Big announcement! I've got an article
up on dreadcentral.com! That's right, no longer am I solely confined
to the world of blogger. Someone has actually seen fit to carry my
inane ramblings to an even bigger audience. If you're at all
interested, check out my post over there and maybe leave a comment or
spread it around. It'll earn you some good karma, I guess. Check it out.
Writing for other websites isn't the
only thing I've been up to lately. I also got a new job, apparently a
new doctor, and all sorts of fun new things. Basically I've been busy
with a lot of real world responsibility lately. You know, the boring
stuff. Other than a couple appointments and starting the new job,
things should return to the proper flow sloth and ignorance soon.
That break from regular blogging means
I've got a backlog of things to talk about like the surge of
springtime snacks that have been hitting stores lately. Seeing as I
was strolling through ankle deep snow a week ago, the sudden shit to
nearly eighty degree weather is confounding to say the least.
Outsiders may not know it, but when Tim Allen does those soothing
travel ads, sudden and violent shifts in temperature is Pure
Michigan. The accompanying onset of pollen has left me a little
dimwitted as well. Having the option of opening the windows and
listening to the toads and crickets is a fair trade for the frequent
brain farts. What was I talking about again? Oh yes, candy.
One of the biggest product launches
going on now is M&M's nut face-off. This threesome of Honey-Nut,
Coffee-nut, and Chili-nut are competing for a place in the regular
line-up based on a voting competition. I grabbed all three from
Walgreen's figuring I'd enjoy at least one of them. I mean it's
M&M's. The pretzel variety is piratically mana from heaven. None
of these deserve to share self space with their candy brethren.
Without a doubt this is the worst selection of vote for your favorite
flavors I've ever encountered. Honey is overdone and seems
artificial, coffee is weak and dirty tasting, and the less said about
chili the better. Thankfully I've got this GIF to properly illustrate
my reaction. Suddenly spending three hours on giphy seems totally
worthwhile.
Unwilling to be outdone by candy, the
folks at Little Debbie have given the Zebra treatment to Cake Rolls,
Nutty Bars, and Brownies. I could only bring myself to buy two of
these as I remain convinced Debbie's brownies are a pox straight from
hell.
Zebra Nutty Bars turned out alright.
Nothing amazing but nothing to scoff at. They've got a few
interesting cosmetic differences to help them seem special but in
reality they don't even match up to their normal counterpart.
Zebra Cake Rolls on the other hand
deserve a regular spot in the Debbie selection. Pretty much everyone
can agree that both traditional Swiss Cake Rolls and Zebra Cakes are
awesome in their own right. The merging of the two is positively
divine. You get the Zebra flavor with the heft and moisture of the
Rolls, god is it ever a good mixture. Plus they're enormous!
Absolutely a proper snack for big lads like myself. You should go
stock up.
Now I dunno about you folks but for me
and the nephew/nieces, Peeps are kind of a big deal. We indulge in
every new variety that comes our way and even mix a few of em for
extra fun. Part of this Easter's line-up were three new entries in
the mystery flavor category. Last year's mystery turned out to be the
very tasty fruit punch which got its own proper and hard to find
release this year. As for this new contenders, let's take a look.
Flavor #1 wasn't too bad. I felt
confident they were aiming for some kind of choco flavor and sure
enough these are supposed to be Hot Chocolate. They're definitely not
going to please every peep fan but they were at least an interesting
novelty.
Flavor #2: Was gross, very gross. Not
quite as bad as some of last fall's varieties but there was some sort
of salty corn thing going on that just doesn't work in marshmallow
form. Some studying revealed that the flavor is supposed to be
Buttered Popcorn. I can only imagine the person who came up with this
idea was trying to get fired.
Thankfully Flavor #3 proved to be
legitimately tasty. At first it seemed like an alternate take on the
Fruit Punch flavor but according to the internet, these are supposed
to be Sour Cherry. I find that a little surprising as these lack the
severe edge sour versions bring to the table. Wouldn't mind seeing
these return someday.
Another Peep variety on the market is
Cotton Candy. As a fan of both treats these were such a good way to
induce sugar shock. They completely nailed the flavor. I supposed
there's some poor soul who sees this as the merging of two great
evils. In a way they're right. So yea, I love em.
Possibly the best surprise in the
Easter candy department was the slew of new Russel Stovers
Marshmallow Eggs. I didn't get to try all of them but of the ones I
managed to sneak into my lower intestine, three stood out as special.
First up was Key Lime which was nearly too strong but for those of us
who like our lime with some kick, this was good. Pineapple turned out
be pretty damn tasty by being lite and nuanced. There was just enough
fruit flavor to set it apart from the pack. The winner of the trio
and one I hope to see return is Mango. It walked the line between the
other two, being lighter than Key Lime with just a little more
fruitiness than Pineapple. I took down more than my fair share of
these and I'm not ashamed of it.
Your best bet at finding these is
probably at the nearest Walgreen's. They may still have a few on
clearance and I'd recommend you buy up as many as possible.
The next snack is hardly new but I
felt the need to share it for anyone looking to relive some old
memories. Those of us who are old enough fondly remember Planters
Cheese Balls. In the vast landscape of cheese puffs, nothing could
compare to a can of Planters. They were moist, flavorful, amazing
testaments to mankind's gluttony. For some reason the dumb bastards
stopped making it years ago, leaving many of us with fond memories
and an urge to find a proper replacement. That's where Better Made
steps in.
For those who don't know, Better Made
is a Detroit based snack company that makes the standard spread of
potato chips and the like. Recently I decided to try out their
Cheese Balls since Menards had them on sale and oh god what find they
are. This is the closet I've come to finding a true replacement for
the old Planters stuff. It's incredibly cheesy, very moist, leaves a
think orange film on your fingers that demands to be sucked off. Lord
is this ever a suggestive food review. Even the packaging is a fair
proximity to the old classic. If you're in distribution range of
Better Made stuff, you owe it to yourself yo pick up a can of these
lovely balls.
Well kids. I've actually been writing
about snack foods until sunrise. I need to get some sleep for another
busy week. Let me know of any awesome foods you find out in the world
and wish me luck with the new job. I'll be back soon. Enough to work
on this backlog of goodies.
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