In the wide selection of anthology
series nothing has ever captured the comforting vibe of horror like
Tales from the Darkside. Sure there are plenty of similar
series like Tales from the Crypt, Ray Bradbury Theater,
Night Gallery, Thriller, and Hammer House of Horror
all of which offer their own flair for horrific storytelling. When it
comes down to pure ease of viewing, nothing can compete with the
simple joys of Darkside.
A couple years back I covered the trio
of Darkside Christmas tales leading up to the big day. This
year I think it's finally time to talk about the shows Halloween
trilogy but I want to do something a little different. We're gonna
revisit them in reverse order and end on the most spectacular entry.
This in no way implies that the other two are poor offerings. Think
of it like comparing a tiger shark to a great white, both are awesome
but one is clearly in a higher league. If you never see another
update from me, just assume tiger sharks took revenge for my
disparaging remarks.
For tonight's episode we're looking at
the fourth and final season with The Cutty Black Sow. Despite
it's subject matter this originally aired in May, which has never
made sense to me. Doesn't seem like it negatively affect the episode
as according to the Darkside Wikia this is considered one of, if not
the best installment of the series. Can't say as I agree with that
outlook but we're not here to list favorite episodes. There will be
spoilers though I wouldn't worry as this one is fairly predictable to
begin with.
After the always stellar opening
credits we join a family on a dark night as they stand near their
grandmother who is deathly ill. Not exactly sure why they don't take
the clearly sick woman to the hospital, guess it saves on set costs.
In her pain the old bird goes on about legends of the old country,
Scotland to be exact though the legends she speaks of are apparently
Welsh in origin. The family in question is the classic white suburban
stereotype with unremarkable parents, a brown-haired responsible boy,
and a spunky blonde girl. Naturally the kids are worried that grandma
is dying, cause she totally is, but they're sent off to bed.
Later that night the young boy, Jamie
is awakened by grams continued ravings about the fires used to keep
away the cutty black sow. This is where we the audience are
introduced to the most enduring and annoying element of this episode,
the repeated intrusion of wailing bagpipe music. It just never ends
with these things as each scare or key plot element is accompanied by
the same bonkers tune.
Getting back on track, grammy is
worried about dying on All Hallows Even (yes, Even) as it means her
soul will be in danger of being snatched away by the cutty black sow.
She gives Jamie a few tips on the subject and thankfully he was smart
enough to record some of her ravings. She tells him to run off to bed
but also asks for a kiss which he supplies only to see her pass on.
Boy is this kid ever gonna need counseling. First time he kisses a
date he'll likely piss himself for fear she'll explode.
Jamie's dad stumbles upon the
situation and offers comfort to his son as they shed a tear for their
loved one. Come morning the parents have to go out to arrange funeral
matters, leaving the kids at home. Here's where we see a massive
difference in the times we live in. Jamie is maybe 9 or 10 years old
and he is entrusted not only with staying at home with his younger
sister, but also taking her trick or treating that night. Unbeknownst
to his elders he also spends the day preparing grannys last request
and studying the cutty black sow. Kid uses dictionaries and even
updates the family book with information of gramma's passing. He's
more responsible than most adults I know. The centerpiece to ward off
this demon involves using stones to represent each member of the
family and placing them in a fire to burn through the night. Should a
stone fall out of the fire however that individual is marked to be
the sows next victim.
The ritual taken care of, Jamie takes
his sister out trick or treating, returning later with a somewhat
meager hall housed inside the greatest bags I've ever seen. Yes this
is incredibly off-topic but my god I love these bags. It's as if some
sorcerer condensed the purity of Halloween into a single paper
product.
While sorting through candy the kids
realize one of the rocks has fallen out of the fire. It's Jamie's
which is tossed across the room in hilarious fashion when his sister
burns herself touching the hot rock, no wonder the parents left him
in charge. Instead of treating the wound she simply heads off to bed.
Knowing he's currently the target of a demonic bipedal pig Jamie
spends the majority of the third act cautiously navigating the house
as he's terrified of noises, the sight of glowing eyes outside the
window, and the occasional intrusion of bagpipes.
Eventually his parents arrive home and
he heads off to bed but the sights, sounds, and bagpipes of the the
sow continue to haunt him. A little before midnight his father comes
to his room in an attempt to calm his nerves. After a goodnight hug
Jamie pulls back to find his father is actually the demonic pig
itself (cue bagpipes) and is presumably relieved of his soul and
life.
First let's talk about what works. The
atmosphere is a big part of this production with howling winds, dead
leaves, roaring fire, all in a house that resembles a mix of suburbia
and fairy-tale. All of these details add up to a setting the we all
wish we had for our childhood autumns. At the same time it adds to
the spookiness of an otherworldly beast haunting the night. On a
completely superficial level this is pure comfort viewing for horror
nuts. Beyond that is how relatable this all seems. Sure a good many
of us didn't live in a traditional 4-person equal gender upper-middle
class suburban household. That part isn't so universal. What I'm
talking about is how this captures the essence of being a scared kid
at home on a spooky night. Every gust of wind or shadow cast from the
lifeless trees puts you on edge, filling your mind with countless
terrors. At the time such evenings were horrifying yet looking back
they bring a smile. Perhaps that is why this one has such a good
reputation.
Sadly the story doesn't offer that
same level of absorption. Characters are one-dimensional and there's
a total lack of conflict. Think of how interesting it would have been
had another name fallen out of the fire thus forcing Jamie to defend
his family from the unknown. Instead he learns about an evil,
preforms a ritual to ward it off that fails, fears being eaten, and
is then eaten. It all comes across as a bit dull without any neat
twist or angle. Even the final reveal of the sow is hardly surprising
as that's what you expect out of Tales From the Darkside to
the extent that I feel zero guilt in spoiling it.
There you have it. A beautifully
themed and instantly relatable setting with a thoroughly unsurprising
narrative. That combination makes The Cutty Black Sow the
weakest of Darkside's three Halloween installments though that
hardly means you should skip it. Use the superficial nature for your
benefit when you need a spirit boost but aren't in much of a mood for
deep though. Simply let the episode wash over you and remember a time
when a gust of wind could really chill you down to your soul.
If you're so inclined as to watch this
in hopes of some childhood nostalgia, might I suggest a treat to
accompany the experience? Over the past few years Wal-Mart bakeries
have become a hidden oasis for some really outstanding baked goods.
While passing through on a late-night outing I came across these
Pumpkin Sandwich Cookies and of course I brought them home rather
than doing the responsible thing and just buying water. No regrets
however as these are fantastic. They've got a deep, smooth flavor and
the cream is almost refreshing. You could easily pretend these were
made by some kitchen savvy grandmother and they make a perfect
pairing for tonight's episode.
That's all for today, kittens. Until
next time, try to enjoy the daylight.
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