Welcome everyone to this writers'
second attempt at a blog. Believe it or not, I started an account
over on wordpress just a few week ago and almost immediately
regretted the decision. Thanks to that sites comical lack of proper
functionality I've decided to swing over to the blogger shore.
If you're wondering what you've
stumbled onto I'll give you a quick heads-up. I'm an aspiring
novelist who occasionally needs a brake from writing about
superheros, ancient evils, and interdenominational travel. Thous I've
started this as way to provide a small place for me to prattle on
about comic books, snack food, horror movies, odd crafts, holiday
novelties, and how great Charles Bronson is. I mean seriously, how
great is Charles Bronson?! You can't tell me, can you? There's no
answer vast enough to explain the Bronson. Well without further
dawdling, let's revisit my first entry from my previous blog.
Recently I've taken a small interest
in upcycling. Not because of any concern for environmental issues so
much as to harness the power of all the booze waste from my house.
See there's quite a number of proud drinkers around here and some
time ago I started keeping bottles, wine corks, and the like in the
hopes that I would figure out some grand design for them. Of course
my patience quickly wore out and I searched through page after page
of crafts before settling on a cork ball as my first project. In case
you're wondering what the point of a cork ball is, you're in luck as
I've already dealt with that query well over a dozen times. The point
of the cork ball is to be a cork ball. If that answer doesn't work
for you then I guess you're looking for far more out of life than I
am.
The items needed for this little item
are wine corks (natch), a Styrofoam ball (size is left up to you),
brown paint (oddly enough I had this lying around), and a glue gun
(ditto). One huge oversight on most of these craft pages is that
while they will walk you step by step through the creation process
none of them told me how many corks where used on each size of ball.
Yes, you'd think that would be the first thing to cover but
apparently extra crafty folk hang out with even more full time
alcoholics than me as the supply chain was no problem for em.
However; I had faith in my large stash of corks and selected a five
inch foam ball for my attempt......big mistake.
The first step is to paint the ball
either brown or black so the spaces between corks weren't so obvious.
This is actually more difficult than you'd imagine as your paintbrush
will bring back small bits of foam after every stroke. I wasn't one
to let this small hiccup impair my enjoyment, so I made myself a
temporary friend.
 |
| Now no one can say I haven't met the Pringles man. |
After applying the last bit of paint, I
discovered an extra item that should be included in the project. Call
me suggestible but the entire time this thing was drying, I couldn't
get my mind off of cocoa-puffs. Seriously; if you ever decide to make
one of these things, get a box of puffs lest you spend your night
ogling Styrofoam with a hungry gleam in your eyes.
The next night, I dug out the old glue
gun from one of the many neglected storage bins in the basement and
got to the task sticking the corks in place. You're supposed to start
with a line all the way around the center of the ball, then fill in
one of the sides. That's all simply and good, but you'd be surprised
how quickly 39 corks disappear. That was it. I was out of ammo, and
not even half way done. Instead of some grand decorative spore, I
was left with something akin to the pig farming cousin of the Planet
Hollywood logo. I have labored on it sense, only to find that even a
total of 62 corks is not enough to fill out one side. It's been said
that long term goals are the most satisfying, though I doubt anyone
spouting that philosophy ever considered 7 dollar crafts as a goal.
Given my failure in the crafts
department, I decided to nurse my wounded ego with Dr. Brown's
Cel-Rey. If you've never had the pleasure of encountering this
nectar, then I an sorry for your loss. Granted the idea of a celery
flavored soda sounds revolting, but this is some choice shit all
around. It really is the kind of thing that grows on you over time,
not in a bad, zit like way, more like a fine beard which is fitting
as it reminds me of a strange lumberjack's attempt at homemade
Mountain Dew.
Cold celery pop in hand, I settled in
for a viewing of Bad Moon. A goofy little flick about the conflict
between a kids dog and werewolf uncle. Simple enough movie but I
swear you haven't lived until you've seen Michael Pare piss on a
doghouse.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've just
been informed of an ad for a local car dealer that begins with a
tightly focused shot of horse shit. This I gotta see!
