This past week has been a flurry of
unexpected activity with news of family members moving around which
may result in better living conditions for yours truly. One member of
the house was out in Vegas for a bit while others were working
overtime which offered me full roam of the place for a few days. Then
came the big moment of a sequel to one of my all-time favorite films
in the form of Glass. After leaving a showing of that with a
feeling of satisfaction regarding the film and baffled irritation at
the world of film criticism proper winter weather arrived at last
allowing for nice snowy walks. Times like this always leave that
question of what to write about. I want to get in depth about the
movie but unlike the rest of the internet, I believe in giving people
a chance to get out and see something before spoiling it. Also
thought of reporting my time camping out in the basement catching up
on movies and playing old Playstation 1 games but what interest does
my nightly excess hold for any of you? Instead we're going to talk
about the things that have kept me fueled during this busy period by
which I mean the continuing wave of new junk food.
Sour Patch Kids Cereal
One of the outright strangest concepts
for a cereal is this new take on Sour Patch Kids. Truthfully I'm not
a huge fan of the original candy. Sure I buy a bag once in a great
while but it isn't a brand begging for expansion. Furthermore the
notion of sour cereal is a little off-putting. Sour and milk are two
items that don't pair easily. Even so my goal was to give this a fair
shot.
Opening the box was easily the best
part of the experience as the smell is just heavenly. It's a little
hard to explain with how much is going on with all the sweet fruit
and sour notes wafting into my nostrils but god do I ever want a
candle of this scent.
Cereal can't exist solely as an air
freshener so it was time to serve a proper bowl. The first bite was
confusing to say the least. It wasn't bad nor was it good either.
Further bites didn't really alter that initial opinion. The flavor is
sort of like sour Trix only the texture can't quite live up to that
description. Instead of airy pieces that are easy to eat each piece
is tight and moisture resistant. The aftertaste is pretty lousy which
makes finishing more of a punishment. That being said there are still
elements of it that I enjoy but I don't think this is anywhere near
good enough to stay on shelves. Let's be generous for the effort it
makes to be different and give it a 2 out of 5.
Fruity Lucky Charms
Sometimes a snack comes around that
doesn't seem all that necessary or unique upon first glance only to
reveal something amazing on further inspection. That is definitely
the case with Fruity Lucky Charms which enters the crowded markets of
fruit and marshmallow cereals and manages to carve out a proper place
for itself.
As you can see I'm totally enamored by
this stuff and the reason is quite simple. This is Monster cereal
levels of tasty if not better. You could slap a silly horror creature
on the box and I wouldn't doubt for a second that this was a part of
that legendary line-up. The dry pieces have a bit of a tart pop to
their flavor not unlike Trix though a little deeper. Then there's the
marshmallows, so many marshmallows. Maybe I simply lucked out with a
good box but this thing is packed full of em.
If you are a fan of breakfast or just
have an out of season craving for monster cereal do not miss out on a
box of this greatness. An absolute delight that earns a full 5.
Crisp Apple Pop Tarts
Pop Tarts have been making a massive
push to expand the brand recently with cereal, bars, and even mini
bites. Somehow during the planning process Wal-Mart ended up with an
exclusive flavor called Crisp Apple.
Straight out of the package you'll
notice some classic artificial green apple scent which carries on in
the taste department. Thankfully it's a clean flavor that doesn't
fall into sour territory. There's no hiding how fake it is but it's
still a pleasant apple experience. So far I've only had them toasted
but seeing as they're quite decent I'd imagine room temperature or
frozen wold be equally tasty. Gotta give these a strong rating of 4.
They may not be an absolute knockout but they make for solid
late-night lifesavers.
Love Oreo
Of the multiple new Oreo variations
none are quite as confounding as these Love cookies. Instead of
stating outright what these are supposed to taste like the packaging
merely describes them as having a “tangy cream.” Even after
taking down multiple cookies with milk, coffee, or straight up I
still can't quite figure out what they were aiming for. Maybe it's
supposed to be a sort of candy heart flavor but it's nowhere near as
horrible as those chalky monstrosities. All mysteries aside what
really matters is if these are any good which is where things get a
bit complicated.
Love Oreos honestly remind me of
ginger lemon cream cookies my mother used to buy from some natural
foods company. Problem is chocolate doesn't mix as well with
semi-citrus flavor as ginger does so the whole experience is sort of
odd. Fluid is really the saving grace here with coffee improving the
taste slightly and milk even more than that. Can't forget to note the
valentine messages on each one though who among us really takes the
time to stare at our cookies? In the vast landscape of Oreo varieties
Love comes up a bit short. They're edible and sort of alright yet
slightly gross all at once. let's be nice and give em a 2.5 as there
will likely be a couple people who enjoy them.
Carrot Cake Oreo
After what seems like an eternity of
rumors and fake-outs Carrot Cake has become an official Oreo flavor
at last. Somehow the results manage to live up to the long wait
thanks to solid use of the graham cookies with tasty cream cheese goo
inside. For as much as they get right there really isn't much to talk
about with this offering since it's basically what we expected with
little in the way of surprise. I will add that this particular cream
seems to be more clingy than the usual stuff which is a real pain for
those of us with sensitive teeth. In the end this is really tasty
just not very surprising so let's go with a solid 4.
Pistachio Oreo Thins
Alright so these aren't new at all. In
fact they've been on the shelves since, I think, last spring. Still
gotta abide by the golden rule that if I haven't tried then it's new
to me. The reason I've dodged these for so long is that I can't stand
pistachios at all which as you might imagine makes giving fair
opinions on the topic pretty much impossible. Then again these
weren't purchased by me. They were bought for the pistachio inhaling
nephew who actually can offer a fair assessment of this particular
thin cookie sandwich. His opinion was oddly the same as mine as we
made displeased faces in unision upon eating them.
For the life of me I can not
understand how these are still on shelves. They smell weird, taste
worse, and the aftertaste only furthers the insult. Even milk can't
save this abomination. Truly one of the worst Oreo products ever
brought to market. These are a sad mistake that walks away with a
miserable rating of 1.
And that's a wrap on yet another round
of sugary goodness. You may not believe it but the current shopping
list is only half finished with even more cereals, pop tarts, and
Oreo variations along with a few moderately healthy options. So be on
the lookout for further junk food in the coming weeks. The next
Sentai update will likely be up in a couple days so long as it can be
finished between bouts of schoolwork and some work for another site.
Not like I'm lacking for time however as biblical cold weather has me
trapped indoors for at least another day.
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