Tales From the Darkside Halloween: Cutty Black Sow and Wal-Mart Cookies

In the wide selection of anthology series nothing has ever captured the comforting vibe of horror like Tales from the Darkside. Sure there are plenty of similar series like Tales from the Crypt, Ray Bradbury Theater, Night Gallery, Thriller, and Hammer House of Horror all of which offer their own flair for horrific storytelling. When it comes down to pure ease of viewing, nothing can compete with the simple joys of Darkside.

A couple years back I covered the trio of Darkside Christmas tales leading up to the big day. This year I think it's finally time to talk about the shows Halloween trilogy but I want to do something a little different. We're gonna revisit them in reverse order and end on the most spectacular entry. This in no way implies that the other two are poor offerings. Think of it like comparing a tiger shark to a great white, both are awesome but one is clearly in a higher league. If you never see another update from me, just assume tiger sharks took revenge for my disparaging remarks.

For tonight's episode we're looking at the fourth and final season with The Cutty Black Sow. Despite it's subject matter this originally aired in May, which has never made sense to me. Doesn't seem like it negatively affect the episode as according to the Darkside Wikia this is considered one of, if not the best installment of the series. Can't say as I agree with that outlook but we're not here to list favorite episodes. There will be spoilers though I wouldn't worry as this one is fairly predictable to begin with.

After the always stellar opening credits we join a family on a dark night as they stand near their grandmother who is deathly ill. Not exactly sure why they don't take the clearly sick woman to the hospital, guess it saves on set costs. In her pain the old bird goes on about legends of the old country, Scotland to be exact though the legends she speaks of are apparently Welsh in origin. The family in question is the classic white suburban stereotype with unremarkable parents, a brown-haired responsible boy, and a spunky blonde girl. Naturally the kids are worried that grandma is dying, cause she totally is, but they're sent off to bed.

Later that night the young boy, Jamie is awakened by grams continued ravings about the fires used to keep away the cutty black sow. This is where we the audience are introduced to the most enduring and annoying element of this episode, the repeated intrusion of wailing bagpipe music. It just never ends with these things as each scare or key plot element is accompanied by the same bonkers tune.

Getting back on track, grammy is worried about dying on All Hallows Even (yes, Even) as it means her soul will be in danger of being snatched away by the cutty black sow. She gives Jamie a few tips on the subject and thankfully he was smart enough to record some of her ravings. She tells him to run off to bed but also asks for a kiss which he supplies only to see her pass on. Boy is this kid ever gonna need counseling. First time he kisses a date he'll likely piss himself for fear she'll explode.

Jamie's dad stumbles upon the situation and offers comfort to his son as they shed a tear for their loved one. Come morning the parents have to go out to arrange funeral matters, leaving the kids at home. Here's where we see a massive difference in the times we live in. Jamie is maybe 9 or 10 years old and he is entrusted not only with staying at home with his younger sister, but also taking her trick or treating that night. Unbeknownst to his elders he also spends the day preparing grannys last request and studying the cutty black sow. Kid uses dictionaries and even updates the family book with information of gramma's passing. He's more responsible than most adults I know. The centerpiece to ward off this demon involves using stones to represent each member of the family and placing them in a fire to burn through the night. Should a stone fall out of the fire however that individual is marked to be the sows next victim.

The ritual taken care of, Jamie takes his sister out trick or treating, returning later with a somewhat meager hall housed inside the greatest bags I've ever seen. Yes this is incredibly off-topic but my god I love these bags. It's as if some sorcerer condensed the purity of Halloween into a single paper product.

While sorting through candy the kids realize one of the rocks has fallen out of the fire. It's Jamie's which is tossed across the room in hilarious fashion when his sister burns herself touching the hot rock, no wonder the parents left him in charge. Instead of treating the wound she simply heads off to bed. Knowing he's currently the target of a demonic bipedal pig Jamie spends the majority of the third act cautiously navigating the house as he's terrified of noises, the sight of glowing eyes outside the window, and the occasional intrusion of bagpipes.

Eventually his parents arrive home and he heads off to bed but the sights, sounds, and bagpipes of the the sow continue to haunt him. A little before midnight his father comes to his room in an attempt to calm his nerves. After a goodnight hug Jamie pulls back to find his father is actually the demonic pig itself (cue bagpipes) and is presumably relieved of his soul and life.

First let's talk about what works. The atmosphere is a big part of this production with howling winds, dead leaves, roaring fire, all in a house that resembles a mix of suburbia and fairy-tale. All of these details add up to a setting the we all wish we had for our childhood autumns. At the same time it adds to the spookiness of an otherworldly beast haunting the night. On a completely superficial level this is pure comfort viewing for horror nuts. Beyond that is how relatable this all seems. Sure a good many of us didn't live in a traditional 4-person equal gender upper-middle class suburban household. That part isn't so universal. What I'm talking about is how this captures the essence of being a scared kid at home on a spooky night. Every gust of wind or shadow cast from the lifeless trees puts you on edge, filling your mind with countless terrors. At the time such evenings were horrifying yet looking back they bring a smile. Perhaps that is why this one has such a good reputation.

Sadly the story doesn't offer that same level of absorption. Characters are one-dimensional and there's a total lack of conflict. Think of how interesting it would have been had another name fallen out of the fire thus forcing Jamie to defend his family from the unknown. Instead he learns about an evil, preforms a ritual to ward it off that fails, fears being eaten, and is then eaten. It all comes across as a bit dull without any neat twist or angle. Even the final reveal of the sow is hardly surprising as that's what you expect out of Tales From the Darkside to the extent that I feel zero guilt in spoiling it.

There you have it. A beautifully themed and instantly relatable setting with a thoroughly unsurprising narrative. That combination makes The Cutty Black Sow the weakest of Darkside's three Halloween installments though that hardly means you should skip it. Use the superficial nature for your benefit when you need a spirit boost but aren't in much of a mood for deep though. Simply let the episode wash over you and remember a time when a gust of wind could really chill you down to your soul.

If you're so inclined as to watch this in hopes of some childhood nostalgia, might I suggest a treat to accompany the experience? Over the past few years Wal-Mart bakeries have become a hidden oasis for some really outstanding baked goods. While passing through on a late-night outing I came across these Pumpkin Sandwich Cookies and of course I brought them home rather than doing the responsible thing and just buying water. No regrets however as these are fantastic. They've got a deep, smooth flavor and the cream is almost refreshing. You could easily pretend these were made by some kitchen savvy grandmother and they make a perfect pairing for tonight's episode.

That's all for today, kittens. Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.

Bat Walk, Funko, and Monster Crunch Card Game.

If there's one great equalizer during holidays it's gotta be small adventures. These final four months of the year are packed with very specific events be it haunted houses, tree farms, or just those simple outings to scope out new stuff at the store. That last one is probably the most universal as even those of us who resist the temptation to buy still enjoy checking out all the latest junk that adds some character to otherwise dull stores. The other night I had the lucky opportunity to take on an event and throw in a little consumerism. Thanks be to the Great Pumpkin for giving us credit cards to cover such spontaneous outings. The primary goal was that my sister and I would go on a Bat-Walk but as you'll find, there were plenty of interesting items awaiting us. Sit right back and you'll hear a tale.

Our first destination was Walgreens, which only had a third or so of their Halloween display set-up. Even with such shortcomings they had everything I was hunting for. It's rare for me to spend money on Funko products lately. There's no single thing making them less desirable. Simply a lack of funds, space, and the frustration often associated with store exclusives. This is why I'd instantly forgotten about news of an Invisible Man Pop exclusive. The film easily ranks among the top three classic universal monster films but my track record for finding Walgreens pops is spotty at best. This week I stumbled onto a few Youtube videos showcasing a new Jason Voorhees Pop molded after his look from Part 2. Poor track-record or not, these had two had to be mine. In some strange bit of luck they were both ready and waiting at the front of the store, only one of each. Days later it seems unreal. I've never had this easy a time with a store exclusive.

These two are great Pops as well. The sculpt for Jason is killer with him reaching for a victim while preparing to strike with his pickaxe. There's even a small tuft of his stringy red-hair around the eyehole of the sack. The Invisible Man is even better with excellent touches to his bandaged head along with some sweat paint details on his robe. You'd better believe these guys are getting prominently displayed over the next few weeks.

Toys weren't the only point of interest as Walgreens had three major candies in stock. First up let's talk about Haribo a'Witches' Brew gummies. Contained within each bag are three Halloween themed treats featuring mystery flavors. The pumpkins are... they're good, it's just they have a pretty generic gummy flavor. The witches are sour in a rather unremarkable way, just very lightly sour. Like an introduction to sour candy. The bats however are total winners with a very pronounced flavor that also seems slightly sour but still firmly in the sweat arena. If Haribo is looking to bring any of these back in the future it better be these bats.

Update: 9/17

Days after writing this post I returned to these gummies and finally realized the “switch” part. The flavors aren't specific to each shape, meaning the one really excellent flavor could be any of the pieces. Who would have thought candy reviews would require so much study.

Next up are Russell Stover's pumpkins. While this company seems to put their best effort into Easter varieties there are still a few fall and winter entries worthy of attention. Take pumpkin spice caramel for instance. Rather than just straight-up pumpkin spice or mixing that with the more common marshmallow they gave us something much more interesting here and it's one I found damn tasty. The flavor comes at you in waves first with some of the spice, than a little of that caramel and back to a sort of pumpkin pie vibe. Individually some of these tastes can seem a bit off but the final culmination is a thing of beauty.

Russell Stover's offers up another unique entry with candy corn marshmallow. I was very surprised to find this is a white-fudge variety rather than the regular chocolate. The two-tone candy corn insides live up to their namesake without being overbearing. Points to the company for making something with a fairly limited audience. I know tons of people who hate candy corn and white-fudge so finding something that mixes both is a ballsy choice that should be applauded. That being said, if you're not into these flavors you should stick with the pumpkin-spice caramel.

Target was also far from done in regards to setting out their seasonal goodies but even there I managed to walk away with one of the biggest items of the year with the Monster Crunch: The Breakfast Battle Card Game. For as many missteps as General Mills makes in regards to the monster cereals, somebody managed to sneak one decent idea out this year. Of course it couldn't be a simple pleasure as the game is currently exclusive to Target and the manufacturer messed up by sending out jigsaw puzzles in cases marked for this game. There are still reports of stores with messed up stock but central Michigan seems to have the issue ironed out.

I've played the game a couple times so far and I like it. What we have is a fairly straightforward card game where you aim to eat the most cereal, which means you're trying to play all your cards before the other players. There's just enough extra strategy brought in by character powers, and the ability to combine cards by using milk. Production is neat as well with each character having their own properly colored bowl of cereal and each deck showcasing box art. The cards however are very thin so I'd advise buying some sleeves. Look for a proper review of this in the coming weeks.

After looking through the still sparse Halloween section I came across a display of new Pumpkin Masters books near the front. These have been a household staple for decades and I've got a massive library of patterns which come in handy when you carve upwards of a dozen Jack-o-Lanterns each year. There are several good books in the new selection including a nifty Day of the Dead edition. For now this new Jack Attack volume is enough to get me primed for carving into some gourds.

The final stop of our shopping portion was a Meijer that provided nothing to note in seasonal regards but it did offer a good scary story, one that may be a tad too gross and lowbrow for such a pleasant audience. Let's just say there was something in the bathroom that sounded like a Piranha movie.

The Bat Walk is a free event on the campus of Michigan State University as hosted by a preservation society. The starting point was by the old clock tower where we found a much larger turn out than even the organizers had planed for. This lead to a bit of a problem however as wild animals aren't exactly fond of crowds. As you might imagine actual bat sightings we're at a minimum for the opening stretch. For a while I was biting my tongue so as not slip into Jeff Goldblum mode and ask “are there going to be any bats... on your bat tour?”

Eventually we caught glimpses of a few flying terrors and listened as the group worked through multiple opening night difficulties and technical issues. I don't think they did a bad job, and strolling through the more wooded areas of campus at dusk lent to some nice scenery. Oddly my sister tired of this sooner than I and we cut out before the walk finished. It's all for the best as we can download the same bat-sonar app they used on the tour and go to our local park where I know some good spots for critter viewing.

All around it was a solid adventure. I got my grubby mitts on plenty of nice items, encountered horror in a public bathroom, and futzed around a college at night. That's a pretty solid seasonal outing considering we're only nearing the halfway point of September.

What about you folks? Any good adventures so far this season? Any pickups you're particularly proud of? Any odd activities on your calendar? There's a real joy in sharing our experiences during these special months so I'm always eager to hear what oddities people have stumbled across. Show me what ya got and I should be back with another post by Tuesday or Wednesday.

Remembering the Dino Crisis Series.

During the second half of the 90s survival horror was one of the biggest genres around, right up there with the boom of JRPGs and extreme sports titles. While Resident Evil didn't invent the formula it was a runaway hit and set the standard for how these games were designed. Different companies sought to replicate that success through titles like Nightmare Creatures, Silent Hill, Blue Stinger, and Galerians to varying results. One common trait among this games was that I largely sucked at them. It's a shame because my love for horror is right up there with my affection for gaming yet finding titles that mix both interests while offering a great experience can be difficult. That becomes more of an issue at this point of the year, when a scary game is just the thing to cap of long cool nights. Once in a while I would find one of these games that just clicked, such as in 1999 when Dino Crisis hit the scene.

Dino Crisis was pitched as Resident Evil with dinosaurs. For someone who'd spent good money on Resident Evil 2 with very little entertainment in return, the idea of that sort of game with more nimble enemies seemed horrible. At this point I was in my early teens which meant I had endless free time and rental stores were still a thriving industry, so despite my worries I was still willing to give the game a shot and to my surprise what should have been a gaming nightmare turned out to be an absolute joy. In the year that gave us games like Soul Calibur, and Final Fantasy VIII this was an instant classic.

Some of you might be thinking the game couldn't be that different from RE so how come I enjoyed it so much better?. The beauty of this game was that everything from those previous zombie adventures had been refined and streamlined into something wonderful. The ability to walk and aim, turn around quickly, and just how well thought out the levels were made the game work so smoothly. As I continued to play there was that continuing worry that the other shoe would drop but the fun never let up. The only real trade-off was that the better gameplay and control made the experience more tense than it was outright scary. You didn't fear the next terrifying monster so much as stay primed for another thunder-lizard assault.

The story wasn't very memorable. In fact I'd be lying if I said a trip to Wikipedia wasn't required while putting this piece together. If anything the narrative was simply a loose structure to get the player inside a science-lab full of ancient predators. Think of it like trash-cinema along the lines of Deep Blue Sea. You're not here for deep characterization or thrilling twists, just lots of monsters and action. Only this time it didn't come with an LL Cool J song to cap it all off. All you really need to know is you play an attractive redhead who's task force is hunting down a scientist who just so happens to have released some dinosaurs.

Even with my satisfaction towards the first outing I approached the following years sequel with some trepidation as it had made a shift from survival horror to full-scale action. Generally I adore action gaming but moving a horror series in that direction can prove troublesome. Once again the game was a huge surprise, eclipsing the first title in nearly every way. Instead of carefully navigating a facility, dodging dinos, this time you charged headlong through the environments blasting enemies on all sides. There was more variety this time around with shooting gallery moments, or an odd underwater section that added platforming elements. Of course this meant the series had moved even further away from traditional frights to white-knuckle action. Gone was the fear of being overpowered by a stronger foe, tension instead came from keeping your senses tuned to take on countless enemies.

The story for the second outing is still very stupid though far more memorable. Instead of a generic research-center, an entire town is suddenly overtaken by thick jungle. A task force including original heroine, Regina goes in to tackle the problem and is quickly cut down to a few key members. There's some weird biker-helmet wearing teenagers, some of which might be androids, it all gets rather odd.

Unfortunately the series soon stopped dead in its tracks. First up was a somewhat poorly received light-gun title called Dino Stalker but that caused nowhere near the amount of damage as the 3^rd entry. Appearing exclusively on the Xbox, Dino Crisis 3 moved the story far into the future, leaving behind Regina and forcing players to take on the role of lame white-guy space-marine type. This time the action took place on a space ship populated by mutant beasts that aren't technically dinosaurs. It changed gameplay bu giving players a jet pack that allowed them to boost around the environment and tackle jumping challenges. These changes might have worked had the game not continued to use fixed camera angles which made fighting and jumping more difficult than they had to be. There are still some fans for this one and I definitely give it points for trying something different but it largely failed to connect with most players. Almost overnight the series disappeared, being replaced by a combination of Devil May Cry and Dead Rising. Over time it has gained a few references here and there but nothing along the lines of sequels, reboots, or even HD ports.

While the franchise died off in poor fashion the first two installments are still very much worth your time. More so I think during horror season as they are both quick, intense adventures. These games respect your time and offer a lot of entertainment in a tight package.

The subject matter is a good change of pace as well. There are plenty of options for games to get your zombie or monster fix. Dinosaurs are another matter entirely. Here's an enemy that is plenty terrifying yet is rarely presented as such. Even games based on Jurassic Park often fail to utilize the scare factor of these critters.

Beyond all the goodwill I already have towards this series each entry feels fairly unique. The classic style survival horror is largely a thing of the past with the first game standing a pure example of what the genre could do. Part 2 does an incredible job of mixing the original formula with run-and-gun action. Even the third game stands out thanks to it's oddball mix of elements though it's not on the same level as its predecessors.

If you're looking for some good retro gaming this Halloween, I obviously recommend the series. The first game can be gotten fairly cheap on the PS1 or a more expansive Dreamcast version. The second is a bit more pricey, more so if you want it complete with original packaging.. Number three is Xbox only which is a little sad for this gamer who has a copy but who's original Xbox kicked the bucket years ago.

It would be marvelous to see the franchise return one day. It strikes a balance of offering something different within the genre. It's not frustrating like many horror titles, the enemies are unique, and it keeps away from the pants-wetting scares of something like Silent Hill. As is it's a great retro treat for the season.

Halloween Season 2018, Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes, and Griswold Theory.

At last we've reached what is, without a doubt, the best part of every year. That final stretch of the last four months which cram all the best holidays, snacks, video games, and everything wonderful into a straight marathon that makes life all-around better. Consider this the introduction to our Halloween coverage. For the next two months, everything we cover will be spooky in some form of fashion. Obviously for most of our regular content this won't pose an issue though topics like Star Wars novels are shelved for the time being. Sorry fellow Jedi, these nights are meant for the works of Masterton and DeFellita, not space wizardry.

To kick off the season we're going to talk about several items but let's start with a tiny tradition of mine. Granted this season is full of traditions ranging from pumpkin carving and haunted houses, to strolls through the woods and library book sales. One of my smallest yet most important practices was inspired by a film focused on an entirely different holiday, Christmas Vacation.

Anyone who's seen the movie knows the general idea. Clark Griswold invites a large chunk of extended family to visit for the holiday in order to pull off the perfect Christmas everyone dreams of having. This isn't a completely selfish goal either as he intends to give everyone lasting happy memories. After countless challenges and set-backs everything works out, just not the way he planned. In the end he looks to the starry night sky and says with pleased exasperation “I did it.” As a fellow holiday nut this scene always speaks to me.

Let's face it, if you're anything like me you put a ton of effort into your Halloween festivities. Picking out the right horror movies, carving tons of gourds, making your own decorations, listening to scary tunes, gathering family and friends for different activities. It can seem nearly impossible to fit in all the great experiences available. Often times you'll fail to fit in a couple items yet when all is said and done that push to enjoy everything to the fullest makes it all worthwhile. That's not to say the journey towards all Hallows Even won't have a speed-bump or two, but that's where each year gains its own character.

And so on Halloween night there are two itty-bitty touches that complete the journey. The first comes immediately after we finish handing out candy. I stroll out to the middle of the road and yell out “Happy Halloween!” to the entire neighborhood. This occasionally earns a reply though that's hardly the point. That one is sort of my thank-you to everyone who came by the house to enjoy the show.

That second part comes much later into the night, after a few horror flicks and more than a few pumpkin beers. Usually one of the dogs will ask to go out and I'll accompany them to the backyard. It's at that time, standing out in the cool night air, listening to the near silence of post-celebration exhaustion that I look up at the sky, thinking back on everything I accomplished during the season and finally utter the words “I did it.”

It's a great feeling to pat yourself on the back for a job well done. And that's a feeling I encourage you to chase this year. Take every chance to walk through the Autumn colored park, fit in a few good nights of ghastly board games by candlelight, just live life a bit bigger than usual. Then give yourself a personal thanks for doing your best. Cause let's face it while Halloween does indeed make everything better, life can still find a way to dig its claws into ya. Live like Griswald and accept that the journey can be rocky at times. It's important to focus on all the good you were able to take in during the season, even if it was just a few decent nights of horror flicks and cheese-balls you pretended were tiny pumpkins.

With the pep-talk out of the way, let's get kicking with one of the major new snacks for this year, Pumpkin Spice Frosted Flakes. I was actually able to get my hands on these at the halfway point of August though I barely got a bowl in as my pumpkin-spice hating nephew broke character and devoured the box overnight. Maybe that should serve as incentive for you to pick up a box as it can apparently work wonders on non-believers. Personally I only like these a little. They're alright but they just don't strike the proper balance for me. The smell is crazy over the top while the flavor is more subtle, taking time to be unleashed by soaking in milk. Perhaps your level of enjoyment will come down to how you fell about this flavor in general. If you're an outsider it may be just the thing for you, personally I'd like something a little bolder. Either way, I'm not one to turn down a new cereal.

I do wish the art department had worked a little harder on the box. It's just so spartan and basic, very much lacking in autumnal touches. Even throwing a few falling leaves on there would have been a major improvement. Usually I don't get this worked up over packaging but this one sort of feels like it's trying to be separate from the season going so far as to have the back be about Tony the Tiger having a music festival. There's nothing about changing colors, fields full of vine-fruit, and nothing remotely close to Halloween. It may be a good snack for relatives but a display piece it is not.

Of course there are plenty of other avenues to find some spooky fun. This is when I usually get the greatest influx of new titles added to my horror movie stash and this year is off to a good start. In the photo you can see an old Anchor Bay VHS for Plague of the Zombies, a Hammer flick I've wanted to see for sometime that hasn't been available stateside since the early 2000s. While far from a great Hammer movie it still has the classic atmosphere that make their work such comfortable viewing. Plus I adore these old full plastic Anchor Bay cases.

Also got the Paul Naschy Collection vol II from Scream Factory. If you've never had the opportunity to watch Naschy's work I'd strongly suggest you remedy the situation. The man made more than a few stinkers in his time but when he got it right the results are pure trashy fun.

Finally we have something that took me completely by surprise. While visiting Wal-Mart earlier this week I came across a Jeepers Creepers double feature that claimed to be from Shout/Scream Factory yet had zero special features and cost a mere ten bucks. After getting home I searched out some info and found this is the second time both companies have worked together to create cheap double-feature blu-rays that dump the bonus material. The price made this a no brainer for updating my very old DVD and maybe giving the sequel another chance.

I've also nabbed yet another Pumpkin Masters pattern book along with metal corn stalks for the front yard yet would you believe I'm keeping things on the cheap? That's my challenge in the coming weeks as I held off on job-searching while I worked on getting school set-up which means there's a pretty strict budget in place. That's my life challenge for the year. Remember, that's why you gotta approach holidays with the Griswold outlook.

With this sampler-platter of topics done we can consider the Halloween coverage officially underway. There's a whole bunch of items planned during the upcoming weeks ranging from Tales from the Darkside episodes, old Playstation games, a movie showcase or two, and whatever treats spring up. As always I encourage you all to share stories of adventures and acquisitions since holidays are always better when shared. I'll most likely be back this weekend with our first full topic but for now I've gotta start clearing space in the basement in order to dig out the decorations.