If you read my last entry you might
recall me ending with the promise of frozen ducks and a Bob Newhart
bowl. Well, that's not what you're getting. I highly suggest you go
back and read that with some appropriately dramatic music to make it
feel more like a true cliffhanger. Will you ever learn the reason for
the frozen duckies? Eh, probably. But first, allow me to indulge in
some low grade licensed superhero literature from the mid-nineties.
I nabbed this off ebay earlier this
year for a project that may or may not ever happen. Still; I ain't
one to let things go to waste so I barreled through it. At the very
least I could mark it as my first ever licensed superhero novel.
Frankly I'm surprised I never tried one earlier as I remember a good
six-month period when I was a kid where I'd stare down this paperback
copy of “The Venom Factor” (a spider-man novel) that sat in the
magazine section of a now defunct grocery store. If I'd taken more
time, I probably would've hunted that down in place of this but it
was January and we all know how cabin fever makes you do strange
things.
So how is it really? Honestly? Not
bad, really. I mean it's nothing that's likely to stick with me but
I've read significantly worse in my life. The main problem is that
the story isn't anything different then what you could get in a small
story arc from the actual comics. In short; Namor is poisoned, loses
his kingdom, the Fantastic four (who oddly enough don't appear until
like page 60) find, cure him, and go with him to reclaim Atlantis and
stop Dr. Doom from destroying the world (natch). If you were the kind
of person who knew nothing about the FF than I suppose this could
make an ok introduction but even with some fluffy side plots
involving The United Nations and The Human Torch having a crap time
during a fashion shoot (really) there's just not a whole lot here.
Thankfully the author, a woman whom
I'd never heard of before picking this up, is decent enough to keep
things moving at a fast clip with some generally good descriptions. I
say generally because she will sometimes lapse into some very strange
stuff, like the following bit comparing Sue Storm to a Manatee. Not
making that up, just look!
You can also tell from that page that
the book can get just a tad melodramatic. If you need any further
proof just look at this part with Dr. Doom.
It's a crime that Doom isn't in this
very much as all his bits are downright adorable. The guy is in
full-on Saturday morning cartoon mood every time he pops up. Even
better is how he thinks! Check it out.
From now on I'm going to make a point
of attaching negative adjectives to everyone around me. Oh it's that
insufferable mailman again. These over the top thought patterns are
made all the more off-putting by the big reveal that this is actually
a doombot and not the real deal. So are we getting Dooms' actual
thoughts channeled through the bot or do all of his robots think and
act like they just graduated from evil doctor community college?
I suppose the publisher didn't feel it
would be appropriate to release a marvel paperback without an
illustration or two so we get these at the start of every chapter.
They're not bad, but they don't really add anything to the
experience. For any marvel nuts getting excited about the above
image, just calm down. Fin-Fang Foom does not make a cameo. That is
just a cheap lookalike. Actually it's some kind of dragon that could
destroy the world, though I don't believe that since it can't even
take down the thing, Namor and the aforementioned doombot. What's odd
is that the FF leave control of that beast in Namor's hands even
though he lost control of his entire kingdom just a few weeks
earlier! I'd be asking permission to chuck the keys to that cell into
the negative zone ASAP.
Overall I'd say this was a fun item
but it's only real worth these days would be to complete some FF fans
collection. Maybe now I can get back to those ducks.
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