Anytime you end up with a massive collection of something there’s a weird challenge in figuring out how to talk about it. Consider my horror movie collection, over 1200 titles as of this writing, and that’s to say nothing of the ones I still hope to own and the infinite sea of flicks I’ve just watched. Outside of very specific events like holidays or recent pleasant surprises it can be tough to narrow down a single topic. While sitting in the office, aka the bathroom, a totally arbitrary yet nifty concept floated into my head, let’s just talk about the collection one letter at a time. This opens the door for sharing favorite and shameful pieces of the collection along with some personal anecdotes and hidden gems. Let’s get started the letter A which denotes everything from haunted dolls to space bugs. It’s kinda odd that this letter is actually a fairly small chunk of the collection with B being roughly twice the size, and that being dwarfed by the likes of N or S. On the plus side that means there isn’t as much god-awful junk filling up the shelves and cubbies under this heading.
Best
I suppose it only makes sense to kick off with one of the most likely series to come to mind, Aliens. That’s no surprise really since the franchise is such a crucial part of horror fandom, film culture, just basic nerdom really. Everybody likes at least a couple of entries regardless of the rougher later installments like Prometheus. For my sake I believe my introduction to the series came from Fox 17 outta Grand Rapids. Back in the day that channel had some of the best programming directors in the business which makes their current line-up all the more depressing. Who the fuck needs 5 hours of morning news? Awesome movies airing at like two in the morning on a weeknight wasn’t unheard of and, along with weekend afternoon flicks, helped to build my early film loving brain. Since I’m getting way off track the point is I loved and still do love Aliens. I bought the toys, played video games, and honestly think the third entry is my personal favorite of the bunch.
So great was m fandom during the 1990s that it even became part of our holidays celebrations. Thanksgiving 1997 was an odd one to say the least. I was 12 at the time and went with my parents to visit my brother at his army post in upstate New York. It was the sort of turkey day with a buffet served by a hotel and mountainous quantities of snow. Being a holiday weekend there were some big new movies out there like cough, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. Or if you’re like my brood you sat down to digest pounds of gravy to the brown slimy antics of Alien Resurrection. In fact that may be the only movie I’ve ever watched outside of my home state. And yeah, I don’t care what you say, the movies a blast and I adore the newborn.
I’ve mentioned Amityville 2 more than a few times on this site as the meanest, scariest entry in the series. Really there’s not much to say about it except I realize I’ve yet to complete the Amityville retrospective. There’s like half an article just sitting somewhere on this PC. Consider this a reminder for me to finish and you to watch this second movie.
Arachnophobia was, for a time at least, one of my absolute favorite films of all time. Of course I was like 8 at the time and a lifetime of movie viewing has set it back quite a few spaces. Even so this killer spider flick probably held more sway over my developing brain than it should have. I already feared spiders so this just cemented that instinct even further. Likewise I took inspiration from the characters and that epic basement battle scene and turned my distaste for creepy crawlies into an all-out campaign against any arachnid foolish enough to set foot on our property.
Altered States is one of those movies where just the VHS case alone used to make me uneasy. Don’t think I even had a clue what it was about back then but I new it was supposed to be gross and it had that freaky cover. Once I finally sat down as an adult to brave the thing boy did I ever fall in love. Equal parts creepy and deep with an almost Lovecraftian outlook on the uncaring nature of existence. There’s just so much to like about it that I never want to spoil for you all. Seriously go track ti down.
Can’t forget a little international fare so let’s talk about Audition. I can never recall the name of this one movie review website in the early 2000s that did so much to bring a lot of awesome movies into my life with their recommendations. This place had me giddy for stuff like Donnie Darko and Lost Skeleton of Cadavra long before other folks even knew what they were. Audition was among those titles and just like them didn’t fail to live up to the hype. What made it better was the surprise of getting so much more than just a hyper violent thriller as this is also a great drama. It marked my first Miike movie and is one I really don’t revisit often enough.
There’s a few essential horror tales that aren’t necessarily that well known. Altered is an outstanding flip on alien abductions by having hicks abduct a spaceman, a very angry one at that. It’s been left to languagish on out-of-print DVD but I think it can still be gotten fairly cheap so go buy a copy. Alice Sweet Alice is one of those step up titles, not known to the average Sick and Jane but automatically a must watch for declared horror fans. Really excellent proto-slasher with plenty of criticism for religious dogma. Audrey Rose is just something I hold in high regard. Part of the wave of 1970s reincarnation stories that originated as a novel by Frank De Felitta before Richard Donner trimmed to work as a two-hour film. There’s some definite rough patches like repetitive dialogue and a child actor who isn’t quite up to the challenge of this role but the unique storytelling and performance from Anthony Hopkins make it all worthwhile. Oh god, how could I forget Alligator, one of the most well-written giant animal movies and one that’s criminally difficult to get these days. And even though it’s plenty well known I’d be remiss to cover the letter A and leave out Army of Darkness.
Worst
Of the bead flicks I’ve got in this section many are innocuous, easily forgettable tripe. Most of the “bad” stuff hails from ole black and white public domain fair that maintains at least a slim level of entertainment value like Attack of the Giant Leaches or The Ape. Probably the only one that really busts my balls is An American Werewolf in Paris. While not a massive fan of the original London outing I couldn’t resist the urge to buy this used Blockbuster copy of the sequel to have the full story. Nothing could have prepared me for this obnoxious half-baked rom-com sequel that’s so bad it’s hard to believe it’s actually real. Even the timeline of the film is off with the girl being way too old for when she was born.
Ya know how I mentioned the Aliens series had a few rough patches well we might as well talk about Aliens vs Predator: Requiem. While the first AVP gets a lot of flack it at least manages to be entertaining by condensing so much of the two franchises into one quick dose, almost like one of those pill meals we’re meant to have in some distant future. This second match-up is closer to a Critters sequel only not good. From lousy characters to abysmal lighting and an almost carbon copy ending of the second Resident Evil movie, weird considering Paul W. S. Anderson made the previous AVP. This thing is straight trash that somehow makes an alien/predator hybrid comes across as lame.
Wild.
If you’re somehow not tired of seeing the word alien in this artivle , guess what, I’ve got another in the form of the clumsily titled Alien Predators. Actually it’s got like half-a-dozen other titles but that’s the one you’ll find on the blu-ray. I first saw AP on THIS, a broadcast movie network that has sadly dissipated from my area. By all metrics of film production this is bad stuff but it’s the fun kind of bad stuff with weird dialogue and gross-out effects. The whole thing involves a trio of horny teenagers on an RV trip through Spain that come across village overrun with parasitic space monsters. Not only does that keep the budget trim but it lends a sort of zombie vibe to everything.
The Abominable Dr. Phibes is the first of two colorful and wild Vincent Price outings from American International Pictures. Each of them are a bit weird to get into with most of price’s dialogue being piped-in monologues along with robot band musical accompaniments though once you submit to the sarcastic cartoon aesthetic it’s quite a lot of fun. Thankfully both movies perfectly walk the line of being over-the-top while still being well-done and yet silly enough to still poke fun at.
The Alien Factor (thought I was done with aliens did ya?) marked my first ever exposure to the works of Don Dohler and man was I ever hooked. None of his films can ever be accused of being quality work thanks to all the hallmarks of piss-poor film-making. Lousy acting, tacky effects, bare-bones plots, slapdash editing, everything’s accounted for. Yet there’s this energy and sincerity that permeates Dohler’s work much like some kids backyard super 8 movie. Guy wasn’t out to change the world or spread a message. He just wanted to make some monster movies.
There are a few more oddballs floating around this section like American Gothic which was one of those videos you remember seeing at the store and wanted to see simply because of the cover. Then you grow up to find a funny thriller with some wild death scenes and all is right with the world. The Ambulance is a highlight of the back end of Larry Cohen’s career with a comic book writer played by Eric Roberts trying to reclaim his dreamgirl from an old ambulance that is snatching people off the street. Very dated with an exaggerated early-nineties style and some neat glimpses at Marvel Comics during the era with Stan Lee appearing as himself.
Alright, so there was a tour of the Letter A sans a few items. Admittedly I’m stretched for ideas at the moment with starting the new job and someone having the boneheaded idea to add another pet to the house (cause who doesn’t love more chores?). Oh and did I forget to mention I rescued my cat from the roof last night? Indulging in this trip down memory lane does have some piratical value in reminding me where everything is and why I collect all these things. Hopefully you enjoyed it and we can make latter letter recaps even better. Right now I either need a nap, some caffeine, or both.
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