Continuing our countdown
of Tales from the Darkside Halloween episodes we move on to a
truly classic installment from season two. Directed by none other
than special-effects legend, Tom Savini Halloween Candy shares
a theme with the very first Halloween episode in that it's about a
wicked old bastard receiving his just punishment from our favorite
holiday. In this case the horrible old coot is a man who seemingly
hates absolutely everything. No matter how hard he protests, he's
about to learn that All Hallows Eve demands respect from us all.
When we first meet Mr.
Killup he's in an extra pissy mood because it's Halloween night. He
hates all those kids who vandalize his home yet he refuses to counter
the issue by giving out candy as he feels they don't deserve it. His
adult son, not wanting to spend another year cleaning soaped windows
and toilet papered trees gives him some goodies to hand out. These
two have a poor relationship. The son takes care of his father by
bringing him groceries and such but openly mouths off about what a
shitty childhood he had.
After his son leaves for
the night, the coot still refuses to hand out candy. We spend a good
amount of time watching him chase off kids, telling them to go to
hell, and in the ultimate act of defiance pour a mixture of glue,
mayonnaise, and candy into a kids bags declaring it to be “goblin
candy.” What's great is that for as much as he complains, the damn
fool never remembers the rule of turning off his lights. It's never
spoken but this as sure a sign as any that he wants kids to come by
just so he can be a dick.
Obviously we can't watch
a senior citizen torment children for a half-hour, I could actually,
but that wouldn't make for much of a Darkside episode.
Eventually he passes out in front of the TV and that's when things
get interesting. First we begin to see small flashes of static,
followed by brief shots of Killup dead on the floor, and finally the
doorbell rings. A very late trick or treater arrives at the door but
this one isn't quite normal, the tail is a bit of a giveaway. It's a
persistent little bugger, demanding “trick or treat” in a deep
voice. Still Killup refuses to give out any candy and eventually
resorts to shoving the little monster.
From then on things only
get worse, bugs infest the home, food goes bad in the fridge, clocks
either break or stop, while morning never seems to come. The tiny war
continues this way with the goblin outside finding new ways to
torment the old man who won't honor the night properly. It all comes
to a cruel conclusion though one that isn't undeserved.
An episode like this can
be tough to write about as so much of it comes from the audio visual
aspect. These elements are handled well enough with blustery wind,
plenty of dead leafs, not to mention the cavernous interior of the
home. It all feels like a properly lonely and wasted holiday night.
It's not quite up to the atmosphere of Cutty Black Sow, but it
wasn't meant to be.
Where this episode earns
its stripes is it's straightforward nature. Though it may not sound
like tremendous fun to simply watch the interplay between a lonely
old wretch and a creature aiming to punish him, the story acts like a
classic morality tale. The Legend of Sleepy Hallow didn't need
excess depth and neither does this. It's just a classic cautionary
tale reminding us all not to be assholes on Halloween or something
might come out of the dark at correct us.
Halloween Candy
isn't the first example of an old man battling the spirit of
Halloween. The very first episode of Tales From the Darkside
tackles a similar theme, albeit from a different perspective. Many
people will also notice the similarities to the portion of Trick
r' Treat where Brian Cox as a retired bus driver faces off with
Sam the trick or treater from hell. While this episode may not be
quite as good as those two stories, it's still a damn fine seasonal
treat that is more than worth the meager amount of time it takes to
watch.
Just like last time we
need a treat to pair with this episode. How about some goblin candy?
Or failing that a colorful superhero movie tie-in? Just like Green
Lantern before it, Venom has been bestowed a Brisk drink
to call it's own. Not sure what fascination this brand has for
sub-par comic book movies but I'm glad to see them continue the good
work. I drank their former Green Lantern stuff by the gallon
and it didn't have the advantage of fitting in with the best holiday
around.
Symbiotic Black Cherry
Limeade looks like the contents of a witch's cauldron sans the dry
ice effect. I mean this stuff is dark with a slightly higher
viscosity than you might expect, nothing approaching syrup levels
mind you but you can see it cling to the curves of the bottle not
unlike it's namesake space monster. The color is a deep red that's
just shy of black. Along with the picture of the beast himself, a
bottle practically functions as a consumable decoration.
Taking the first few sips
it may surprise you that the flavor is fairly muted. There are the
distinct tinges of lime and black cherry but nothing all that strong.
It has an almost medicinal element to it similar to a low-carb energy
drink without the chalky element. This is most likely due to the
comparatively low sugar content along with the use of sucralose and
tea powders. There is a big upside to this sort of low-impact flavor
in that you can drink quite a lot of it without feeling bad. The
second time I purchased a bottle it helped me stay perky and hydrated
throughout the night, even if it severely lacks health benefits.
I should warn that this
stuff leaves an odd aftertaste that I didn't mind but my nephew found
very gross though he liked the initial flavor. My advice is to be
ready to swap out for some water as soon as you're done with it. Poor
ingredients and finish aside this is still one of the more
interesting snacks of the season and worthwhile when paired with fine
entertainment.
That's all for story
time, folks. We're almost to the two week mark approaching Halloween.
This is when all the big stuff happens and I expect you all to share
some of your fun stories. I'm gonna continue to keep things spooky
through the rest of the month, so keep an eye open for further posts.
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