Another month brings yet another round of snacks and novelties to consume. Perfect timing too since there’s been plenty of work and the household has been riff with drama of late. We played host to a new doggy for a wee bit and he proved to be something of an ill fit and is on his way to another home that can hopefully work with his particular brand of madness. Another factor making the snack world exciting for yours truly is having a second dose of vaccine. That’s right, I’m now fully equipped to go out and snack hunt in style. Well… two a few more days technically for everything to cement, and yes I will celebrate that mark by returning to an antiques shop with a truly excellent record corner. You all best be getting your shots too, believe me, it feels great to know there’s at least a little defense standing between you and everything else. Enough of dramatics and medical science! it’s time for some food!
Hostess Lemonade Stand Twinkies
Snack hunters can take a lot of flack for the weird shit they bring home and these lemonade Stand Twinkies earn plenty of side-eye and speculation. Suspicions soon turned around as the fatty cakes turned out to be far different than expected yet in a most pleasing way.
Presentation’s fairly standard for Hostess. Big, bright box housing chemical-laced cakes. While we expected something more outright lemony on the flavor front the reality was far more subdued. Normally I might consider that a failure but the lite citrus undertone ends up giving each Twinkie a slightly cleaner taste with less of that fatty after-effect. For anyone who hates that lingering lard flavor this is an absolute winner. At the very least I’m giving these a 4 out of 5.
Hostess Smores Cupcakes
These Smore cupcakes are returning after their first round in 2020 which I totally missed thanks to all the wonders of the pandemic. Other than finally being easy to find I’m not so sure these deserved a second round.
Hear me out here. These are still decent enough snack cakes with a fairly balanced flavor. Problem is much like the Lemonade Stand Twikies this isn’t a very accurate recreation of smores nor is there any fringe benefit from the light-touch production. Instead you get a vaguely smore-esque snack that’s good enough in a pinch but lacks the necessary punch to really soar. I will at least give some points for the coloration as it still screams fireside treat. Let’s be nice and give em a 3.
Meijer Salted Caramel Peanuts
Not a ton to say on this one, only fair since it’s available exclusive to the handful of states with Meijer stores. More than likely I would’ve failed to notice em if not for being severely let down by the sight of an empty honey roasted shelf yet again. As someone who enjoys both peanuts and caramel this seemed like an easy pick for pitch-hitter. Unfortunately the caramel aspect is a total failure. Whoever produced these for Meijer just used a caramel powder rather than some kind of coating. The result is that most of that candy flavor rubs off on your hands leaving a slightly off-tasting salted peanut. The peanuts themselves are still pretty good but why bother? 2 out of 5 purely on the strength of the peanuts.
Arbor Brewing Company Trail Lyte Beer
By and large this is not a lite beer household. If you’re going to do something you may as well go for broke. Still; an adventurous man keeps his options open and I’m rather glad I did. The whole experience is bright, fruity, and truly refreshing meaning it’ll be a shoe-in should we ever actually get a warm night (Spring has been decidedly chilly in these parts).
The presentation is solid with nice box-art and skinny cans that help denote the whole lite motif. Flavor begins with a clean beer taste followed by solid notes of berry and some citrus. There’s more than enough taste to stand out without getting overpowered or tacky. Not sure how far distribution on this brand stretches out but if you come across some it’s a solid choice for a hot day. Let’s grant em a 4 out of 5.
On the Boarder Homestyle Thick and Crispy tortilla chips
Here’s another one that doesn’t require much preamble. On The Boarder, a brand whose cafe style tortilla chips already make for some great nachos, decided to put out a thick and crispy variant likely to compete with the likes of Donkey Chips. While not as thoroughly enjoyable as Donkey when plan or dipped these Homestyle chips still make a pretty solid base for nacho consumption. At least a 3 out of 5.
Key Lime Pie Kit-Kat
A tiny gift from a sibling returning from a road trip, these newest kit-kats were an interesting proposition. The brand has such a wide ratio of success to failure that it’s always tricky to test out their newest flavors. Just looking at this bright green wrapper makes one likely to point a finger at the candy and demand it live up to its potential.
So what’s the verdict? Oh yeah, these are good. Not only did they nail a proper key lime pie flavor, they somehow kept it reserved enough to seem refreshing instead of overbearing. The entire package was inhaled in mere seconds. A total winner, one of the best kit-kat off-shoots I’ve seen in some time, go grab some while you can and pray they make a return in years to come. Gonna give em a 4.5 rating.
Skittles Gummies Wild Berry
The first in a trio of items I found at my first trip to Speedway in over a year these Skittles Gummies are something of a dream come true. I’ve loved Skittles of any kind my whole life but there’s always that point when their texture starts to destroy your mouth. That painful reality can now be circumvented by the power of gummies.
So far only had the chance to dig into the Wild Berry variety but what a knockout. These give the full flavor of Skittles with the comforting, chewy joy of gummy. Hell; they even smell good. Debating it at the moment but this may indeed be worthy of a perfect score of 5.
Hi-Chew Fruit Combos
Hi-Chew is definitely a love it or hate it kinda candy. Some folks can’t stand the waxy nature of these things or find the flavors too muted. Generally being a fan of them though made me stoked to try these new combo flavors since they include the all-mighty mango. At least theory that is seeing as there were only two mango piece in the entire bag that was otherwise overrun with pina colada.
Disappointment at the pina colada flood aside these are still some good chewy candy. I’d dare say the cream element in these two flavors comes across better than most of the normal fruit varieties. If you don’t like Hi-Chew then these aren’t gonna change your mind but for those who enjoy em this is a worthwhile spin-off. 3 outta 4. Might be more if they included enough mango.
Mingua Bourbon Beef Jerky
It’s a rare treat to stumble upon a spindle rack filled with a previously unknown jerky brand yet that night in Speedway offered plenty of options for taking the Mingua brand for a test-drive. I decided to go with a more basic flavor, figuring that a company needs to nail the basics before achieving anything truly marvelous. These guys couldn’t even manage that.
I can forgive the rustic down home charm of the packaging but the jerky itself seems like something your buddy might create as an experiment. It’s thin, dry, salty, and all-around harsh. This might be a bit cruel but I’m gonna have to give these a 1 out of 5.
Monster Strawberry lemonade Rehab and Pappilion
With the increase in housebound hours during the pandemic I’ve rarely had a chance to indulge in energy drinks. Spending a portion of one workday entering different Monsters into the register system opened up my eyes to everything I’d been missing. Rest assured the employee discount was utilized immediately in order to bring home these new elixirs.
Much as I enjoy the Rehab line, much like Rockstar’s Recovery drinks, this newest flavor doesn’t do quite enough to set it apart from the pack. In fact I’m hard pressed to come up with much of a description for it other than light, somewhat fruity, energy drink. It went down well-enough with the energy formula preforming admirably. Sadly there’s just not a whole lot going on here. Maybe deserving of a middle of the road 2.5 rating.
Pappilion comes out a bit better across the board thanks to excellent presentation and a far more unique taste. The pinky peach can covered in butterflies is quite the looker and the perfume smell puts one in the mood for indulgence. The flavor is in interesting one with aspects of different fruits blending together in a way that feels like springtime thanks to an almost floral aftertaste. It’s a good one for sure. Not absolute top tier material yet good enough to earn a 3.5 or maybe 4.
Brother’s Bond Bourbon
While out of town to get my second dose of vaccine I was able to visit a damn nice liquor store in order to stock up on a few cough… essentials. While trying to hunt for some items on the grocery list I came across something I thought would be much tougher to find, Brother’s Bond Bourbon. What makes this bottle so special you ask? It’s all in the novelty of this brand belonging to Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley, aka the Salvatore brothers of Vampire Diaries fame. In essence this is the semi-official drink of those who love pretty vampires. Novelty will only get you so far however so how’s it hold up as a drink?
When it comes to the whiskey/scotch/etc arena I’ve the least experience with bourbon so don’t expect a lot of direct comparisons there. Still; I know what I like and Brother’s Bond at least falls within the positive end of that spectrum. Both the smokiness and bite are bolder than I expected yet it still manages to go down fairly smooth. All the burn is delayed however so don’t go acting hard and taking shots without prepping for a screaming throat a few seconds later. There’s a lot of whiskey that I’d pick up before this one, especially in the forty dollar price range, but for those who like a decent sipping bourbon I can see this being a hit. Personally I’ll grant it a 3.5 though I expect others will find it more to their liking.
Doritos 3D
Yet another revival of an item hailing from that strange period of time when yours truly wasn’t an absolute snack-fiend. Yes indeed, much like Oreo-O’s this sub-line of Doritos never passed my lips back in the day. One might think that would make their return all the more exciting but for whatever reason I’ve been forgetting to pick these up for months now. Perhaps this has something to do with the association of how these are a Doritos take on Bugles, one of the worst snacks ever made.
Can’t say either flavor, Spicy Ranch or Chili Cheese Nacho, have done much to win me over. On one end I appreciate their spicy nature but neither the flavor nor texture really do a whole lot that other chips already do better. Maybe some different flavors and more powder could help. Otherwise it just felt like a sad reminder that you could be eating actual Doritos instead of these. They’re not a total letdown but I fail to see what they have to offer. Let’s say 2.5 to be nice.
Did… did I finish? You wouldn’t believe how long this post has taken to complete. Fact is I’ve yet to adjust the writing schedule to the new work schedule, not to mention how selling thousands of dollars in Pokemon product can leave one a bit dead-headed. Still; having a consistent source of income combined with a lovely vaccine means there could be a much wider variety of content coming down the pipeline. We’re approaching a renewed era of freedom my friends. Why mere hours ago I saw the inside of two local joints for the first time in over a year. Anyhow it’s horror movie night so I’m gonna wrap this up and settle in for some much-needed downtime. You all feel free to share in recent snack finds or if you think I’m way of the mark on any of this current crop.
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