Hard as it may be to believe, Christmas
is just a few days away and I'm more excited than usual for it this
year. Why might that be you ask? Well it probably has something to do
with the biggest present pile I've seen under our tree in probably a
decade. I wont allow anyone to poop on this parade either. Christmas
always brings out the giddy, materialistic child within which is a
nice feeling to still have when you're nearly three decades old.
Generally I also like to give some items to different charities as
well though the slow paying job kinda put a cork in that. It's
actually a little odd but working for a non-profit actually reduces
my both my ability and eagerness to participate in charity. Cruel
mental fixations such as this should be unknown to illustrated bears,
which brings us to the final installment of our Berenstain Bears
holiday line-up. One that actually proved a bit surprising in one key
area. Let's not get too far ahead and instead focus on the tale known
as “Meet Santa Bear.”
It's just a few days after
Thanksgiving when the Bear family makes a trip to the mall seemingly
so Mama can find things to moralize about. First on here list of
complaints is how there's already Christmas decorations so soon after
Thanksgiving. Bitch, are you serious? We live in a world where one
must block out the sight of Christmas displays before trick or
treaters have even approached our door and your big issue is that a
mall went full holiday mode the weekend after turkey day? Thank god
Papa's around to shush her with an outburst of how great it all is.
Thank you, sir. Thank you. Fearing her eminent defeat, Mama reshapes
her whining as concern for her children, as too much excitement isn't
healthy for young cubs. Cause that's something they'll harm children,
holiday lights. Christ I hope someone caves her skull in with a candy
cane. Once again, Papa assures here the kids will stay sensible, even
though at that moment they're jumping around like coke addicts in
front of the toy store.
Turns out the kids have already been
thinking about Christmas. Each of them has been soaking in toy ads
and deciding what exactly it is they want to extort from Santa. And
wouldn't ya know it? The old boy's supposed to be at the mall any day
now.
Over the following weeks, holiday
activity picks up and the cubs work on their letters to Santa. Sister
has crafted a sprawling manifesto of demands which Brother informs
her is a huge mistake. Santa may view her as greedy and simply skip
over her ass since he must consider all the kids in the world. Bro
suggests refinement, offering his own list as example. This guy has
got it down to an art. Only the essential gifts and niceties make up
his single page list. What a master. Sister then begins to worry
about all her misdeeds throughout the year. Perhaps Santa will judge
her unworthy of his prizes. Low and behold, Mama actually provides
sensible guidance for once as she informs her daughter how Santa
doesn't demand perfection, just a good effort.
To top off the learning experience,
Sister is also told that Santa isn't for grown ups and that Ma &
Pa's gifts are for her and brother to spend their meager wages on.
Newly instructed in the ways of the world, Sister remakes her list
which she delivers in a state of pure panic the next day.
Sister's first meeting with old Saint
Nick goes remarkably well. She even gets a Santa coloring book for
her effort. Soon after, the kids are going about shopping for their
parents which also goes smoothly. Can hardly begin to explain how odd
it is to go through a Berenstain Bears title and not have them
encounter a bully or swindler within the first ten pages. While
leaving the mall, the family comes across a classic bell ringer who
has the soul shattering look that can only come from working in the
non-profit sector. Look at that guy! He hasn't smiled in 4 years, I
guarantee it!
At last we come to Christmas Eve. Papa
is putting on the finishing decorations (rather late I might say)
while Sister goes over the standard list of Santa questions like how
does he do this or that? Can't help but share this illustration since
I swear this was my childhood blueprint for how homes should look at
Christmas time, and yes that includes being a giant tree.
Soon enough, Papa gives a speech to
his deer daughter about the magic of the season and how Santa has the
best job since all of his existence is giving joy to others. What's
amazing about this entire scene is that Papa never once mentions
anything religious. I was so surprised as these books always had
elements of christian culture, something they seem to have greatly
amplified in more recent years, but right here Papa is just about
charity and goodwill, no judgment or magic babies needed. He then
leaves his daughter outside to stare at the stars in stark terror,
contemplating her tiny part in the universe.
On Christmas morning the cubs receive
all the meaningless toys they craved but find the experience of
giving to their parents even more enjoyable. A moments is shared and
all is well but I'd like to bring attention to how Brother wears his
pajamas open shirt style in the manner of a drugged out Colombian
underwear model.
Phew. Believe it or not, I've been to
work between these paragraphs and now I'm starting to settle into my
comfy bed to sleep the day away. Never fear though as I'll be back
this week with more festive items to boost our collective holiday
spirit. Right this moment however, I'm more concerned with which
sleeping arrangement will result in a smaller puddle of drool. Ta!
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