Picking up where we left off. Terry
Kavanagh spent three sections of this annual attempting to jump start
his own semi-demonic threesome of heroes. I'm guessing most people
have never heard of the cadre so let's call that a fail on his part.
Instead of using the remaining pages of this issue to add more depth
to his story or ya know, provide an actual Spider-Man tale in a
spidey comic. He gives us two more stories that are completely
separate from the rest of the book as well as each other.
First up is a short tale of Cloak and
Dagger. If you're unfamiliar with the twosome, don't feel ashamed.
Marvel has done their damnedest to keep these two at somewhere around
3 appearances a year for the past decade or so. In short; Cloak is a
like an 8 foot tale black guy with demons in his underpants (sorta)
and Dagger is some fine ass white girl who shoots out light daggers,
I guess. Ok, so there powers aren't the best but they're still
notable for being one of the few bi-racial comics couples out there
and for having a disenfranchised street youth backstory. Truthfully,
I've only read 5 or so issues where they appear so I'm not exactly
the best salesman for them and neither is this story.
In this particular installment C&D
show up to fight some chick named Mayhem who is basically She-Hulk
with some corrosive powers thrown in for fun. That's it. No big twist
or message. Just some cheap fight with some incredibly lame dialogue
like the following.
Why does Dagger speak in the third
person? And why does she feel the need to state that she questions
the villains methods vehemently? Doesn't that go without saying? I
mean you're a superheroine. Isn't it a given that you disagree with
the villain?
As you can see from the above scans,
the quality of the book just keeps diving, with my favorite bit of
this story being the part where Mayhem recaps her entire origin story
to our heroes even though they already know it! This is a prime
example of how sometimes a comic just plain needs the old narrator
boxes.
On a side note; check out this ad for
baseball cards.
I can't remember an ad for anything
with this many details. Even the small print of a car ad doesn't pack
this much info. This isn't the only one in the comic either. There's
another two pager for basketball cards that rave on about how gold
trim makes that years crop of cards unlike anything that came before.
I guess there's only so many ways to innovate with trading cards. At
least Fleer knew enough to use that awesome porn stache in their ad.
Back to the comic. The final tale is
belongs to what I believe is another Terry Kavanagh original by the
name of NightWatch. Basically he's got a super suit that looks like
the horrid offspring of Batman and Spawn. The trick is that at some
point in the future he gets this suit, travels into the past to save
himself from (I kid you not) invisible assassins, dies, leaves the
suit to his younger self who then tries to save his girlfriends
airplane from being taken over by baddies, fails, then sends himself
into decades of seclusion in the jungle cause he couldn't save his
lady. Then some other ass hair show up and takes a piece of his
costume, which leads to him finally returning to civilization,
fighting another invisible assassin, and finding out his girlfriend
has actually been alive this whole time. Probably something he should
have checked up on before hiding in the jungle for two or three
decades.
 |
| I am justice! I am the night! I am a failed attempt at being edgy! |
So yeah, my first ever comic book was
sort of a stinker. I can't stay mad at it though, because it'll
always be special for me. Plus I like the way Spider-Man looks for
the like 12 pages he's actually in his own book. Plus I get to share
this neat tidbit. Appariently Terry kavanagh doesn't write comics
anymore. About five years ago he started a comic the sends you
coupons through your cellphone. How's that for a career shift?
One final note. Every time I look
through this thing I get to remember Brach's Rocks. As a kid I only
had them a handfull of times yet I remember them being pretty good.
Is this memory true or am I where they gross and I'm just sugar
coating my childhood? Somebody help me out with that one. Also pay
attention to to the kid in the lower left panel as he exclaims that
“they don't taste like rocks... they're great!” of course they
don't taste like rocks you fucking twat!
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| Wow! this candy tastes like candy! |
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