Continuing from the other day, we move
on to Season 3 of Darkside. This was the first and only season to not
have a Halloween episode which was countered by going full speed with
the Christmas tale. While the other holiday eps simply happen to be
based around the same time as the Christmas, this one is wholly
dependent on the day.
The entire episode takes place in a
happy little home with an even split population of mom, dad, son, and
daughter. Though you might be confused as the age difference between
ma & pa is bizarre. To put it in proper context, the dad is
played by E.G. Marshall who was one of the grandparents in Christmas
Vacation just a few years later. Dude's got close to forty years on
the actress playing the mom! Maybe they just had E.G. on contract and
threw him in wherever. Still; you can't watch this one without
getting some weird vibes about the parents back-story. Definitely a
sugar daddy situation.
Anyway; it's Christmas eve and the
family's just chillin at home. Diner's over and now comes the long
wait for Santa Claus. As the parents have decided to have an old
fashioned Christmas the family won't be watching TV or anything like
that. They have to deal with each other tonight.
It's established early on that the
kids are a little mouthy and the parents are big fibbers. They give
the kids some story about Santas switch that breaks your gifts when
you insult him. Naturally the toy train set kicks it then and there.
Foreshadowing!
Eventually the lil brats get bored and
start begging for a story. Problem is, they already know all of
them.....or do they? Mom & Dad commence telling them the scariest
of all Xmas tales, about a hideous beast known as the grither. Oh and
don't say that name out loud or else he'll hear it and come for you.
Not to mention that every subsequent utterance makes him hasten in
reaching your house to eat you.
This is both the strength and weakness
of the tale. It's essentially watching someone set up the biggest
joke they can think of. In scene after scene the parents come up with
more B.S to back up their story. They even go so far as to change the
lyrics of “Come All Ye Faithful” to “I Am The Grither.”
Before long, the kids are close to
pants wetting levels of terror which peaks when their uncle burst
through the front door looking like a mutant Sherpa. It's at this
point that the parents decide to defuse the situation by telling the
kids that just like Santa, the grither is make-believe and thous
neither of them are coming to the house tonight.
Daughter dearest reminds everyone of
some arbitrary rule about finishing the grither's story before he
arrives. As if on cue, a freak blizzard opens the front door blowing
people to and fro. Once the snow has settled and everyone thinks it's
safe, two enormous white and veiny arms burst through the windows and
grab ma & pa by their heads before snapping their little necks.
Which leaves everyone else with unopened presents and a lifetime of
therapy sessions.
While it lacks the variety and
symbolism of “Monsters in my Closet,” “Seasons of Belief”
works on it's pure Christmas setting and the odd sensation of
watching two people go out of their way to torment their own
children. Those kids should probably thank the grither for sparing
them of future holidays with the pricks they call parents. Maybe that
was the greatest gift of all.
There's still one more episode to
cover. Depending on how much stuff is going on, I may be able to get
that to you all late Christmas night. Otherwise I wish you all a very
merry day. Hopefully you get some good gifts and a few nice memories.
Failing that, you can always get bombed on eggnog. Have a good one
everybody.
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