Friday, February 13, 2015

Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Some Other Guys

Oh happy day! It's Friday the 13th's everyone! A good luck day (for me at least) and ever the perfect excuse for watching my favorite cinema slasher do his good work. This time around I've been thinking of watching Freddy Vs. Jason and maybe one of the Tommy Jarvis entries....maybe part V just cause I haven't seen Roy in a while. How many of you have no idea what I'm talking about? Anyway, back to Vs. Got lots of love for that flick. I know there are detractors who complain the movie either leans too far towards one franchise or the other. Honestly, as a fan of both series, I found the mixing to be just about right. Most of all it's fun and so damn violent. God I miss when movies used to be properly bloody, don't you?

In a strange break from horror movie logic despite the movie being a big hit, there has yet to be a rematch. In an earlier draft of the script they meet pinhead at the end which was supposed to get him into the mix but that never worked out. Later on there were talks of throwing in Ash from the evil dead series. The film never panned out but it was turned into a comic so at least there's that. I don't even need another opponent being thrown in. I'd just like to see the boys face off one more time. I'll even go with the new actors. Derek Mears is one of the best Jason's and no matter your feelings on the last Nightmare flick, you'd have a hard time convincing me that Jackie Earl Haley isn't awesome.

Let's say we want another opponent thrown into the battle though. There are plenty of horror characters out there just waiting to join the fray. Since I wanted to put together something for this special day, here are my thoughts for potential sequels. Note that I won't be including Michael Myers since the studio with his rights seems to have zero idea of what to do with him thous limiting the chances of that match up to less than zero. I may be a dreamer but I can still submit to reality now and then.
Vs. Leatherface
This one woulda been so easy to put together since the rights were owned by the same studio....might still be actually. Seems like everyones favorite cannibal would serve as a fine foil as well. For one; he's a normal human (in the physical sense at least) so there are greater stakes for him going into the fight. Plus he's always got his crazy family as back-up. All of them throwing their best sadism at Jason would make for some positively disgusting fight scenes. And the dream worlds that Freddy could find himself in would be nutty as I imagine Leatherface doesn't exactly have comfortable dreams. I weep for any poor sap who gets caught in the middle of all that crazy.

Vs. Chucky
As goofy as the concept may sound, Chucky would make an outstanding challenger. Just think of it. He's quick, tiny, and surprisingly hard to kill which allows him to face off with Jason. He's also skilled in the black arts which has to be usable against Freddy in some form or fashion. Topping it all off is something he shares with Jason. They both have kids that grew up as their greatest enemies. Chuck has Andy and Jason could never beat Tommy. If those two got dragged into events this could serve as a great cap to some series lore. Oh and those guys grew up with actual childhood monsters which I'm sure would manifest as some deep seeded fears. And we all know how much Freddy likes those.

Vs. Universal Monsters
Not the exact universal branded monsters mind you, but the public domain classics they represent. Characters like Dracula, Frankenstein, wolfman, and the mummy. We could have a classic house of monsters situation with the timeless dark and stormy night setting. All of these creatures have abilities that could prove to be a challenge for both our guys. Werewolves have the strength, mummies have curses, Frankenstein the monster has his might, the doctor his science, and Dracula comes loaded with tricks. Like the other characters I've mentioned, I'm sure you could get some crazy dream sequences out of this group. Do vampires and mummies even dream for that matter? Now if you want to go all the way with the gimmick we could get into some pure fanfiction stuff with ideas like Werejason. Syfy channel; I'm waiting for your call.

Vs. The Elder Gods
Also on the public domain front are the elder gods. The creations of H.P. Lovecraft are classic horror fodder. Unspeakable beings from without and within that inspire fear and madness in all who encounter them. From giant aquatic beings like Cthulhu to small extraterrestrial sorts there's a whole army for our boys to deal with and they'd prove to be a true threat. Something like this would take Freddy and Jason as far away from their traditional roles as possible. They may even have to become good guys for this battle. Think of it. If the elder gods were to win the world would be a barren hellscape with no more sexy teens for the slaughter. It'd be up to our two invincible killing machines to defend their way of life the only way they know how....with lots of stabbing.

There ya go Hollywood. I just gave you four sequels in a few minutes. Least you could do is at give us one movie. In the meantime I'll be spending my 13th going to thrift stores, donating a few items to my non-profit workplace, and watching the classics. How about you all? Any plans for today? Who would you like to see face off against our favorite slashers? Have an awesome Friday.

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