Oh happy day! It's Friday the 13th's
everyone! A good luck day (for me at least) and ever the perfect
excuse for watching my favorite cinema slasher do his good work. This
time around I've been thinking of watching Freddy Vs. Jason and maybe
one of the Tommy Jarvis entries....maybe part V just cause I haven't
seen Roy in a while. How many of you have no idea what I'm talking
about? Anyway, back to Vs. Got lots of love for that flick. I know
there are detractors who complain the movie either leans too far
towards one franchise or the other. Honestly, as a fan of both
series, I found the mixing to be just about right. Most of all it's
fun and so damn violent. God I miss when movies used to be properly
bloody, don't you?
In a strange break from horror movie logic despite the movie being a big hit, there has yet to be a rematch. In
an earlier draft of the script they meet pinhead at the end which was
supposed to get him into the mix but that never worked out. Later on
there were talks of throwing in Ash from the evil dead series. The
film never panned out but it was turned into a comic so at least
there's that. I don't even need another opponent being thrown in. I'd
just like to see the boys face off one more time. I'll even go with
the new actors. Derek Mears is one of the best Jason's and no matter
your feelings on the last Nightmare flick, you'd have a hard time
convincing me that Jackie Earl Haley isn't awesome.
Let's say we want another opponent
thrown into the battle though. There are plenty of horror characters
out there just waiting to join the fray. Since I wanted to put
together something for this special day, here are my thoughts for
potential sequels. Note that I won't be including Michael Myers since
the studio with his rights seems to have zero idea of what to do with
him thous limiting the chances of that match up to less than zero. I
may be a dreamer but I can still submit to reality now and then.
Vs. Leatherface
This one woulda been so easy to put
together since the rights were owned by the same studio....might
still be actually. Seems like everyones favorite cannibal would serve
as a fine foil as well. For one; he's a normal human (in the physical
sense at least) so there are greater stakes for him going into the
fight. Plus he's always got his crazy family as back-up. All of them
throwing their best sadism at Jason would make for some positively
disgusting fight scenes. And the dream worlds that Freddy could find
himself in would be nutty as I imagine Leatherface doesn't exactly
have comfortable dreams. I weep for any poor sap who gets caught in
the middle of all that crazy.
Vs. Chucky
As goofy as the concept may sound,
Chucky would make an outstanding challenger. Just think of it. He's
quick, tiny, and surprisingly hard to kill which allows him to face
off with Jason. He's also skilled in the black arts which has to be
usable against Freddy in some form or fashion. Topping it all off is
something he shares with Jason. They both have kids that grew up as
their greatest enemies. Chuck has Andy and Jason could never beat
Tommy. If those two got dragged into events this could serve as a
great cap to some series lore. Oh and those guys grew up with actual
childhood monsters which I'm sure would manifest as some deep seeded
fears. And we all know how much Freddy likes those.
Vs. Universal Monsters
Not the exact universal branded
monsters mind you, but the public domain classics they represent.
Characters like Dracula, Frankenstein, wolfman, and the mummy. We
could have a classic house of monsters situation with the timeless
dark and stormy night setting. All of these creatures have abilities
that could prove to be a challenge for both our guys. Werewolves have
the strength, mummies have curses, Frankenstein the monster has his
might, the doctor his science, and Dracula comes loaded with tricks.
Like the other characters I've mentioned, I'm sure you could get some
crazy dream sequences out of this group. Do vampires and mummies even
dream for that matter? Now if you want to go all the way with the
gimmick we could get into some pure fanfiction stuff with ideas like
Werejason. Syfy channel; I'm waiting for your call.
Vs. The Elder Gods
Also on the public domain front are
the elder gods. The creations of H.P. Lovecraft are classic horror
fodder. Unspeakable beings from without and within that inspire fear
and madness in all who encounter them. From giant aquatic beings like
Cthulhu to small extraterrestrial sorts there's a whole army for our
boys to deal with and they'd prove to be a true threat. Something
like this would take Freddy and Jason as far away from their
traditional roles as possible. They may even have to become good guys
for this battle. Think of it. If the elder gods were to win the world
would be a barren hellscape with no more sexy teens for the
slaughter. It'd be up to our two invincible killing machines to
defend their way of life the only way they know how....with lots of
stabbing.
There ya go Hollywood. I just gave you
four sequels in a few minutes. Least you could do is at give us one
movie. In the meantime I'll be spending my 13th going to
thrift stores, donating a few items to my non-profit workplace, and
watching the classics. How about you all? Any plans for today? Who
would you like to see face off against our favorite slashers? Have an
awesome Friday.
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