Happy Halloween Soda Party

 

    Time and tine again it amazes me how much each season can have it’s own mood and tone separate from those of the past. This can radically differ from what we expect as well. Marching into the Halloween season this year I thought it was going to be a massive return to form after the more muted 2020 model. Instead it’s been a mixed bag of developments on that direction alongside lingering difficulties like piss poor supply chains at stores. Admittedly it took me longer than usual to find the best way to take in this Halloween, which is as something of a zen observer. This wasn’t a season to be sucked into or even forced but to be gently prodded and then viewed in comfort.

    Little known tidbit about yours truly but during my media-obsessed youth I took more than few life lessons and viewpoints from favorite flicks like the dirty slacker work-ethic of Tremors. One of my biggest inspirations for how to view life was Ricky from The Burbs, not Corey Feldman himself mind you cause that guy… yeeesh. I always loved the sight of a character who reveled in his simple surroundings, taking entertainment from his immediate surroundings. Rickey is essentially the spirit animal of this season as best illustrated tonight when one of my favorite moments was just sitting in the garage alongside my cat, sipping pumpkin ale, and watching rainfall on my decorations. As an activity it could technically be done any night of the year but when else would the beer be brewed with pumpkins and the yard be filled with giant spiders and gravestones?

    In the spirit of just enjoying the simple things, one of most recent little adventures was a small soda tasting event. The Hitcher was on tv, I turned on some of the wall lanterns and busted out a line-up of various limited flavors for all to try. Like a wine-tasting only somehow less damaging on teeth.

    The first flavor on tap isn’t actually Halloween inspired but it’s new and required assigning a mission to a relative on a road trip. Mtn Dew recently brought out a Food Lion exclusive called Uproar. Being from Michigan I’m not sure I’ve ever even seen a Food Lion so when my sister announced her plans to head to the Carolina's to drop off Ikea furniture I swooped in and bade her bring back as much as possible. Is Uproar worth owing someone thirty bucks? Almost.

    Let’s be fair; Dew is putting out so many flavors in recent years that some of them are actually beginning to blend together in my mind. Scent wise this is one of the all-time best with the Kiwi berry combo smelling just plain awesome. Taste is good but a little hard to pin down as I swear there’s bits of past Dews floating around in there. Neither flavor truly takes over leaving the distinction of simply being really good candy water. But I do mean really good candy water definitely deserving of hoarding for those with access.

    Outside of the stash of Uproar and another 12-pack of Voodew 3 my sister also brought back a bottle of Sheets Pumpkin Pie Soda. Don’t let first impressions matter too much cause this stuff smells like total ass but the flavor ain’t half bad. Think of the crossroads between cream soda and ginger ale and you’ll have a decent idea of what’s going on. It’s both smooth and bitey, just a shame it’s scented like corpse.

    Next up were two bottles I’d picked up nearly a month ago starting with Hanks Caramel Apple Cream Soda. Oh yeah, this was some good shit right here. The scent almost perfectly captures every aspect with proper waves of apple and candy. Taste is mostly on point as well though I wish there was just a little more of that apple pucker to it. If I’d thought of it adding some Dew Thrashed Apple woulda been a fine idea.

    Last up was Hanks Pumpkin Spice Cream soda which I’d feared had the potential to be the worst of the bunch. Turns out it was, just not for the reasons I expected. I’d imagined something with a nasty candle taste but the actual product just tastes like… soda. No particular soda either. Almost like a jumble of leftover flavors from a pop machine. Sheets did a much better job tackling this concept but at least Hanks has that lovely caramel apple.

    Another of those odd moments that only seem to happen this time of year was last week , maybe a Wednesday at 2 AM. I decided it was time to make a pumpkin totem. No doubt you’ve seen a few in your own towns. Somebody takes the classic plastic pumpkin pail, drills a hole in the bottom, and stacks em around a pole wrapped in lights. It’s a pretty low-budget decoration with a decent impact on whatever your display happens to be. It was the feeling of welding power tools to augment candy buckets in the wee hours that really made this special.

    It might seem like I’m a bit melancholy and indeed I am shocked that the big night’s almost here. As with so many seasons there were great surprises and a few missed opportunities. Wasn’t able to keep the blog posted anywhere near as much as I’d planed but I wanted to get at least one more out there for all you fellow Halloweeny folks. Our time is here, to truly revel in a holiday dressed in whimsically grim attire. Go out and enjoy the simple pleasures of this time while you can. Listen to the Maniac Cop rap while heading to micky D’s for a pumpkin cream pie. Take one more after dark stroll through the park. Don’t force it, just nudge it and enjoy the results of this most wonderful time. Thanks to anybody who includes this small space as part of their year and may you all have the happiest of Halloweens.

Spooky Crafts and Mini Monsters

 

    If it wasn’t obvious already I’ll gladly take the time to point out the slight hiccup in the posting schedule. Outside of the usual antics of the season and the “cough” fun of work there’s also the advent of two new lifeforms added to the household. Yes, for the second Halloween season in a row there are new kitties round here. So far they’re not too much of a handful though there’s the obvious challenge of acclimating the beasts we already have to the new situation. Adding to that is the slight drama of whether we’re keeping both of the newbies. That matter seems to be settled as of today with the female seemingly being a permanent resident.

    Even without new pets there’s still been an ample amount of activity lately with plenty of outings and little adventures. Just the other day involved a journey down country roads in search of a mighty pumpkin sale. Before long there needs to be a costco run for the truckload of batteries required of every holiday. While that’s all fine and good it’s not really the universal spirit of Halloween. Oftentimes the best memories are made doing the little stuff like nighttime walks through the dead leaves or just turning off all the lights for a favorite old scary movie. Cheap activities around the home that give us a minute to reflect and breath in the season are key. To that end I figured tonight would be a good time to talk a little arts and crafts in a range of prices for anyone in need of a little quiet spooky project.

    By far the least expensive of these projects can be found at whatever dollar store chain you happen to live by. At damn near any of em you can find both seasonal wooden crafts and paints to spiff em up. For us we picked up some signs and masks from Dollar tree and coated em in a variety of cheapo craft paint. While the financial edge can’t be denied there’s a certain level of annoyance to be found working with this stuff as any sort of woodcraft sucks up acrylic paint like mad. This makes for weird uneven patches and colors sliding over barriers, just generally being a pain. A big tip is to spend some time highlighting edges and boarders with markers. My sister went over all of these and it made a world of difference for the final product. Patience is key here making this particular project a pain for someone like me. For others out there it could be a fun family activity that won’t crush the bank balance.

    The mid-tier price belongs to artificial pumpkins. I’ve covered these in the past as they have one of the biggest impacts on seasonal enjoyment. For twelve bucks I got a blue pumpkin at Target, used a couple patterns from my backlog of carving books, split the pumpkin in half, and now we have two more wall lanterns that can be used year after year. Obviously the expense can go up depending on your brand of craft pumpkin, whether you have appropriate tools, and whether you have patterns or want to freestyle your creation. With just a couple nights, some hand pain, and careful dedication you can get some fantastic results.

    For the third and most expensive craft option we turn to the subject that inspired this post to begin with. Working at a game store I’d find myself spending a quiet moment staring at the spinner rack of unpainted rpg miniatures. Don’t make the mistake of thinking about eleven clerics and the like, no time for that nonsense. My focus was on the big monsters. Creatures like froghemoths or dire trolls. The thought emerged that these guys would be great sprinkled among the Halloween village or mood table. Never guessed at the trap I’d stepped into as this notion shifted from a quaint idea to new obsession.

    As with anything else price can be an issue. For the most impressive miniatures you’re talking prices ranging from 8-30 bucks. That’s before paints, brushes, etc. There are a few ways to make it a more affordable pursuit however. First off when it comes to paints you largely want the nice model grade stuff like Citadel and Army Painter. Those cheap craft paints you may have lying around won’t cut it for any major features. That being said they work just fine for small details, dry-brushing, stuff like that. My most complicated work so far will still incorporate something inexpensive for added touches. On brushes you’ve got even more leeway. I’ve seen people buy single brushes that cost more than the whole set I got online. The only really special one you need is a puffy makeup brush for dry-brushing, and those can be nabbed at a dollar store. There’s definite time investment here since you can learn all about different techniques, tools, and paints. If you get hooked every model can serve as another chance to grew your skillets. One night it’s metallic paint on a mechanized monster, the next it’s contrast paints on a shambling mound. While it can be handy to search to the net for guides, videos on this subject can be downright insufferable though with so many folks yammering on while refusing to edit their content down to a reasonable length. Just consider part of the investment as time spent finding one guide you can put up with. No matter your level of dedication these critters make a fine way to add some personal flair to any Halloween display.

    With that we’re somewhat back on track. I hope tonight’s post gave you all some ideas on ways to spend an evening indulging in the season while still feeling constructive. There’s still so much to cover this month and I hope you’re all out there having fun with what feels like a return to almost proper Halloween. If there was ever a time to indulge this is it. So turn on some unsolved mysteries, paint a vampire, and maybe play a spooky game. With any luck I’ll be back this weekend with the mood displays.

September Spree 2021:

 

    If you’ve spent any amount of time around this blog you’ll no doubt have noticed a trend towards traditions. Be it the usage of Helloween to usher in October or the Thanksgiving cinematic turkey, I simply can’t help myself from adopting different annual practices. One of the oddest ones to worm its way into my life in recent years is the September spree, an annual outing of extreme commercial avarice. The general rule has been that there is no set date for this practice. I just get up one day in September, decide to go shopping, and bring back a larger than average amount of stuff. Only this year I actually had to set a date and naturally worried if planning for the spree would upset the balance of nature. Turns out those fears were unfounded Despite a few hurdles, or possibly because of them, the deeper meaning of this odd tradition made itself known.

    Starting off the adventure we headed to Home Depot which had reportedly gone all-out on some kickass decorations this year though the one I visited apparently didn’t get the memo. It seemed like this wasn’t just them selling out as they obviously hadn’t cleared out much space for anything and were carrying a pittance of what the company had on offer. First stop ended up as a total bust but not enough to discourage the spirit of materialism.

    Thankfully this same plaza was home to Ollie’s Bargain Outlet. If you’ve never made a visit to any of their stores just combine a bit of hazy childhood memories with nightmares, sadness, and a nifty element of surprise. Like the stores are sorta beat down and depressing but you can find such awesome shit at dirt cheap prices it feels like going to a weirdo toy store. I walked outta there with multiple board games and a marvel omnibus for just over 40 bucks.

    Next up was Target where things were messy to say the least. On the one hand it was easy to find nice little items like candy and coffee but the Halloween section was something of a desert. Found a couple of goodies like this years craft pumpkin, yet another tradition, and a nicely made groundbreaking skeleton, but a lot of heavy hitters and essentials were absolutely awol. This is something of a theme this season thanks to a two-pronged event. On one end there’s a whole lotta people who want to get back into Halloween big time after trimming back in 2020 and are buying up everything in sight. At the same time some of these stores, like my local dollar tree, based their orders off of last years sales which is an astoundingly bad way to do business. Combine trimmed orders with increased demand and the result are barren aisles.

    The nearest Spirit store had some alright stuff just not the one thing I would buy without any concern for price. Menards basically hadn’t added anything new since August, Lowe’s was down to broken display models for some of their items, though there were some nice battery op torices. Michael's appeared to have been besieged by the tazmanian devil though they at least promised to be restocked down the line. Yet even with these lackluster showings I still managed to find a decent selection of items

    Ending our journey were two grocery stops where a plethora of seasonal items were nabbed up. While the primary reason for visiting Kroger was the new Thrashed Apple Mtn Dew it oddly served as the location for buying new string lights. Local hotspot, Horrocks served as the spot to stock up on pumpkin ale along with Halloween Gummi Worms and Pumpkin Spice Malt Balls. On the ale front Sam Adams Jack-O is probably the front-runner so far this year. That could easily change once if Southern Tier finally shows up.

    As you can tell we managed to bring home a lot of goodies, even if they weren’t the ones I planed on getting, and in the process spent far less than I imagined. That’s where the beauty of this event started to shine through. We often get so bogged down and complacent by having shopping constantly at our fingertips that we forget the real hunt of just going hog-wiled. The point of the spree isn’t to spend a ton, though that is a possibility. The point is to get out there and shop like it’s the 20^th century. Hit up so many stores your feet ache. Search high and low to see what’s out there. Give those items you’ve often passed over a shot at the limelight. The September spree isn’t so much about buying a shitload so much as acting like you’re going too, and rewarding the stores that make living large an actual possibility.

    Obviously your mileage for something like the September spree could be far less than mine. No doubt many of you did such crazy things as having kids or getting married which ties up some funds. Do yourself a favor though and take some of your fun cash and just go on a big ole shopping tour with it. You’ll likely still have some at the end of the day along with something you never expected. That’s the sort of surprise that makes life a bit more fun.

    For those interested I’ll try to recreate the full list of goodies: Deadpool Minibus 2, Campaign Manager 2008, Keyforge Age of Acension Starter, teal craft pumpkin, groundbreaking skeleton, pumpkin love coffee, candies, cloth folding coffin, more candy, beetle decoration, Pumpkin Spice Maltballs, upwards of 16 bottles of pumpkin ale, gorgonzola cheese, string lights, pumpkin torches, Mtn Dew, Cookies, Dove chocolate, and a reminder to pace myself on all that sugar. Consider this along with past September posts as an example f what can happen when you just let yourself shop freely.

    That’s enough commercialism for tonight. Next time I’ll bring you guys something a bit more wholesome and down to Earth. Right now I’m stuck indoors with the pounding of rain as a constant companion. Guess it’s time to dig out more decorations and start planning this years mood fixture. Gonna leave tables behind this year so keep an eye out for that. Hope you’re all adventuring and finding new ways to inspire that spooky spirit.

Halloween Snack Report 2021: Part 1

 

    For years I have set the official start of fall right around this point in September. This is thanks to the last major town festival which serves as a final outlet for local yaboos to get their last traces of summer crazy outta their system and return to proper living. Last year this important passage was missing since covid prevented any such social events but this September marked a… triumphant? Well some kind of return and now it’s over and true blue, honest to god fall is finally here!

    Welcome then to the best part of each and every year otherwise known as the last third of it. No doubt the new job has made it tougher to keep up with regular posting but the months that comprise fall and early winter are just too damn wonderful to miss out on. As mentioned in a previous post that likely means more frequent but smaller updates from now through new years. There’s some good stuff on deck too with several posts already in utero. In that spirit let’s do our first of likely several snack reports. As llck would have it we’ve already encountered several of the heavy hitters for the Halloween season such as Shrieker Skittles and Apple Cider Donut Oreo Cookies but today we’re gonna look at the major shining stars of spook season 2021.

    For the third Halloween in a row Mtn Dew has blessed us with ytt another mystery flavor soda to sooth our frightful thirsts. Right off the bat there’s a shift towards a darker blue motif for the packaging that conveys a different mood without losing that classic haunted house flair. Sure I give the dew art department lots of props as us but this one is without a doubt one of their absolute masterpieces. From the calming teal to dark blue with spots of yellow all wrapped around the usual grim reaper figure and his bat & spider cohorts, everything looks like a classic beistle diecut with just enough of that obnoxious bro vibe to keep it distinct.

    Of course this wouldn’t be a proper Voodew edition without the mystery flavor. There’s a split opinion on the intended flavor with some family members believing this is Runts candy in soda form. Meanwhile I’ve seen some folks online stake their claim on Starburst candy. To an extent I can see why someone would think either of those but for my part I believe this is actually cotton candy. It’s scent base flavor, even the softly fading aftertaste all scream cotton goodness to me.

    Is Voodew III any good though? Absolutely. Hard to saw after so long between each entry but I think this may be my favorite Voodew so far and I’d love it to come back as a regular flavor (along with Pitch Black and a dozen others). It’s smooth, properly refreshing with little to no gack aspect. Rating wise this is at least a 4.5 and totally deserving of a place in everyone’s Halloween shrine, aka fridge.

    Those nuts over at Dew didn’t settle on merely one specialty flavor for the season. There’s actually 3 once you count the weird blue one at Applebees, but for the moment I’m talking about the Kroger exclusive Thrashed Apple. Talk about a pairing way too long in the making. Dew has been infused with nearly every major fruit by this point yet somehow it took all this time to finally get an apple variety. Frankly I blame white people for the delay. Ya notice Mexico’s got plenty of apple soda. Social theories aside this was a majorly exciting product which was only more impressive by being pushed out alongside the new Voodew. So how’s it stack up?

    Starting with the looks there’s a whole character motif going on here, something I believe is company wide as the new Voltage package also has a new character. Here’s we’ve got some rock and roller apples and a whole lotta green. Can’t help but think the whole thing would have looked better with a few traces of fall colors but what’s here is still nice. In a direct comparison to Voodew however this just looks like the goofy middle child whose going through a phase.

    When it comes to flavor this is pure candy water. Stopping just shy of being outright melted jolly rancher there’s still that distinctive hard candy tinge to the taste. Can’t deny it’s refreshing and unique though. Being so sweet helps to set it apart from other apple sodas and there’s no other Dew quite like it. This is the sort of thing where I wouldn’t mind it coming back into our lives every now and then but it hasn’t quite earned a top spot. Let’s say a 3.5 rating. Still a huge win to have two awesome sugary drinks this season.

    Undoubtedly the biggest snack launch this fall has got to be Monster Mash cereal. It’d be polite to say the Monster Cereals brand has been slacking the past few years by doing just the bare minimum to stay in the spotlight. Probably the last truly notable exploit was the card game in 2018. For 2021 General Mills got off the couch, combed the crumbs from their beard, and actually did something worthwhile by creating a new cereal based on the bones of all the old ones.

    Packaging is good, not great, but good. Gonna end up sounding mean about this one, which is a shame since I honestly do like the whole monsters coming together as a band motif. It’s just that it all feels a little small too focused. Clean retro design has it’s place for sure but this novelty record looking cover art for Monster Mash doesn’t live up to the epic promise of all five of our heroes joining forces. At least let us see the venue these guys are jamming at. Don’t leave them stranded in some endless black void like an anime character who can’t sort out their feels.

    I’ve not taken the time to catalog which pieces of Munster Mash hail from which of the individual monster cereals but I can confirm there’s a bit of everybody in here, most importantly my precious Yummy Mummy. The combined taste is both a little bit of everything yet all of nothing all at once. At first I was a little disappointed by the non-committal nature of this grab bag of flavors. A couple days later however found me suffering from an incredible hunger with no real craving for anything in particular. In that mindset Monster Mash suddenly took on a new life. That’s when I realized it’s true use.

    We all have those blah moments even during our favorite season. Maybe work took too much out of us or we woke up to a rush of chores. Those days can leave us wanting to do something seasonal but lacking for inspiration. That’s when Monster Mash swoops in for the rescue by providing us a little bit of everything when we have no idea what we actually want. In essence this is the Halloween mood stabilizer all of us could use in a pinch. Based on its own merits as a cereal it maybe merits a 3 out of five but as a lifesaver for spooky season it’s invaluable. Even better is that it’s one of those rare cereal that’s actually good when eaten dry. Just reach on in and see which monster flavors you pull back.

    Gotta say this is one of the better years for snacks in recent memory. It’s great to see so many companies pumping out the hits to help set the world back on track. These three are standing on top at the moment but there’s still so many treats to talk about, just wait till yall see the results of the September spree. Gonna do my damnedest to not fall behind since this season’s shaping up so nicely. Mostly I want to support all your festive spirits in the hope that you’ll return the favor. We’ve been given the opportunity to get back to celebrating the season the right way so let’s not waste it.

Halloween Wall Decor.

 

For a year that’s felt like an eternity it’s tough to believe Halloween is merely days away. It’s also hard to deny how strange a season this has been. No doubt it has required a bit more patience and cunning than usual. With that comes opportunities to create new traditions and discover different ways of setting our seasonal spaces. That’s the theme for today at least as we spend a great deal of time crafting and staring at the walls. It’s more fun that it sounds… I swear.

Let’s kick things off with a total surprise arrival. Last year Trick or Treat Studios started a line of classic die-cut style decorations based on movie properties like Child’s Play and They Live. Among them were multiple sets based on different Halloween entries. Finances sadly didn’t allow for them at the time but during the summer I used some stimulus fun bucks to order from a trusted store. Then the package got lost in Memphis. I was refunded for them way back in September and forgotten about the whole thing until a strange, thin package showed up this afternoon.

I got the set based on the original Halloween which comes with six die-cuts. The five primary decorations are awesome. The designs are outstanding, colors are bold, printing stock is solid, zero complaints on that front. However; the possible Michael has some notable quality control issues. First off he was packed in with his leg bent. Second his head is too small. Third some of his joints are too large to easily fold back up for storage. So the big one is a bit of a mess but given the overall quality of the other five I’d call these a win. Just don’t expect almost a quarter year of shipping with a full refund, think you have to win a really lame lottery for that sort of treatment.

Ghoulsville is something I’ve wanted to write about for months since getting them way back in early July. As you all know there’s been a number of distractions between then and now but it’s time to correct that little wrong. These and their accompanying smaller brothers called Mini Monsters come from a store called Retro-a-go-go with a mercifully well-made website. The pitch is simple, create large plastic replicas of vintage masks to hang on the wall. The proper Ghoulsville models are two-feet long from top to bottom whereas the mini ones are something like six inches with prices ranging across the lines from twenty to thirty-five bucks. The store does sell some at discount that are slightly defective or missing their boxes which is how I picked up my witch.

Without a doubt I adore this big old witch. It bugs nearly everyone else in the house but I think it’s just perfect. The only issue I could point out about it is the brown cardboard backing visible through the eyes, which could be a defect but it blends perfectly with our brown accent wall. The mini monster I’m not as thrilled with. No doubt it’s nice and has proper black eyes, plus the small size is a great option for those with limited space. Mini’s also come with die-cut figures that help to make up the difference. For me the whole point is having big statement pieces. You may not be infected with such monster truck thinking but that’s my recommendation all the same.

I’d read that shipping for these is a problem though both the cost and time, all of one day, were remarkable. Then I realized the store’s only fifty minutes away. Yet another reason to be a proud and drunk Michigan dweller. If you live in somewhat more civilized states maybe expect to pay a little more.

Some of you may recall from my September shopping spree that I picked up a white craft-pumpkin with the plan to create some wall-lanterns. I sat on the project for quite a while, unsure of the right time to dive in. Spending nearly every afternoon chronicling the buzzwords from educational webinars made it so my brain finally screamed out for a project. And so I offer you some tips and tricks for your own potential craft night.

First one has to talk about tools. Those with more money and skill suggest the likes of a heated craft knife or an exacto knife. Lacking the former and a fear of losing my fingertips keeping me from the later I had only one option left. Years back Pumpkin Masters made faux pumpkin books with proper tools for the project. These obviously lack the clean cutting speed of the other tools but make up for it somewhat with safety. And yeah before you ask these are the ashland pumpkins found at Michaels. Funkins are apparently the gold standard though that’s sadly reflected in the price. For the needs of any budget minded haunter these will work just fine. Oh and lay out some towels for this since the powered innards of these things will embed themselves into every available space and orifice.

This whole process amounts to three projects, the first and most arduous of which is chopping the damn thing in twain. As mentioned in that September article, Ashland used to make per-halfed craft pumpkins for just such projects. Or maybe they still do and I’m simply unlucky enough never to find them. That version trimmed off a lot of time as the other option is spending about fifty minutes slowly sawing around the obvious fuse line of the pumpkin. I suggest comfortable viewing material for this bit of the operation. Old game shows, maybe Murder She Wrote. I started at the bottom and just worked bit by bit. Don’t rush it since you can loose your line and end up with uneven halves.

After giving my hand at least one full night to recover I moved to picking out some patterns. Whether you’re using something premaid or designing your own the key thing to remember is that without the extra smooth cutting tools you don’t want to get too outlandish. Craft pumpkins simply don’t have the same kind of texture and flow as the real deal and it can take some real work to knock out some fairly basic designs. Plus there’s much to be said for the structural integrity provided by simple faces. This year I decided to split the difference with two pumpkin masters patterns, one spooky, the other goofy. As with a real pumpkin the different shaping of individual sides makes for a unique canvas. For the silly one I used the more rounded half while the scary one took a slightly off-center look. For patterns you can use wipe-off markers, maybe the water and sandwich-wrap thing so many companies suggest. For me I took the arduous path of the old pattern poker. The advantage with this approach is having little holes gives your knife a spot to bite in.

If you’ve got the tools and the time my biggest advice is to be patient and cut slowly. Mad sawing action is only gonna ruin the investment. Once you’re done simply pick a nail or put up a command hook and plop these onto the wall with a led candle inside. Bam! Instant mood booster.

This was the sort of activity I needed and might become a tradition for the next few years so I can amass a collection to cover every room and then some. Plus each year can be a different color. I went with white this time to counter the orange and black from past projects but there’s weird ones like Turquoise or Pink every so often, plus you could always do your own paint job, maybe throw in some glitter or glow-in-the-dark stuff if you wanna get fruity.

And there’s a run-down of all sorts of odd shit you can stick to your walls. There’s so much else to tell you guys about like new pets, finally finding some Mtn. Dew Frost Bite, maybe I’ll be able to bring you all a little more before Saturday. If not then maybe go track down a craft pumpkin or watch The Fog. Just do something fun and enjoy the season as much as you can. Freaky nighttime walks in the park count all the more if you’re chased by unidentified forest creatures, just sayin.

VooDew II, Franken-Cups, and a Spooky Story.

 

    More than any holiday season in my memory this one greatly depends on our ability to use whatever surprising opportunities come our way. It’s just not the kind of season where one can leisurely stroll through a store at three in the morning. You gotta get creative and adapt to your surroundings. This strategy helped me out last Monday when, after three hours of raking at a volunteer site, dove into a fairly vacant dollar general in hopes of hunting down the elusive VooDew II. Finding that alongside another notable new treat would be more than enough for an update but I’ve got a little spooky story for you all to top things off.

    Let’s kick this off with VooDew II: The Revenge, Electric Buggaloo, Dew Harder (rather like that last one). Whatever subtitle you prefer the important thing is that VooDew returned with a different mystery flavor to tantalize the masses. The packaging is similar in style but with a fresh coat of paint with a grim reaper flashing the peace sign to illustrate we’ve moved on to a second era. While I don’t think this package quite lives up to last years the difference is negligible.

    Just like last year there are a few prime guesses about the actual flavor ranging from caramel apple to Skittles (a common guess for VooDew 1). A big problem with guessing flavors like Skittles, Starburst, or Smarties for that matter is that those candies are similar to Mtn. Dew in that they’re like chicken of the snack world. What I mean is no matter what variety of Dew you’re drinking they all have that unifying Dew taste which is sort of like the unified flavor of Skittles and the like.

    How does this stuff taste then? I can see points in favor of the different groups. Yes there is a Skittles aspect so maybe that is the real answer this year. Of the two apple groups, candy or caramel, I’m leaning more towards the latter as I swear there’s a light caramel undertone to everything. Whatever the case what really matters is we have another smoothly sweet beverage to sip by the light of a jack-o-lantern. Given the general suck-factor of this year such a small luxury is positively priceless. There’s no denying this is a major delight for this Halloween and I advise anyone who comes across it to grab at least a few bottles. You won’t regret it.

    On the chocolaty end of the sugar spectrum we have Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups dressed up as new Franken-Cups. Are they a different flavor? Nope. Different size? Not at all. The only difference is how the lower half of the chocolate is colored green so each cup resembles Frankenstein’s Monster, or Adam if you don’t mind him sounding totally nonthreatening. It may not be revelatory or all that unique but, once again, it’s a small luxury. It’s one thing to watch Frankenstein while eating candy but it’s all the more special when you can pretend that candy is Karloff’s head. Should you find yourself strapped for cash I’d recommend the likes of Vampire Kisses or VooDew II over this, and those with allergies don’t have to worry about missing out on anything all that incredible. Otherwise it’s a nifty treat.

    One thing that’s been missing from my October is a good scare. Sure I’ve been watching my horror flicks and taking nighttime walks. It’s just there hasn’t been that big scary moment like you might get at a haunted house, which are a total no-go this year. Wednesday night the universe provided a good hair-raiser to snap me outta my doldrums.

    Having yet another walk the other night. A small storm was on its way in which in the meantime meant the weather was windy, wild, and just perfect for this time of year. I’d already felt a few droplets hit my nose and forehead but I couldn’t resist stretching such a wonderful excursion out for as long as possible. I decided to add at least one more block onto my route which took me past the smallest playground in town.

    Walking in the road I was still amazed by the fantastic wind sending leaves in all directions. As I looked towards the playground coming up on my right I saw something strange. A large shadow, almost like a person running while hunched over dove quickly through the shadows before disappearing into the deeper darkness near the ground. While this sight worried me I made an attempt to keep my fears in check. After all such weird shadows aren’t all that uncommon during an autumn night. I continued forward making the occasional glance at where the figure had vanished.

    Suddenly the shape returned. Whatever it was stood at child height and began moving right towards me full force. My mind raced with notions of fight or flight. Could I outrun this thing? Was it something I could actually fight? Why the hell did I have to add another block to this walk? All the questions waited for answers as I stood in place.

    At last the shape emerged into the streetlight giving me mere second to process and react. A garbage bag. A goddamn heavy-duty black garbage bag was flying right at me going the speed of an in-town car. Despite wearing clunky boots I reacted quickly with enough spring in my step to vault over the assaulting bag all while yelling “What the hell!” From then on the remainder of the walk was filled with giggles and the beginning sprinkles of a storm.

    If nothing else let tonight’s blog serve as a remainder for you all to get out there. Taking a left turn instead of a right could easily result in some new soda or an assault from flying trash. It’s those tiny moments that are helping to bridge the gap between this Halloween and those of the past. They’ve certainly done a great deal for my mood as I now truly feel like I’m celebrating my favorite season again. With that comes new plans and revelations like an idea for how to safely hand out candy and how mad scientist costumes provide perfect thematic protection. You all stay scary and I’ll try to be back by early next week with something new.

October Snack Report and Halloween Book Sale

 

For a born and breed night owl there are few things more repulsive than waking up at any hour with AM attached to it. One of the daffy aspects of current life however dictates that I must be up bright and early on the first Saturday of each month for one of my classes. Not sure if anyone on the zoom meeting realizes they’re speaking with half a pot of coffee more than there are with me but this past weekend the ordeal of dragging my corpse outta bed offered a nifty extra. For years the local library book sale has been a fixture of my Halloween celebration, one that didn’t seem likely this year. Outside of a small booth at the weekly farmers market there seemed to be no way of recreating that event. That is until the library decided to throw together a one day outdoor version marking a big change from the classic 3 day affair. I know from past experience these are incredibly unpopular posts so that’s why I’ve mixed in a snack report to keep you buggers here.

Now let’s talk books. There wasn’t much in the way of solid horror paperbacks this year, hardly any in fact. I did managed to come across multiple novels involving ghostly or magical cats which almost seems insulting given recent events though I did bring home one called Shadow by Joyce Sweeney that looks decent enough. I was very pleased to come across one of Clive Barker’s anthologies, The Inhuman Condition. Barker is far from my favorite but short stories are a godsend during busy periods like October so I’ll chalk it up to a victory all the same.

Next we enter the world of supposed non-fiction with Hanz Holzer’s Haunted America. If the name seems familiar that because Holzer is one of many authors who wrote about Amityville, namely Murder in Amityville which was the basis for the best film in the series (the second for those of you not paying attention to my Amitville articles). Haunted America is a guide to various famous haunting across the U.S. if nothing else it might serve as a fun travel guide should the world ever straighten itself out.

Finally we have the biggie from Time Life’s Enchanted Realm series. These hardcovers were guidebooks to all manner of magical topics from giants and Camelot, to ghosts and ghouls. This particular volume titled Night Creatures was the one I most often borrowed from the library to thrill at descriptions and paintings of child-eating hags and the like. If ever a series of books embodied a lazy afternoon camped out with a blanket over the furnace vent then these are it.

For whatever reason the media area was crazy well-stocked this year, to the point I actually left some items behind. Someoe either had a Dickensian burst of generosity, or merely lost their marbles, and donated the likes of Midnite Movie double-features, Tartan Asia Extreme Releases, and even a Scream Factory title. While initially excited by the prospect of an area stocked with Vincent Price multi-features I was quickly brought back down by the knowledge I already owned most of these save for Scream and Scream Again. Admittedly far from the man’s best work, and it was paired with The Oblong Box which I already own but that only makes the dollar asking price all the more sweet. Then there’s a Dark Sky Films double with some weirdo sci-fi flick called Creation of the Humanoids and the reason I got it, War Between the Planets which is part of the endearingly silly Gamma 4 series. I believe it’s often cited as the third installment of the franchise but that depends on who you ask, it’s a complicated topic. My final movie pick-up and one I’m most excited for is Doppleganger directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa. This is the second time in a month that I’ve been able to nab one of us movies for a buck which either means society is starting to mature or we’re officially past the point of no return. At least when the idiocracy fully cements I’ll have a full stash of quality J-horror to sustain me.

Definitely not the biggest or most comprehensive book sale experience yet it helped things to feel both more normal and a little unique. Not only could I carry on a tradition but I got to do it in a new setting, chilling my feet on a wet lawn. But enough about moldy old books, some of you are just here for the fresh, chemical-filled treats.

Crush Sour Patch Kids Berry Soda

Sometimes you come across a new item in the store that must assuredly be some kind of holiday-linked stunt food only to discover zero trace of spider-webs, Christmas tress, or fireworks on the packaging. Such is the case with new Sour Patch Kids Berry Crush, a product that must be a Halloween inspired bit of indulgence yet suffers from bland presentation. If you were to stroll past the soda aisle and fail to notice this, it’d be a completely forgivable oversight since there’s little more than than the obnoxious blue color and image of a candy person to set this apart from anything else.

Regardless of the Crush group’s inability to latch on to the obvious link between candy and Halloween the thing that really matters is flavor, so how is this Windex looking concoction? Honestly… it’s pretty wild. There’s not much in the way of berry taste and the sour aspect, while there, is slightly watered-down. All that being said there’s still the sugary burst one expects from a soda like this only now it comes with an extra pop which leaves your mouth and tongue feeling a little fuzzy like you just ate a few Sour Patch Kids. It’s not a perfect translation of the candy into a soda instead feeling more like one was infused with the other. On a personal note the stuff blends pretty nicely with gin so… consider that a bonus for any booze hounds out there. I’m gonna he nice and give this a 3 out of 5, a rating that would be higher if they’d had the foresight to put something spooky on the damn bottle!

St. Julian Head Games Wine

While nowhere near as prominent as the west coast of the country, Michigan has a fairly notable selection of wineries to choose from. This time of year it’s common to see plentiful displays of Leelanau’s Witch’s Brew crowding the shelves but this year I took a different route. Seeing as I don’t pay anywhere near enough attention to the wine market I’ve no clue how recent a development St Julian’s Head Games is. Then again who am I to turn down a bottle of spiced red wine with a sparkly skull on the front?

As far as presentation I give major props for the label. It’s tacky enough to be fun without going overboard into ugly territory. Unfortunately this is a screw-top bottle so there’s none of the alluring sensation of popping out a cork. Still; the colors and shelf presence are to be commended.

Taking the first sniff is quite frankly sweet for any wine, let alone a spiced red. I hadn’t paid attention to the back of the bottle which features a handy-dandy dry to sweet scale. Guess where this thing ranks? Naturally I was in no way prepared for the liquid-candy shock headed my way. I mean this shit is like diabetic blood which makes it easy to keep in moderation. It doesn’t earn my highest recommendation but for anyone looking for something different than pumpkin ale this is a nifty treat. Let’s give it around 3.5 outta 5.

Vampire Kisses

When it comes to new Halloween editions of established candy it’s natural to expect one of the three key flavors, pumpkin spice, caramel apple, or the more divisive candy corn. Some ballsy folks at Hershey decided to forgo the standard tastes and incorporate Strawberry into their seasonal offering with Vampire Kisses. I’m gonna come right out and declare these an absolute win by the way.

The packaging itself is a total win. Not only is there a fine three-way combo of blood-red, dark chocolate brown, and a bit of purple but it only gets better once you dig into the bag. The traditional Kisses wrapping is now purple with bats. That’s the sort of attention to detail we love.

The taste is smooth and balanced with the strawberry element toned down enough to work with the chocolate without being overpowered. The fruit goo itself is thankfully smooth, not chalky or lumpy. It’s a satisfying treat that you can just pop a couple and be good with. You should get these… like go put on your mask and go get get some this instant. As for a rating I’ll put it at 4.5 to account for personal tastes.

That’s all for tonight folks. I appreciate the patience with my spotty update schedule. It’s part of the problem with balancing volunteering, regular school, life and this place. For the sake of entertainment I’m gonna try to fit in more small updates to spice up the season a little more. As for you all out there please share in any surprise events or snacks that are helping to keep this Halloween up to snuff for you.

September Spree 2020

 

    If there’s anything to be certain of this Halloween it’s, somewhat fittingly, uncertainty. It’s tough to know which of our traditions will still take place and which ones are put on hiatus. At the very least this can lead to a few pleasant surprise when something you thought was unlikely happens anyway. Such is the case with today’s story of a September shopping spree. This one’s got everything from core staples to historical television, so get cozy since you might see some of these items return for another post.

    The September spree is something I never plan for but has taken place for at least half-a-decade without fail. I get up to have coffee and soon enough find myself twenty miles away investigating the newest seasonal goodies. Given that I haven’t had a trip of this nature since possibly February I had zero hope of it happening. Ya know that saying about lemons and lemonade? Well mine is when a relative needs a new leaf-blower slip into as many extra stores as you can.

    Some of this haul is predictable necessity. Light Strands for the crab-apple tree or cemetery fence, orange storage totes for reorganization, but there’s still fun to be had with these simple items like the white craft pumpkin. For a couple of years some craft stores sold artificial pumpkins that had already been sawed in half and given a hanger so you could carve and put em on the wall. I adored those halves since they made for some of the best, and easily stored decorations around. For whatever reason, stores are now content to only sell full craft pumpkins which means I’m just gonna start splitting them in twain myself. Every Halloween should have at least one project night and the addition of some new pattern books this should provide a decent distraction. And yes I got the usual array of carving pattern books. They may not be the most prestigious items around but they’re an essential part of every spooky season. You might end up seeing a guide on creating wall-pumpkins in a couple weeks.

    I did manage to dig up a few more interesting items. Can’t help but note for those who haven’t gotten out for much shopping that there is a lot of repeat stuff from last year. It makes sense of course with the state of the world, and it isn’t without some perks. Consider this blow-mold style pumpkin man I got from Michael’s. He was part of a wave of retro decorations last year and managed to escape my grasp. Not this time, little man. Also dig the light-up trio of witches for the cemetery with a third of the price already slashed off thanks to being older stock. Even managed to fit some of those torch light-bulbs into the budget. If nothing else the end of the world is surprisingly gentle on the wallet.

    Eagle-eyed readers are going to notice something that is neither new nor exclusive to Halloween yet I feel it vital to stress their value all the same. I’m talking about Zapp’s Voodoo potato chips. Despite being a year-round product there are few snacks better fit to serve as a fixture of this season. If you’ve never had them imagine something that walks the line of being spicy but not really hot. Tons of flavor, great on a sandwich, and the theme is a perfect fit on a stormy night with an old voodoo flick like I Walked With a Zombie or Sugar Hill.

    Last but definitely not least is a horror movie haul from dollar tree of all places. Actually dollar stores in general have been a nice spot to build film collections for a while now though my usual haul is just one or two titles. Last night I came across a nice spread of terror tales ranging from pure classics to silly rubbish with a spot of unique television in between. As for the five movies I was most pleased to nab a DVD of the original Pulse. The rest are all virginal to me with the supposedly wretched Wish Upon, goofy British slasher flick Severance, the often dismissed James Gunn/Greg McLean project The Belko Experiment, and some violent Rutger Hauer action via Hobo With a Shotgun. Obviously results can vary wildly but if you need to stock up on some random entertainment for the season it’s hard to argue with the price. Plus there’s one item here that needs a little more attention.

    The Hitchhiker is a 1980s anthology series from HBO. More accurately it is the very first series the channel ever had. Much like the later Tales From the Crypt this show pulled in some major talent for one-shot horror and crime stories on a weekly basis. Unlike Crypt this show is hardly ever brought up and is seemingly impossible to collect in full, there’s even a complete series release that's more like half the series if that makes a lick of damn sense. No clue if this has to do with contract issues, outright negligence, or the move to USA Network for the last few seasons. Whatever the reason this show is historically important yet almost totally forgotten. Can’t say as I’ve ever seen an episode but that all changes with this two-disc set containing 10 of what the packaging claims are the best episodes. Regardless of actual quality there’s the promise of Gary Busey which means Friday night’s gonna be alright.

    And thus concludes this years September spree. It took a little bit of retraining on my part trying to find a comfort level in these stores again since it’s been son long since I last shopped like this. Once things got moving however it felt about 56% normal. Overall a well-needed change of pace during a time of stress. Given the importance of safety however this is absolutely the year to trade advice and shopping tips whenever possible so we’re not all traipsing across the countryside in hopes of material satisfaction. That’s all I’ve got in the tank for tonight kiddos. There’s schoolwork and decorating to be done but I will reach my post quota for the month so come back in a couple days and I’ll whip up something nifty. Ta for now.

Rambo: Force of Freedom. Return of the Count

 

    Obviously it’s been a few weeks since yours truly has done anything on this site. Well readers; my cat, Forrest sadly didn't pull through from his leg-injury so we had to do the merciful thing and put him down. As you can probably guess I’ve been damn depressed ever since and am only now getting back into the flow of things. I miss my little buddy like mad, and we’re gonna do a tribute to him making him the embodiment of how to enjoy this upcoming holiday season. That’s actually how I wanted to begin this years Halloween coverage but doing justice to my friend is a tough challenge. Today we can do our best by beginning our celebrations the way he would want, with silly television.

    Everyone has something, usually a specific event or date that more or less marks the passage from summer into full Halloween madness. Around here that was the final hometown event just after labor day. Problem is that didn’t happen this year so it’s entirely up to me to decide if it’s time to cover the house in pumpkins and bats. To mark this transition we deserve something that takes a little from both camps, the rollicking sweaty action of summertime and the spooky comforts of autumn. Turns out we can pick right up where we left off last Christmas with America’s favorite mentally scared super-soldier, John Rambo.

    Rambo: The Force of Freedom is an extraordinary oddity in TV history, marking a strange choice of converting an R rated action film series into a regular adventure series for kids. Parents complained and the show didn’t last all that long but man is it ever entertaining. We’ve seen Rambo rescue Santa Clause, actually a former military scientist, from evil organization S.A.V.A.G.E. Much as Argyle wished to see Nakatomi’s take on New Years I just gotta see how the force of freedom hands out candy.

    We begin at the pentagon where the whole crew surrounds a desk making vague threats. Rambo reports that “it’s a messy job but somebody’s gotta do it” right before jamming his giant knife into a poor defenseless pumpkin.

    Across town we meet two young boys wrapping up a full night of trick-or-treating, one of which in a costume that would get him reprimanded for cultural insensitivity these days. We soon learn that the elder of this brotherly pair has a reputation for tall-tales as he convinces the younger one to investigate a strange light inside a spooky old mansion. Wouldn’t ya know the kid is immediately snatched up by some Dracula lookalike. Suppose I should note that this is the count, a returning villain and descendant of Vlad the Impaler.

    After some drama with the kid telling his mom and them calling the cops we get to something more important. Turns out these boys are Colonel Trautman’s nephews so unlike every poor sap that ends up on a milk-carton these kids get a government-sanctioned murder-squad for a search party. Trautman hangs back at the house, the sidekicks hit the streets, and Rambo decides to investigate the haunted mansion solo.

     The next few minutes of the episode play-out like a mix of Scooby-Doo and Commando as our hero navigates the dark halls of the mansion avoiding booby-traps and battling ghost dogs. Ok, so they aren’t actual ghosts, they’re just coated in glitter or something which seems like a bad idea. Imagine the shiny poops after they lick themselves. Anyway; Rambo gets captured and shackled to a wall in a flooding room only to bust out and break through a brick wall like a badass.

    Now the episode totally shifts gears. The lightning intensifies as Rambo does his gear-up montage in preparation for the battle to come. The reason the count was at some D. C. suburb was to initiate a crazy scheme involving the use of kits to attrac lightning and overload the power grid. Why would they do this you ask? So S.A.V.A.G.E. can kidnap the president under the cover of darkness.

    From here on out it’s just one action scene after another. Rambo takes on the count and his thugs, Trautman and the others blow-up bikers on the street, Rambo fights a ninja atop a moving semi-truck before taking on a helicopter full of baddies. As a reminder this is a Halloween episode involving ninjas, and a plot to kidnap world leaders. If the novelty factor alone isn’t good enough for you then you’re just too far gone. In the end the oldest boy decides he wants to grow up to be just like Rambo, poor bastard doesn’t know what he’s in for. Rambo responds with the moral of the story that you shouldn’t tell crazy stories since you need trust to be a leader, yowza.

    Even as a massive horror nut I’ve often bemoaned a lack of alternative Halloween viewing. Sure there’s the amazing Cowboy Bebop movie, and a few family flicks, but I’m always pleased to see different genres like action or comedy mixed with this season, more so if they do it well. This isn’t the absolute best Halloween episode out there but it’s a good change of pace that can be found pretty easily online.

    And with that we are officially started on Halloween goodness. It’s gonna be a rough season for a lot of us, lord knows mine isn’t starting on the best note. Just remember to enjoy the little things in life. Camp out in the living room to watch some cartoons with your pets. Play a board game while fueled-up on pumpkin ale. We may not be able to do the big stuff like haunted houses or going to the theater for the newest movie. What we can do is be like Forrest and hang out in the garage as we watch the spooky weather drift by.