Thursday, December 12, 2019

Swayze Christmas Barstool, Partridge in a Pair Tree, and Christmas Tidbits 2019.



Crazy as it may be we're well on our way towards Christmas, with celebrations begin even closer for some of the other holidays. Maybe it's because I seem to have a slump after turkey day, or maybe it's because it took far too long to decorate, but I'm just not ready for Santa to wiggle his fat butt down the chimney. Reality dictates that there's only two weeks left before presents and eggnog flow freely so if we want to enjoy this season while it's here we may need to step things up. That's the plan for today, sharing as many festive odds and ends as possible with you all and maybe inspire a little celebrating.

One excellent way to boost the holiday spirit is to come up with something new, possibly even a new tradition. Back to when I was taking down Halloween decorations, which feels like an eternity ago, an idea occurred that was just cheeky enough to work. In the continuing battle to improve the Christmas display something just had to be done with our pear tree. I mean it's in the song, right? A partridge in a pear tree, so why not Keith Partridge? In an odd twist this particular notion didn't simply fade away. Instead it took a decent printer, some lamination, along with a paper punch and zip-ties have yielded the perfect melding of festive decoration and embodiment of bad puns. It's just big enough to be seen from the street but I've yet to hear any comments from the neighborhood. Wouldn't be surprised if some poor sap who doesn't know any better mistakes it for a memorial to some family member. Or maybe that's just me hoping for the chance to giggle at someone while they express sympathy for our loss. Even if nobody says a thing the best part is I can do this for years to come with different Partridge folks. Maybe next year will be Danny Bonaduce or Susan Dey.

Another way to lift our collective holiday mood is indulging in traditions which means it's time to show off the annual Patrick Swayze Christmas Barstool. Those who recall the written rules should know that any chair is acceptable for this task which turned out to be a godsend as the usual stool has up and vanished. With the change in seating I thought it best to alter the mood a bit for this edition. Instead of trying to replicate a seedy roadhouse I thought maybe Swayze could bounce for a more feminine environment, the sort of place with specials on mimosas. Given the sudden rush of this month that was about all the inspiration I could muster which resulted in a largely freeballed display. Gotta say I still like the results. The tree provides decent accompaniment without overshadowing the chair while the big plastic noel candle serves as a focal point. Those who remember this years Halloween mood table might recognize Clancy Brown Bear, this time sporting a Krampus mask. On one hand I know that if given more supplies I could have done a better job yet this seems to match the season perfectly.

One tradition I've never had much luck with is advent calendars. Up until a few years ago I'd never even had one of the things, and even then it wasn't all that great. That changed a little this month when my sister brought back something strange from Canada. This big ole slab of cardboard is a rather adult Abtey Chocolates advent-calendar Inside each compartment is a chocolate filled with hooch. There's an interesting variety here with some fruity and a few more traditional drinks on offer be it Cointreau, Kirsch, or some fine Camus Cognac. The actual flavor and eating experience can change wildly. For instance I've had two Cointreau chocolates so far that were far removed from each-other. The first surprised me by popping in my mouth like an orange liqueur zit to the point that I nearly spat some out. The second however either had less filling to begin with or had simply absorbed more of it which lent a nice alcoholic burn to a solid orange chocolate. Even with such variances there are still clear favorites and one type to be dreaded. The absolute winners thus far are Label 5 whisky and Camus Cognac whereas the Saint James Rum is pretty awful. There's yet another Camus offering that I've yet to encounter though, given an educated guess, it seems like they are likely in the two large compartments for the 23rd and 24th. While this certainly isn't a holiday tradition for everyone, wet alcoholic chocolate can be a bit off-putting after all, it's still a fun way to mix things up and make this Christmas a little different.

It just wouldn't be Santa season without the stash of yuletide horror movies. This year I decided to continue displaying items on the corner shelf with all the xmas terror tales placed in levels of importance. On top are most of the essentials like Christmas Evil, P2, the original Black Christmas, the stuff that just has to be viewed each and every December. Level two is for the really good but not always necessary films like The Box, Better Watch Out, and Krampus, Three gets into trashier territory along the lines of Jack Frost, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension (bet you forgot that was a festive flick), and the Black Christmas remake. Actually we have to start calling that the first remake, don't we? That's gonna be a problem in casual conversation. The final level is is a grab bag of weaker or extra trashy fare, Don't Open till Christmas, combined with a pile of films that only barely include the holiday, Blue Sunshine. Streaming services have offered some extra experiences this month, first with Blood Beat. If you ever had a weirdly specific wish for a samurai possession film set in rural Wisconsin for the holidays then this is for you. Seriously though this movie is absolutely nuts and occasionally hilarious yet it never makes a bit of damn sense. On the opposite end of the spectrum is I Trapped the Devil which is too slow for its own good only to mostly make up for it with a solid final act. Of the two the latter is the more festive... then again it totally lacks psychic samurai action.

For those of you who are extra brave there's always the risks and rewards of digging up old forgotten holiday specials on physical media or by scouring the halls of streaming services. Just this very night I settled in for A Very Merry Cricket. Like so many of these things there's a rather sizable history to this special but the short version is there was a popular book called The Cricket in Times Square which then had an animated special directed by Chuck Jones. Both the book and special would have their own sequels with this being the second of an animated trilogy that would later cap off with Yankee Doodle Cricket.

The story for this holiday special revolves around how hectic, noisy, and downright awful New York City is during the holidays, and during the 70s in general. Harry the cat and Tucker the mouse are upset by the horrific hustle and bustle created by people who've obviously forgotten the meaning of Christmas. The duo quickly recap the previous special where they made a friend named Chester the Cricket who was a musical genius that once managed to make New York quiet down and listen for the first time in history. Deciding Chester is the answer the pair set out for Connecticut in order to retrieve their buggy friend. The journey two and fro isn't all that exciting and then the group fails in their plan as the city is simply too loud for Chester to be heard. Eventually the demands of the public exhaust the power grid allowing Chester to play and once again bring peace to New York as people join hands and light the city with candles. Despite having not seen the previous tale this one still stunk of sequelitis. The trio even has a song about how they're going to do this again. There's nothing all that spectacular here, don't come at it expecting a forgotten Grinch level gem, the message is solid enough though. Lord knows many of the best holiday memories are formed in those quiet moments like sitting with a pet and some jolly drink by the light of the Christmas tree. Actually that sounds quite nice. Think I'm gonna get drunk with the cat.

. That's all for this sampling of holiday cheer. Would love to hear some new and old holiday practices from everyone out there, maybe even a hot tip on weird specials and movies. Got a good amount to work on today but n case you though this update was two small, worry not. I've got a special Friday the 13th update for you all tomorrow. See you then.

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