Sleighbells are ringing and carolers
are singing but that doesn't change the wonderful fact that it's
Friday the 13th. Always a reliable night for good fun, and
possibly bad luck, this night could be just the thing to jostle
everyone into a brighter mood. And what better way to reach such
emotional heights than through scary stories? At last it is time to
wrap-up an article series that began way back in August as we look at
the five (kinda six) best episodes from the third and final season of
Friday the 13th the series.
This third season marked a major
transition early on with the depature of Ryan as played by and the
full time replacement by Johnny Ventura (). I'd heard a lot about
this switch over the years with most people coming down harshly on
the new male lead but I found Johnny provides an action hero vibe
that wasn't possible with the original trio while still getting in a
few good dramatic bits. A few story elements were also clipped short
in this third year with Micki's witchy powers from the second season
finale vanishing along with all mentions of Rashid since the show
wasn't able to establish him as a supporting character. The overall
flow of stroytelling shifts as well beginning with a truly epic
premier before shifting back to stories of the week with a noted
absence of Uncle Lewis or the devil. Perhaps they would have returned
had the season reached a proper end but for some damn reason the
series was canceled with the nineteenth episode being almost
completely stand-alone save for a final scene that vaguely
acknowledges the shows departure. That leaves the vast majority of
this season adrift in the typical case of the week structure with no
major developments past the premier. It's an absolute shame cause
while the season in total isn't quite up to the level of the second
the highlights that are here rank among the best.
Before we start the countdown I should
note why this is kind of six episodes rather than the usual five. One
of the below picks is double length and after its initial airing was
split into two parts. For the sake of this countdown it will count it
as one installment
My Wife as a Dog:
While this episode follows the case of
the week structure so closely that it nearly casts the main cast
aside in favor of a more darkly comic tale. The focus is on a
firefighter whose personal life is just a mess. His wife has left
which he refuses to believe and his dog is dying which he'll do
anything to prevent. In a twist of fate he obtains an antique dog
leash that helps cure his dog with every life taken by strangulation.
Furthermore the dog begins to gain intelligence during the recovery
process as it slowly becomes the perfect companion. What then is to
be done with the wife? I'll leave that part for you to discover on
your own.
Lacking for scare or atmosphere, My
Wife as a Dog makes for worthwhile viewing simply by being so
damn weird and miserable. The main character is a pathetic excuse for
a man yet you can't help but feel a little sympathy for him as his
world falls apart. This makes watching the results of quest to
restore love to his life all the more fun since you'd be entertained
to see him punished or rewarded for his actions. It may not be up to
the exact same level as the other episodes in this list but mearly
having the guts to do something different keeps it fresh.
Crippled Inside:
Just a couple weeks after joining the
team full time we get a Johnny focused episode, and I mean focused
since Jack and Miki are essentially M.I.A. For this adventure.
Thankfully for us viewers, Johnny's first time at solo curse fighting
comes with a truckload of moral ambiguity.
In the opening scene we're introduced
to a girl who is sexually assaulted by a group of young men. While
running from her attackers she is hit by a car and paralyzed. Some
time later we find her a sad shell of a girl, confined to a
wheelchair with little to live for until an elderly neighbor provides
her with an antique wheelchair that had previously helped him to
recover from his injuries. The chair allows a person to astral
project which the girl uses to seek vengeance upon her attackers.
With each strike against them she recovers a little more of her body
movement. Johnny soon tracks the chair down and has to consider
whether the benefits of this girl regaining her life outweigh the
loss of life, a question that only deepens when her tormentors get
wind of what she's been up too.
I'm not gonna lie to you, this is one
mean and depressing installment. Every character is basically place
in a no-win situation and some of them come out worse than would seem
possible. It's dark, nasty, and a perfect trial by fire for the new
guy.
Hate on Your Dial:
Every so often when viewing these old
syndicated shows you encounter an episode that just leaves you
staring in astonishment that it ever made it past censors to the
airwaves. Sometines this wonderment comes from the amount of gore,
other times from how strange the story is, or in this case the sheer
quantity of adult content. The short list includes the likes of
child-murder/abuse, spousal abuse, lynching, people burning alive,
and so forth. What sort of subject matter could possibly provide so
much filth? Time-traveling racists of course.
So there's a modern day, for the early
90s anyway, racist who idolizes his dead KKK daddy. This dude spends
his time fixing cars, mistreating his mentally stunted brother, and
being a straight-up piece of shit. One day he gets the proper radio
for his classic car which allows him to travel through time and space
to befriend his dad back in the segregation era south. This
eventually leads to Jack and Johnny following the villain back
through time.
This one is just wow all over. I mean
they don't sugarcoat the racist aspect at all, save for certain words
that television wont allow. And for as distasful as that all may seem
there's the wonderful flipside of watching Johnny Ventura kick klan
ass. Oh, and what happens to the main baddie is a thing of pure
beauty. Honestly the only thing holding this one back from ranking
higher is that it's not so much of a traditional horror tale and by
focusing on real-world terror I can see it hitting a few people too
close to home. If you're not easily offended however than this is
such a blast.
The Prophecies:
The season premier has some detractors
due to its wildly different tone and the... shall we say unique way
it writes out Ryan from the series. And while some complaints have a
bit of merit the sheer scope and style of this premier reach an epic
level that the series had never seen before, or since for that
matter. That size and scope mostly comes down to the feature-length
running time and direction by tom McLoughlin of Jason Lives fame.
Our story begins by introducing a
sub-plot with the appearance of Ryan's mother who wishes to mend the
broken relationship with her son. The pair have relatively little
time before he and Micki must leave for France in order to help Jack
with a case involving a miracle healer nun who is under siege from
strange supernatural forces. Turns out there's a servant of Satan who
seeks to bring about the birth of the anti-Christ. This acolyte of
evil begins to exert his influence over Ryan, forcing him to become a
kind of possessed goon which then prompts Micki to call up Johnny for
some added help, oh and there's a sick little girl in search of a
miracle, a massive funeral service, demonic gang members, madhouse
crucifixions, and an appearance from mother Mary herself. It's the
only episode to feature all four core characters working on the same
case with there being plenty of crazy shit for them to deal with.
Two common complaints I hear regarding
this episode are that the larger mythology elements like the plan to
raise the anti-Christ aren't touched on again but that's the fault of
the show being canceled rather than the episode itself. Many people
complain about the manner in which Ryan leaves the show, and while it
is weird, the writers only had so many options given John D. LeMay
was leaving no matter what. At least they left some wiggle room for
the character to be brought back should the actor wish to return. If
anything I'd say the biggest weakness of this premier serves
double-duty as one of its strengths, which is how it doesn't feel
like the rest of the series. From European village setting. to the
heavier dramatic beats, and let's not forget the downright crazy
cameos from biblical figures. I'd love to glimpse the alternate
reality where the show continued and periodically revisited these
themes but for this plane of existence The Prophecies will
have to suffice.
Midnight Riders:
It's been mentioned a few times in the
past that one of my absolute favorite horror films is John
Carpenter's The Fog. That unabashed love is largely due to the
perfect campfire story vibe of the whole thing. Now take that same
vibe, and similar story beats. Then insert the Curios Goods team and
replace leprous sailors with a vengeful biker gang. That pitch alone
should make you all tingly in the neither regions.
Our trio is out in the countryside one
night viewing a rare planetary alignment. Who would have thought this
heavenly phenomenon would resurrect a biker gang that was murdered in
a nearby town. There are plenty of feuds, secrets, and even a pair of
star-crossed lovers within this tale. What makes it all the more
interesting is the unexpected prescience of Jack's father whom he
hasn't seen in years along with the gangs plans to revive their
headless leader.
Every episode I've highlighted tonight
reaches the top thanks to one specialty or another. Some of them
feature thought-provoking moral dilemmas or real-world issues but
this one, it's just pure fun the whole way through. There's already a
solid enough story just with the towns secrets but when you add
Jack's dad to the mix it touches on the recurring theme of his
shattered family. Likewise the threat of the bikers is only amplified
as time goes on, culminating in a moment that walked the line between
awesome and hilariously absurd. Like many of the all-time great
installments to this series it makes a great introduction to the
world and style of the show for newbies and serves as pure comfort
food for established fans.
With that we have wrapped this article
series though you will likely see a piece or two about this show in
the future in the form of individual episode spotlights. Having
finished the show right after Halloween I already miss ot as part of
my weekly ritual. It may not have the pop-cultural clout of the big
guy with the hockey mask but this show is just as deserving of a
little love every Friday the 13th. And so I leave you
enjoy this special day, prideful that I actually managed to finish
this post in time. Gonna hit the showers. Pray I'm not attacked by a
large man in sports attire.
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