Suicide Squad Review. Spoilers by the Pound.

It's a little hard to believe it but this weekend marked the fifth comic book flick I've seen in theaters this year. Suicide Squad, the third attempt from DC Comics and Warner Bros at turning out an actual decent film in their own interconnected cinematic universe. You've probably heard already that it made oodles at the box office over the weekend. Then again, so did Batman V Superman during it's opening weekend all through what would be for most movies a respectable run. Sadly that movie cost so much it's still considered somewhat of a financial failure. One element the two films do share at the box office is steep-decline in ticket sales from Friday to Saturday. Who knows how it'll far over the following weeks but for now we can discuss the quality of the film. This is going to be a very spoilerific review so if you feel the need to see this film with as much surprise as can be then don't read this. Do know however that I very much urge you to save your time and money by doing pretty much anything other than seeing this thing.

Similar to the previous DC effort, this thing is very messy so I'll be taking it on in chunks ,

What is supposed to pass for plot occurs almost entirely within the the first 40 or so minutes of the film. Amanda Waller wants to form a team of the worst super-criminals she can find in order to combat threats from metahumans, aliens, demons, you name it. One of her prime candidates for this team is June Moone, an archaeologist possessed by an ancient witch known as Enchantress. Amanda keeps this particular fiend on a leash by stashing the witch's heart in an explosive lined suitcase on her side at all times.

On the night the team is given clearance to be formed, Enchantress tries to take back her heart only to find it inaccessible. Instead she teleports into Waller's closet to find the statue containing the spirit of her evil brother Incubus. Yeah...Waller knows these statues can house evil spirits so she just keeps one unprotected in her house. Offended by the notion that humans worships machines, the sibling pair of Enchantress and Incubus take over Midway City and construct a beam of light that will eventually kill everyone. The Squad is sent in without proper briefing as to these events and is told to rescue someone important within the city....that's about it. Oh, and the Joker wants his girlfriend back. The rest is mostly bickering, backstabbing, and slow-motion battles against magical pimple people.

Will Smith as Deadshot

Arguably the main character of this tale, I mean he must be since we get like three different introductions for him. Deadshot is a hitman who never misses a shot. Seems simple enough but he's got a soft spot for his teenage daughter who wants him to stop killing people for money. When spending time with her around Christmas, Deadshot is taken into custody by Batman who corners the pair in an alleyway and announces he'd prefer not to do this in front of the girl, only to then beat Will Smith in front of the kid.

Think about that for a bit. Batman, a supposed hero, forged by the moment in his life when faceless goons killed his parents in an alley shows up and starts a fist fight in front of a child. He couldn't wait the 20 minutes for the girl to be walked home? Adding to this little pile of misery is the girl stepping in between the two of them while her dad points a gun at the capped asshat. This scene is bad enough as is but then it gets brought up again. During the final fight, Deadshot is about use Harley Quinn's gun to shoot a pack of dynamite in order to destroy the magical death machine. Enchantress presents visions of his daughter once again in front of him, begging him not to fire. He mans up enough to take the shot and when he does, I kid you not, the revolver chamber on Harley's gun which has words written all over it (everything does) rotates to the word “love” with this world saving bullet. I nearly threw my hands up in defeat and walked out except I'd already endured and hour and fifty minutes of this nonsense.

Deadshot is in sort of an odd balance. While I see plenty of the comic character here, there's also a lot of Will Smith in his classic summer movie leading man routine. It's a mode I've not seen him in for a long time and while it's sort of an old hat his performance is still one of the better things the movie has going for it. He's mostly charming and enduring if a bit too soft for someone who's supposed to be a hardened killer.

Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn on the other hand is not so solid. Essentially the second hero of our tale, Harley is occasionally enduring but more often than not just plain annoying. Even the way Margot plays the part is wishy washy. Sometimes she's got the classic gangster movie girlfriend voice going, other times not at all. Sometimes her comedic timing is spot on, then it's nowhere to be found.

Likewise the writing for Harley Quinn is all over the map. The movie wants to do everything with her at the same time. She's a victim of an incredibly abusive relationship yet it's still played up as some rebellious love affair for the ages. Continuing on that trend, she's Joker's willing pet but some symbol for female empowerment. She's ditsy and goofy yet has better aim and combat abilities than an entire team of Navy Seals. The fuck?

There's not really any development for her at all through the story. It's supposed to be a big deal that she makes friends with the team but that really doesn't seem like much of a stretch for someone who is in essence a violent child. It wouldn't surprise me at all if her more importance scenes were left on the cutting room floor where reportedly much of the Joker sequences were left to rot.

Speaking of which, Jared Leto as the Joker is......well shit. I don't really know what he is. Neither did the filmmakers for that matter. For one there's no real reason for him to be in this movie other than executives understanding that people like the Joker.

Leto's performance is odd to say the least. Imagine Jim Carrey's Riddler matched up with Al Pacino's Scarface, then remove any attempt at class. He moans, growls, fondles, the whole shabang. There's a chance that his version might have worked if not for one huge fatal flaw, he doesn't do anything all that evil. His henchmen take more lives than he does. At worst he tortures Harley with electroshock but at the time she's giggling like a madwoman in anticipation so it loses it's impact.

When trying to rescue his ladylove, Joker opens fire on the squad and no one is hurt. He kidnapped a scientist to disarm the bomb implanted in her neck yet he doesn't take the opportunity to free the other villains and cause further chaos. Hell. Even his texts are dull. It's just shit like “I”m almost there.” If I'm getting a text from Joker it better be a beautiful marriage of Popsicle jokes and dirty limericks.

The whole non-threatening villain angle is a huge issue throughout the movie. They keep telling us how nasty these people are but there's no evidence to support it. This issue deepens with the Joker since he's supposed to be even more evil than everyone else. Instead he just seems like another goof ina costume.

Viola Davis fares somewhat better as Amada Waller but the writing does her zero favors. I've already mentioned the evil spirit containing statue in the closet but here's another one for ya. She's the V.I.P. The team is sent to rescue. Why they weren't allowed to know this is beyond me as it's a needless twist and she'd already secured their cooperation via neckbombs.

She's in her own mini command center with a small supply of Argus agents working for her. When the team arrives to bail her out she immediately kills the aforementioned agents because this was all above their clearance level. If it's above their level then why on Earth are they in your personal bunker to begin with? Plus you just killed a batch of highly trained workers within your own agency. This makes the untested experimental team of super-criminal killers your personal escort.

Soon enough she's involved in the third major helicopter crash of the film. Don't worry, she's fine. people shake off helicopter accidents in this thing like they tripped on the curb. She does get taken hostage for the remainder of the film which keeps the writers from making an even bigger mockery of her. Her cronies on the other hand aren't so lucky.

Joel Kinnaman as Rick Flagg is just the worst. I mean the character is awful. He looks and acts like a methhead with penis envy. In every scene, even ones based in a decent air conditioned hotel room he's sweating like he's got withdrawals and perhaps that would explain his behavior.

When he first meets the squad it seems like he's going to treat than with more respect than others have in the past. He doesn't back down from Killer Croc, and is impressed by Deadshot's abilities. Ten minutes later he's criticizing Deadshot as a coward who'll turn tail at the start of trouble. Five minutes after that he says he'll kill Deadshot if he turns tails. Then he gains respect for him again, then he hates everyone again even after they save his dumb ass multiple times over.

Kinnaman's acting isn't much better than the character either. Wonky line delivery, and almost zero charisma. He's just bad here. Not to mention I don't for an instant buy his romance with June Moone.

While we're on that topic, perhaps Cara Delevingne should feel blessed to get this role out so early in her career. This role ranks as one of the most pointless, and regrettable villains in comic book movie history. The girl maybe has five or six lines in her human form that she stumbles through. She spends the majority of the film dancing, poorly mind you, in front of the CG doom machine she's crafted. All lines within that portion are delivered by another actress. So for at least half of this two hour movie this girl and her eyebrows bob, weave, and lip sync in front of a green screen with little motivation.

There is an actual fight scene against the Enchantress, luckily the lights get turned way down low to make it easy to hide who's actually doing the fighting. What's great is that this fight ends after like four minutes when Enchantress uses her magic to disarm the entire squad. If you could do that in the first place then why the fuck did you get in a fist fight with these people?

Alain Chanoin plays the other baddie, Incubus. In truth it's just a big pile of orange, glowy CG shit that does little more than fire tentacles at people. The battle with him includes possibly the most embarrassing moment of the night, but first we have to talk about something that's actually kind of good.

Jay Hernandez as El Diablo is one of the very few good things about the movie. A fire-conjuring gang banger covered in countless tattoos who's taken a vow of peace after some terrible event changed his life. The scene where he reveals his secrets to the squad is the easily the best part of the movie. Most of his performance is likewise above most of the others as he's asked to play things more calm and cool.

Sadly, this all flies out the window during the final showdown. After using his personal guilt to break through some of Enchantress's illusions, El Diablo starts going on about how these are his people, and he already lost one family, he won't lose another. Then he turns into a big Aztec fire skeleton thing and fights the other blob of orange CG, and I weep for the future.

Poor guy sacrifices himself but you don't really buy it since their getting taken out by a bomb. Do bombs even work on guys that turn into fire skeletons? They must cause you never see him again. Oh and for future reference, explosions beat magic too.

You may not believe it but there's even more people to talk about. Jai Courtney is in this as Captain Boomerang. The more appropriate title for him would be drink Aussie who occasionally uses boomerangs. Think of him as the Hawkeye of this picture since like that archer's early appearance there's not a lot for him to do. They try to make him the comic relief even though there's plenty of jokes from the others. His fighting isn't anything all to special either. He uses his boomerangs but he doesn't do anything really special with em. It's like having a guy who knows secret kung-fu that you find out is just regular kung-fu.

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje's Killer Croc was just a bad idea. He looks like something out of the Super Mario Bros movie, his lines aren't funny, and that's when you can actually understand the lines. Between his attempts at a deep southern accent, pounds of make-up, and some ADR pitch changes after the fact only half his lines can be understood. It's not the biggest problem around though since he mostly stands in the background and growls.

Karen Fukuhara as Katana is something I'm amazed the movie hasn't gotten in trouble for. Even in the comics this character is pushing the Japanese stereotype shit a bit far. About the only thing missing here is a gong every time she makes an appearance. Once again this isn't helped by an almost complete lack of development. Her only scene of moderate depth comes right before the last fight when she's blubbering and talking to her dead husband. It's totally out of left field after she's spent the entirety of the film doing generic sword poses and muttering about justice and bloodshed.

Adam Beach is around for like six mintues as Slipknot before he tries to escape and his head bloodlessly explodes. It comes as no surprise since he's the one squad member without an introductory flashback.

There's a batch of Navy Seals supporting the group throughout the film, the most prominent being GQ as played by Scott Eastwood. I understand Hollywood wants to bank on this guy's name and that woman think he's pretty but he's about as interesting as a tax form..

There's so much else I could go on about. The bloodlessly violence, the lazy pacing, the astoundingly generic soundtrack composed of every song you were tired of by age ten. Spirit in the Sky, check. Sympathy for the Devil, check. Fortunate Son, check. Bohemian Rhapsody, you better believe it. It's just bad, and not even amazingly bad, just lame, pathetic, and bland.

I'm not even sure why this is the third film in DC's slate. Nothing happens, there's no grand development. For as craptastic as Batman v Superman was, it at least had progression and expanded their universe.

For a direct comparison to other films, leaving the theater after this I felt about the same as I did way back in 1997 after watching Spawn. Both are poor attempts at cinema that try so desperately to be edgy and hardcore without anything to back it up.

So that's the third DC shared universe film down. So far their batting average is shit. Wonder Woman at least looks like it's trying to be a real movie so maybe that can help earn them a little credit. As it stands they haven't even made a film that can match up to their CW shows. You guys got a long way to go.

Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger Episodes 18-22

Not unlike the migratory patterns of birds, there are constants within the Sentai franchise. For instance we're currently at the point where a new character is introduced to the group and has a series of adventures establishing his interactions with the rest of the team. Last year this happened a little earlier and the general effect was a show doubling down on what it already had by adding another obnoxious personality. This year the writers took a little more time and have introduced a character far different from most sixth rangers I'm accustomed too. We are getting a little ahead of ourselves though. Before we talk about the new guy's personality, first we've gotta talk about how he ends up joining the team.

As you may recall, Zyuoh The World first appeared in episode 17 and made quick work of beating the team like they owe him money. This continued into the next episode when he introduced them to his own set of giant robots and provided such a sound thrashing it left everyone more than a little gun shy about facing him again.

The villains plan for The World were to unleashed him every time a new player (AKA monster of the week) begin to have trouble with the Zyuohgers. Naturally these means he's back in action by the end of the episode, That's when Yamato institutes a plan to fly the new guy away for a one on one fight so the others could take care of the regular monster. This is where I noted an improvement in the fight choreography. This battle was fast and mean, and the series since has featured better action than earlier in the season.

During the big fight, The World powers down, allowing Yamato to see that he's actually some poor tortured soul rather than a blood-thirsty killing machine. The following tale was all about him convincing the others to try and rescue this guy from the aliens. Obviously the others are hesitant to try such a ridiculous plan but since they've also benefited from Yamoto's empathy for all living things, why not give it a shot. Long story short, success!

All the conflict out of the way we finally get to meet the man under the tights. This is where things take a turn for the odd. For his experiment in creating a new life form, Master Genis combined his own cells along with the life force of three zyumen into a human. This required a host with very little will power of his own and thus he picked Misao Mondo, the most pathetic man in all of Japan. OK, I'm exaggerating, but this guy is something wholly different from the vast swath of Sentai heroes. He's just a bundle of social anxiety, self-loathing, and overdramatics. It's actually neat to see someone like this as heroic figure for kids as there are plenty of people with these same issues. I can even see a little of my younger self in the poor guy. He basically grew up without any friends, so he goes overboard when it comes to dealing with people only to retreat when things get awkward. If all that weren't enough he also talks to the three dead zyuman who serve as his unconscious mind. Guy's a nut.

Over the following episodes we get to watch Misao integrate himself into the group. At first he has to decide if he even wants to fight since he thinks so lowly of himself. Once most of the team is captured and put in yet another bondage situation he finally decides to help out.

It must be Tuesday.

After that we set up his relationships with the other team members. Him and Yamato bond by both being gentle individuals as well as being the only humans capable of using zyuman powers.

Misao really attaches himself to Tusk with the notion of powerful friendship between awkward guys.

We haven't gotten a direct team-up of Misao and Leo yet but there is definitely conflict there as Leo can't stand what a ninny the new guy turned out to be.

As for the girls, Amu has figured out she can keep Misao on task with a little feminine encouragement. Lord knows if they'll keep that up long enough to maybe deal with him having a crush on her. Sela so far has had the least interaction with him so there's still a blank slate for how they can bounce off each other.

Overall the introduction of Zyuoh The World has helped to straighten the show out after some stumbles during the last batch of episodes. There have been some difficulties in introducing such a meek hero but I think his presence helps since he plays of the other characters quite well. The writers still need to pair him up with other characters to fully develop his place in the team. Beyond that they have to avoid the pitfall of his story not going anywhere like Kinji last year. Fingers crossed there.

It appears that a new story arc is about to begin with a new kind of villain and the return of the bird man who's been M.I.A. for sometime now. Plus it looks like Yamato's going to get another fresh set of powers. That's a post for another day though. Right now I've got my own set of animals aggressively reminding me it's dinner time.

CosmicSparky Visits Kokomo, Indiana.

There's a certain beauty to following a line of events to it's inevitable conclusion. Back in early 2015 I took up an interest in subscription boxes which lead to trying out the whole My Toy Box service, which when combined with YouTube videos about said boxes and Funko pops resulted in a slight rekindling of my admiration for toys. Eventually I started to buy Funko Pops and a few of them were bought from a store called Kokomo Toys located in, shocking twist, Kokomo Indiana. I rather enjoyed ordering from them thanks to good prices and quick shipping, especially since being so close means items arrive at my house between blinks. After some studying I found the town was much more than just a cool toy store. If we really traced this back to square one we can blame this entire journey on Johnny Tellez. During my time working the Alzheimer home I couldn't wait to treat myself to a trip and visit this odd hamlet, with my recently renewed freedom I finally got to do just that.

A little background. Kokomo, Indiana is a town that essentially had it's head kicked in by a combo of corporate greed and violent acts of natures. For years it had been a place for innovation and plentiful manufacturing jobs, then those jobs turned tail for cheaper pastures. Adding to that insult was an equal bounty of tornadoes and flooding.

In the years since those disasters, the town has worked towards digging itself out of the pits and becoming something notable again. As you can probably guess there's still plenty of evidence leftover from their troubles. Damaged buildings, beat down & dingy little house, and more old factories than the place knows what to do with. That being said, the town still has a ton to offer. I mean we're talking about a place with both local specialty stores as well as national standbys, a mall, something like 30 parks, museums, YMCA, a sizable downtown with actual stores, on and on. There's a lot of stuff for a place I'm sure many people have never heard of.

After the fairly uneventful three-hour drive we kicked things off in what the town refers to as geek street, a block of Sycamore featuring a comic, toy, and game store. Think I saw a record store as well but neglected to check it out. First up was Comics Cubed in a nifty little corner building. Despite my love for comics, most stores based around the topic tend to give me the creepy crawlies generally due to the customer base. Sorry fellow comic fans, but you know what I'm getting at. While the store is fairly small and subsequently a little cramped they've got lots of stock and good stuff at that. It's about 85% comics with a bit of games and collectibles for added flavor. It's the sort of place I could definitely see going to for weekly releases. The owner was friendly which made up for a couple of his customers coming off a tad rude. One of my favorite parts was that they'd tie whole miniseries or runs on a book all together for a lower price than buying individual issues. Didn't get any pictures but the place is colorful and cool. So far so good.

Next up was my main event. Kokomo Toys, a holy place for toy lovers. While it didn't exceed my expectations it met them perfectly. There's so much to take in I actually had to repeat some aisles just to take in all my options. Here's a wee picture to give you an idea.

It was odd to note price differences from the ebay and physical store. For instance Funko pops have a range of prices on ebay to make up for the free shipping. In store they're only eight bucks each which is a fantastic price. Likewise I saw items that were more expensive in store than ebay but with the offerings on each front being surprisingly different there's a good reason for both to exist.

If you do visit be prepared for an odd smell. They stash a lot of old collectibles in box which makes for a sort of moist, musky odor. I didn't mind it but my more whiny companions did.

Still the selection is great and the prices are really fair. I tried to limit myself to somewhere between $50 and $75 but lord almighty I could have easily spent over a hundred. I left behind items like a Metaluna Mutant doll, Soulcalibur figures, those NECA videogame figures, Street Sharks, and most of all I passed up a still in box Draco the Dragon from Dragonheart. That was one of my all time favorite toys but with my limitations I went another way. If you're a toy person in any way shape or form, you really must check this place out sometime.

Wrapping up geek street I visited Goblin Games real quick. Actually having a local tabletop store these days it's neat to compare and contrast. This place had a lot of playing room and nice prices on their games, but not as much stock as my local joint. Not bad, but not as memorable as the neighboring stores.

Before we headed out to other sections of town we headed over to the storybook express convenience store. It's one of several buildings put together by a development company with a love for reusing old materials and making everything look unique. Don't be fooled though, the inside is still a fairly typical party store though this one has a few more excessive items like bongs and friend chicken.

Needing a wee boost of sugar we headed to Gingerbread House Bakery which was a great decision. While the donuts I had was just good, everything else was practically orgasmic. The peanut butter cups alone are worth a visit. There's a brewery moving in across the street and a pizza joint down the block which means this spot will soon be a refuge for the glutinous.

After that we checked out the opalescent glass factory. Nice stuff but as you can guess incredibly expensive. Then it was time to take in a few odd sights. We'd already seen the kokomantis, a big metal praying mantis, so it was time to seek out the two literal giants. I'm talking about Old Ben, the largest Steer in the world, who's stuffed corpse is kept in highland park next to the world's largest sycamore tree stump. Yea all of this stuff is very kitschy but god help me I love it. There's just something inherently endearing about monster livestock or oversized bug statues.

Feeling the need for proper food we decided to hit one of several drive-in's and ended up at a local joint named Rays. I'd looked into this place as it has some fame for it's big tenderloin burger. True to what I'd heard this was a good sized tenderloin and it wasn't half bad though everything there was just too damn basic. There wasn't anything special about any of it save for size. Likewise the atmosphere could definitely use a boost. Service was good though, points earned there.

Our bellies weighed down with meat and taters, we headed out to some less specialized locations like a local goodwill as we made our way to my last major stop. The night before the trip I decided to search for any good retro game stores and lo & behold I found The Gaming HQ. Very lucky I did since this was such a neat store. I've seen classic game stores with more items than this but they still had a fine selection and generally fair prices. Best of all it was really organized. Color me impressed. Similar to Kokomo Toys I could have spent plenty of geenbacks but I behaved and only brought home a couple items. What really tickled me were the glass cases with high-quality, and moderately rare games. It was essentially my old gaming collection that I'd sold off over the years to maintain a certain level of living. We're talking Suikoden, Parasite Eve, Mega Man Legends, Lunar, etc. Absolutely give these guys a shot if you love video games.

After that we started to wrap up and head back to the glove. Sure enough, I could tell I was back in my home turf when the scenery took a noticeable turn towards Tales from the Darkside atmosphere.

So what do I think of Kokomo, you ask? Well it's certainly an odd duck. For one it's got this strange mix of being a small town yet being quite large in scale. It's got all the shrinky-dink nonsense of villages across the country yet there's a population just shy of 40,000 with all the commerce needed to support that. Those people are a unique batch as well. There are tons of good ole boys and girls from the manufacturing days living out their days within the city. With so many folks like that together in one area it almost feels like a trip through time. These people lived in a time when you could just work at a factory, raise a family, and call it a day. Later in the day I couldn't help but notice how few young folk I saw. Obviously I saw a few teenagers and twenty somethings, just not many. This stuck out all the more the next day when running errands in my wee town of 9,000 people I saw more young attractive woman than I did all day in Kokomo. Maybe they were hiding down at the water park, I can't say.

Would I go back one day? Maybe. I loved Kokomo Toys, The Gaming HQ, Gingerbread House Bakery and Comics Cubed. Plus I'm sure there are many other oddities hiding among the many streets. At the same time it's a somewhat depressing area as it's a living embodiment of the American dream taking a shit and leaving people with the task of digging their way out. There's still a ton of visible damage from everything that hit the place yet there's a good supply of people aiming to make new businesses and make the it more livable.

That's enough dramatics about the failings of America for now. I did indulge in some good old fashioned consumerism, so let's look at my haul.

At Comics Cubed I grabbed an issue of The Incredible Hulk featuring my favorite swamp dweller, Man-Thing. That's another guest appearance down, something like 70 more to go.

I also nabbed this big pack of issues of The Legend of Kamui. I'd only vaguely heard of the title before, and honestly there's a lack of decent info on the internet. Still this seemed like something worth getting. Even better, it was marked as issues #1-26 for $9.99 but it actually 27, 28, 36, and 37 as well. Perhaps you'll see more about this one later on.

At Kokomo Toys I grabbed Cerberus from the Final Fantasy VIII Guardian Force series. Despite my love for this franchise I own almost no trinkets or memorabilia so this was a nice way to patch that hole. Then I picked up the new Dr. Strange Funko Pop, a Yubi Godzilla mystery mini, and since I needed to grab something classic, I picked up a Thundercats Slith figure.

Since I was behaving by that point in the day, the only things I got from the Gaming HQ were two shooters published by Working Designs (god do I ever miss those guys). Gungriffen Blaze was developed by Game Arts, the crew behind titles like Grandia and Lunar. Second is Silpheed: The Lost Planet which is those same guys teamed up with Treasure which makes it a instant buy. I also picked up a Val Lewton double Feature at the Goodwill store. These are out of print and sort of pricey these days so it's a nice find.

So that was my big reward, making up for the months of nonsense I put up with at the Alzheimer home. Now with the special trip out of the way I'm officially back to work on making something of my life, what a drag. I'm actually going to try and have another article cooked up for you all this weekend while I work on a massive pile of backlogged writing. See you again soon.

Star Wars Book Club: Aftermath Review

This is a very special post today, friends. After months of toil including two of the longest weeks of my life I've finally returned to my old lifestyle. The job at the Alzheimer home is over, and an attempt at working for a local party store didn't work out. Now I'm back to just my old shelter job and doing my own thing most of the time. It's a true return to form which allows me the time to get things back in shape around here while expanding my presence on other sites and maybe even finding a paying gig here and there. Yea I'll have to hunt down another job eventually but for now I've got some clearance to work on my own projects and goals.

It's rather freeing after months of awful. In truth, I enjoyed the company of most of my co-workers. It was simply one of those business where the folks in charge are slowly grinding the place into the dirt while treating their employees like leaches. Not a good scene, especially for a place with an already strange and sorrowful atmosphere. But ya know what? I'm not here to talk about depressing locals or the shitbirds who run them. No, this is truly a time to return to the good stuff. And with that in mind, let's get back to one of my favorite features in that galaxy far far away with another installment of the Star Wars Book Club.

Star Wars Aftermath is notable for a variety of reasons, as the first post Jedi novel in new continuity, the beginning of a new trilogy, and the worst received title so far in this publishing initiative. I'm talking about some downright savage one and two star reviews just tearing this thing apart for everything from punctuation to character development. Given some fans reluctance to accept the new expanded universe it's usually a safe idea to approach every bad review with some skepticism. I mean this book couldn't possibly be as bad as so many made it out to be, could it? Truth is, this is a pretty weak tale. Not one completely without merit mind you but definitely the lamest New EU novel I've encountered so far. Let's check out why.

We open not long after the events of Retrun of the Jedi. The remnants of the Empire are struggling to regroup with a meeting of top brass military on the planet Akiva. In charge of this gathering is Admiral Rae Sloane who you may remember from New Dawn and a couple short stories. Honestly it's nice to see her again as she's so far been a more level-headed imperial baddie.

The plot description on the book itself may lead you to believe that Wedge Antilles is one of the main heroes of the tale but that's not the case at all. Wedge is captured early in the story and barely makes an impact on following events. Instead our heroes are a band of misfits on the planet surface.

Norra Wexley is...well she's kind of a drag really. The best way to describe her in one word is baggage. She left her son behind to join the rebellion in a vein attempt to search for her prisoner of war husband. She never found the guy during her service though she did participate in major battles such as the destruction of the second death star which has left her with PSTD.

Here's the thing. I have no problem with believing soldiers in this universe suffer with emotional trauma but to pin Norra's PTSD on one of the most heroic moments of the franchise is kinda lame. We're supposed to believe that while everyone else was dancing with teddy bears, she was crying in the shower. It would have served the character much more to have a more personalized trauma for us to identify with. As it is, she's just a massive buzzkill most of the time.

The reason for Norra's return to Akiva is to reunite with her son Temmin who we later know as Snap in The Force Awakens. Temmin isn't the worst character here though he suffers from behaving like he's a good deal younger than the stated fifteen years old. I mean we're lead to believe he's built up his own shop, salvaged his own droid bodyguard named Mr. Bones and frequently deals with criminals yet I couldn't shake the feeling the author was envisioning a whiny eleven year old certain interactions.

Speaking of Mr. Bones, he's a tough topic. On the one hand he does provide some genuine humor and plays well off surrounding personalities. At the same time, at lot of his lines and jokes can come across very forced and a little cringe-worthy. It's like the author decided Mr. Bones would be a crowdpleaser and tries to force it rather than letting it happen naturally.

Next up in our motley crew is Sinjir, a former Imperial agent who now spends his time drinking away memories. He comes across a bit better than the rest of the team thanks to a mix of being well-spoken, self-serving, and more than a little sarcastic. Those with an interest in inclusion might be glad to know he's also gay, though this effects the story in no meaningful way.

Then we have Jas, a female bounty hunter working for the alliance. Truthfully I'd be hard pressed to describe her personality as it's rather flat. She's a fairly standard resourceful loner. Thankfully she lacks most of the irritating lady warrior tropes. Other than that, there's not much to her.

As you might imagine, this oddball group slowly comes together in hopes of eliminating the remaining Imperial officers. As you may also guess, being the start of a trilogy they're not entirely successful. That's not what matters so much as is the adventure entertaining? It is.....sometimes.

Author, Chuck Windeg throws a few curve-balls our way. First he presents the tale in simple present tense. At first I couldn't quite peg what bothered me about this until I remembered these stories explicitly begin with the phrase “a long time ago.” Secondly, Chuck is a big practitioner of bullet points and sentence fragments. Don't be surprised to find page after page that looks something like this.

The biggest issue of all is pacing. We're already dealing with a large cast of characters in different locations, necessitating frequent shifts of perspective and hanging plot threads. This is understandable until the book doubles down on the issue with interludes that are completely unrelated to these events. Imagine reading three separate action scenes that have been left hanging for dramatic effect only to switch over to some war orphans on Naboo, or the awkward dinner of a family split between Empire and Alliance. While I enjoy the notion of learning more about post Jedi events, these sections only add to the troubles of a story that barely holds itself together as is.

What's more, only a few of these interludes are actually interesting. In one case that's a good thing as it's apparently the set-up for the second book in the trilogy. Another involving a black market deal to sell Darth Vader's lightsaber to a group of cultists is just cruel. I want more of this story, how did the saber get there? Who are the oddballs obsessed with a dead man's laser sword? It comes out of nowhere and leaves in a hurry.

And that's sort of the ebb and flow of this book. Plot threads are constantly put on hold, interesting concepts are teased only to suddenly be dropped, and the whole time the reader is struggling to care as the pacing doesn't allow for a smooth reading experience.

It's not all bad though. As I mentioned earlier, Rae Sloane continues to be a unique threat. Not altogether villainous so much as dedicated to her cause. The main cast also has the potential to become likable leads now that they've mostly sorted through dull emotional trauma and come together as a group.

As far as hints toward the greater Star Wars mythology there are two items of note. One is the revelation that during his reign, Emperor Palpatine sent out exploratory missions into uncharted space where he believed Sith power originated. One of the imperial officers suggests the remaining fleet head out and regroup there which seems likely to happen.

The other point of interest is a mysterious informant offering aid to the alliance. There's nothing much to go on currently but maybe we'll get lucky and find this to be an old foe returning to action or perhaps one of these threads leads to more info on Supreme Leader Snoke. A nerd can hope.

In the end this one is solely for dedicated Star Wars fans. It lacks the gripping narrative of Lost Stars, the fun of New Dawn, and the character interplay of Tarkin. For now, Aftermath rests firmly at the bottom of our power rankings which currently stand as:

1. Lost Stars by Claudia Gray
2. New Dawn by John Jackson Miller
3. Tarkin by James Luceno
4. Aftermath by Chuck Wendig

As you can see by the top photo, I've already got the next title lined up and waiting. I gotta tell you folks, it feels so great to be back simply working for the shelter, and having the time to catch up on writing, reading, watching, walking, just everything. The past three months of nonsense are over and it's time to make this year count for something. You'll be seeing a lot more of me soon with more articles here, elsewhere, and possibly some video content as well. Got lots to do, may the force be with us all.

Happy-ish Birthday 2016

It took thirty-one recurrences but it finally happened, I got sick for my birthday. Lemme tell you a trick as well. I don't get sick nearly as much as most folk so when some germ finally sneaks through my defenses it's infinity worse. Since Sunday morning it's been a total onslaught of slime, coughing, feverish shaking, with barely enough energy to maintain my already slim grip on reality. Even with how much better I'm feeling today, simply writing this post is taking all if my energy. Don't be surprised to find a paragraph where I lapse out and simply type the letter m over and over again.

That's how I spent mine and the nation's birthday. Covered in blankets, walking at a speed of quarter mile an hour. I didn't get out to see any fireworks, somebody screwed up the barbecue, though I didn't have the appetite for it anyway. All in all I think I can officially label thirty-one as my worst birthday ever.

Not all is lost however. I am absolutely going to have a complete mulligan birthday this weekend. We're talking polish sausage, sauerkraut, clearance fireworks, pie, and board games. Considering the first thing I have to do upon getting better is go back to work, I'd say I've earned the do-over.

Beyond that, there's also gifts. Those lovely little bits of sentiment that ease the trauma of finding yourself another year older. Not an altogether bad haul this year either, so let's take a look and focus on the good while we try to ignore the blob of ooze dripping out of my skull.

There's always that subset of gifts that are are small or spur the moment. Usually that's a small sum check in a card from gramma, other times it's a whole meal. One might say the buying party could have done better had they taken their time but I've gotta admit cornmeal catfish tastes all the better when I'm not paying for it. Oddly enough the one workplace gave me a tiny gift card for Meijer. It's a nice gesture though it'd certainly mean more if the place wasn't paying other employees more than me simply because they hired in two or three weeks later.

There's always someone who gets you something practical and necessary. This year that duty went to my dad who picked up the check for some of my yearly moped maintenance. Granted they'll never make a Hallmark commercial about a guy installing a new air cleaner but it's nice all the same.

On Saturday my brother gave me an early present with Bravely Default. This is one of the top reasons I got my 2DS. Problem is I'm already working on like 4 games at the moment so this is jumping to the front of the line with like ten others waiting to be played. I'm not saying I have to quit my job and play video games, but I might just quit my job and play video games.

My sister and brother-in-law were next in line when they delivered one present onto my deathbed on my actual birthday. The prospect of Vampire Hunter D on blu-ray would most definitely have garnered a bigger response under normal conditions. As it was, I was only able to lift it maybe an inch above my chin before letting out a thin, raspy woo.

The second half of their gift arrived late. My own set of nice colored pencils. I've been meaning to make a post about this but ever since taking up this shit show Alzheimer home job I've found coloring to be a good therapy tool. Gotta keep that brain working, ya know?

Finally we've got my mum. She took an extra day to give them to me but seeing as how she'd been nice enough to provide her dying boy with mashed potatoes and tea, we'll forgive her such oversights. First up are some proper pourers for my healthy sized mini-bar. If asked to point out one solid advantage of the new job is a fine stash of booze available at all times. Ensuring each bottles longevity by eliminating spillage is some top priority shit.

Next up is volume zero of Spider-Gwen. In case you haven't heard, this alternate universe version of Gwen Stacey who gains spider powers and loses her Peter Parker has been quite the rising star in the comic world. With what little I've read so far I can kinda see the appeal. There's enough regular elements of spidey storytelling to keep things comfortable while giving everything a different feminine touch. The fact that this is a somewhat grungy and downtrodden version of Gwen is a huge improvement over the prim and proper bore Peter Parker dated so long ago.. Personally I was never a fan of that twit so seeing an alternate take where she actually has a personality and contributes to society is pretty golden. Plus it initiates her into the club of spider-chicks I've long been a fan of.

Last but certainly not least is San Juan, a card game with a nifty feature known as simultaneous role selection. Essentially it means every turn you select a role which determines what you and everyone else gets to do, but since you picked it, you get some some kind of bonus. Maybe you build for less, maybe you pick up extra cards. It all depends on what role you pick. There's only so many games with this feature and out of all of them, this seemed like the best fit for my gaming endeavors.

So, yeah. Pretty good haul for an otherwise wretched birthday. I'm trying to work on some other posts for you guys, but being sick makes progress slow. Each paragraph practically requires a twenty minute recovery nap. Currently I've gotta figure out whether I'm going to work tomorrow. Honestly, even if my health returns I'd prefer not to go. It's supposed to be ninety some odd degrees and I'll still have all the energy of a slug. I'll see you all soon since I'm about a third of the way through another post. Until then, wish me luck. Thirty-one is already tough.

Marvel Collector Corps June Women of Power Unboxing.

As you can probably guess from the slowed rate of updates, I'm still working my morning job at the Alzheimer home. It's only fitting that the place is driving me crazy but I soon plan to have my time there wrapped up. Yes indeed, depending on how a couple events play out I should be back to just having the shelter job somewhere between next week and the end of July. In the meantime nothing is quite as important as maintaining some image of mental health. And what better way to keep ones mood high than a big crate of mystery goodies?

As a big fan of Marvel's various super ladies I was pumped for this month's theme. With so many options for characters to use like X-23 (currently Wolverine), Silk, Spider-Woman, Captain Marvel, etc how could this be anything other than a slam dunk? Turns out avoiding spoilers this time around would be quite the ordeal as the box took longer than ever to arrive. DHL was the original carrier who sent the package all the way past Michigan to Chicago area where they handed it off to USPS who required four days to get it back here and another to get it to my porch. To put this in perspective, folks in my area use Chicago for a day trip, so what's the deal post office? Finally I got to dig into this newest offering of Funko/Marvel goodness and for the first time since subscribing, it didn't fully live up to my expectations. Don't get me wrong, it's still a damn fine box, it just missed the mark a little for my personal tastes.

First up is the small stuff. This month's patch is current Ms. Marvel Kamala Khan and it does a fine job of capturing her likeness. I've yet to read the girl's main book though word is it's really something special. I plan on checking out the omnibus coming this fall to catch up on her adventures. Maybe then this patch will be a little more special. Pin duty goes to Spider-Woman Jessica Drew, oddly in her old outfit. I'm a big fan of Jessica and wish she'd gotten a little more attention than just the pin. Still happy to place her on the ever expanding lamp shade pin collection.

It's a little surprising to see Civil War II as our comic as I figured we'd either get a stand-alone super-heroine title or the all female A-Force. This still works for the theme given Captain Marvel's large role with support from She-Hulk and others. Does anybody else find it strange that Carol Danvers is on the exclusive Funko cover twice? Last I check girl doesn't have a clone. The book's pretty decent overall. The beginning is a little off when the writing is trying to be funny but it comes across as sort of awkward and stilted. The art's top notch and there's enough here to keep me interested in checking out the full story once it gets collected.

Next up is clothing. Gotta say these Funko shirts hold up surprisingly well. They've all been comfortable enough that I wear em pretty frequently and so far there's been no major damage of any sort. This month's shirt is a bit underwhelming when compared to the Civil War and Deadpool entries. Nothing terrible mind you just a little bland. Weirder still is that the info card shows three other concepts for the shirt that probably would've turned out better. Why they switched to such a basic design in the end is anyone's guess.

Now for the main feature of every box, toys. The side toys this month are a two piece set of mystery minis featuring Captain Marvel and She-Hulk. These are a nice improvement over the Ant-Man minis from last year which forced coalitionists to trade or shop eBay to complete the set of four. For me however, mystery minis are one of my least liked Funko product lines. They just plan lack the appeal of Pops or quality of Dorbz and Hikari. Not to mention they have a greater tendency to tip over. She-Hulk has tipped nearly once an hour since I got her. These two do have nice sculpts so at least there's that. From the looks of it, I'm guessing Funko still hasn't cleared the Marvel license for use with Rock Candy or Vinyl Vixen lines since this would have been the ideal place to premiere an item like that.

Last up is our newest exclusive Pop, Squirrel Girl. Right up front, I haven't read anything with this character other than her brief stint as Nanny for the New Avengers. As you might assume I've got almost zero connection with her. Even so, I can still admit to a top quality pop when I see one and this is really nice. The detail is already great (just look at that tail!) but when combined with her tiny squirrel friend, it makes for a pretty awesome pop.

As I said earlier, this is still a pretty good box but coming after the excellent Deadpool and Civil War editions makes this one feel a little small and lifeless in comparison. To a certain extent I blame the theme for being too big. If they had narrowed it down to just women from the spider books or members of A-Force or something along those lines it would have been easier to keep expectations in check. Instead I'm left wondering why characters who already have pops and merchandise on the way are included while one like X-23 and Silk can't even get the shirt or Dorbz treatment. The Squirrel Girl pop is absolutely the best part of this box for that very reason. She's a character that doesn't get much in the way of collectibles and they gave her the royal treatment. That's the sort of thing I want to see more from this service.

The theme for August is Spider-Man. Looking forward to it as always. With the pop they've got options such as his new glowy costume or maybe give us the Superior Spider suit from doc ock's days. If we're lucky, maybe one of our web ladies or Black Cat can sneak in on that one.

I might try out another box in July if I can afford it. Depends on when I leave this job, ya know? As I transition outta there you'll definitely see an uptake in my online activities. Got plenty of stuff to post about on here along with articles to edit and finish for Dread Central and a whole article series I want to purpose to another site. Wish me luck on that. With any luck I'll be back to living the broke, one job life soon.

Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger Episodes 12-17

As is customary these days, I must start this post by apologizing for my extended absence between posts. Work continues to suck up far more time than what I sighed up for. These site posts are great therapy however as it's like settling into a comfy womb. Alright, that's probably because I write in bed. Forgive me these little luxuries. At work though, I just tryto go though the motions and survive each day without too much trouble. Zyuohger found itself doing much the same for the past month with a stack of standard episodes that failed to move the plot forward by much. It wasn't so bad though, let's get caught up.

So let's talk about characters first. Both Yamato and Amu got moderate development over the past few weeks with more details about his bond with his uncle, and some depth to her sense of duty and justice. Poor Sela on the other hand sort of floundered during this stretch which is all the more unfortunate when you consider she's a shark. Sorry. I couldn't resist.

Leo and Tusk were the targets of considerably more growth. Tusk has revealed his love of the written word and a penchant for strategy though he's easily frazzled under pressure. Even so, he still comes across as a little flat so it helps that his actor has improved a great deal on comedic timing.

The writer's had already established a bit of misogyny on Leo's part which they've added onto with a bit of good old fashioned skirt chasing. Guy loves his ladies. In addition they've established his respect for the abilities of his teamates along with the ability to keep rushing through the bullshit. Guy's still my favorite team member so far this year largely thanks to the actor who adds in all sorts of extra tidbits to his performance.

The villains haven't developed much though Naria was finally given the chance to do something more than make monsters grow. She's also shown a bit of a cruel streak that rivals her cohorts. Wouldn't be surprised to see her get a nice two or three part tale revolving around some scheme of her own later on.

As for the episodes, Let's give em a quick rundown.

Twelve was possibly the weakest installment of the series thus far. It revolved around Tusk getting duped into working at an old cranks' bookstore. There was some decent humor and the monsters plan of removing language was pretty neat. Problem was Tusk's efforts to get kids interested in books and the manor in which his friends helped out was far too childish and pandering for my tastes.

Thirteen fared a little better as it continued the groups search for the bird man. The team is visited by a girl who claims to have seen birdy and offers to guide them up a mountain to where she spotted him. All of this is quickly complicated both by a monster and Leo's overbearing crush on this new acquaintance. This one was notable for the guest spot by Sayuri Inoue; a Japanese idol with a big love for Super Sentai. Supposedly the girl dreams of being an extra hero one day. While her character may have been a little flat she's definitely got potential, and is super cute to boot. I say give the girl some animal print spandex and let her join the show.

Somebody turn on Dreamweaver.

Fourteen is in direct competition with twelve for bottom of the barrel. The main thrust involved Amu bonding with a guy and his sickly sister. He works like a dog in hopes of earning the cash to afford the treatment she needs. The monster of the week uses this to manipulate the poor fool into helping him steal some rare jewels and tie up the team.

Most of the tale was well done but the ending was a real clusterfuck. After deciding to help our heroes who then defeat the monster, the guy finds the suitcase of money he'd been tempted with. In the last scene he informs Amu that he'll return the case to the police and continue working his ass off to afford his sisters treatments. Amu merely offers her belief in his abilities. I understand that this is a kids show which makes for a tough time dealing with moral gray areas but what the fuck? We get no indication that this dude receives any reward or boost for returning the money so all we can imagine is that he continues to throw his life away in the constant pursuit of cash to save his sibling. All the more insulting is that this money was stolen from a bank, which means it's insured, so why can't he take it and use it for such a good cause? The team doesn't even chip in a few dollars to help the guy out. Woulda made a nice tip after he freed them form yet another case of bondage. It made our heroes kinda look like dicks which isn't cool. I like Amu but I certainly hope her character focused episodes improve before she becomes Yakumo of this series.

Fifteen paired Leo and tusk up to stop an evil sniper who turned people into dolls. Very basic and straight-forward tale but nothing to complain about. Continued the trend of good humor when Uncle Mario thought of altering the Yamato doll. Something of note here is that both the sniper and the previous episodes thief were trying to become new team leaders in the evil aliens blood game. Naturally both fail but this does lead to a new development in the next episode.

Sixteen shifted focus back to Yamato. The baddie this week in league with Naria are kidnapping everyone who looks like an animal in search of Zyuman. Uncle Mario is one of the victims since he's wondering about dressed as a cow. We get some back story on their family dynamic. Yamato didn't seem to get along very well with his father, sharing Mario's same love for animals instead. As we get to see, that bond also extends to a certain heroism and respect for all life. Good stuff but the real kicker comes at the end when we learn the reason for all these abductions. The big boss has decided to make a zyuranger of his own by taking capturing zyuman and infusing their power into some poor bastard he's been torturing for god knows how long.

Seventeen finally gives us the turning point we've been waiting for with the arrival of evil ranger, Zyuoh The World. No, really, that's his title. We still don't know his civilian identity though I'm sure that will be revealed quickly enough.

Only one third or so of this episode is actually about this newest villain. The rest is a Sela focused tale where she showcases her care giving sensibilities when a monster sticks playing cards to peoples head that provide massive electrical shocks when near others with the same suite.

Not much of importance occurred during that main chunk of story. So Sela's good at taking care of people, that's not something that requires fifteen minutes of screen time for the audience to understand. On the upside, this continues the provide the balance a character like her needs. As the resident tough girl of the group there's a value to having something to soften her up and keep her likable for the audience and that's still in full effect as she makes for a good role model with a properly developed personality.

The real reason you're reading about this installment though is Zyuoh The World. Obviously I can't say much about his personality or even the quality of the acting. What we can discuss is that he's not the bird man as I had suspected. Lord knows what exactly the plan is there. Maybe birdy will end up becoming some kind of back-up hero or recurring baddie down the line? Anyway, this new dude has been infused with the powers of a wolf, rhino, and crocodile which he can mix together at once. Also he fights with a fishing rod that doubles as a gun. Alright it sounds absolutely ridiculous because, frankly it is. To a certain extent, that's why it actually works. Last year when Starninger showed up on Ninninger, the series actively pointed out how over the top he was. That's not the case here at all. Is it silly for some overpowered bad guy to fight with a fishing pole? Absolutely. Did anyone on the show point this out? Not at all. It's just there currently as window dressing. Perhaps later there will prove to be a reason for it. Right now, it's just fun.

And with that we're all caught up on Zyuohger for the time being. Much as most of these episodes came up short when compared to the first ten, this series is still far improved over the past few years. That alone will keep it at the forefront of my Summer viewing. I hate to leave you all on such a sudden note but I've got to edit all the massive spelling errors on this thing (probably shouldn't write during cocktail hour), read some Star Wars, and hit the hay. See you soon.