Christmas Memories of Parasite Eve.

Let's take a trip back to the late 90's. Yes I know it's an ugly time, Kangol hats reign supreme, the Spice Girls are still a thing, and the worst thing a president could do was stick cigars in different holes. Let's take it down to something more personal. It's Christmas Eve, family and friends have gone home for the night, my appetite for Hawaiian Rolls has been satiated, and Albert Finney has sung the praises of the holiday season. It's still too early to go to sleep for this one, so I supply myself with the surprisingly effective combo of hot chocolate and saltines, head to my bedroom, and turn on the old Playstation for what would serve as something of a holiday tradition for my annual playthrough of Parasite Eve.

In 1998, Squaresoft (long before they purchased Enix) was on a roll. Coming of the massive success of Final Fantasy VII, the company struck further deals with Sony and eventually Electronic Arts to publish classics like Final Fantasy Tactics, Einhander, Xenogears, and Brave Fencer Musashi. Nestled among this wave of greatness was the very experimental Parasite Eve, a title that sought to combine the then young survival horror genre with classic RPG gameplay.

For most companies the accomplishment of successfully blending two genres for the first time would have been enough of a success, but that wasn't the case here. Parasite Eve also served as a sequel/spin-off to a popular novel and provided one hell of a unique setting. Consider that most of the big games that year had outlandish or fantastical settings be they the fantasy settings of Ocarina of Time or Panzer Dragoon Saga, even the militaristic buffoonery of Metal Gear Solid was pretty far removed from reality. So imagine how odd it was to play this hybrid RPG set in modern day New York City over the Christmas holiday.

You better believe that environment set my heart aflutter. For a kid who loved RPG's, Monsters, and holidays, this thing was like a warm blanket. I mean where else could you find a game that begins with a Christmas Eve concert at Carnegie Hall? For that same concert to be overtaken by spontaneous human combustion was just gravy. Throughout the game was the constant presence of snow, lights, trees, and most of all the birth of a supernatural life form. Can't get much more Chistmasy than that.

Parasite Eve cast the player as a young, blonde, lady cop named Aya Brea, Our somewhat dour heroine is forced to spend her holidays tracking down a monstrous woman named Eve who is using mitochondrial powers to transform life into something new. Aya must also discover why she's the one person in all of NYC who can resist Eve's powers. Naturally there are twists, turns, mutant babies, and even dinosaurs!

For multiple years in a row I made an effort to play the game one day at a time in accordance with the calendar. Blasting through the first section was usually no big deal. Depending on what Santa brought me on Christmas morning however, finishing the game could be put into question. Truthfully I never finished that goal of playing it day by day. I believe the closest I ever came was wrapping it up just after New Year's.

Another issue that routinely held me back was that unlike most games I cherish, I sucked at PE. Completely, utterly sucked at it. I never once finished the game without finding some way to cheat. It's important that you know this because this isn't some title I mastered over countless nights of obsessive play. Despite the number of hours spent playing, I couldn't get much further than the halfway mark legitimately. I'd like to think it would be a different situation these days as I'm someone who take on Ikaruga and win but lord knows I'd probably face off against that damn police dog again and just crumble.

If you've never experienced the game, don't let my nostalgia make you think for a moment that the game was without faults. Slow character movement, a daffy reloading mechanism, and cramped environments all contributed to cheap hits and frustration. Likewise the story, while fun isn't some timeless classic. Largely the game gets by on novelty from both its' setting and unique gameplay.

The series would go on to spawn two sequels, the first went full survival horror and frankly stunk up the joint. The third I've yet to play but when you consider it's so radically different as to not even use the franchise name, there's probably not much of a proper connection. It's a shame as the first game is still totally unique all these years later. If more effort had been made to further develop the series in that original direction we could be playing the fifth or sixth entry today. Lasting legacy isn't what's important though. For a few years this game was as much a part of my holiday as putting up the tree. Not too shabby for something where you shoot flamespewing mutant rats.

And with that, I wish you all a Merry Christmas! Currently I'm watching the snow come down to the tunes of Nat King Cole. There are movies to watch, Hawaiian Rolls to devour, and even a little work to do. No matter how you end up celebrating this or another holiday, I hope the season gives you the charge to go out and tackle the coming year head on. Thanks to all of you who check into the site throughout the year. While we don't have the most talkative readership, those consistent page views keep this site moving along. Happy Holidays! Now go try that saltine and hot coco combo.

Patrick Swayze Christmas Bar Stool 2017

I'd swear that for nearly every major celebration there has to be a challenge or roadblock. If you're lucky that obstacle is nothing more than a wonky strand of lights. For yours truly I'm staring down the potential of losing a job in the first week of the new year. To my readers that should mean you'll be reading a lot more entries in the coming months. Meanwhile I have to figure out what harebrained industry to work in next, maybe I should build a media outlet in the hopes Disney will buy all the assets. Fact is I need a boost to the spirit, so it was time to look to a shining example of spiritual peace, the Patrick Swayze Christmas Bar Stool.

Inspired by the classic Mystery Science Theater bit, the Patrick Swayze Christmas Bar Stool stands as a outlet for your own selfish holiday whims. In truth the aim is similar to Dinosaur Dracula's (Formerly X-Entertainment) Halloween mood table. However, while that is meant to be a constant reminder of the joys of Halloween, this is meant as more of a release for pent-up holiday experimentation. Think of it this way, usually when you decorate a tree or the front yard, you're putting on a show for somebody be it family, neighbors or friends. This means you might include ornaments or lights that aren't always appealing to you personally. This bar stool gives you the chance to be as tacky or subdued as you wish. You want a wall of pearls? Go ahead! Wanna proudly display your old Tiny Toons ornaments? Here's your chance. Simply put this is the one bit of decorating you do solely for you.

Last year I opted to trace the legs of the chair with lights and droop gold pearls, this time however I went with a more traditional wrap of both lights and garland. No matter the approach, tape is always your friend when it comes to decorating a bar stool. Instead of normal lights I was able to find a strand of fiber optics which in combo with the extra thick garland make the for a (snicker) fuzzy stool.

Obviously the seat itself provides display options for your favorite movies, snacks, candlesticks, whatever you feel like showcasing. Most of our good Christmas stuff was already on display throughout the house but I remembered our collection of holiday Funko goodies which range from the Grinch to festive Batman. A lucky few of you may have trees small enough to stack atop the stool in order to make some twisted hybtrid.

I had intended to craft some Swayze ornaments to adorn the stool until being reminded our printer is only black & white. Granted that still leaves a few options but I'd rather take more time and craft some nicer items for next year. In the meantime, I used some snowman themed glass balls to help fill out the whole display.

And that's this season's bar stool. Now I'm putting out the challenge to you. Get out your extra lights, grab your favorite festive goodies, and make a towering monument of what the holidays mean to you and only you. Make this the perfect escape from gifts, charities, and obligations. Most of all, be sure to share your bar stool with us. Let's make this a true holiday tradition.  

Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)

After a Thanksgiving that frankly seemed more like “somewhat hectic Thursday” I'm happy to report that I'm feeling quite jolly about the upcoming Christmas antics. Admittedly that excitement has still faced some challenges such as a light knot so horrific it could nearly reduce a grown man to a quivering mess. Mercifully there are plenty of comfortable traditions to sooth ones bruised ego after being thwarted by decorations and one of my seasonal comforts is my collection of yuletide horror films. Tonight I wanted to share one of my favorites with you all in the bloody spirit of the season.

Silent Night, Bloody Night is a 1972 production from director, Theodore Gershuny (who had a terribly short career) which may in fact be the first Christmas horror flick, having beaten Black Christmas by two years. Both films share some elements, the spooky phone calls being chief among them. Likewise, both films have little reason to actually take place during the holidays though Bloody Night makes some effort to work Christmas into it's own backstory. Don't go in expecting lots of window dressing however. Much of this film takes place in abandoned homes or dark country roads. The few decorations that manage to make an appearance are delightfully old-fashioned.

Depending on how you view the movie, the run time may be slightly different. This is mainly due to a piece of the opening that is cut off in some public domain sets. This doesn't majorly effect the storyline mind you but it does reveal that the narrating character survives the ordeal rather than us catching up to them at some midpoint. I've never liked this part as it removes a good deal of suspense. Once that's out of the way though we get one hell of an opening, compete with funerals, burning men, spooky piano playing, and the main theme which is an off-tone take on the classic carol.

From that point on you'd think the movie would get moving properly, but there's a nifty little trick here, and consider this something of a spoiler. Not unlike the last Friday The 13^th, the first twenty-odd minutes of film are almost their own thing. Obviously different characters carry on to the next portion and all of those events matter but the primary storyline really doesn't get going until a third of the way through the film. While that may seem like it could be a cheap trick to pad out the running time, the build-up of one plot within the other makes it flow pretty seamlessly.

Beyond all that there's a rather large segment spent in flashback. For most people this is the highlight of the film where most of the mysteries finally come together. What makes it so special is the visuals which were filmed in a sort of sepia tone which features some massive black effects thanks to poor film quality. The resulting image is unlike much of anything you'll ever see and because of that, the sequence takes on an unearthly atmosphere.

A word of advice to new viewer. Don't go in to this expecting a standard slasher flick, this is from far before the tropes of the sub-genre were cemented which makes this play out more like a sensible version of one of this Italian Giallo movies. For that matter, don't expect normal human dialogue and interaction. Much of the film is intentionally off-center and populated by characters who indulge in strange behavior like strangling birds. This is very much in tune with most of Gershuny's work which tended to involve the limits of sanity.

For genre fans there are some extra perks to this one aside from the historical importance of being an early holiday horror tale. There are also some cult performers like John Carradine and Mary Woronov. Carradine is given an odd role completely devoid of dialogue whereas is the main heroine. Then there's Tony Award winning actor James Patterson who sadly passed the year this was released at age 40.

It's likely that I've failed to sell you on the movie so far and I suppose that's because it's become such a tradition for me that it's hard to step back and view it from an outsiders perspective. It was around a decade ago that I turned on a DVD of this for the first time, unsure of what I was going to get only to find something that provided a massive boost to my holiday spirit. Fact is most of us have our own little holiday treat. For most people it may be the Grinch, others like my nieces go with The Polar Express, but for me it's a cup of coffee and the bloodshed found at Wilfred Butler's house.

The best part of me rambling on about this film is that for once you don't have to strictly take my word for it. Since Silent Night, Bloody Night is in the public domain, you can check it out on youtube without issue. Consider it my cheapskate gift to you all. In case I'm unable to post it directly to here I highly advice seeking out the HD remaster. It's still an ugly print but far better than any other copy out there.

Now that it everything seems back on track, expect some major work from me. Not only do I plan on meeting the monthly quota for articles here, but I still have two nearly complete posts for Dread Central and hopefully a major writing project will be launching around the new year. In the meantime, watch the movie and plan to be back here at least by next week.