With the upcoming release of Godzilla vs Kong I’d thought of giving the great ape the same sort of treatment as his green and scalely counterpart by running down all his celluloid adventures. Seeing as damn near every movies site out there is bound to have various Kong retrospectives I figure it’s more pertinent to tackle some of the stranger corners of the franchise over the coming month and a half. Believe me there’s some really obscure shit but for now let’s go with something that straddles the line between mainstream and forgotten relic. The De Laurentiis era of Kong movies that began with the first remake, King Kong (1976) and ended with the ridiculed King Kong Lives (1986).
The matter of obscurity for these two movies often comes down to when someone was born. There’s a whole subset of folks who first experienced the great ape and skull island through these films and hold at least the first one in high-regard. When I was just a wee lad however there was always this feeling of disappointment whenever the 70s version of Kong was on TV instead of the old B&W one. As more years passed since a previous viewing it became easier to forget why I didn’t like the movie and simply fill in the blanks with superficial issues. Maybe it was the different pacing or the switch from awesome stop-motion to a dude in a gorilla suit, or maybe just the presence of Charles Groden turned me off. Having settled in for a revisit I’ve actually gained a little respect for the film while finally pinning down some of the issues that kept it from living up to the oldie in my eyes.
It’s an odd thing but so much of what does and doesn’t work about this remake simply comes down to the time in which it was made. On the positive front there’s grand expansive cinematography of tropical locations, the overall cinematography in fact. There’s a gorgeous musical score from John Berry. Many of the models that Kong interacts with are marvelous, such as the elevated trains that inspired the iconic, and sadly gone, theme-park ride. The whole approach to the story is based more in reality with a greater focus on the destructive nature of man exploiting nature. Plus I really enjoyed how this is the one version to show a little of the return voyage rather than skipping from Skull Island back to New York.
That same level of concern for real-world issues, and in the overall emphasis of 1970s films on the darker side of things lends a feeling of cynicism that really drags this adventure down. That issue is reflected the most by the remakes trio of characters. Rather than having the expedition be mounted by an eccentric filmmaker hopeful of capturing images the world has never imaged we get Fred Wilson, a blowhard oil executive. He believes this unknown island hidden by a permanent fog-bank will yield untold riches in oil. Once everything goes tits up he’s inspired to bring Kong home as a living mascot for the company. Replacing Jack Driscoll, the sailor with a heart of gold, we get Jack Prescott, a mangy paleontologist of somewhat shaky morals. The heroine is probably the biggest shakeup as the lovable but down on her luck Ann Darrow has her role filled by Dwan, a budding pron star who washes up in a life raft. I always thought I had a problem with Jessica Lange in this film but having seen it again I’d put the issue more on her character than the actress herself. Dwan is just a silly bimboo who shows up outta nowhere and is apparently greatly aroused by the sensation of being dryed off by hot monkey breath. This new trio fails to provide a solid anchor for the story with Fred being a loud idiot, Jack seeming self-centered, and Dwan being a ditz.
This seems like the most sensible time to bring up the title character. Here we have a Kong who’s much angrier and hmm… hornier than his predecessor. Whereas other versions of the story showcase the purity of the animal be it is the undisputed king of his island or as a lonely survivor, this film plays up more of his instinctual drive the sexual attraction between him and Dwan. It makes it more difficult to relate and sympathize with the beast as he makes these crazy faces over how excited he is to get this blonde chick outta her cloths. Plus there isn’t as much action from the big guy since he only has one fight scene with another monster and his rampage feels small given the scope of the movie.
As I mentioned earlier its the sense of cynicism that really cuts down on the enjoyment factor here. Despite the more realistic reason for launching the journey there’s still a sense of adventure early on. As the film progresses everything gets more grim, slimy, and unlikable. The natives are about as underdeveloped as in the original only now their shaman dresses like an ape and trusts his package at a drugged-up Dwan. Skull Island lack the variety of dinosaurs and crazy monsters, save for one giant snake, and the topography is more grim and jagged. The voyage home sees most of the cast in a foul mood with the lovers unable to consummate their relationship as they hear the tortured roars of Kong who, as Fred reminds us, wanted to rape Dwan. Rather than seeing the characters caught up in the thrill of the adventure only to find they’ve done a cruel thing this one reveals in misery. This culminates in several changes to the ending. Fred is crushed underfoot at the performance, Kong dies a bloody death atop the World Trade Center, and when Dwan seeks the comfort of Jack at the end she is surrounded by a rush of reporters looking to make the most entertainment from this tragedy. It’s that classic downbeat 70s sci-fi shit.
While definitely not as bad, or good, as some make it sound, Kong 76 just doesn’t do enough right to make it worth watching over the much shorter original. Yeah, I forgot that this one marks the trend of Kong remakes only growing in length, adding a half-hour to story. And that’s not accounting for the even longer television cut. Still; it’s worth a view for curiosities sake and the successful elements like the score are still worth your time. For the productions sake the film was basically a hit though considered a slight disappointment, and talks of several sequels were floated around until a decade later.
Here’s where things get a little weird. King Kong Lives was released in 1986 likely as a response to the then recent return of Godzilla in… Return of Godzilla (or Godzilla 1985). It was something of a reunion as well with the same director, the return of Carlo Rambaldi working on ape effects, and De Laurentiis producing. This time around the budget, scale, and intended audience were all lowered seemingly aiming for the family friendly crowd. The resulting film has been an item of mockery for decades but what’s weirder is how someone is seemingly trying to wipe it from the pop-culture history books. Not only has the last home media release been out of print for over 16 years but no streaming services carry the film nor are there any options to rent or buy a digital copy that I can find. Plus whoever maintains rights to the thing makes sure nothing larger than a trailer or clip makes ti to video sites. Now that’s not to say the movie can’t be found, just not with the ease of any of the other films.
So is King Kong Lives really as bad as it’s reputation? It’d been a lifetime since I’d last seen the thing, likely way back in my childhood. Having revisited it I can tell you it’s not a very good movie, though not without a few interesting bits and a fair amount of entertainment value.
The movie begins with a quick recap of the violent helicopter battle atop the twin towers from the 76 version before jumping ahead a whole decade to show that Kong has been on life-support all this time. Researchers in Atlanta plan to give the big guy an artificial heart but they need a blood-donor for the operation to be a success and nothing fits the bill. Cut to Borneo where adventure Mitch finds a female specimen he dubs Lady Kong. Mitch offers up the big girl for bids but Dr. Amy (Post-Terminator Linda Hamilton) stresses they only need blood and the female should be kept far away from Kong for safety.
What comes next is one of the most outlandish scenarios ever put to film, giant ape heart surgery. We’re talking a crew of doctors with comically oversized medical tools and a goddamn freight-crane digging out Kong’s damaged ticker and installing a shiny artificial replacement. While they never show the gaping chest cavity there’s still a giant monkey heart and plenty of blood which feels so strange in such an otherwise silly sequence. I dare you not to laugh when a surgeon picks up a bone saw the size of a commercial-grade weed-whacker.
The decision is made to move Lady elsewhere but the attempt makes her panic which wakes up Kong for a bit of rampaging before the pair flee to wild Appalachia. Amy and Mitch try to track them down believing it their responsibility to keep the animals safe while the government sends a weirdly aggressive army general out to capture the creatures. From that point on the movie becomes a square dance between romantic giant apes, caring scientists, sadistic soldiers, and drunken hill folk. It’s a lot to take in. Plus I learned that Kong, much like myself and Amos Moses, has a fondness for gator meat.
There are still plenty of missteps throughout the picture that feel very characteristic of mid-1980s family adventures such as the weird corny yet dork tone. There’s these strange attempts at humor that almost always fall flat, a human villain getting smashed into a grave yet their legs stick outta the dirt for example. In fact there’s like zero effort to explain why the main army general is so damn angry about pretty much anything. That sort of flat characterization tracks with the rest of the film though with our heroes being very basic. Even with the aforementioned issues King Kong Lives is much like its predecessor in that the best and worst elements walk hand in hand. Characters are flat yet mostly likable. We get to see a softer side of Kong as he romances Lady but we also get some decent chaos as he thrashes the military and pulls hillbillies in half. There’s no real effort at deeper meaning or nuanced filmmaking. This is just a straightforward giant ape adventure for better or worse..
Lives is indeed a fairly lousy movie but for pure entertainment value I’d put it at least in the upper half of Kong Movies. There’s nor pretentiousness of any kind and it’s one of the rare installments that sets out to do it’s own thing rather than making homages to Apocalypse Now or retelling the same story the same damn story for the umpteenth time. The ending sets up further expansion of the series only the movie bombed horribly save for a surprising amount of ticket sales in Soviet Russia. With that Kong went away for a long stretch before some animated projects and the Peter Jackson remake allowed him to live again.
As I said earlier there’s little need in discussing some of the big tentpoles of the series so we’ll only talk about the really weird stuff leading up to late March. I think next time we’ll dig into what may be the true low point of Kong’s career, the janky animated musical that is Mighty Kong.
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