Among the many appearances of King Kong the least known are easily three straight-to-video animated projects. Two of those are related to the animated televisions series which we’ll come back to at a later time. Today I want to talk about the most infamous of that trio, the animated musical remake The Mighty Kong. Yes indeed folks, this is actually the second remake, making Peter Jackson’s the third. That’s a lot of retread for something that was pretty much perfect to begin with. While the 1976 version brought in a hefty dose of 1970s cynicism and the 2005 Jackson take indulged like a fat kid at Old Country Buffet, this late 1990s venture adapts the classic big ape tale in the manner of a Disney knock-off.
Watching Mighty Kong one can’t help but ask why it was made in the first place. Giving a classic film the Disney animated musical treatment isn’t the worst idea but it seems wholly unnecessary when the original King Kong is pretty family friendly to begin with. Plus it’s not like it’s a movie known for boring kids, what kid doesn’t like giant Claymation monsters beating the stuffing outta each-other? This one actually has a slower pace than the original despite being notably shorter in length. Add in the absolutely terrible production quality and it’s hard to see how anyone thought this was a good idea. Some folks claim this was put together as a quick cash-grab in order to compete with the late nineties versions of Godzilla and Mighty Joe Young, two other flicks that also blew chunks.
As someone who once made a couple cable access programs I can tell you that making television or film isn’t necessarily difficult, making it halfway decent is the tough part. Mighty Kong is a perfect example as it feels like every element of it was a first attempt. First off the animation is bad, we’re talking really bad. Like you can actually see the individual frames. Art design is bland, scale is off. Voice acting is sloppy, sometimes hard to discern, and on occasion I swear the actors don’t even have a script to work with. Each thing just has to do enough for this to function as something you can call a movie. Even the songs seem like a rough draft jotted down on a napkin rather than the real deal but we’ll come back to those.
As with any of the other Kong remakes we gotta talk about how this iteration handles the core trio. Let’s begin with the top-billed Dudley Moore as Carl Denham. Moore’s take on the role is more of a silly blowhard than the loudmouth pitch man of the original or the skeezy oil man of 76. It’s the sort of role he could play in his sleep and just makes me think he’d would have been better off in full Arthur mode. Jodi Benson of Little Mermaid fame is the new Ann Darrow and yowza… this Ann sucks. She’s just an empty-headed goody two-shoes lacking any of the spunk of the original and even comes up short to Dwan in the brains department. Then we’ve got Jack Driscoll who can now be refered to as Blandy McBlanderton. Played by Randy Hamilton, apparently his last role as well, in a manner that reminds me of Tony Danza. His defining characteristics are beefiness and superstition towards women. Who could they possibly add to this legendary line-up of characters? How about Chips the monkey and Ricky the cabin boy. Yea this is yet another story suffering the producers insistance that kids need a kid character to identify with, cause ya know that’s why kids love superheroes, mutated turtles, and power rangers, it’s how easy they are to relate with.
So what are the big differences for this take on the story? Not many really. Most of the broad stroke stuff is the same and many of the additions like Ricky & Chips hardly matter. Of the two biggest alterations the first is the songs, oh god the songs. For as slapdash a production as this thing is Warner Bros managed to bring on the Sherman brothers who were responsible for tons of classic Disney tunes to write the music for this. Despite the big names these songs are absolute rubbish with the only positive being that they’re also forgettable. Lyrics don’t rhyme, tempos don’t flow, and the audio is shoddy as all hell. Plus some of the lyrics stretch poetic license such as in the big love song when Ann and Jack delcaire things like “I’ve never met this man” even though they’ve known each-other for weeks. Weirder still is how someone like Jodi Benson who did so well in her Mermaid days is just screeching here. On the plus side the version I watched had a number of sound errors that created moments of questionable censorship.
The final augmentation is the ending. Seeing as this is a family picture you wont get to see Kong shot to hell by the military. The police listen to a suggestion from Denham that a giant net be suspended between two blimps into to catch the great ape. Things don’t go so well and the net rips spilling it’s living cargo down towards the street, with a quick pit stop to crack his neck against an outcropping. Everyone acts like maybe Kong can pull through with Denham declaring he’ll get the beast it’s own private island, then they do the whole “twas beauty what killed the beast” bit and Ann cries. Then Kong opens his eyes to glare at Chips and everything’s happy? I mean he’s horribly injured but still alive. Do they even make wheelchairs for giant apes? And least ye think I’m spoiling anything, that shit’s in the trailer.
So… yeah… that was The Mighty Kong. I’d hoped there would be more of note to write about but honestly this ranks among the lousiest animated pictures I’ve seen in quite some time. Let’s say you don’t wanna take my word for it though. Well that’s where things get tricky. Much like King Kong Lives this one has been buried with the old VHS tapes fetching inflated prices on the secondhand market. It is a bit easier to find through other avenues than Lives but it’s still another piece of franchise history that’s been swept under the rug. Makes me wonder if there’s someone out there who cherished this wreck as a kid and now hordes as many tapes of it as they can. If you’re that person drop me a line, I’ve missed psychological studies.
That’s all for tonight lads and ladies. With any luck we’ll get to talk about the remaining forgotten Kong Movies before the big guy takes on Godzilla again. Hopefully they’ll be far less painful than this one.
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