Resident Evil Survivor

For as long as the series has existed I've often found myself wishing I liked the Resident Evil games. Despite revolving around so many shared interests, and how I often get a good chuckle from the movie counterparts, RE has simply never drawn me in. Part of the problem is that I just plain suck at the series which subsequently means there's little fun to be had when playing it. It's not necessarily a matter of difficulty or suvival-horror tropes as I can handle the likes of ultra-hard games like Ikaruga or scary survivalist titles like Silent Hill. There's just something about the overall design of the RE titles that leaves me underwhelmed. Way back in 1998 I actually owned Resident Evil 2 and while so many others were lapping it up I was left in the gaming dumps until I was able to buy the much better, and so much harder, Final Fantasy Tactics. Every year around Halloween it's natural to get a hankering for some scary games which brings me right back to staring at this series I can't get into. This year I decided to try and change all that. After 23 years I was going to beat a Resident Evil game. So did I boot up any of the main entries that are readily available on the PS4? Course not. Instead I sought out a hated black sheep of the franchise. Naturally I’d love to share the whole silly adventure with you all.

Released back in August of 2000 Resident Evil Survivor (or Gun Survivor as it’s known in Japan) was a rather odd duck. The core series had already expanded to four installments with the most recent, Code Veronica, being quite the show-peace on the Dreamcast. The original Japanese version of Survivor was an experiment in creating a first-person shooter that was controlled by a light-gun, namely Namco's guncon. Stateside was a much different story as the novel control scheme was removed to placate parental groups who worried that video games were to blame for recent violent tragedies (nice to know things never change). Striped of its original identity and realized with very fuzzy graphics, Survivor was greeted with absolutely savage reviews declaring it a worthless game that existed as an insult to the brand. As someone who didn't even enjoy these games, save for some slight admiration of Nemesis, the idea of an extra terrible installment kept me far away. So what changed all these years later? Frankly it was the existence of a couple different articles and videos that still hated on the game but noted that it was incredibly short and fairly easy. Plus it seemed odd that for what was such a poorly received title it actually predicted the first-person future of the series.

Starting up the game soon yields all the usual series tropes, the dramatic menu voice, door opening animations, all the classic monsters, and magnificently wretched voice-acting. Even compared to the original the acting here is absolutely ripe with poor mixing and characters either lacking or expressing the wrong emotion for any given situation. The story at least had a simple opening hook with the player taking control of an amnesic survivor of a helicopter crash in an island town overrun with monsters. Even with all these standard elements there were a few differences that stood out.

The first change of note is how horror is handled in this game. The general fear of any Resident Evil title is whether or not there's a monster in the next room. As this is designed to be a shooter the question becomes how many monsters are behind that door? Damn near every room is packed with critters with some of the bigger baddies showing up rather quickly. Depending on how you go about it you'll be fighting giant spiders within ten-minutes. Sometimes the player barely has a chance to avoid the beasties with them being right up in your grill the moment an environment loads. Some of the rooms even repopulate should you find yourself backtracking. Combined with unlimited pistol ammo and the focus is to deal with an onslaught of foes by taking out every one of them rather than avoiding conflict.

While I mentioned backtracking you'll rarely such a thing because the game structure is so much different than its big brothers. The campaign is designed around focused linear areas with occasional junctions where the player chooses one of several branching paths. The effect on the story is minimal with certain characters simply appearing less often depending on your choices. However; certain items are only available down different paths which means you can miss out on a few nicer pieces of equipment depending on which branch you take. Thankfully all the primary upgrades like the shotgun and magnum seems to exist at the choke points. What this means for the player is that each environment goes by much faster with none of the puzzles the core games are known for.

After nearly forty-minutes of play a problem reared its ugly head. I'd been making good progress and it was time to feed the cats yet I couldn't find a single save spot. A quick search revealed something really bizarre. You can only save the game when your character dies. What stays in your save file are all of the weapons & ammo you've collected, not actual progress through the story. That means you have to take this on in a single sitting. I suppose this makes sense as it was designed around a more arcade sensibility but this was still a poor design choice on the developers part as the game plays so much better in short bursts. You're always being kept on your toes, fighting one wave of monsters after another, stretching that feeling for at least 90 minutes is more exhausting than interesting. Nowadays a creative person can find ways around this little hiccup which makes for a much better experience.

As mentioned earlier the story starts with the player controlling a crash survivor with amnesia. It doesn't take long before he begins to piece together the situation. This island town is owned and operated entirely by staff of the Umbrella corporation, and he may actually be the heartless commander who oversaw operations. Eventually he finds some kids who've manged to survive and decides to redeem himself by getting them off the island. Don't come in expecting any deep moral growth however as he remembers the truth later on and has nothing to make up for. Just a decent boring guy saving kids from monster island. And boy do I ever mean boring as this guy seemingly forgot his personality in the crash. Considering the branching paths some of the supporting cast barely appear depending on which branch you take. On my main playthrough a guy shot at me from a window while accusing the main guy of being commander Vincent and there was no closure to that point whatsoever. That same person can show up near the end but in my case it was the nameless leader of Umbrella’s command squad. Most of the finer story details are told through the typical files and diaries strwen about the island (stationery sales must be through the roof) though a number of these have glaring errors in grammar and spelling.

Clearly storytelling isn’t the main draw for Survivor so what about gameplay? Well it’s very straightfoward and almost acts like a distilled version of the mainline RE titles. You walk around with sluggish tank controls all while popping caps in monsters and collecting items for personal use or to unlock the next environment. It’s all very basic with the most complicated choice being when to lower your weapon and run to the other side of a room. Admittedly this strategic element sometimes vanishes either because the location is to small to maneuver around or because quicker enemies like hunters always block your escape.

Let's talk about those monsters for a moment. Most of the early franchise staples are accounted for be it zombies, dogs, lickers, etc. Some can only be encountered down certain paths so you can still have a surprise or two in later playthroughs. There is one enemy type I believe is unique to this game which is possibly one of the worst monsters ever placed in a video game. About a half-hour through the adventure some Umbrella commandos arrive to clean up the situation. In the introductory cut-scene they seem to be regular humans. When encountered in-game however they appear as these lanky, ape-like gimps who make wildcat sounds, bleed green, and melt when killed. It's as if the development team understood they should introduce something new and at the last second someone yelled out “chimps in gas masks!” No way are these critters keeping you up at night.

With everything mentioned thus far I still haven't tackled the most important question; was I having any fun? Actually... yeah, I sorta was. Don't get me wrong this game is loaded with problems in all areas. The controls are sluggish, the story is an absolute turd, there's tons of cheap hits steaming from the small environments, and the item menu is one of the worst in memory. At the same time the quick pace of the adventure coupled with alterations to series formula such as having unlimited item storage and pistol ammo made for a much more casual experience. In a way Survivor is a better b-movie simulation than its' bigger brothers could ever hope to be. Strange as it may sound I found a sort of nostalgia for this game despite never having played it before. Somehow it brought back the sensation of camping out in my teenage bedroom with the rustle of trees floating in through open windows. For an otherwise dumb game to provide that sort of feeling, well there must be something deeper going on with it.

Finally we come to the big conclusion of the quest to finish and RE game. The final area of the game is of course an underground laboratory featuring the toughest enemies and a Tyrant the player must go three rounds with. At this point I had stashed plenty of grenades, magnum bullets, and even shotgun shells should the former categories not prove enough. Out of everything the grenade launcher proved to be best as it would interrupt the attack animation of the final boss who tried to stop players from fleeing via helicopter. As a reward players are treated to one of the most ridiculous finishes to a boss battle alongside possibly the worst ending line in gaming history. When the two children ask what they will do now, our hero informs them “I don't know, but don't worry, we can fly as long as we have fuel.” Words to live by.

At last there was a Resident Evil title under my belt. Not only did it feel good to finally overcome this series but there's the extra bragging rights of it being such an often disliked and forgotten piece of gaming history. And despite all of the games numerous flaws the experience was still entertaining enough that I booted up a second playthrough to check out some of the other pathways while putting the more advanced weaponry to work on weaker enemies. While it may not have been a life-altering event playing this silly game on a cool September night was the sort of unexpected element to help the season feel complete.

Despite all the bad press here in the states there must have bee some level of success as the Gun Survivor series continued in different iterations with different development teams. This first installment was actually developed by a company called Tose rather than actual Capcom staff. This little developer has been around for decades working on all manner of games big and small including some of the key RE games. Capcom would take over for sequels, one an arcade cabinet shooter based off Code Veronica and another called Dino Stalker which served as a spin-off of my beloved Dino Crisis series. Finally Cavia would take over for Resident Evil: Dead Aim and later alter the formula for Umbrella and Darkside Chronicles on the Wii. Normally I wouldn’t care about sharing all of this with you but I’m so impressed by how much history stemmed from something otherwise deemed as a total failure. It’s like if the little engine that could was also a chemical train that derailed right into a gated community which, now that I think of it, would be a fantastic set-up for the next Resident Evil.

That’s all I’ve got for you tonight folks. Got a relatively busy weekend planned including a trip to Marshall, MI for something they call Skeletonfest. I’m guessing there will be skeletons involved. I’ll have a report on that up for you all in a couple days, probably the presentation of mood tables next week, and I’m gonna try and fit a regular update in for the site’s Super Sentai fans. Right now it’s a perfectly gloomy night to enjoy while devouring some Indian food.

Little Halloween Adventures 2019

Let's start off this post with a slightly embarrassing confession. For at least a few years now yours truly has had a recurring nightmare, anxiety-inducing dream would be more accurate. In it I'm busy doing whatever odd thing when I found out that it's Halloween night and I am completely unprepared on every front. It sounds ridiculous considering I'm the kind who starts planning their holiday months in advance but that's just how much Halloween means to me. Of course the only way to give proper tribute to something you hold so dear is to live it as much as possible in the days leading to it. Of course it can't all be big events like visiting haunted houses or having parties. You have to find small ways to live big. Today we'll talk of a myriad of ways to spend this season to it's fullest without being outlandish.

Last Saturday marked the return of an unplanned yet recurring phenomenon I now refer to as the September Splurge. For the past four years or so one night of this month has involved a trip to Lansing that generally results in a hefty haul of seasonal goodies. This year wasn't quite up to the girth of past splurges though it was still bountiful enough to qualify. This is of course one of the pricier aspects of Halloween when it's time to take some of that set-aside cash and go hunting for treats. Let's take a look at what came home with me.

First up are snacks. Got my hands on the new Cocoa Crisp M&M's and I gotta tell ya that what they make lack in innovation they sure make up for by being pure spooky fuel. Can't quite explain it but some candy just helps you feel a little younger. It's a sort of undefinable quality and these gave me the feeling of not so much being a kid, but at least a young adult. That crunch of cocoa crispy along with the smoothness of regular chocolate and snap of the candy shell form a perfect trio of candy goodness by being a little understaed. Will definitely be bringing home more bags of these babies. I believe these are a Target exclusive so get out there and offer up some cash.

Also of note are Voortman Apple Crisp Wafers. These are not new, nor are they explicitly tied to Halloween. Beyond that I'm not sure how many of you will be able to find these Canadian confections. Living in the northern states it isn't too hard to stock up but I've no clue how far the company can reach. What's bizarre is how these taste exactly like apple crisp, right down to the oatmeal. That being said there is something that comes off as slightly fake which is very odd considering Voortman uses some pretty clean ingredients. Still an excellent option for those craving something different than the usual pumpkin spice.

Onto decorations. On the upper left of the above photo you'll see one of the vintage-style blow-mold recreations Michael's is carrying this year. I adore both of them but on the night in question this was the last remaining cat. Given that many stores seem to have stocking issues this season I saw fit to bring this home. First and foremost the colors on this are so good witch rich orange and bold green contrasted against the black cat. Another interesting touch is how the cat is actually slightly off-center, a touch that adds some personality despite driving my lite OCD wild.

To the right of the cat are three hanging ghouls from Dollar Tree. Over the years I've amased quite a stash of varying items like these. A key tip for any decorators out there is to hunt down as many of these as you can and then hang them from your tries via zip-ties. This allows for optimal placement and security. Something that went unoticed in the store is how this is the exact trio of creatures that comprised the Silver Shamrock mask line from Halloween III. Somebody deserves a pat on the back for that.

Lastly in this category we have window clings. I didn't buy these, they were actually waiting for me when I got home but the addition to my collection is welcome. I put these absolutely everywhere. Not just windows but the bathroom mirrors and even the class doors on kitchen furniture.

Mafiozoo may seem out of place as it has absolutely nothing inherently scary going unless of course you're terrified of a cigar smoking walrus. Indeed this was just a fine grab off a boardgame clearance sale. Let's be fair, it can still work with the season. Gangsters could easily fit in with our celebrations as kids, and here we can pretend all these characters suffer some form of were-curse. Glad I was able to find this as it has apparently gone out-of-print and it seems like a very interesting title. Plus that board itself, it's so weird to make this compliment, the board is one of the nicest I've encountered in my years of gaming. It's thick, heavy, beautiful, and has a spot for damn near everything. This year my aim is to have at least one proper game night by candlelight and while Mafiozoo may not be spooky it could help to get folks in seats.

A couple days after the shopping trip I awoke to some nasty side-effects from ibuprofen but was able to recover well-enough to accompany some family out to see IT Chapter 2. Gotta say it was a messy movie that came so very close to being straight up crap. There was enough overall entertainment value to still make for a fairly fun viewing experience though that was offset by a major lack of tension, terror, or even emotional drama from some of the characters. I could go on to disect the issues at hand but I was still happy with the experience. Most years I don't get out to see any big horror releases in theaters so having Halloween last year followed by this makes for a good feeling.

On Wednesday I was once again in Lansing where I was able to indulge in the new Addam's Family menu at IHOP. Honestly the menu itself is a bit skimpy as it's comprised of only four items, most of which are just regular selections topped with bright purple cream. While tempted to tackle the Gomez themed omelet it'd been quite some time since my last traditional lumberjack breakfast so I opted instead for the ultimate combo with Wednesday's Webcakes. These are traditional pancakes coated with a web-design of sweet sort of cream-cheese frosting and the purple cream on top. A warning for those with sensitive teeth the frosting can be downright painful so keep your coffee on hand for a good rinse. Also prepare to see your lip prints perfectly recreated in purple on the edge of your mug. That image alone is worth a trip.

Finally we have the pastime of the autumnal walk. Exercise is always best this time of year, especially when combined with a moped ride. What's been extra special of late are the number of folks jumping the gun on decorating. A great deal of folks around here can seemingly forget Halloween until it's on their doorstep, kind like my nightmare, but this year there are folks already lining their porches and windows with lights and skeletons. And so I've been unable to resist the call to battle and am pushing ahead a little earlier than usual on the major decorating. The weekend should find at least the first wave of items hanging from trees and porch-railing as I show a few of the neighborhood newbies how things are done. Forgive the grandstanding, holiday decorating is one of the few opportunities I have to show-off.

That's all for now you creatures of the night. Next time there should be a properly focused update. I hope you've gleamed some level of inspiration from these ramblings. It's important to remember that Halloween doesn't have to be big. Some novelty pancakes and a trip to the dollar store can unlock a whole chain of events. That's the thing that makes this season special. One moment you're at the theater watching Rambo, the next you're hanging thirty ghouls in the trees of your front yard. So go out and find some adventure, and if you're feeling generous share it with the rest of the class.

Friday the 13th the Series: Best of Season two

Here at the CosmicSparky compound we always look forward to Friday the 13^th but this one is all the more special with it falling so close to Halloween. For a change of pace I thought we’d forgo talking about the movies which have been written about plenty by far more in-depth sources than I. Instead let’s chat about a less remembered branch of the franchise and return to Friday the 13^th the Series. To be more precise I want to talk about the best installments from season two which you better believe are plentiful. In fact the second season is much improved over its predecessor. In the interest of encouraging new viewers I will avoid spoilers as much as possible. Fingers crossed I can finish this post on the day in question as my day has been appropriately thirteenish.

A few changes occur during this season. First and most obvious is the overall quality of the show is raised up across the board. Unlike the first season where some flabby episodes could sneak into front-runner positions season two has got major contenders throughout. Part of that is thanks to tighter writing and better twists. When the show began there were some concepts barely strong enough to fill an episode yet here they often find ways to evolve as the narrative moves along. Another big improvement is a greater emphases on character which means less episodes feeling like anthology entries. With that spotlight comes some growth like Micki becoming a bit less air-headed and Ryan losing some of his man-child attitude. Jack is likewise made more human and given more back-story. There’s even some work done to introduce new characters like Johnny Ventura, essentially the Fonzie of supernatural investigations before Dean Winchester took the title. Beyond all of that is how much more interesting some of these stories are. Early stories were often comfortable setting up a cursed object and leaving it at that but now there’s potential for multiple objects in a single episode or maybe the antique belongs to someone who’s already dangerous in their own right. There are a few outings that revolve around the forces of hell coming to stop the trio.

Unfortunately not all of the aforementioned series growth pans out. A planned recurring character named Rashid was introduced over the finale of season one and the premier of season two only to disappear without further notice. Much like Rashid there are a few concepts that seem to come and go without much forethought. The season finale in particular for adding an element to Micki's character that is seemingly forgotten from then on. Now that I think of it this show has the opposite issues of Supernatural by having strong premieres and dreadful finales. We also got our first sequel storyline though it lacks bite with the evil makeup compact returning in a lesser follow-up

Working on this list yielded some honorable mentions many of which have some excellent features but lack when it comes to the total package. Consider The Mephisto Ring for which is a pretty normal installment elevated by an outstanding twist ending. Scarlet Cinema gives us a fun hour of werewolf antics but relies too much on old movie clips. Symphony in B# provides a neat take on the Phantom of the Opera while giving Ryan some decent dramatic material but comes up just shy of greatness. There are plenty of just flat out crazy installments so it was a tough time narrowing it down to a clear five but I think the list I've complied offers a fine selection of different narratives to choose from.

The Secret Agenda of Mesmer's Bauble

This one barely made the cut due to how basic the majority of it is. The majority of the episode feels like a throwback to season one with a great deal of focus on the antique owner over the core trio. He's a lonely and somewhat homely dude obsessed with a pop star played by Vanity. His life starts to turn around when he gains possession of a bauble that allows for mind-control and wish-granting. Much of the story comes across as fairly standard until some final act twists and surprising gore suddenly elevate the whole thing to a new level.

Some viewers might find revelations about the villain to be a bit unwoke in this day and age. I don't imagine the production teams meant to insult anyone given how the conclusion is written, I just think they wanted to shock and surprise the audience. It's important to realize certain subjects simply weren't handled with the utmost care in 80s TV. Keep that in mind and the ending twists should leave you very entertained.

Friend Till the End

While Jack's away in search of some cursed object both Ryan and Micki concern themselves with tracking down an artist who turns her models to stone using the shard of Medusa. Complicating matters is Micki's nephew who's been unceremoniously dumped at the store while his mom goes off to bang her new man. Unable to babysit while lives are in danger the pair send the kid off with a bicycle. Before long a gang of boys dares him to enter a haunted house where he makes a new friend.

Thanks to the opening segment the audience is already aware of there being some kind of zombie boy in the house but who'd have guessed the pair would make such quick friends? Yep this is one of those unexpected childhood friendship tales only in place of a giant robot or space alien we have a life-sucking zombie. That novelty alone would set this apart from other parts of the series but there's some legit craftsmanship on display in regards to cinematography, set-design, and the pacing as we bounce between the key story and the bits involving the shard of Medusa.

The ending is unexpectedly tender for this show and there's possibly some hidden depth to be found give that zombie boy is presented in such a way that he could possibly be gay. Seeing as he's a monster this may not have been a wise decision though as it's not outright stated you can ignore it and just accept things on a more two-dimensional level.

The Butcher

While the young ones are away Jack must contend with a specter from his past. Turns out his old WWII buddies are being killed off by a resurrected German officer whom Jack personally killed. When he's not out hunting old folk this same ghoul hosts a loudmouth right-wing radio show and is using his growing popularity as a platform to run for government office. It's up to Jack to deal with his war memories and save America from its worst instincts.

Damn near every aspect of the show is firing full-throttle with this adventure which helps to make up for two-thirds of the main cast being absent. In their place are a few of Jack's old unit who regroup for a funeral only to find their lives in danger.

Corny as it may sound this episode is still timely given a hateful loudmouth manipulating idiots into a growing base of power. One doesn't often expect parallels with modern events to appear in a low-budget Canadian horror show from the 80s but it sure makes for a solid hour of entertainment.

Heads I Live, Tails You Die

Oh man is this ever a beauty. A satanic cult leader has a coin that sucks the lifeforce out of people which he then uses to restore his dead comrades to life who will then bring the devil onto Earth. That’s right; devil worshiping zombies. If that ain’t metal I don’t know what is. Thankfully the writers know a good thing when they see it and resist the urge to over-complicate things too much. There are some wrinkle for sure though the key concept stays in focus.

This is such a fine example of how much bigger the show got in this season. Having to deal with a killer coin, zombies, or satanists would be bad enough on their own but tackling all three at once is crazy and takes a massive toll on the characters. There's enough tears, death, and grim twists for a couple installments all piled up in one wonderful adventure. Apparently the evil coin returns in the third season which I believe is on tonight's viewing schedule. I'll be sure to include an update on that when we cover season three.

Read My Lips

Gearing up for Read My Lips involved getting the right company around. My sister is very much afraid of ventriloquist dummies and also had a strange crush on Billy Drago in her younger years. The very notion of Drago playing a ventriloquist with an evil dummy meant she had to join in and by god she didn't leave disappointed.

Where do I even start? How about the guest star? Billy Drago is well-known for playing nutty villains be it a murderous mobster in The Untouchables, backwoods hillbilly voodoo practitioner in The X-Files, or appearing in a few different Chuck Norris vehicles. For this episode he brings his absolute A-game playing a rare example of someone with a slight conscience as the evil doll tears at his life. There's a scene where Ryan confronts this guy and I swear Drago actually scares Paul LeMay with all his twitching and overacting. We must have re-watched this part a good four or five times that night.

Furthermore the plot is bonkers. There's a true multi-act structure here with different characters moving in and out of the tale and the true nature of the dummy being hinted at by seemingly throwaway dialogue. Much as I'd love to share that details it's best left to be discovered during a proper viewing. Let's put it this way. In an era when it seems like everything's been done to death, this episode's twist stands out as something totally unexpected.

Consider this another primer for dipping your toes into this fun series. It may not have the killer hockey fan we all adore but it earns the right to exist within that franchise during this excellent second season. I'm currently on track to finish the series the day after Halloween which seems fitting and at the same time a little sad. I've grown a real soft spot for the show and the thought of it being over so soon doesn't settle well. Much like Halloween however it's important to enjoy the ride for what it is and accept that it can never be exactly the same as it was before. That's enough rambling on my part. The moon is full, the night is young, and I've got a good show and some moonshine to enjoy. Have a fun 13^th everyone and while you're here feel free to share your special activities for the night.

The New Kids (1985) and Maple Creme Oreo

As a collector of horror films the months of August through October are both heaven for my materialistic tendencies and murder on my finances. Every year companies big and small unleash a crop of horror titles ranging from the latest hotness to old classics, and all sorts of weirdness in-between. In recent Halloween seasons I’ve enjoyed pointing out some of the more affordable under the radar titles to come out of these stampedes. In 2018 that honor went to the delightful Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum which proved to not only be a blast to view but a decently priced prize at only fifteen bucks on release day. This season the honor is bestowed to a somewhat obscure piece of 80s terror known as The New Kids. Come along and I’ll not only share with you why this movie is so much fun but how you can be the cool cat of your next movie get-together for a scant ten bucks.

Released in 1985 The New Kids hails from the minds of director, Sean S Cunningham of Friday the 13^th fame alongside writer, Stephen Gyllenhaal. Yes that’s the father of Jake and Maggie so if it helps to hold your interest just pretend this was written by Mysterio’s dad. The cast is a bizarre sampling featuring the likes of Tom Atkins and his magnificent mustache, Lori Loughlin and her helmet Hair, and even Eric Stolz. The biggest draw though is a very young James Spader as the antagonist of the picture. I'll talk about him in greater detail but first let's touch on the plot.

Much as I will try to avoid major spoilers some are evident right on the case or IMDB description, namely the set-up. A teenage brother & sister pair, Loren and Abby are orphaned and move in with their aunt and uncle in south Florida. The uncle is a bit of a dreamer and is currently in the midst of trying to fix up a North Pole themed roadside amusement park. The kids begin to settle in as they both meet prospective love interests though they also wonder if their uncle is taking advantage of their inheritance to keep himself afloat. Their new home becomes a much nastier place when local drug-dealing nearly-albino gang leader Dutra, along with his underlings, takes an unhealthy interest in Abby. From that point on the audience is witness to the escalating feud between the siblings and the gang.

As for the characters... well our leads are fairly basic individuals with their most defining element being the training their military father imparted onto them. This makes it so they're not total victims as they can actually put up a fight against their aggressors. Speaking of those villains though, that's where this movie begins to shine. James Spader is always entertaining but as a wildly violent southern boy who dresses like a perverted cowboy he's practically divine. From his nutty dialogue to the way he abuses his underlings every scene he's in takes the movie up another notch. Think of him like the training wheels version of Frank Booth from Blue Velvet. Dutra and his toadies take matters to surprising depths of debauchery as the movie progresses. There's a sequence where they've taken Abby out to a field and you think they're going to do the obvious horrible thing only for them to do a totally different horrible thing, don't want to spoil that bit for ya. Just know that this is a movie you watch for the villains and the eventual fate that's waiting for them.

Something that’s both a strength and weakness for the film is the setting. On one hand it’s solid 80s horror flick which always fits in well around Halloween time, especially once you add in the dilapidated amusement park. Then you theme that park around Santa Clause making this a potential yuletide film. But then have everything happen in hot & nasty Florida which lends the production a summertime vibe as well. A lot of different notes are being hit all at once which makes for a lot of variety. Only issue is that if you're looking for to scratch a specific itch then this won't take care of that for you.

That same mix of settings also applies to the films tone. In pure 80s fashion this isn't an easy sell as it's a bit of several genres. The first half-hour or so could be a strict drama before moving into thriller territory and finally a conclusion that's part horror and part Charles Bronson style revenge flick. Even the soundtrack veers wildly between sinister, upbeat, and inspiring pop songs. It's all a bit manic depressive yet that's where so much of the fun comes from. You're not likely to be bored viewing this little treat as it shifts from one mood to the next.

Much as I can go on about the wild and fun nature of the film there are plenty of issues throughout. For one there's a hefty helping of cheese. At the same time most of the emotional beats are sort of glossed over. I mean these kids lose their parents yet I've seen people get more emotional over a sick pet. Plus that ever-shifting tone while very fun makes for moments of severe whiplash as it goes from lighthearted to sad and then threatening in record speed. This isn't outstanding classic cinema. What we have here is both imperfect but totally upfront with its audience. It may not be incredibly deep but it never pretends to be more than sleazy fun.

The blu-ray release from budget label Mill Creek Entertainment is basic but very satisfactory. The image and audio much like the film itself aren't groundbreaking but everything is crisp and clear. Being part of the company's retro release line the outer sleeve is made to resemble the old VHS packaging with appropriately different spines and all. That packaging makes this a fine display item for any mood table. Don't believe there are any special features but that's what helps to keep the price around ten bucks online.

Any good movie night deserves a fine snack and since the film itself doesn't adhere to consistency neither will we. So I'm going to pair this deep-south set flick with a northern flavor courtesy of new Maple Creme Oreo cookies. News of these sent this maple loving madman into a tizzy and the local Wal-Mart was decent enough to stock them early.

Now I've been informed that there are somehow people out there who don't like maple, how do you live like that? I can tell those folks that these cookies aren't going to work any better for ya. Case in point my maple hating brother took one down but did not care for it. However; for those of us who adore sickly sweet tree blood these are just wonderful. The flavor is prominent while maintaining a light and brisk sensation. One very odd aspect is that many of the cookies actually have crystallized bits of maple sugar in the creme which makes them seem totally legit even if sugar crystals are a bit surprising.

As for the three method eating test for Oreo the results are as follows. Devoured dry the cookies are alright, not amazing but a decent enough sweet snack. Eating them with milk is much better with the liquid helping to enhance and smooth out the flavor considerably. Without a doubt the best way to consume this particular cookie is dunked in coffee where the dark bitterness of the drink mixes perfectly with the sweet maple just like a classic lumberjack breakfast.

And that's all for tonight kiddies. My town is hosting their last big festival this weekend which round these parts marks the true end of summertime. It also marks a good occasion to go yard-sailing or to pick up new soy candles at the craft show. No matter how it's spent this weekend marks a key moment in the progression towards Halloween so I plan to fully enjoy it. May you all find fun things to do with your time and maybe pick up tonight's items for a good bit of R&R.