconfigured into the Marvel universe there was little reason for readers to care. Why bother with bastardizations of heroes within the same continuity as the real deal. It wasn’t long before most of the Ultra heroes vanished into obscurity.

    The question for years has been what to do with these books. They’re aren’t high quality, that’s for sure. Nor do they command a high price on the used comic market. The things are pure lemons. Few people even know about them and even fewer want them. And yet their rarity is almost guaranteed as there seems to be some sort of contract snafu that prevented Marvel from relaunching or republishing the titles. I’m sure that legal matter has only gotten more complicated since the Disney acquisition.

    My brother’s stash wasn’t solely based on failed interconnected universes. He did have a few legitimately interesting titles like some Comicco issues of Johnny Quest, a sighed copy of the first issue of Valiant’s relaunch of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter. Probably the most widely known are issues of Daredevil: The Man Without Fear. Sadly the massive print runs of the 1990s ensured that these books are not at all rare. Plus I hate Frank Miller so maybe the bro will get these in a holiday care package.

    Back when we kiddies were gathering comics during that 90s boom era my mother joined in as well by indulging in her Star Trek fandom. There’s about 20 issues each of DC’s regular and Next Gen Trek books along with the first few of Malibu’s DS9 material. I’ve never made an attempt at reading these but now might be the time to start. After all, current Trek isn’t all bad but there’s something to be said for the glory days of the franchise of which these books are a part.

    As mentioned before I gotta cut this post a bit short of my goal, didn’t even get to my section of the longbox. The idea I’m trying to float however is diving into random issues or arcs as a new recurring series for the blog. Try to make these lemons into internet lemonade. I’ll figure out a schedule for that down the line. Right now I gotta care for my lil dude and prep some Halloween stuff in my spare time. Any luck and there will be more posts within the week, and hopefully some good news about the quadruped.

Happy New Year from CosmicSparky and the Loose Threads of 2019

It's a brand new day, friends. Well technically it's always a new day but I'm trying to be poetic here. We are taking our first steps into a new decade. Maybe we'll get a new musical genre, perhaps curry will become the go-to food item, maybe folks will stop dressing like fucking morons! A guy can hope right? Before marching boldly into this new era, which admittedly my first few days have been pretty spiffy, I thought it best to take care of loose ends. Let's look back at dangling threads and unfinished topics along with a little of the best bits of last year and what I'm hopeful for in this one.

One should always pause around this time to think back on what they've been doing. Obviously the key accomplishment of late, one that continues into the new year, is my education. Currently it looks like I'll be ringing in next Christmas with a better degree and a moderate amount of debt but I think it's gonna be worth it despite all the endless papers and assignments needed to get there. It's important to note this shouldn't change my online presence all that much, it might even increase it as I'll be glued to word processors that much more often. Now seems like a good time to invest in eye drops.

Outside of that I got massive amount of excellent slacking done throughout 2019. I actually keep lists of every book read, game played, etc and you'd best believe some of the numbers for the past twelve months are staggering. The usual range for new to me movies viewed in one year is anywhere from 120-170. 2019 ended up with over 220, there's more than twenty video games from different eras, plenty of television, only reading went to the curb since homework largely took the fun out of it. I don't imagine repeating these numbers with a full 12 months of courses to go. I'll admit it sounds kinda nice to maybe have a break from being this lazy as it was starting to get a little stale. On the plus side those deep dives into pulp culture have only provided more potential topics for this year.

Not everything was quite so upbeat however. This household lost two dogs in less than two months. Both were excellent furry friends whom I still find myself missing despite some of their less desirable habits. My finances have been... strained to say the least. Had to spend a month contending with a cats ear-infection. And then there's the matter of my irritated eyeball, which from seems to stem from sinus inflammation causing extra pressure. As challenging as each of these issues were there was still enough strokes of good luck along with some quality experiences to help keep life bright and interesting. No doubt it was a tough year on several fronts but I'm primed to keep moving and make this new decade really count.

Much like reminiscence, it's usually customary to go over the annual haul of Christmas presents though not in the spirit of showing off. No it's far more preferable to share in whatever weirdness or surprises came to light during the traditional gift-giving routine. What stuck out as bizarre this time is that the family was supposed to be on a fairly tight price-restriction which everyone flat-out ignored. Add to that a very festive secret Santa along with some store credit usage during an after xmas sale, and damn did I ever get spoiled. Unsure if I've got a photo featuring the entire stash but trust me there's enough to make me feel guilty.

As for the most surprising gifts, and those that may provide some entertainment for you all down the line, well there are three tapes from secret Santa to begin with. Santa knew my love for VHS oddities and managed to send a few along, one of which is totally unmarked, Ringu style. Expect something on those in the coming month or so. My brother surprised me with a Funko Pop of The Creeper from Jeepers Creepers. Not only did I not know about this lil guy but I initially thought it must be a great custom job since I couldn't imagine the company taking on such a controversial subject (and turns out some folks threw a fit over it). Haven't had anywhere near the time to fiddle with even half of the haul which means I'm set with survival gear for the long dark of January.

As always happens during the holidays I've fallen way behind with the Super Sentai reviews with the catch-up being next on the blog charter. Beyond that I'd hoped to start coverage of past shows in the form of best episode countdowns, or individual articles for stellar episodes from otherwise lousy series, which is the only way to talk about shows like Ohranger. There's an idea forming for how the review format can improve though that won't make itself known until the next show begins. Speaking of which the next Sentai is looking pretty wild and has some interesting talent behind it. Best of all after enduring a total sausage fest with Ryusoulger the franchise is bringing back a proper two-lady approach. As this will be the first true season of the Reiwa era let's hope for something big.

Oh the star wars book club, you were a fun if infrequent feature on the site. Let's face it though from both a financial and time standpoint I simply couldn't keep up with all the SW novels floating around. Even with that failure to keep up I still intended to bring in one more more installments before calling it mostly quits. Which is where Rebel Rising comes in. I read it, I planed to review it, but nothing ever came of it. That's partially my fault for finishing it right in the midst of Halloween coverage but we can also blame the overall lacking quality of the book itself. Many folks have accused the current SW novels of playing it safe and doing very little, a complaint that is both somewhat true and a bit misleading. While not a symptom of all the new novels, inactivity is the hallmark of bad SW books which is sadly where this one belongs. What makes it difficult is that all the technical merits of a decent novel are here, the prose is solid, pacing isn't all that bad, only nothing of actual importance happens. It's simply the early years of Jyn Erso. She's brought up by Saw, ends up separated from him, finds love, loses love, you can guess most of it as you go along all the way to the end. Sure it provides a little more insight into her character. Just not enough to warrant reading a full novel.

The garage can be scary this time of year.

While books fell by the wayside I still largely enjoyed the other Star Wars content this year. The Mandalorian was good fun that was surprisingly secretive even after the season wrap. I found The Rise of Skywalker mostly successful from a thematic viewpoint even though the storytelling was more than a little sloppy. Most of all I'm just excited to see where the franchise can go from here now that the mysteries of this trilogy are largely dealt with allowing creators to go wherever they want from here on.

Conclusions and evolution were the defining factors of a lot of entertainment in 2019. Whether it was Endgame clearing a path for whatever comes in the next phases of Marvel films, countless shows closing up shop, even Supernatural is in it's final run. Hell, the year kicked off with Glass, a trilogy wrap-up nobody saw coming even a few years ago. One of these conclusions provided hours of twisted pleasure as I watched folks get pissed at Game of Thrones. Yes for as much as I like to aim towards positive fun on here, even I have a major weakness for schadenfreude. I'd disliked the series early-on which made for too much fun when family members were shouting at the television on a weekly basis. Plus I had the joy of correctly guessing who'd be on the throne by simply pointing at the person who was already sitting down, though my theory of how they'd get there didn't pan out.

It's a tough year to pick favorites since I'm still very far behind on many fronts. Let's point out a few things that have at least stayed with me. In movies there's Glass (sorry if you hate, but you;re wrong), Serenity (ditto), Avengers : Endgame, Missing Link, and I'm sure some others but I'll know more once I complete the usual catch-up during these early months. Games wise I dunno, just finally got Ni-No-Kuni Remastered and Judgment and have barely touched em. Honestly I think my biggest gaming memories from the year stem from the retro titles I played, even the lowly ones like Resident Evil: Survivor. When it comes to music it's all goodness from the past, namely the discovery of Loudness. That one dollar record has launched a love affair with Japanese hair metal.

Video Games look primed to take over much more time in 2020 started with a tidal wave of Yakuza games in both the remastered collection featuring 3-5 and the release of 7. Then there are new releases for all my favorite RPG series with Final Fantasy VII Remake, Tales of Arise, and Ys IX: Monstrum Nox. Then there's all the stuff I still want to catch-up with like Kingdom Hearts III, Fist of the North Star: Lost Paradise, Ace Combat 7, Bloodstained, you get the picture. Basically it's a race to see what gives out first, the controller or my thumbs. Movie & TV wise I'm looking forward to many of the usual suspects such as all the new Marvel offerings, Star Wars, then there are a smattering of items like the third Conjuring, that new Underwater flick hails from one of my favorite sub-genres, and I'm very interested in seeing both Halloween Kills and the assured strangeness of Chris Rock's Saw reboot. Mostly I just want to ride this year at a nice casual pace and see what new items might sneak into the pop-cultural landscape.

So I've been at this CosmicSparky gig for over six years now and honestly I wouldn't change a thing. It may not be a huge success but there's comfort in knowing there are folks out there soaking up musings about breakfast cereal, old VHS tapes, and international superheroes. There's also the pride of maintaining one more spot on the internet that exists for fun, rather than ramming negativity, true fan pieces, and editorials that fail to understand their own topics down the collective throat of humanity. Next year I really want to broaden that reach a bit and bring this sort of content to a wider audience. Heck I haven't written for another platform since a certain horror site started tinkering with my opinion pieces last spring. So once again I thank every reader, be they silent or talkative, for making this little speck of the net one of their points of interest. I'll do my best to keep you entertained for years to come.