Obviously it’s been a few weeks since yours truly has done anything on this site. Well readers; my cat, Forrest sadly didn't pull through from his leg-injury so we had to do the merciful thing and put him down. As you can probably guess I’ve been damn depressed ever since and am only now getting back into the flow of things. I miss my little buddy like mad, and we’re gonna do a tribute to him making him the embodiment of how to enjoy this upcoming holiday season. That’s actually how I wanted to begin this years Halloween coverage but doing justice to my friend is a tough challenge. Today we can do our best by beginning our celebrations the way he would want, with silly television.
Everyone has something, usually a specific event or date that more or less marks the passage from summer into full Halloween madness. Around here that was the final hometown event just after labor day. Problem is that didn’t happen this year so it’s entirely up to me to decide if it’s time to cover the house in pumpkins and bats. To mark this transition we deserve something that takes a little from both camps, the rollicking sweaty action of summertime and the spooky comforts of autumn. Turns out we can pick right up where we left off last Christmas with America’s favorite mentally scared super-soldier, John Rambo.
Rambo: The Force of Freedom is an extraordinary oddity in TV history, marking a strange choice of converting an R rated action film series into a regular adventure series for kids. Parents complained and the show didn’t last all that long but man is it ever entertaining. We’ve seen Rambo rescue Santa Clause, actually a former military scientist, from evil organization S.A.V.A.G.E. Much as Argyle wished to see Nakatomi’s take on New Years I just gotta see how the force of freedom hands out candy.
We begin at the pentagon where the whole crew surrounds a desk making vague threats. Rambo reports that “it’s a messy job but somebody’s gotta do it” right before jamming his giant knife into a poor defenseless pumpkin.
Across town we meet two young boys wrapping up a full night of trick-or-treating, one of which in a costume that would get him reprimanded for cultural insensitivity these days. We soon learn that the elder of this brotherly pair has a reputation for tall-tales as he convinces the younger one to investigate a strange light inside a spooky old mansion. Wouldn’t ya know the kid is immediately snatched up by some Dracula lookalike. Suppose I should note that this is the count, a returning villain and descendant of Vlad the Impaler.
After some drama with the kid telling his mom and them calling the cops we get to something more important. Turns out these boys are Colonel Trautman’s nephews so unlike every poor sap that ends up on a milk-carton these kids get a government-sanctioned murder-squad for a search party. Trautman hangs back at the house, the sidekicks hit the streets, and Rambo decides to investigate the haunted mansion solo.
The next few minutes of the episode play-out like a mix of Scooby-Doo and Commando as our hero navigates the dark halls of the mansion avoiding booby-traps and battling ghost dogs. Ok, so they aren’t actual ghosts, they’re just coated in glitter or something which seems like a bad idea. Imagine the shiny poops after they lick themselves. Anyway; Rambo gets captured and shackled to a wall in a flooding room only to bust out and break through a brick wall like a badass.
Now the episode totally shifts gears. The lightning intensifies as Rambo does his gear-up montage in preparation for the battle to come. The reason the count was at some D. C. suburb was to initiate a crazy scheme involving the use of kits to attrac lightning and overload the power grid. Why would they do this you ask? So S.A.V.A.G.E. can kidnap the president under the cover of darkness.
From here on out it’s just one action scene after another. Rambo takes on the count and his thugs, Trautman and the others blow-up bikers on the street, Rambo fights a ninja atop a moving semi-truck before taking on a helicopter full of baddies. As a reminder this is a Halloween episode involving ninjas, and a plot to kidnap world leaders. If the novelty factor alone isn’t good enough for you then you’re just too far gone. In the end the oldest boy decides he wants to grow up to be just like Rambo, poor bastard doesn’t know what he’s in for. Rambo responds with the moral of the story that you shouldn’t tell crazy stories since you need trust to be a leader, yowza.
Even as a massive horror nut I’ve often bemoaned a lack of alternative Halloween viewing. Sure there’s the amazing Cowboy Bebop movie, and a few family flicks, but I’m always pleased to see different genres like action or comedy mixed with this season, more so if they do it well. This isn’t the absolute best Halloween episode out there but it’s a good change of pace that can be found pretty easily online.
And with that we are officially started on Halloween goodness. It’s gonna be a rough season for a lot of us, lord knows mine isn’t starting on the best note. Just remember to enjoy the little things in life. Camp out in the living room to watch some cartoons with your pets. Play a board game while fueled-up on pumpkin ale. We may not be able to do the big stuff like haunted houses or going to the theater for the newest movie. What we can do is be like Forrest and hang out in the garage as we watch the spooky weather drift by.
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