Patrick Swayze Christmas Barstool 2018.

After what feels like an eternity I’m finally capable of digging myself out from under the weight of endless coursework. Ya know what I’ve found upon this glimpse of freedom? It’s almost Christmas! I mean sure I knew far enough in advance to put up the tree and outdoor stuff but it hardly feels like I’ve done anything seasonal. With less than two weeks to go before the big event I’d say it’s fine time to go full-on jolly. Reaching the necessary level of holiday spirit requires the right inspiration. I need a task of such ehterial value that it would postivily guarantee a hot injection of holiday spirit. Knowing there is only one project fit for such spiritual enlightenment I turned to the most ancient and sacred of traditions, the Patrick Swayze Christmas Barstool.

Originally mentioned in a song by Mystery Science Theater 3000, this tradition is hardly one of my own creation though I am a devoted follower. During my years of celebrating this practice I have worked towards constant improvement by including some of the teachings of Dinosaur Dracula’s Halloween Mood Table. The core outline of the project is to decorate a seat of some kind, preferably a barstool but couches and ottomans are acceptable alternatives. Any religious or heathen belief is valued under the wise teaching is Swayze, so feel free to deck this thing out with menorahs or Star Wars ornaments. Most of all you should strive to use whatever oddities you have lying around to create a tacky holiday display, extra points if you manage to include his holiness Patrick Swayze.

Going into this years model I was very excited as the flipped over couch I used for the Halloween mood table was still in place, allowing for an extra roomy variation. Admitted not every piece of my vision came true. There were no table cloths or tree skirts large enough to hide the totes of auction items hiding underneath and I’ve yet to arrange a twisted version of the nativity featuring the likes of Ultraman and Leatherface. With enough time and inspiration I may yet put a little extra work into this one as the season progresses. Given the materials on hand though I’d say it managed to come out a winner It is both less than I’d imagined yet better than I’d hopped. Does that make any sense?

Lining the outside of the couch base are gold pearls and some extra thick garland which are both draped along the front thanks to a couple of stocking hangers, one snowman, the other reindeer. Originally there was a third hanger in the center but Santa got in the way of things forcing me to switch to good old scotch tape. The top display is lined with a strand of multi-colored lights that snake up the small tree on the right along with some bells. I can’t begin to impart the bizarre difficulty of this task as so many strands are half-dead this year. Remember how LED was supposed to eliminate such issues?

On the left end of the table we have a classic ceramic tree. When I say classic I mean it, this thing is old enough to likely be coated in lead paint. Should every article from now on become dramatically worse just blame the holly jolly chemicals slipping into my bloodstream.

At the heart of everything lies the stool which is largely decorated in the same manner as last year with two key additions. First should be quite obvious which is a Krampus mask. If we’re to honor the greatest holiday heroes of all time surely we should include this supernatural disciplinarian. The mask was made by Trick or Treat studios based on the delightful Krampus movie from a few years back and while it is actually one of the dark elves from that film it is the most like a traditional depiction of the Christmas demon. Neat thing is we originally order a different, cheaper, mask only to end up with this one. It’s almost impossible to wear but as a decoration it’s a thing of true beauty. Best of all the slowly changing colors of the fiber-optic light strand give the mask a variety of different moods. Upon entering the basement you could encounter anything from laid-back Krampus to fiery eyes of rage Krampus.

Even with the relative ease at which this project came together there was still a missing final touch. Thinking quickly I remembered that the recent cleaning of the book shelves left me with some very basic metal bookends to use as display stands. I then reached towards our movie stash to retrieve the reason for the season, everyone's favorite movie, Roadhouse. Now the saint of fancy footwork can watch over us from his perch. Think of it as Swayze is the guiding star of Bethlehem and Jesus is his new Saturday night thing.

Somehow the completion of this project fills me with a sense of peace. It no longer matters that I still have a test to finish. I have the spirit of Swayze reminding me to be nice until it comes time to not be nice. Though the regularity of postings has been spotty lately that's all about to change. Winter break is here and there's plenty of items I want to share with you all. Plus the spring courses promise to be far less punishing so we should be fairly stable for a while. I hope to be back with something new in a couple days. Until then I encourage you all to dig out your remaining decorations and attack that chair nobody sits in. Swayze will bless you.