Snack Report: July 2020

Each and every summer I make an attempt at doing something productive with the stretch of long, hot days. Often I simply give up and vedge out in the air-conditioning but this year I've actually been something of a busy bee. Outside of the ever-present college workload there have been multiple family developments and now I'm in the midst of reorganizing my bedroom as I make the switch to a big ole desktop. In just a few short weeks things should be mighty different around the cosmicsparky bunker. All that activity requires fuel though and lady luck has blessed me with just enough special finds for a new snack report. Compared to the sort of bounty I'd bring home during pre-pandemic days this batch is downright tiny plus it is far more reliant on adult beverages than usual. Such simple pleasures are a rare joy in the phenomenally goofy times however so let's savor these newest treasures.

Kellogg's Tiger Paws

While navigating the new maze of one-directional aisles at my local store I came across a big display of new cereal themed snacks. There were three varieties in all, Corn Pops, Fruit Loops, and what seemed like the safest bet to me, Frosted Flakes Tiger Paws. I opted for only one box as each contained 12 smaller packets for about five bucks which landed Tony the Tiger's newest experiment in my pantry.

From a presentational perspective Tiger Paws are something of a mess. The outer packaging is typically bland modern design. The snacks themselves on the other hand are these white claws almost befitting of a Halloween snack. Nothing really gels together but at least you can pretend to be eating some sort of monster themed snack.

Upon initial smell these have more in common with Rice Krispy Treats than regular Frosted Flakes. The same is true of the flavor as these have more of a marshmallow tinge which I can honestly say I enjoy. Not so enjoyable however is the texture which is dry and a bit spongy feeling. It's yet another entry in the long history of insulation textured treats making it hard to fully endorse. Upon a second bag I am starting to like them a little more but for the average person these are likely middle-of-the-road fare so let's give it a rating of 2.5.

Leinenkugels Spritzen variety pack

Up to this point in time I have totally avoided the strange rise of alcoholic seltzer water. Frankly the whole concept sounded disgusting. As a born and bread northern lad it's impossible to resist the allure of new Leinenkugels products so their attempt at seltzer drinks was my breaking point. What they've done here is combine the popularity of boozy seltzer with their line of shandies. Current availability is in a three-flavor variety pack consisting or raspberry-lemon, strawberry-pinapple, and grapefruit.

Looking at the box and cans provides the usual Leinie's feeling. There's a glossy portrait of woods and lakes, a sort of ideal drinking environment. Points to the deceptive nature of these tall and skinny cans as they trick you into thinking there's far less to drink than their actually is.

Thanks to the seltzer each flavor is very muted with pineapple being the strongest. Definitely not a drink for when you're craving big flavors but Christ almighty are these ever refreshing! Even a half-frozen sports drink can barely match the unbridled refreshment from a single can of this stuff. The alcohol content is just low enough to ensure a smooth and mellow mood with minimal bloat making these a solid choice for summertime porch drinking. Just pretend you're Fred Gwynne from Pet Semetery only with less adherence to traditional masculinity. Gotta give these a 4 out of 5.

Hostess Unicorn Cupcakes

Some family members bought these for me as I was apparently in a foul mood and they understood the influence snack cakes have over my ability to feel joy. Admittedly I have zero understanding of the influx of unicorn and mermaid themed items that have seeped into the food aisles over the past few years. If we're just doing silly things the internet finds nifty then why not Corgi cakes? It'd make sense with being small and full of fat but I digress.

Presentation wise these are loud to say the least, both the box and the cupcakes themselves. Everything's bright and chipper, downright comical. Can't see anyone taking issue with something this inherently over-the-top.

The flavor and scent are pure fatty chemical bliss. Nothing about these seems natural and I'd swear there's a larger amount of cream filling than in the average cupcake. At the same time there's nothing special in regards to flavoring or ingredients so this isn't all that special save for the sheer indulgence factor and accompanying sprinkles. I'll give em a 3 outta 5.

Lucky Charms Honey Clovers

Lucky Charms is one of those rare brands that I immediately take note of whenever they announce a new product. This comes down to the quality of execution more than anything as recent expansions like the wintry Vanilla Cinnamon or Fruity Lucky Charms have been downright glorious. Likely due to current events this newest incarnation took a small eternity to appear on local shelves. Question is whether it was worth the wait.

Let's Start with the packaging... is fuck ugly too cruel of an appraisal? This brand isn't known for awe-inspiring artwork but they usually get by thanks to solid color choices for the boxes. This diabetic piss color is just unappetizing though, I must admit, it does stand our on the shelf.

Given the title I assumed these were an attempt to blend Charms with something closer to Honey Nut Cheerios which didn't sound all that great honestly. The small didn't help as it just came across as generic breakfast fare. Strangely the results are more like Kix with marshmallows, only not as good. It's tough to explain but in essence these new cereal bits are too sweet to maintain the delicate balance of traditional Charms yet they lack the overpowering sugary goodness of their Fruity cousin. Their texture is just a bit too dry and insulation-esque. Everything about the cereal works against itself and yet it's not all terrible, just sorta pointless.

Golden Clovers seem destined to be an odd footnote in Lucky Charms history. I wouldn't actively discourage anyone from trying them yet I can't imagine someone being all that impressed by the experience. Let's put it this way, my brother forgot he'd tried them within less than 24 hours. Points wise I'd say it's a 2 outta 5.

Roku Gin

For the past few years I've been enamored with the outstanding quality of Japanese Whiskey. Such a statement might sound sacrilegious to hipster devotees of the drink but the country really has a grasp on how to make excellently balanced booze. Life had not been so kind as to offer the chance of experiencing Japan's take on any of the other classic alcohols until a nearby store got in something special, Roku Gin.

If you're a fan of presentation for your booze then Roku easily earns a few points from their lovely bottle and label. The various sides of the battle actually have raised outlines of the different ingredients used to spice up this particular variety of gin. My sister mentioned the idea of painting these segments, which could make for a nifty display piece.

Popping the top unleashes a gin scent that is both familiar but with an air of freshness. Rather than import traditional gin spices this stuff is flavored with items more common to Japan such as sakura flowers, yuzu, and sansho pepper. The taste is likewise bright and poppy. It's got so many of the best elements of gin while maintaining a unique flavor of its own. It's a lovely liquid and fairly priced around the thirty dollar mark and goes down smooth all by itself. Can't imagine how tasty it could be with a bit of limeade or used in an aviation cocktail. For those of age with the means I'd give this a perfect 5 star rating.

Trader Joe's Neapolitan Joe Joe's

Despite my reputation as a chubby lover of all junk food I must admit my experience with Trader Joes is limited. The nearest location is quite far and not in a commonly visited city for that matter so I generally shrug off any news of new products from the brand. Little did I expect that my diabetic sister would attempt to live vicariously through others by bringing home a platter of various Joe treats. Most fit fairly generic snack types with varying degrees of quality. The chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels were quite nice, the lobster gummies suffered from horrible texture but there was one item unique enough to blog about. Joe Joe's are that stores take on the Oreo/Hydrox domain which is nothing new but Neapolitan flavor, now that's interesting.

The unicorn cakes seem downright restrained in the packaging choices compared to these. It's like one of those hippy freakout nightmare paintings one usually associates with the Beatles. There's just so many questions like what are the benefits of a cookie monocle?

The smell contains elements of all three flavors with strawberry being the most notable. Fitting as this carries over to the flavor. The vanilla and chocolate cookies play their part but there's so much strawberry crème that it pretty much takes over. Honestly I don't mind seeing as the flavor is very bright and satisfying. To top it all off the whole thing is quite moist, to the point that dipping in milk or coffee is pretty much pointless. The downside to this moisture if how these went stall a good deal quicker than Oreo ever would. Even so these are a worthwhile pick-up for those of you near a Trader Joes, though not something worthy of a road trip. Let's give em 3.5 in total.

So there we have it, another batch of tasty snacks to help us cope with this otherwise wretched year. I must beg your leave now as there's plenty of room cleaning to do and Return of Ultraman to watch. Currently aiming for two posts in the coming week, another on Amityville feature and maybe a new ongoing, just depends. There's roughly one month left of this pathetic summer and then we reach the four best months of the year so just stick with me and I'll try to give you guys the goods.

Ultraseven Series Review

Blogging sometimes leaves you feeling like a deadbeat dad. You promise to take the kids out for ice cream this weekend only to pass out on the couch. In my case it's promising a new post before sneaking off for a week long binge of video games and Ultraman. At least in this scenario all that selfish activity pays off cause it turns out the tenth of July is actually Ultraman day! Which means it's time for us to move on to the next entry in our oh so long review series of the Ultra franchise.

Tsuburaya productions already had two massive hits with Ultra Q and Ultraman. Wisely they took only a little break before capitalizing on that success with a third entry. The creators knew they had to stick with the superhero formula that had proven to be massively popular but still take a few risks in the storytelling department in the hopes of making something even better. To a certain extent they accomplished that goal as on nearly every objective level Ultraseven is an improvement over its predecessor yet with that upgrade comes a loss of some of the silly fun. Personally I'd give it the edge quality wise as it has a wider variety of high-quality episodes though I think it falls behind when it comes to the supporting cast of characters. Best not to get ahead of myself though.

The story this time around is much the same as before. There's a super science defense team known as Ultra Guard that protects Earth from monsters and alien invaders. Rather than one of their own being revived/possessed by an Ultra being this time they are joined by a mysterious young man named Dan who is actually an Ultra disguised as a human. The show moves along almost purely with stand-alone adventures instead of any continuing narrative. These adventures are often more mature than what we saw in previous series with a higher occurrence of grim or ambiguous conclusions.

That same level of maturation applies to the science team. It's a larger group this time around especially once the supporting and recurring characters are thrown into the mix. Having this many people around leaves less room for development leaving some characters feeling a little flat when compared to their forebears save for the main hero who is much improved over the dull Hayata.

Starting off we have Dan Moriboshi, actually Ultraseven in human form. Dan is much more lively and jovial than Hayata ever was and we get a larger glimpse into his struggles regarding how protecting Earth often requires him to kill countless aliens and animals. Ability wise he has most of the same techniques as the previous Ultraman just with a few interesting wrinkles thrown in. The biggest change is that Ultraseven doesn't need to worry about a timer, meaning he can kick ass for as long as he wants. The show almost heads in that direction later on but then forgets all about it. He also shifts in size far more often sometimes running around at human scale or shrinking down to the size of a bullet. He also has three monster pets he keeps in capsules that can be unleashed to tackle problems whenever Dan is unable to transform.

Anne is the resident cutie but she can come off as bland thanks to her inconsistent role within the show. Some writers and director clearly had no issue with letting her get right in on the action with the boys but once in a while there will be this odd setback where she just sits around the first aid office issuing band-aids and little else. Weirder still is late in the series when a very obvious wig begins to appear in random episodes to cover her short haircut. She clearly has the hots for Dan which only escalates as the series continues which more romantic viewers should enjoy.

Furuhashi is the token dense strongman of the team. He's played by the same actor as Arashi from Ultraman with the characters being very similar. Only in this case Furuhashi is not the team's crackshot. That honor goes to Soga who's a bit younger and more lively than his comrades. The smart guy role is filled by Amagi who sadly gets forgotten more often than not. The team is lead by Captain Kiriyama, a more stern and militant leader than what came before. While this isn't the most eccentric crew of heroes I've encountered they manage to endear themselves to the audience largely by being more helpful than many of the other Ultra support groups.

Before moving fully onto my episode picks for the series I should note that one installment is missing from pretty much every home video release. From a Planet With Love, the twelfth episode got into a heap of trouble when it originally aired due to some elements resembling negative stereotypes about people suffering from radiation burns. I'm not a fan of censorship by any means but I can't say much for the social situation of Japan and this topic. What stings all the more is that this is a Jissoji directed outing, not his best but still damn fine. It can be found online but not in the best condition. Just keep in mind you might have to mine the internet if you want the complete Ultraseven experience. Now let's talk about the some more accessible episodes. As the average quality of the show is a little higher than the last and a bit longer let's go with six picks.

Ep. 43 Nightmare on Planet 4

I debated including this one due to a rushed ending that sorta fizzles out. At the same time I can't ignore such an outlandish and violent piece of television. Yea, it's a Jissoji episode all right. Dan and Soga are testing out a new hibernation technology for space travel only the systems works too well. The pair wake up on a planet much like ours, only ruled over by genocidal androids. Humans live in slums and are killed on a daily basis by firing squads or as random acts of entertaining televised violence. Between the freaky visuals and the almost omnipresent sound of a man sucking on a piece of candy this one bad acid trip of an adventure.

Ep. 23 Search for Tomorrow

Captain Kiriyama doesn't get many focus episodes but this one makes a compelling argument that he should have had more. A fortune teller appears at the Ultra Guard base warning of alien invaders and seeking protection. Given a level of disbelief by the crew along with a lack of evidence to support his claims the old man is turned away only to disappear. Wanting to believe in the fortune teller, Kiriyama takes a break from work to search for the missing man on his own time. No singular mood or novelty to this one, just an all-around solid piece of viewing material.

Ep. 45 The Boy Who Cried Flying Saucer

Yet another Jissoji installment, this one being almost completely removed from the core team of heroes. Instead we see the daily struggles of an amateur astronomer. The only thing this guy enjoys is looking at the stars. He drifts off throughout the day due to lack of sleep, butts heads with his noisy mechanic neighbor, and that's before he starts seeing an invasion force of UFOS through his lens. Problem is he can't get the Ultra Guard to believe his story. Think of this as a slice of life mixed with a fairy tale and you'll have some idea what to expect. It'd probably rank higher if not for the trippy, epilepsy inducing monster fight.

Ep. 6 Dark Zone

The first truly excellent output from this series concerns a shadowy alien who comes to warn us that his species home is on a collision course with Earth. He expects that our planet, much like his own, has the ability to move freely about space. Once he learns the truth it becomes a battle between civilizations as the aliens, who cannot repair their engines in time, seek to clear Earth from their path while the Ultra Guard debates the destruction of our new visitors.

Here we can the formation of a common trope to the series where Dan tries to act as an ambassador of peace between two groups. Unfortunately a break down of communication and growing distrust serve to worsen the situation. It's a grim episodes but definitely worth your time.

Ep. 26 The Super Weapon R1

A common theme of sci-fi from this era is nuclear escalation. Naturally Japan wasn't exempt from this as their first hand experience of atomic weaponry served as the catalyst for kaiju and tokusatsu productions. It should come as no surprise then that the topic would rear its head within the Ultra series with this installment serving as one of the better examples of how to tackle such subject matter.

The story concerns the testing of a new rocket on a supposedly uninhabited planet. What no one expected was the large monster that lived under the planets surface who heads to Earth to issue swift revenge via nuclear fallout. Military scientists immediately begin development of more weapons to defeat this beast despite repeated pleas from Dan to stop and think about this course of action.

Obviously this is a very serious and dour episode featuring debates and disagreements between the core cast. Furuhashi actually takes the side of military development and ensuring piece with sheer strength in opposition to Dan's more peaceful approach. There's some excellent melodrama that would probably take the top spot if not for the wonders of episode 8.

Ep. 8 The Targeted Town

Just like last time it's Jissoji for the win with this all time titan of Ultra goodness. The Targeted Town concerns a village where people have suddenly become prone to sudden outbursts of irrational violence. Mass murder is becoming a daily occurrence with the only link between perpetrators being cigarette smoking.

There's just so much right about this one. The production and cinematography are outstanding by 1960s television standards. The showdown between Dan and alien conspirators became so iconic as to have its own figures and dioramas. And then there's the hilariously cynical ending. Much like how My Home is Earth was the highlight of Ultraman, this is without a doubt the one episode you should check out from this series.

Ah the sweet feeling of success. I seriously struggled to get this post done alongside all my damn homework. Ultraman Day comes but once a year though, and who am I to neglect such a prestigious celebration? Hope you all have a good night basking in the light of our favorite alien fighter. Gonna get in a few episodes myself once it's time for a break from statistics and media representations of women. Fingers crossed I don't get the two mixed up.