Sorry for being gone this past week
folks, it's been a tough one. Monday afternoon kickstarted a whole
bout of stomach bug nonsense bad enough to get me puking, a
mercifully rare event. As you might imagine I accomplished almost
nothing over the week. Didn't even leave the house until Friday night
and even that left me a lil exhausted. Saturday finally marked a
proper return to the land of the living as I was able to go out for
plenty of hours and had almost normal people poops again (hooray!).
This mean I've got some major catching up to do if I actually want to
fit in all the topics I wanted to cover before the big day gets here.
Let's dive straight into this month's Berenstain Bears book as those
fuzzy fools go Trick or Treat. Oh, but let me pee and fuel up with a
twinkee first.
Alright, back and refreshed with
twinkee goodness. The pumpkin spice ones are delicious by the way.
Our story begins with Mama walking home from the store and taking in
the sights & smells of autumn. Indoors, Brother and Sister try
out their Halloween costumes. Sis has opted for a classic female
stereotype in the guise of a ballerina. Brother picked generic
monster, though it looks remarkably close to a devil for such
christiany books. Being the turd that he is, Brother attempts to
scare his mother who pretends to be frightened before teaching her
kids the adage of appearances can be deceiving. I smell a lesson
coming our way. It's ok though cause Papa's still a dick.
The topic of the day is how the kids
are going trick or treeting without adults this year. Of course
there's a laundry list of rules like staying within the neighborhood
and not eating candy until returning home to inspect it. Interesting
fact: all proven cases of candy tempering have been committed by
someone close to the child. That's right, kids. Fear the ones who
love you. The conversation finished at last, Papa lights the jack
o'lantern in a drawing I simply can't resist showcasing thanks to my
obscene love of lanterns.
The following morning finds the kids
planing their route for optimal candy gathering. There are plenty of
stops to be made with one notable exception. The nearby home of Miz
McGrizz whom Brother proclaims to be a witch like that's an everyday
thing. Mama commences her moralizing post haste and informs her
children that the old woman is perfectly nice. Soon enough, the other
kids arrive and it's off into the night for some proper treat
collection. Their happy march doesn't go far before getting sidelined
by Too-Tall Grizzly. As I recall, he was the standard issue bully of
the series which is understandable as his given name is a perfect
title for his future in the bear mafia.
Too-Tall and his crew of flunkies
recruit our kids to “put the trick back in trick or treat.” To
that end, everyone slinks over to crooked lane where the gang plans
to TP Miz McGrizz's house. They also plan a few other pranks like
coating her broomstick in honey so she'll stick to it while in
flight. I'd give em points for ingenuity if I wasn't so creeped out
by the strange sexual overtones of their pranks. Nothing happens
before the old lady opens the door to announce “I'm ready for you.”
A statement that would've carried more weight had she been wielding a
butcher knife at the time.
Turns out the witch....err, nice old
lady just wants to invite all the kids inside to give them nice candy
apples. Does anyone else find it odd that for all the rules the kids
had to follow, entering other people's homes wasn't off limits?
Having apparently learned their lesson, the kids continue on their
way. Oh and I guess Too-Tall gives up pranks for the night. Those
candy apples were just that good.
The next morning finds the kids
enjoying their candy haul. When papa asks where the apples came from,
he's surprised they trace back to the old grouch down the lane.
Sister repeats how appearances can be deceiving to which Papa walks
away to read his paper with a look of “what the fuck ever.” Love
that guy.
With my strength returned, I'll be
trying my utmost to get at least three or so updates done by
Halloween. In the meantime, I hope everybody's enjoying the season.
Go have some hot drinks, cold walks, and visit some place spooky. See
ya soon.
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