Spooky Crafts and Mini Monsters

 

    If it wasn’t obvious already I’ll gladly take the time to point out the slight hiccup in the posting schedule. Outside of the usual antics of the season and the “cough” fun of work there’s also the advent of two new lifeforms added to the household. Yes, for the second Halloween season in a row there are new kitties round here. So far they’re not too much of a handful though there’s the obvious challenge of acclimating the beasts we already have to the new situation. Adding to that is the slight drama of whether we’re keeping both of the newbies. That matter seems to be settled as of today with the female seemingly being a permanent resident.

    Even without new pets there’s still been an ample amount of activity lately with plenty of outings and little adventures. Just the other day involved a journey down country roads in search of a mighty pumpkin sale. Before long there needs to be a costco run for the truckload of batteries required of every holiday. While that’s all fine and good it’s not really the universal spirit of Halloween. Oftentimes the best memories are made doing the little stuff like nighttime walks through the dead leaves or just turning off all the lights for a favorite old scary movie. Cheap activities around the home that give us a minute to reflect and breath in the season are key. To that end I figured tonight would be a good time to talk a little arts and crafts in a range of prices for anyone in need of a little quiet spooky project.

    By far the least expensive of these projects can be found at whatever dollar store chain you happen to live by. At damn near any of em you can find both seasonal wooden crafts and paints to spiff em up. For us we picked up some signs and masks from Dollar tree and coated em in a variety of cheapo craft paint. While the financial edge can’t be denied there’s a certain level of annoyance to be found working with this stuff as any sort of woodcraft sucks up acrylic paint like mad. This makes for weird uneven patches and colors sliding over barriers, just generally being a pain. A big tip is to spend some time highlighting edges and boarders with markers. My sister went over all of these and it made a world of difference for the final product. Patience is key here making this particular project a pain for someone like me. For others out there it could be a fun family activity that won’t crush the bank balance.

    The mid-tier price belongs to artificial pumpkins. I’ve covered these in the past as they have one of the biggest impacts on seasonal enjoyment. For twelve bucks I got a blue pumpkin at Target, used a couple patterns from my backlog of carving books, split the pumpkin in half, and now we have two more wall lanterns that can be used year after year. Obviously the expense can go up depending on your brand of craft pumpkin, whether you have appropriate tools, and whether you have patterns or want to freestyle your creation. With just a couple nights, some hand pain, and careful dedication you can get some fantastic results.

    For the third and most expensive craft option we turn to the subject that inspired this post to begin with. Working at a game store I’d find myself spending a quiet moment staring at the spinner rack of unpainted rpg miniatures. Don’t make the mistake of thinking about eleven clerics and the like, no time for that nonsense. My focus was on the big monsters. Creatures like froghemoths or dire trolls. The thought emerged that these guys would be great sprinkled among the Halloween village or mood table. Never guessed at the trap I’d stepped into as this notion shifted from a quaint idea to new obsession.

    As with anything else price can be an issue. For the most impressive miniatures you’re talking prices ranging from 8-30 bucks. That’s before paints, brushes, etc. There are a few ways to make it a more affordable pursuit however. First off when it comes to paints you largely want the nice model grade stuff like Citadel and Army Painter. Those cheap craft paints you may have lying around won’t cut it for any major features. That being said they work just fine for small details, dry-brushing, stuff like that. My most complicated work so far will still incorporate something inexpensive for added touches. On brushes you’ve got even more leeway. I’ve seen people buy single brushes that cost more than the whole set I got online. The only really special one you need is a puffy makeup brush for dry-brushing, and those can be nabbed at a dollar store. There’s definite time investment here since you can learn all about different techniques, tools, and paints. If you get hooked every model can serve as another chance to grew your skillets. One night it’s metallic paint on a mechanized monster, the next it’s contrast paints on a shambling mound. While it can be handy to search to the net for guides, videos on this subject can be downright insufferable though with so many folks yammering on while refusing to edit their content down to a reasonable length. Just consider part of the investment as time spent finding one guide you can put up with. No matter your level of dedication these critters make a fine way to add some personal flair to any Halloween display.

    With that we’re somewhat back on track. I hope tonight’s post gave you all some ideas on ways to spend an evening indulging in the season while still feeling constructive. There’s still so much to cover this month and I hope you’re all out there having fun with what feels like a return to almost proper Halloween. If there was ever a time to indulge this is it. So turn on some unsolved mysteries, paint a vampire, and maybe play a spooky game. With any luck I’ll be back this weekend with the mood displays.

September Spree 2021:

 

    If you’ve spent any amount of time around this blog you’ll no doubt have noticed a trend towards traditions. Be it the usage of Helloween to usher in October or the Thanksgiving cinematic turkey, I simply can’t help myself from adopting different annual practices. One of the oddest ones to worm its way into my life in recent years is the September spree, an annual outing of extreme commercial avarice. The general rule has been that there is no set date for this practice. I just get up one day in September, decide to go shopping, and bring back a larger than average amount of stuff. Only this year I actually had to set a date and naturally worried if planning for the spree would upset the balance of nature. Turns out those fears were unfounded Despite a few hurdles, or possibly because of them, the deeper meaning of this odd tradition made itself known.

    Starting off the adventure we headed to Home Depot which had reportedly gone all-out on some kickass decorations this year though the one I visited apparently didn’t get the memo. It seemed like this wasn’t just them selling out as they obviously hadn’t cleared out much space for anything and were carrying a pittance of what the company had on offer. First stop ended up as a total bust but not enough to discourage the spirit of materialism.

    Thankfully this same plaza was home to Ollie’s Bargain Outlet. If you’ve never made a visit to any of their stores just combine a bit of hazy childhood memories with nightmares, sadness, and a nifty element of surprise. Like the stores are sorta beat down and depressing but you can find such awesome shit at dirt cheap prices it feels like going to a weirdo toy store. I walked outta there with multiple board games and a marvel omnibus for just over 40 bucks.

    Next up was Target where things were messy to say the least. On the one hand it was easy to find nice little items like candy and coffee but the Halloween section was something of a desert. Found a couple of goodies like this years craft pumpkin, yet another tradition, and a nicely made groundbreaking skeleton, but a lot of heavy hitters and essentials were absolutely awol. This is something of a theme this season thanks to a two-pronged event. On one end there’s a whole lotta people who want to get back into Halloween big time after trimming back in 2020 and are buying up everything in sight. At the same time some of these stores, like my local dollar tree, based their orders off of last years sales which is an astoundingly bad way to do business. Combine trimmed orders with increased demand and the result are barren aisles.

    The nearest Spirit store had some alright stuff just not the one thing I would buy without any concern for price. Menards basically hadn’t added anything new since August, Lowe’s was down to broken display models for some of their items, though there were some nice battery op torices. Michael's appeared to have been besieged by the tazmanian devil though they at least promised to be restocked down the line. Yet even with these lackluster showings I still managed to find a decent selection of items

    Ending our journey were two grocery stops where a plethora of seasonal items were nabbed up. While the primary reason for visiting Kroger was the new Thrashed Apple Mtn Dew it oddly served as the location for buying new string lights. Local hotspot, Horrocks served as the spot to stock up on pumpkin ale along with Halloween Gummi Worms and Pumpkin Spice Malt Balls. On the ale front Sam Adams Jack-O is probably the front-runner so far this year. That could easily change once if Southern Tier finally shows up.

    As you can tell we managed to bring home a lot of goodies, even if they weren’t the ones I planed on getting, and in the process spent far less than I imagined. That’s where the beauty of this event started to shine through. We often get so bogged down and complacent by having shopping constantly at our fingertips that we forget the real hunt of just going hog-wiled. The point of the spree isn’t to spend a ton, though that is a possibility. The point is to get out there and shop like it’s the 20^th century. Hit up so many stores your feet ache. Search high and low to see what’s out there. Give those items you’ve often passed over a shot at the limelight. The September spree isn’t so much about buying a shitload so much as acting like you’re going too, and rewarding the stores that make living large an actual possibility.

    Obviously your mileage for something like the September spree could be far less than mine. No doubt many of you did such crazy things as having kids or getting married which ties up some funds. Do yourself a favor though and take some of your fun cash and just go on a big ole shopping tour with it. You’ll likely still have some at the end of the day along with something you never expected. That’s the sort of surprise that makes life a bit more fun.

    For those interested I’ll try to recreate the full list of goodies: Deadpool Minibus 2, Campaign Manager 2008, Keyforge Age of Acension Starter, teal craft pumpkin, groundbreaking skeleton, pumpkin love coffee, candies, cloth folding coffin, more candy, beetle decoration, Pumpkin Spice Maltballs, upwards of 16 bottles of pumpkin ale, gorgonzola cheese, string lights, pumpkin torches, Mtn Dew, Cookies, Dove chocolate, and a reminder to pace myself on all that sugar. Consider this along with past September posts as an example f what can happen when you just let yourself shop freely.

    That’s enough commercialism for tonight. Next time I’ll bring you guys something a bit more wholesome and down to Earth. Right now I’m stuck indoors with the pounding of rain as a constant companion. Guess it’s time to dig out more decorations and start planning this years mood fixture. Gonna leave tables behind this year so keep an eye out for that. Hope you’re all adventuring and finding new ways to inspire that spooky spirit.

Halloween Snack Report 2021: Part 1

 

    For years I have set the official start of fall right around this point in September. This is thanks to the last major town festival which serves as a final outlet for local yaboos to get their last traces of summer crazy outta their system and return to proper living. Last year this important passage was missing since covid prevented any such social events but this September marked a… triumphant? Well some kind of return and now it’s over and true blue, honest to god fall is finally here!

    Welcome then to the best part of each and every year otherwise known as the last third of it. No doubt the new job has made it tougher to keep up with regular posting but the months that comprise fall and early winter are just too damn wonderful to miss out on. As mentioned in a previous post that likely means more frequent but smaller updates from now through new years. There’s some good stuff on deck too with several posts already in utero. In that spirit let’s do our first of likely several snack reports. As llck would have it we’ve already encountered several of the heavy hitters for the Halloween season such as Shrieker Skittles and Apple Cider Donut Oreo Cookies but today we’re gonna look at the major shining stars of spook season 2021.

    For the third Halloween in a row Mtn Dew has blessed us with ytt another mystery flavor soda to sooth our frightful thirsts. Right off the bat there’s a shift towards a darker blue motif for the packaging that conveys a different mood without losing that classic haunted house flair. Sure I give the dew art department lots of props as us but this one is without a doubt one of their absolute masterpieces. From the calming teal to dark blue with spots of yellow all wrapped around the usual grim reaper figure and his bat & spider cohorts, everything looks like a classic beistle diecut with just enough of that obnoxious bro vibe to keep it distinct.

    Of course this wouldn’t be a proper Voodew edition without the mystery flavor. There’s a split opinion on the intended flavor with some family members believing this is Runts candy in soda form. Meanwhile I’ve seen some folks online stake their claim on Starburst candy. To an extent I can see why someone would think either of those but for my part I believe this is actually cotton candy. It’s scent base flavor, even the softly fading aftertaste all scream cotton goodness to me.

    Is Voodew III any good though? Absolutely. Hard to saw after so long between each entry but I think this may be my favorite Voodew so far and I’d love it to come back as a regular flavor (along with Pitch Black and a dozen others). It’s smooth, properly refreshing with little to no gack aspect. Rating wise this is at least a 4.5 and totally deserving of a place in everyone’s Halloween shrine, aka fridge.

    Those nuts over at Dew didn’t settle on merely one specialty flavor for the season. There’s actually 3 once you count the weird blue one at Applebees, but for the moment I’m talking about the Kroger exclusive Thrashed Apple. Talk about a pairing way too long in the making. Dew has been infused with nearly every major fruit by this point yet somehow it took all this time to finally get an apple variety. Frankly I blame white people for the delay. Ya notice Mexico’s got plenty of apple soda. Social theories aside this was a majorly exciting product which was only more impressive by being pushed out alongside the new Voodew. So how’s it stack up?

    Starting with the looks there’s a whole character motif going on here, something I believe is company wide as the new Voltage package also has a new character. Here’s we’ve got some rock and roller apples and a whole lotta green. Can’t help but think the whole thing would have looked better with a few traces of fall colors but what’s here is still nice. In a direct comparison to Voodew however this just looks like the goofy middle child whose going through a phase.

    When it comes to flavor this is pure candy water. Stopping just shy of being outright melted jolly rancher there’s still that distinctive hard candy tinge to the taste. Can’t deny it’s refreshing and unique though. Being so sweet helps to set it apart from other apple sodas and there’s no other Dew quite like it. This is the sort of thing where I wouldn’t mind it coming back into our lives every now and then but it hasn’t quite earned a top spot. Let’s say a 3.5 rating. Still a huge win to have two awesome sugary drinks this season.

    Undoubtedly the biggest snack launch this fall has got to be Monster Mash cereal. It’d be polite to say the Monster Cereals brand has been slacking the past few years by doing just the bare minimum to stay in the spotlight. Probably the last truly notable exploit was the card game in 2018. For 2021 General Mills got off the couch, combed the crumbs from their beard, and actually did something worthwhile by creating a new cereal based on the bones of all the old ones.

    Packaging is good, not great, but good. Gonna end up sounding mean about this one, which is a shame since I honestly do like the whole monsters coming together as a band motif. It’s just that it all feels a little small too focused. Clean retro design has it’s place for sure but this novelty record looking cover art for Monster Mash doesn’t live up to the epic promise of all five of our heroes joining forces. At least let us see the venue these guys are jamming at. Don’t leave them stranded in some endless black void like an anime character who can’t sort out their feels.

    I’ve not taken the time to catalog which pieces of Munster Mash hail from which of the individual monster cereals but I can confirm there’s a bit of everybody in here, most importantly my precious Yummy Mummy. The combined taste is both a little bit of everything yet all of nothing all at once. At first I was a little disappointed by the non-committal nature of this grab bag of flavors. A couple days later however found me suffering from an incredible hunger with no real craving for anything in particular. In that mindset Monster Mash suddenly took on a new life. That’s when I realized it’s true use.

    We all have those blah moments even during our favorite season. Maybe work took too much out of us or we woke up to a rush of chores. Those days can leave us wanting to do something seasonal but lacking for inspiration. That’s when Monster Mash swoops in for the rescue by providing us a little bit of everything when we have no idea what we actually want. In essence this is the Halloween mood stabilizer all of us could use in a pinch. Based on its own merits as a cereal it maybe merits a 3 out of five but as a lifesaver for spooky season it’s invaluable. Even better is that it’s one of those rare cereal that’s actually good when eaten dry. Just reach on in and see which monster flavors you pull back.

    Gotta say this is one of the better years for snacks in recent memory. It’s great to see so many companies pumping out the hits to help set the world back on track. These three are standing on top at the moment but there’s still so many treats to talk about, just wait till yall see the results of the September spree. Gonna do my damnedest to not fall behind since this season’s shaping up so nicely. Mostly I want to support all your festive spirits in the hope that you’ll return the favor. We’ve been given the opportunity to get back to celebrating the season the right way so let’s not waste it.

Ultraman Taro Series Review

 

    We’re fast approaching the moment when all of us fully agree that summer is properly over. Of course we’ve made inroads toward that already what with school getting back in swing yet each of us still has our own special marker for when our minds fully shift into the realm of pumpkin spice and tissue ghosts. After being canceled last year my defacto switchover, the final town festival, is right around the bend. As usual I like to have something of a segway piece, something with its feet planted in the daffy action heavy attitude of summer yet with a touch of spooky and foreboding. Wouldn’t ya know that things lined up just right for an Ultraman review.

    Ultraman Taro took a side step from preceding shows by opting for a lighter, more family friendly, tone. The themes were things like fairy tales, music, motherhood, that sorta thing. It’s still tokusatsu so there’s plenty of sad stories to go around just with an extra helping of rainbows and cartoonish antics to offset those dark moments. Honestly it’s a breath of fresh air after watching multiple shows adhering to largely the same formula. Just consider how instead of doing a seasonal horror section the show opts for a sequence of episodes based on nursery rhymes. The downside is that the show can feel too simplistic and meaningless but the upside is the extra dose of weirdness that can result from a more childish approach to the subject matter.

    Our hero this time around is an energetic lad called Kotaro Higashi. Guy grew up an orphan only to become something of an odd job journeyman. When we first met him he’s working as a sailor which is what eventually ends up getting him a living space as his captain invites him to saty with the fam. Throughout the series Kotaro displays a good deal more personality than his predecessors. He’s a bit more lively, immature, and fun-loving. Early on he has some dream of being a boxer though that fades out with little fanfare. Plus his mommy issues are only sorta half-resolved. I get the feeling that the actor portraying Kotaro isn’t quite as good as some earlier Ultra dudes but having a more defined personality really helps to set him and the show itself apart from the pack.

    The supporting cast is sort of a strange case this time around. For the most part the usual assortment of personalities and roles are filled yet Taro has a higher amount of cast-changes and character disappearances. The monster fighting team for this series, ZAT, has at least two character swaps along with a commanding officer who will vanish for vast stretches, think he slipped away for upwards of 16-17 episodes at one point only to be around for 1 or 2 before fading into the background once again. One team member is introduced in like the final three episodes, it’s so odd. In what I believe is a first for the series a character is actually recast around the episode 20 mark. That level of turnaround tends to make shows feel a bit slapdash though it doesn’t become a huge problem thanks to the lighthearted, anything goes, tone.

    All behind the scenes drama aside how is this crop of heroes? Let’s start on the home front. As far as kid sidekicks are concerned, Kenichi is one of the better ones. He actually seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and tries to be useful. His older sister, and love interest for Kotaro, Saori is sadly forgettable. Oddly enough both of them fade into the background during the back end of the series.

    As for the ZAT crew the character shifting makes it hard for many of them to endure themselves to the audience. The ones that manage to stand out are lead by Aragaki. Though he’s just a lieutenant he ends up serving as commander for much of the series yet his laid back nature makes sets him apart as a fun boss. The primary lady of the team is Moriyama who will stand out to male viewers due to being cute as a button and having some kicking legs. Finally there’s Kitajima who at first fills the role of goofy guy and works his way up to sensitive best bud for Kotaro. To be honest I lost track of many of the other characters.

    Technically there’s one more wing of supporting cast thanks to an increased amount of Ultra cameos. That’s right; every past hero from Zoffy to Ace comes round at least once or twice along with the addition of Mother of Ultra. The audience finally gets to visit the land of light and there’s some other surprise guest spots I won’t dare spoil.

    Taro is without a doubt a step up from Ace. Despite whatever flaws the silly tone might bring with it the show knows what it wants to be and holds true to that course as much as it can. There are still shifts ins style throughout the show thanks to the changing cast and an occasional return to what feels like the Ultra Q anthology approach with some episodes having almost nothing to do with Kotaro and ZAT. Even with those detours the show never losses sight of what it is, nor does it try to copy exactly what came before. Even the ending is far different than usual for an Ultra show of this era, leaving off on a more humanistic note. I’d definitely rank this show lower than the major classics like Ultraseven, probably lower even than Return of Ultraman, but given how much better it is than Ace, and how much consistent it is than Q I’d still recommend it to most toku fans. For newbies there are so many other good options to take on first though this one has a few extra nutty episodes worth checking out on the side.

    This time around I was downright negligent and failed to keep a running tally of highlight episodes, opting to just see how it all shook out in the end. You’ll forgive me then if this list comes out a little scattershot. In viewing order here’s four adventures that stuck with me.

Episode 11: The Vampire Flower is a Girl’s Spirit

    Easily the first episode to really stand out thanks to a combination of horror and the series theme of orphans. Not only Tokyo under attack from blood-sucking plants but a little girl may be the one to blame for it all. There’s some solid emotional stuff here along with a properly spooky ending.

Episode 20: Surprise! A Monster Fell From the Sky

    Another one that touches on parenthood, mothers in particular this time concerning a baby monster that feel to Earth and it’s mothers efforts to retrieve it. Contrasted against that is the drama of a woman nearly mad with grief over the loss of her child.

Episode 42: The Phantom Mother is a Monster Master

    One of my favorite things about the Ultra franchise is what a story goes sad crazy. I don’t mean being extra depressing, though I love that too, but when a story is nuts and driven by a sense of sadness. We have an almost perfect example of such a story right here with a man recreating his dead wife as a robot who then manipulates a monster into getting revenge on cars. Equal parts daffy and dark make for one excellent half-hour of television.

Episode 44: Oh! Taro’s Going to be Eaten

    It’s beginning to feel like every series of this franchise has a set goal for one extra crazy episode that has to top everything that came before it. Ace had jumped into the lead with a Christmas story focused on ocular trauma but Taro slaps that aside with this bonkers tale of ogres and beans. Everything here is just plan crazy from the sounds, editing, emotional whiplash, and bizarre final battle involving a vicious clubbing. Can’t even tell you the workout the rewind button got with this treat of weirdness.

    And with that we can mark the end of CosmicSparky’s summer. Got a busy few days ahead but then I’m rearing to get the next season kicked into high gear, and I think the weather’s in agreement. Looks like it could be a big Halloween with some stores and brands really pumping out a lot of cool stuff and those lovely vaccinations making it just a bit easier to get out and about. You all stay safe out there and I’ll be back next week to kick off the season in style.

Snack Report August 2021

 

    Life of late still feels very rushed. In the weeks since our last post I’ve put together more furniture, completed more home improvements, seen a dog join and then leave the household, oh and I’m an assistant manager now. One could say I’m in need of a vacation though lord knows I hate those so fingers crossed things start to settle down around here. Still; change seems to be in the air damn near everywhere, including the snack aisle where summer fare is giving way to fall flavors and new discoveries. I actually came across new Halloween candy at the tail end of July. Before I’m overloaded with pumpkin spice and maple it’s probably best we do a new snack report.

    Seeing as this post is woefully behind schedule and I’ve been overloaded with new snacks, a lot of these reviews are going to be rapid fire affairs. I’m talking stream of consciousness stuff here just to see if it’s possible to cover everything. The addition of several fall and spooky items means this also counts as our first step into the most sacred season of the whole year. Without further pomp let’s get this mother rolling.

Cheez-It Snap’d BBQ, Parmesan Ranch, Smoked Bacon Cheddar

    The Snap’d line from Cheez-It was already a big winner with just their basic flavors but never one to rest the company decided to pump out some new goods, presumably for a limited time. The Parmesan Ranch variety was alright, decent enough as a limited item but not totally deserving of a permanent spot in the line. Bacon Cheddar was a step up by offering the flavoring of TGI Fridays Potato Skins without the mouth-shredding texture. Without a doubt the big winner was BBQ with just the right balance of smoke, sweet, and crunchy. I’d advise picking up all three if possible but if you’re bound by a tight wallet at least nab some BBQ.

Hostess Sundae Cupcakes

    For some odd reason the new batches of Hostess goodies are getting harder to find in this area. At the very least I was able to find these Sundae Cupcakes once, just once mind you. Overall they’re not all that different from traditional cupcakes with that fatty/chemical Hostess allure. Still decent enough for a lunch item.

Little Debbie Jelly Creme Pies

    Out of freaking nowhere I came across a Little Debbie variety I’d never seen nor heard of. The concept involves a sort of cross-breading of the companies cherry cordials, crème pies, and a spot of strawberry jelly. The result is so damn tasty. Like this is easily one of Debbie’s finest accomplishments in recent years and yet it’s completely under the radar. So far I’ve only seen these at Wal-Mart so you may have to venture there to find em. Of course if you’re anything like me a regular wally-world snack trip is penciled in somewhere on the calendar.

Shrieker Skittles

    Expanding on the concept leftover from zombie skittles these new shriekers have random sour candies riddled throughout each bag. What makes this sort of fun is how the sour level somewhat depends on whatever the original flavor was meant to be. In my personal experience the sour green apple pieces seem to take the title for top pucker power.

    These are a major improvement over zombie skittles in nearly every way. The package design is clean yet festive, sour candy is a much easier sell than rotten corpse flavor, and the base flavors are good to boot. My personal level of repeat purchases is gonna come down to how crazy this season gets but so far these make for a damn fine start to spooky shenanigans. About the only issue is that the random sour spikes can give you a craving for consistently sour candy. I’d say at least a four out of five.

Cookies & Scream M&M’s

    On the more comforting end of Halloween candy are cookies and scream. Gotta give some props to the design team on this packaging. It manages to walk the line between clean modern aesthetic and classic Halloween with good use of colors. The taste isn’t all that nutty or unique but the execution is solid and satisfying. It’s actually pretty easy to curb your sweet-tooth with a quick handful. Another excellent early entry in this years Halloween offerings. Four outta five, easy.

Turkey Hill BBQ Cracklin Strips

    Alright so these aren’t new items per-say but they’re new to me and my continuing quest to find the best cracklin. The bbq flavor adds a fun twist to the base cracklin but in this case it’s a little too sweet and falls short of being quality pork snacks.

Bavarian Meats

    Another odd surprise these bavarian meats may be the best mass market meat sticks I’ve ever come across. Salty, meaty, and earthy in just the right mix with an excellent texture that begins with a crisp snap of the casing. Problem is I haven’t found them anywhere closer than a gas station 30 miles away. Still; if any of you jerky lovers see em in the wild there’s a great treat.

Bombay Sapphire Raspberry Blackberry Gin

    Recently I’ve started to scour the novelties of the booze aisle like peanut butter whiskey (stay away from it) and this new offshoot of Bombay Sapphire. They’ve taken the classic gin and infused it with berries. Sound’s like a guaranteed winner o what’s the final result? Well it’s sorta like good robitussim. Not really bad per-say, just not living up to its potential. The real trick is having the right drink to mix it with as it pairs especially well with tea. Very much a novelty item though that will only please a handful of people.

Little Debbie Unicorn Cakes

    Lord knows what dark ritual initiated the incessant wave of unicorn and mermaid themed items that have clogged up shelves over the past few years but the fact remains that I can’t resist a shiny new snack cake. Sadly the actual item is fairly generic overall with little outside of their presentation to separate them from other snack cakes. They taste good enough but you’re not missing anything by giving em a pass.

Japanese Kit-Kats: Orange and Crushed Almond & Cranberry

    When it comes to Kit-Kats and Doritos nobody outdoes Japan. The land of Kaiju never ceases to come up with new varieties of these American snack staples while the parent companies leave us in the dust. The occasional trip to an Asian grocer or world market can help close the gap however which is how I got my mitts on two different Kit-Kats from afar.

    Orange Kit-Kat reminds me of what those Terry’s Chocolate Oranges might be like if they didn’t suck. Not only is the flavor balanced much better but the additional element of crunchy wafer helps it all go down smooth. The big find however is the Crushed Almond & Cranberry Kit-Kat which manage to prove that candy can in fact taste classy. It’s not too fruity, or nutty, or chocolaty, just this glorious blend of sweet and comforting.

Puchao Gummy Candy.

    I’ve crossed paths with Puchao countless times yet always managed to skip over them thanks to timing, budget, what have you. Not making that mistake any longer. Not only is are the fruity flavors quite satisfying but the texture, that’s what sells it for a fan of chewy stuff. They work so well thanks to the two separate candy elements, one being the outer gummy with spongy beads inside. They’re a lot of fun and their individually wrapped presentation makes em perfect for work.

Pocky Tasty

    Tasty isn’t exactly the most detailed flavor description so you’re likely wondering the same thing as me, what are these? Basically think of em as deluxe pocky. They use ingredients like charred milk and fermented butter to offer a richer version of traditional pocky. The biscuit stick is a little thicker as well. These touches may not sound like anything all that special but it adds up to a very different experience than traditional Pocky. Problem is these don’t quite scratch that casual snack itch the same way regular Pocky does. In a way it’s almost too refined for it’s own good.

Zapps Evil Eye Potato Chips

    Been a big fan of Zapp’s chips for a few years now, still hold the opinion that Gator Tators are the ultimate sandwich topping. These Evil Eye chips came out quite some time ago with it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally found some. They whole idea is that they’re a hot, spicy, Cajun treat but the proved to be a bit divisive in the family. I personally found em underwhelming, couldn’t even describe much of the taste to you. My nephew on the other hand openly declares these as his favorite potato chip. So these are either totally forgettable or a mana straight from heaven.

Bakerly French Pancakes

    Here’s an odd one. Bags of pre-made, room temp, pancakes you can bust out whenever you want. No special flavors, fairly simple ingredients list. It’s on tap pancake and that’s just fucking tits. Sure I’ve had better overall pancakes, and bigger ones no doubt, but the sheer convenience if this item is unrivaled. You don’t even need to microwave em if you’d feel like it. Just grab one outta the bag.

Fruity Cereal Kit-Kat

    Not to be completely outdone by Japan, the U.S. branch of Kit-Kat unleashes their third or fourth flavor of the year with the new fruity cereal variety. Honestly these are pretty solid, though I’m not sure if they’re as good as the Key Lime ones that are still readilly available. Gotta call them out on a big booboo though. The package shows a ring shaped cereal like Fruit Loops but these are way more Fruity Pebbles with that pronounced coriander flavor. If you’re a pebbles fiend definitely give these a go.

Lays Cheetos and Funyuns Potato Chips

    Lays went deep into corporate synergy territory this Summer with a trio of chips flavored like other snacks. The Cool Ranch Doritos variety continues to elude me which is a shame as one of these is absolutely phenomenal. Let’s start with the less successful version then, Funyuns.

    Full disclosure; I hate funyuons, always have. Dusting a chip with that flavor was always gonna be an uphill battle. By themselves these are pretty much pointless as they don’t do enough of any one thing to stand out nor do they manage to really work as a regular chip with that sweet and pissy onion taste. However they’re fairly decent on a sandwich and thus not entirely without merit. That being said my usual ratings would leave this somewhere around a two out of five.

    Cheetos Potato Chips on the other hand, oh my god these chips. Lays had somewhere taken the experience of licking the Cheetos power off ones fingers and translated that perfectly onto a chip. It’s lunacy, possibly outright sorcery, but goddamn is it ever tasty. That’s a five outta five for those bad boys.

Dolce De Louche Toast Crunch

    Nearly forgot about this one but don’t take that as a comment on its quality. The troubled history of caramel and dolce cereals is well documented with most efforts missing the mark. This one though is some good shit. There’s enough of the original toast crunch taste to even out the dolce elements in order to make a tasty and satisfying cereal. I’d actually like to see these stick around as they’re one of the better toast crunch spin-offs.

Salted Caramel Brownie Oreo

    Talk about one that nearly got away. I passed these up the first time I saw em because I was already buried in sugary treats only to see them vanish from shelves. Weeks later one of the local stores had the good sense to restock at least a little. The wait was absolutely worth it too as, much like the Dolce De Louche Toast Crunch, show a marked improvement in how companies are handling caramel items. I know there’s a big group of salted caramel haters out there but the wizards at Oreo found a way to make everyone happy by mixing in brownies. The end result is something with that salty, burnt sugar taste but with an excess of chocolate to keep everything in line. The only weird part is that dipping the cookies in anything activates the salt even more but they’re still damn good.

Apple Cider Donut Oreo

    Here’s one of two items I picked mere hours ago. We’re talking first impressions territory here. The new fall Oreo is too big a topic to sit on though and it looks like they’ve got a real winner this year. Only had one cookie so far sans milk or coffee and the experience was rather surprising. Instead of tasting like a cider flavored donut the whole thing come across more like what happens when you dipp a donut into a proper class of cider. There’s even more of a refreshing moisture component at work here. Can’t wait to see how they fair with liquids but so far so good.

MTN Dew Spark

    Spark actually came out summer of 2020, a lousy time for any product launch, as a Speedway exclusive. Somebody was smart enough to give it a second round for those of us who stayed away from people last year. The whole idea is raspberry lemonade dew which sorta comes across as ruby red squirt mixed with dew. Only had about a third of a bottle so far but as now it stands as a mid-tier Dew.

    At last I think I’m caught up on snacks. You may have noticed a few items in the pictures I didn’t even talk about since there hasn’t been time to try everything just yet. It’s time to start making… time I guess. Updates have been sporadic to say the least but we’re right on the cusp of spooky season and now way am I letting that slip by. Most likely I’m gonna have to switch to smaller but more frequent posts to pull that off though I don want to talk about another Ultra series before we officially bring out the pumpkins and bats, says the guy whose already been buying decorations for a month and a half. Gotta get back to work on other thing but you guys sound off. Lemme know what’s you’re looking forward to in the next few months and any topics you’d like me to touch on.

Abandoned Stores and Super Furniture

 

    The following tale is true. Only the names and places have been altered or omitted to… basically just not to piss off any algorithms. The events you’re about to read relate directly to my recent inability to keep this place updated in a timely manner. In fact; the finishing touches of this post mark the first time I’ve been able to sit down and write in weeks. For roughly three months now I’ve been back in the working world at a game store learning the ins and outs of inputting stock, running events, managing orders, daily sales, cleaning, and helping to set up the new secondary location. See my boss managed to nab himself a unit in a still lively mall and so I occasionally spent an extra day of work helping him get that location into fighting shape. The first of such days involved a furniture hunt in the strangest of places.

    During the past couple decades a number of mall anchor store chains have gone belly-up. You know the sort of place I’m talking about. High-priced department stores with perfume counters and the worst hits of Celene Dion playing over the radio. When those places close down there’s usually group that works on selling off the remaining display racks, tables, even some of the electronics. In this case the group that had done the final sell-off never finished and are apparently never coming back. The mall in question wants this unit as empty as possible for future development so new stores are encouraged to scavenge whatever they want so long as they do most of it during off hours. Thus a few weeks ago I along with several others set off into the dark, dank recesses of forgotten capitalism.

    If you’ve never been inside a mall before it opens I highly recommend the experience. There’s a weird sense of comfort from strolling the vast halls before they fill with people and noise. It’s almost like a little world made just for you. Plus, unlike early morning walks outside, there’s a low chance of encountering wildlife. Of course that’s the properly lit main section I’m talking about. The empty anchor store was another matter entirely. Imagine a vast cold space that manages to have infinite dark corners and mysteries to send the mind into overdrive. Oh and poop… yea, we found some poop in the break room. Easily the most unsettling aspect of the store was the freight elevator. Ya know the kind where you hear things moving and shaking just by taking one step inside? Suffice to say after our first ride we switched to send the furniture down and then using the stairs. Of course said stairs only had lights at the top which meant each trip involved a descent into a black abyss with the only source of color being a wall filled with farewell messages from the former store staff.

By all means, please go first.

      If there’s one sensation from this outing that will stick with me it’s the odd mix of empowerment/semi-embarrassment felt when rolling a several a hundred pound display shelf from one end of the mall to the other while people shoot confused looks, though this did provide ample opportunity to swing by the fine ladies at the pretzel hut. Still; if you’re the sort that hates being the center of attention I can imagine this being a form of corporal punishment.

    By this point you’re likely wondering if there’s any sort of point to my ramblings and here it comes. Remember how eager the mall was to empty out the anchor store? Well that meant it was totally feasible to take out stuff that wasn’t necessarily meant for the store. While we hoisted and rolled out different displays I kept my peepers open for something that would come in handy at home, pending it could actually make the journey. For the most part this side-mission felt doomed. Turns out store furniture is heavy as all hell with some pieces having crazy measurements to boot. There were also a few items where I couldn’t fathom how it could ever be useful. Near the end of our quest I’d almost given up on lofty dreams of super furniture… but then I saw it. A light shone down from the heavens upon a lonely item, the last of its kind, a triple-layered Levi’s display table.

    I can hear you shrugging across time and space. Surely you must be wondering what is so damn special about branded jeans display table. Well here’s your answer. As a gamer I’ve struggled with a two-front problem. One is board game storage, with the other being a proper play space. I made progress on the storage front a few years back via a sturdy shelf but in this display I could see both needs met at once. At least that’s how it seemed since I lacked a direct way to fully plan out how it might work. Given that this was a now or never sort of situation I dragged this monster back to the store where it sat for a few weeks before I could return to disassemble and move it back home.

    Bringing the table home commenced weeks of a different tasks piling up. Everything from ikea runs, slatboard installation at the store (which occurred after hours providing a totally different mall experience), sorting, cleaning, working, bookkeeping, getting a new dog, birthdays, helping people move, on and on. Now it’s finally starting to level off and I have time to live again. What this means is that this is but part one of our tale as the table’s arrival set-off the long overdue clean-up of our basement. As it stands I’ve pieced together eleven pieces of furniture in just over a week with one more to go and others potentially on the way. Yes this is sorta losing the point, it’s hard to elaborate on the feeling of abandoned mall scouring a month after the fact, but know that I’m back, I’m free, and I now have the greatest gaming accessory known to man. Behold!

    Clocking in at the weight of a small moon, this triple tiered terror houses a massive selection of gaming goodness with plenty of play space. The huge boards of Formula D barely make a dent on this 3 by 5 behemoth while leaving room for a printer and photo-scanner. Plus cats love the damn thing. They climb behind the games or hop up top to cool their bellies on the smooth top. We couldn’t resist taking one of the old dvd shelves from another project and using it as a side area for cards and small games. Sure I’ve been half-crippled from project like this but the results are just sheer beauty.

    As I’ve noted this is just the start of our tale. All this home improvement is the perfect excuse for some posts about books, games (both video and tabletop), along with a small sojourn that resulted in the first Halloween decorations for the year, oh and German food. Basically after a month that almost felt like a year I’m back and there’s plenty to talk about. And yes, if you couldn’t tell, this post itself has mutated multiple times since I started writing it. Still; it feels outstanding to be back and I hope you’ll stick around as I whip the site back into shape while we slowly ease outta summer and into the best months of the year. For now just watch this space for either a snack report, event report, or aimless ramblings about book collecting. See you all soon.

Snack Report: June 2021

 

    Life of recent has felt like some kind of hallucination. Why just a few months ago it was totally expected of me to stay home, avoid people, and generally do whatever to fill the time. Now I’m working, shopping, just last week I moved furniture out of an abandoned Younkers (details to come). You few faithful readers have undoubtedly noticed this has effected the blogging schedule. To some extent that comes down to simply not having trained myself to reallocate time for it. The other issue comes with articles like today's where enough has happened in a relatively short time that something I ate a week ago feels like some phantom memory. Consider this a warning then that this newest snack report is likely to read more like a stream-of-consciousness exercise than a regular blog post.

Reese’s Big Cup with Pretzels and Reese's Peanut Butter Lovers

    Reese’s recently went on a bender, introducing different variations of peanut butter fandom to their fabled candy. There’s one with a half-chocolate outer coating, one with an all peanut butter approach, and a big’n with pretzels. Over the past couple of months I’ve had all three and can safely say meh to the first, yum to the second, and something more complicated for the third. See… the balance for the big cup is simply off. Having such a large cup provides a higher amount of peanut butter without an equal increase in chocolate. Adding to the problem is whatever brand of pretzel they used is just too dry and salty to perfectly blend with the other flavors. It’s not bad but anyone who’s had this sort of thing before know it can be done better. Can’t see any of the three lasting long term. Their alright with peanut butter lovers being the most successful.

Red Bull Summer Edition Dragon Fruit

    By this point in time Red Bull is essentially the local tourist trap of the energy drink market, in the sense that it’s always there but you only pay attention to it on special occasions. Since summer is back in swing it’s time for a new seasonal offering laced with the flavor of one of my favorite fruits. There is a good amount of dragon fruit flavor here, with a fairly pleasant smell to match. The problem is that when this is mixed with red bulls energy formula it ends up tasting a bit like perfume. Maybe deserving of a 2 or 2.5 rating.

Nutter Butter Wafers

    God help me I know these aren’t new, and I may have even had them before, but upon seeing Nutter Butter Wafers in store I was struck by this sudden bout of amnesia/paranoia. Have these always been and no one bothered to tell me? Had they simply slipped my mind? Or had I found myself in another dimension where Nutter Butter’s were given the attention they deserve? Whatever the case these sheets of wafer and peanut butter quickly won me over. While not quite as good as Vortman Wafers these still provide excellent peanut butter taste with a satisfying mouth feel. Plus you can totally pretend each sheet is edible wall insulation. On that novelty alone it earns a 3.5 outta 5.

Lays Wavy Jerk Chicken Potato Chips

    Lay’s unleashed several new potato chip flavors this summer though I’ve been inundated with enough potato snacks that I’ve only managed to sample this one so far. Gotta say if the others are even close to this one than we’re in for a tasty season.

    Packaging is colorful and wild. The scent almost a combo of lite jerky and dare I say fresh vegetables? It actually manages to taste like the exterior of a chicken breast that’s been cooked just after being smothered in dry spices. It’s the damnedest thing but they almost taste healthy which we all know isn’t the case. Definitely not gonna be for everyone but for those who like this sorta thing it’s an easy 4 out of 5.

Ghostbusters Afterlife Cereal

There was a time when movie tie-in cereals weren’t much of a novelty. That is until parents groups and nutritionalists brow beat the world into not having fun. The occasional items pops out however tied to either the newest Disney thing or as a means of tugging at nostalgia, which I can’t help but feel is the case with this new Ghostbuster chow. Can’t deny the box has that eye-catching quality though. Just like the old Real Ghostbuers Cereal this black box just stands out among the sea of brightly colored breakfast fare. As an actual food, well… that’s a little more complicated,

Unlike the OG Ralston stuff that modeled itself after monster cereals, this new Afterlife edition is pretty much a lighter take on Berry Berry Kix with marshmallows thrown in. The smell is bland though not entirely unappealing. Individual pieces are a bit too resistance to milk. Everything’s middle of the road. There’s just not much draw to the cereal itself so much as the joy of having something Ghostbusters themed again. Awsome packaging, ho-hum cereal, 2.5 rating for sure.

Meijer Bell’s Oberon Bratwurst

    In these parts grocery ads use the arrival of Bell’s Oberon beer like it’s the opening shot of basic bro summer. Indeed, every prairie boy around demands an ample supply to fuel Saturday evenings of lawn-work and singing Kid Rock lyrics by the fire. For those of us with taste and ample hobbies Oberon is just an ok beer. That being said it’s regional popularity makes these special beer brats a total no-brainer. As a pork fiend I had to give em a shot though the end result was underwhelming.

    Beer brats are a matter of balance. The wrong choice of beer or a little too much of any one flavor can throw everything off. In this case the oberon lends an off taste to the brat. Like it’s not bad but if you didn’t know any better you’d swear something was wrong with the brat itself. That’s not the kind of sensation you want to elicit with pork products. I’d say this one’s another 2.5 rating.

Little Debbie’s Cosmic Brownies Cereal

    I doubt it would be controversial to declare cosmic brownies sit alongside star crunch as Debbie's weakest offerings. The brands recent success with Oatmeal Cream Pie cereal made this second effort impossible to ignore. Of course it’s fighting an uphill battle against the overwhelming history of chocolate cereals and on that front it doesn’t really stand apart from the pack. The smell came across as stronger than the food itself but the actual taste wasn’t so bad. Everything’s lightly left of regular chocolate which helps to sell the whole brownie vibe. Unfortunately it’s a bit too resistant to milk, keeping the texture rough through the whole bowl. The chocolaty milk leftovers are a total highlight though. Gonna give this one a 3. Not amazing but tasty enough to pass.

On the Boarder Cafe Style Queso Chips

    Imagine, if you will, a world where Doritos understands subtly. That’s the world these lovely treats come from. There’s just enough powder to give me a kick and coat your fingers yet it’s lite enough to keep these as a viable option for nachos. Admittedly my nephew thought they were gross but this guy here is over the moon for em. Accepting their possibly divisive status I’m gonna give a solid 4.

Twelve’s Rebel hard Coffee Berry Crisps Latte

    Sometimes the most interesting thing about a new food item isn’t anything unique to it but the weird memories it brings up. Having a biological make-up that is 40% coffee, 10% candy and 5% hooch makes this sort of thing a must try. As far as adult beverages are concerned it was pretty lousy with the different flavors being at odds with each-other. Whenever it leaned into fruity territory though I got a sudden rush of nostalgia. It took some detective skills but I found it at last, Smilk. A fruity milk drink from that weird part of the 1990s where diary suddenly had to be flavored. Shit was gross but my chubby ten-year-old self loved to fuel up on it. I’d say stay away from this lackluster coffee drink unless you too want to remember the wonders and pitfalls of Smilk.

Bell’s Tropical Oberon

    How many paragraphs ago was it that I noted Oberon as the opiate of basic bros? Well for a brief moment I was counted among their ranks as curiosity forced me to try the new tropical variation. It’s a bit unfair to saddle this honestly better beer with the Oberon title however. I mean Bell’s actually put in a decent showing here. The stuff is cloudy, fruity, and nicely refreshing. Far from my favorite hot-weather beer but good enough for a 3.5 score.

Birthday Cake Pebbles Cereal

    One of the all-time greats turns 50 this year. To celebrate there’s a new variety on shelves meant to evoke the sweetness of birthday cake. In execution however both scent and flavor come across like a riff on the recently demised Rice Krispies Treats Cereal with a couple key differences. For one the greasy taste of that cereal is nowhere to be found. In it’s place is a slight berry flavor which I’d assume is supposed to be the frosting element. While not up to the level of Cocoa or Fruity this one’s still a decent sugar rush worthy of a 3 out of 5/

Frosted Berry Team Cheerios

    In honor of the upcoming Olympic games Cheerios has revived the old Team branding with a new frosted berry combination. Admittedly I’d failed to notice the disappearance of classic Team Cheerios as my primary obsession with the brand are the Maple and Pumpkin Spice varieties. Still I recall team being a damn solid breakfast food and while this one may not be up to the same level, it’s still pretty good. There’s a nice mix of sweet that never becomes overpowering and it manages to stay with you longer than most other cereals. Worthy of a 3.5 at the very (or should I say berry?) least.

Kountry Lane Bakery Raspberry Rolls

    I’ve mentioned in previous articles the pleasure of shopping at Lansing hotspot, Horrocks. While they can sometimes drop the ball I’m always eager to see what new items they can bring my way. Few items better illustrate that feeling then these raspberry rolls from a tiny ass bakery in Indiana. Seriously; these are my new obsession to the extent that I want a whole swath of em in place of birthday cake this year. The dough is clean, airy, and just plain enough to stand in contrast with everything else. The berry goo is just marvelous. Oh and the icing is an absolute toothache. Should you one day find yourself near Horrocks or in Montgomery, IN do yourself a favor and hunt these down. This month’s sole perfect rating of 5 outta 5.

    With that I’ve finally wrapped a blog for this month. Gonna make an honest effort to get back on schedule here. Not tonight though. Tonight calls for video games and plenty of sleep before work