Breakfast Bonanza 2019

Since our last update yours truly has survived another birthday, one that fell squarely within one of the weirdest weeks in recent memory. Between a schedule that included sleeping anywhere from four to ten hours and staying awake upwards of twenty surrounded by barbecued pork, one massively lame season of television and failing attempts to clean a small town storefront, frankly it's all a blur. That's all mercifully in the past now which means it's a new day for this slightly older man-child. What's important now is to start off this metaphorical new dawn with a nutritious breakfast. That or gorge myself on the newest swath of sugary cereal options currently flooding store shelves. The second option sounds much more fun for me to try and for you to read about.

Blueberry Cheerios

When news first broke about this newest iteration of Cheerios I must admit I squealed like a wee lass. Blueberry flavored foods rank exceptionally high on my list of weaknesses which when combined with the strength of recent Cheerio variants had my mind swimming with anticipation. After searching for what seemed like an eternity, more likely a few weeks in reality, I was finally able to satisfy my cravings.

On the presentation front everything's mostly alright. I'm not the biggest fan of the extra clean almost art-deco package design but at least the coloration makes it easy to spot. The smell is decent as I recall, not overwhelming or dank as blueberry can sometimes be but it creates proper anticipation for the flavor. Speaking of that most important aspect this is so very tasty yet I did catch myself ever so slightly disappointed when compared to other offerings from this brand. In recent years both Pumpkin Spice and Maple have proven to be incredible specimens and this one just falls a tiny bit behind. The only reason I can come up with is that this is very smooth and light tasting which is undoubtedly pleasant but not exactly faithful to the true blueberry experience. That being said I can't demote this down that much as it is still a very good cereal, just a little shy of top shelf. Let's say a four out of five.

Cotton Candy Captain Crunch

Yet another announcement that had me all a twitter was this newest outlandish edition from Captain Crunch. Let it be known I would follow this captain into the very heart of battle, regardless of how many mouth injuries have been caused by his peanut butter output. Plus cotton candy is exactly the sort of unique flavor needed to spice up the breakfast aisle.

The box is fairly standard crunch fair though it does a fine job of establishing the carnival ascetic. Opening the box turned out to be a real experience with the smell blowing me over. This is some strong stuff which might initially turn some off. That strong aroma is something of a lie however as the actual cereal is far less caustic than you might imagine. There's a very balanced flavor profile at work here with hints of different types of cotton candy stuffed together, even managing to somehow fit a sense of the actual items mouth feel in there. Yet this is also much lighter than most companies would aim for given the flavor. No doubt it's very sweet just not the instant diabetes level of sweet one would expect from something like this. It certainly won't appeal to everyone and it can get a bit boring after a few bowls but I can't deny this is a success. Ratings wise this deserves another four out of five.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Corn Pops

Here's a relic of the past returned for a fresh shot at fame & fortune. Over ten years after originally appearing on shelves this little known offshoot of Corn Pops has come back from the grave. I'm extra grateful for the opportunity to try this stuff as it came out way back when I didn't use my stomach as a science lab. Having dug in for two bowls so far I wont be surprised if these disappear once again.

Packaging is far too clean and sparse with a major reliance on color over anything else. As for the smell I honestly can't remember which is probably the first sign of this not being all that great. Taste wise this is... honestly lackluster. While I wouldn't go so far as to proclaim it as bad this accomplishes none of what it was meant to do. Instead of tasting like corn pops coated in chocolate and peanut butter it just ends up tasting a bit like nothing. Seriously; not only is does the flavor fail to live up to other chocolate or peanut butter cereals but it's far below the usual quality of regular corn pops for that matter. What's worse is that it isn't even bad enough to be exciting, simply existing for no discernible reason. If you're loyal to the brand or missed out on the original release like I did then by all rights go ahead but even being generous this would maybe get a two out of five.

Hostess Donettes Cereal

Months ago an entire Hostess line-up of cereals hit the stores only for me to neglect them in favor of all the other wondrous new goodies out there. I finally made good by picking up the Donettes entry, spurred on by the cinnamon roll version seemingly vanishing from local stores. Given the often shaky history of donuts themed cereal I wasn't expecting much from these but the overall experience was fairly pleasant.

Like so many other items in this post the packaging is miserably bland, looking more like the box to a generic cleaning product rather than sugary foodstuffs. Opening the box likewise didn't offer a huge impression with the aroma matching up with usual bakery knock-offs. Actually digging into the food is where the surprise was. These actually have the somewhat greasy powder coating of mass-produced donuts. Color me impressed it was actually pretty good. Unfortunately the texture was a bit off and it takes a while for the pieces to soften in milk. Seeing as it accurately recreates the flavor of its namesake let's maybe give this a three out of five.

Nutter Butter Cereal

Speaking of items that sat around before I finally picked up we have the new take on classic Nutter Butter cookies. I'd been fairly lax towards these because, let's be honest, the world is full of peanut butter breakfast foods. What could this have to offer that others don't? Turns out more than you might think.

Once again we have lazy, bland packaging that says almost nothing about the item. The scent of it however spoke volumes. While not as strong as the actual cookies the scent was deep and tempting. Tantalized I quickly dug in and found the contents to be outstanding. Not unlike Captain Crunch's take on this same flavor this comes across like real peanut butter with waves of rich and smokey along with enough oil to thicken milk. Unlike the Captain however this stuff actually softens in milk. A few other folks in the house claimed to not like it very much but those protests seemed false given how quickly the box was emptied. Gonna give this one a four and a half out of five. Absolutely loved it but others may not.

Red White and Blueberry Pop Tarts

Time for something more patriotic to tie-in with the recent holiday/birthday. I guess Kellogg has been fiddling with different approaches to red white and blue editions with this likely being the most straightforward in design. Question is whether these are good enough to include with your independence celebrations. The answer is no... not really. Truth is there are good and bad pop tarts and then there's ones like this that just exist. They don't taste all that great or provide much to talk about, they look sort of neat and aren't all that bad but meh. I'd give it somewhere in the two or two and a half realm.

Orange Cream Pop Twinkies

It's all too rare these days to find a newly announced snack on the same day the news breaks about it, but that's exactly what happened with Orange Cream Pop Twinkies which Hostess apparently rushed to storefronts like. It may seem strange to some for these to be included in a breakfast post but I can assure you that a morning fueled entirely by coffee and cream-filled spongecake is a totally valid, if utterly regrettable, option.

Unlike most of the items we've discussed thus far I wils give a few props to the art-team responsible for this box. It's not amazing work by any means but it at least illustrates the concept well enough with seasonal colors and paraphernalia. As usual for a flavored Twinkies these stink of chemicals but what's important is flavor and oh yea do these ever provide. There's a really strong balance between the fruity cream and cake resulting in an airy and comfortable treat perfect for the hot summer months. At the very least these earn a four out of five.

Birthday Cake Fruit Loops

One final cereal before we go, and it's more than fitting given my recent uptake in digits. Sadly this is not the birthday treat I or anyone else deserves. Much like the worst of what we've covered today this one isn't outright bad so much as painfully limp. The package design is lackluster with only the yellow color standing out as all the notable. Likewise the contents of the box are ho-hum. The smell is bland and the taste serviceable yet forgettable. The vanilla flavor that's here was done much better months ago by Lucio-Ohs and there's not enough of anything else to make up for it. There's nothing all that terrible about it but there are countless other, and far better, options. Two out of five.

And with that we've tackled yet another wave of new breakfast foods. Impossible as it may seem there are more than enough still out there to warrant another post or two. That's a story for another day however as there are plenty of half-done articles piling up behind the scenes to make for a very robust July. Hope you all had a decent Holiday. Right now this old man needs a nap or something.